First Assignment~
After journalist Mike Royko writes a harsh article about my lawyer father's involvement in a high-profile drug kingpin case, I become the target of relentless bullying, and my high school boyfriend unexpectedly steps in as my hero. However, a year later, his life starts to unravel due to his mother’s cancer diagnosis and his father’s descent into alcoholism and infidelity. As he struggles with these issues, my life finally begins to stabilize, and he is not happy about it. His insecurities drag him down a rabbit hole of anger, resentment, and a jealous fixation on my brother.
It was my debutante ball that ignited a series of confrontations, culminating in my brother's arm being severely injured, followed by a lawsuit that sparked a Hatfield-and-McCoy-style feud between our families. A few years later, at 23, the man who once protected me devises a plan of revenge against my family, resulting in my brutal rape and blackmail. To avoid causing more family drama, I buried the secret so deep that even I forgot. Until years later, when a birthday reminder jolts my memory, putting a face to the black shadowy tormentor that haunted my nightmares for a decade. Now, I’m faced with the fallout of the decisions I made at 23 only to have to face them all over again at 50.
Second Assignment~
Mike was the ideal all-American boy: cute, smart, funny, quarterback of the football team, and a key player in the popular crowd. But beneath his facade lay deep insecurities about his self-proclaimed blue collar background. Mike and I fell in love our junior year of high school, becoming my hero when a scandal upended my life.
As my life begins to improve, Mikes unravels. His popularity doesn’t follow him to college, his mother is diagnosed with cancer, and his father turns to alcohol and infidelity, leaving Mike and his siblings to care for their mother. Meanwhile, my parents focus on repairing their reputation, arranging for me to debut in an exclusive Debutante Ball. Despite attempts to include Mike, his insecurities deepen, fueling resentment toward me and my family. On the night of the ball, Mike’s drinking leads to a fixation on my brother, Victor, whom Mike perceives as upstaging him. A violent altercation followed, resulting in Victor’s arm being severely injured and igniting a feud between the families. The ensuing lawsuit only fueled Mike’s rage.
Years later, consumed by hatred, Mike exacted his revenge by brutally raping me and blackmailing me, believing he was owed for what he saw as his family's unjust losses.
Third assignment~
Memoirs of a Charm School Dropout
Crossroads to Charm
Ignorance Was Bliss
Fourth assignment~
In comparing my book to Grief Is for People by Sloane Crosley and Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself by Crystal Hefner, the similarities lie in the journey of self-discovery that follows life-altering events. Just as Sloane Crosley embarks on an exploration of life after experiencing a burglary and the suicide of a dear friend, my story delves into the deep introspection that follows significant, traumatic experiences. Both books examine how these pivotal moments force us to reevaluate our lives and the paths we’ve chosen, leading to profound personal transformation.
Similarly, in Only Say Good Things, Crystal Hefner confronts the impact of trauma experienced at an impressionable age—trauma that influenced her decisions and life course, even if she didn’t fully realize it at the time. Her journey of reaching a breaking point and setting out on a path of self-discovery and self-worth resonates strongly with my own narrative. Like Crystal, I faced a moment where I had to confront the buried pain that had shaped my life and decisions, leading me on a path to healing and understanding my true self.
In essence, all three books explore the aftermath of trauma and how it propels us into a journey of self-discovery, ultimately finding strength and clarity in the process.
Fifth, Sixth and Seventh assignment~
Logline~A 23-year-old woman violently raped and blackmailed buries her secret so deeply that even she forgets it. Years later, unexplainable nightmares haunt her, until a birthday reminder puts a face to her tormentor. Now, she must decide: get over it or get even.
Core Wound~ During my junior year of high school, my world imploded when my dad went to jail for a year on money laundering charges tied to his drug kingpin client. To make matters worse, renowned journalist Mike Royko wrote an article about a couple of my dad’s high profile clients including the drug kingpin and lumped my dad into it, making it seem as though he was personally dealing coke on the streets. Overnight, I became target practice for bullies. Mike, my boyfriend at the time, is the leader of the popular crowd and he is constantly defending me and shutting down the attacks against my family.
As we headed into our senior year, Mike’s life unraveled. His mom was diagnosed with cancer, and his father spiraled, drowning in alcohol and infidelity, leaving Mike and his siblings to care for their mother after her chemo treatments. Mike and I leaned on each other more than ever, forming a bond forged in trauma and survival. I felt indebted to him in a way that ran deeper than love, a debt that I would carry for years, even at my own expense.
Conflict~ Over time, I watched Mike change. His bitterness and resentment grew, fueled by his mother’s worsening condition, his father’s downward spiral, and the fact that the popularity that had once defined him didn’t carry over into college. To make matters worse, he started losing his hair. Now, he was the target of teasing, the cracks in his confidence deepened.
Meanwhile, my life was starting to get back on track. My parents involved me in their efforts to restore our family’s reputation, arranging for me to make my debut an elite debutante ball. I went out of my way to make Mike feel included at all the pre-ball events, but he made each one miserable for me whenever he could. For the ball, I needed two escorts, my brother Victor was the second. Victor, a handsome rebel with a magnetic personality, naturally attracted people, which only heightened Mike's insecurities.
The night of the ball, Mike’s drinking brought everything to the surface. He picked a fight with me about Victor, my family, and rich people in general, calling them dismissive and horrible. Mike stormed out, angry with me and the world. Two days later, he waited for Victor down the street from our house. Victor, thinking Mike was having car trouble, stopped to help. Instead, Mike picked a fight. Victor won that round, breaking Mike’s nose.
But the fight wasn’t over. During summer break, they had another altercation on our front porch, where Victor’s arm was severely injured, requiring multiple surgeries. My parents banned me from seeing Mike, but I defied them, thinking my punishment was unjust and not wanting to let Mike down when he needed me. My father sued Mike’s family for damages, which only deepened Mike’s resentment towards my family. I do my best to try to make both Mike and my family happy but not letting on to either that I am doing so. My friends warned me about Mike’s dark changes, but I ignored them, holding onto the gratitude I felt for him being my hero during the hardest time of my life. I even lost friends over it.
In college, Mike and I naturally grew apart, seeing each other less and less. Just as we graduated, his mother lost her battle with cancer. Mike wanted me with him at the funeral, but his father wouldn’t allow it. After the service, Mike came to me for comfort, and that was the last time I remember seeing him.
I moved on with my life. While waiting to start law school, I took a two-month job as a nanny for the Culkin family while Macaulay filmed Home Alone 2 in Chicago. I hit it off with them so well that I decided to forgo law school and travel with the family. I also picked up work as a production assistant on films in Chicago whenever I wasn’t with the Culkins.
While working on Rookie of the Year, Mike contacted me out of the blue. He told me he was struggling with his mother’s death and with life in general and needed to see me. I explained that I didn’t have a lunch hour, but I could spare 30 minutes. He said he’d find a place nearby to make it easy on me. On the day we were supposed to meet, Mike called and said he was staying at a hotel near my office because of his construction job and didn’t want to drive back to the suburbs. He invited me to his room so we could talk privately, promising to have a sandwich for me since I had such limited time.
I didn’t sense any danger. I didn’t think twice about it. But within seconds of entering the room, I was handcuffed, blindfolded, and gagged. Mike proceeded to rape me with objects, taking pictures and telling me his plan to blackmail my family for the $300,000 he believed we had wrongfully taken from his.
Navigating how to tell my dad I am being blackmailed.
Enter Katie, the one person I could trust with my secret, because I was holding one of hers. I met her after moving back home following college graduation. She had recently relocated to Chicago from Las Vegas to start a new life and career. Katie and I bonded immediately, our personalities so similar that we answered every question the same on a 100-question personality test. As we grew closer, Katie confided in me about the tragedy that had shaped her life: when she was 13, her older half-sister Cheryl had been killed by serial killer Stephen Morin, after enduring six agonizing months missing before her body was found. Unsurprisingly, Katie’s family was never the same.
But Katie didn’t want to be defined by her sister’s death. She didn’t want people feeling sorry for her or prying into the painful details of what her family had been through. Despite her disagreement with my decision to stay silent, I felt safe sharing my own secret with her.
Katie moved out of state in 2001 at which time I have been married for six years and already had three of my four kids. We are both so busy with our new families that our relationship evolves into only happy birthday and holiday greeting texts. My only reminder of my rape is now gone and as time goes by, so does any remembrance of my rape.
Fast forward to 2011 when I filed for divorce and left to raise my four kids completely on my own. My divorce is contentious, lasting three years during which time I start to have the same recurring nightmare that not only affects me but my children because they can not go back to sleep on the nights I wake up screaming. My kids and I are all in therapy during this time and my oldest son's psychologist in particular keeps telling me there has to be something behind my nightmares. I honestly don’t know and chalk it up to the stress of the divorce and me trying to keep myself and four kids above water.
Katie moved out of state in 2001. By then, I had been married for six years and already had three of my four kids. We were both so busy with our new families that our relationship gradually dwindled to just holiday and birthday greeting texts. With Katie gone, my only reminder of the rape faded, and as time passed, so did any active memory of it.
Fast forward to 2011, when I filed for divorce and found myself raising my four kids entirely on my own. The divorce was contentious and dragged on for three years, during which I started experiencing recurring nightmares that affected not just me but my children, as they frequently couldn’t fall back asleep after hearing me wake up screaming. We were all in therapy during this time, and my oldest son’s psychologist repeatedly told me there must be something behind my nightmares. I honestly didn’t know. I chalked it up to the stress of the divorce and the struggle to keep myself and my four kids afloat.
Ten years passed. Life with the kids was good, and the nightmares had subsided, though they never fully disappeared. Then came February 27, 2021. It was a typical evening, with only my youngest daughter, now a high school senior, home with me. I went to bed as usual, but a few hours later, I woke up screaming. My shadowy nemesis from the nightmares had returned. I turned on the light to calm myself and checked my phone—it was now February 28th, Katie’s birthday.
My thoughts drifted to her and how much I missed having her in my life, remembering all the fun we had in our twenties. From there, I thought of her sister Cheryl, and my mind spiraled into the dark details of her disappearance and death. Then, as if a switch was flipped, I was suddenly reliving it, watching someone being raped, and that someone was me.
Now, I was forced to confront the fallout from the choices I made when I was 23. The grief I had buried for so long had finally imploded and it wasn’t going away. I faced difficult conversations, particularly with my dad and my brother Victor, about the truth of what Mike had done to me. I needed answers, especially about how my brain had protected me through dissociative amnesia. Had I made subconscious decisions that shaped my life because of it? I still wrestle with this today and will likely never know the answer to one haunting question: When was the last time I remembered being raped? What is the cost of gratitude, and when do the statutes of limitations expire, when the hero who saved you becomes the villain in your story?
Settings~ Late 1980’s high school where Mike and I meet, fall in love and the bullying takes place.
1991, my college graduation from TCU followed by my move back to Chicago. Suburban restaurant where I meet an old friend and she introduces me to Katie. Film set of Home Alone Two, being introduced to the Culkins and moving in across the hall from them at The Mayfair Regent in Chicago.
1992, deciding to continue working with the Culkins, traveling with them through Europe, meeting Michael Jackson and staying at his ranch.
Fall of 1992 production office of Rookie of Year in which I am a PA.
Hotel scene where rape transpires.
My dads Chicago office where I go to tell him about the blackmail.
Still intertwined with the Culkins and traveling to whenever they need me which actually continues until 1995.
Spring of 1993, moving to LA to get out of Chicago. Culver City sound stage, starting work on a TV series, Bakersfield P.D.
January 17,1994 night of the Northridge earthquake in my cousins townhouse, waking up from the earthquake to shaking and power outage. Deciding to move back home to Chicago.
1995 Struggling with my life and purpose, I decided to quit the film business altogether to become a social worker and was assigned to the most dangerous housing project in the country at the time, The Robert Taylor Homes. Doing risky things and putting myself in danger.
Fast forward to 2011, I now have a beautiful suburban home, four kids but a miserable marriage and I file for divorce.
My bedroom, onset of my nightmares.
February 27, 2021, I am happy living in the new house I had been living in for the past 5 years, kids are thriving and grown. In my bedroom where my final and very last nightmare takes place.
