openlycommitted

1) STORY STATEMENT Open Commitment is the story of one couple’s journey to explore non-monogamy as a way to affair-proof their relationship and stay together. They established their own rules for their relationship despite pressure from friends, family, and society. After 12 years of an open relationship, when too much freedom threatens their marriage, they must decide if they should be monogamous. 2) ANTAGONISTIC FORCE The antagonistic force in OPEN COMMITMENT is society, specifically that most members of society fervently believe that a life-long marriage is the only measure of relationship success. This antagonistic force will be brought to life in two main characters throughout the book: My best friend, a woman who married her college sweetheart and waited till her wedding night to lose her virginity. She supported me unconditionally at the beginning of my relationship until she learned that we were non-monogamous. Her disapproval of our relationship was grounded in wanting what was best for me. My parents, a couple that have been married for 40+ years and represented my idea of a happy marriage throughout my childhood. My sister threatened to tell them about my non-monogamous marriage, forcing my husband and I to tell them instead. Their greatest concern was about the damage that an open relationship could have on our two children. 3) TITLE OPEN COMMITMENT 4) COMPARISON TITLES As ethical non-monogamy enters more into the mainstream, depictions of polyamorous couples remain young, urban, and alternative. The story of our relationship, one that stretches from early dating to marriage with children, has yet to be told. My memoir is for readers, whether they intend to open up their own relationships or live vicariously through mine, looking to learn more about the non-monogamous lifestyle. In OPEN COMMITMENT, they’ll find the personable, approachable take on poly romance of THE SMART GIRL’S GUIDE TO POLYAMORY mixed with the salacious, voyeuristic storytelling of Lisa Taddeo’s WOMEN. 4) LOGLINE A new couple decides that to have their happily ever after, they will also date other people – OPEN COMMITMENT. 5) PRIMARY CONFLICT The primary conflict introduced in the third chapter is deciding to be in an open relationship. When Rich and I met, we had both seen marriages and families destroyed by affairs, so he asked, “can we affair proof our relationship and be together forever if we are open?” We spent the first two years, the first part of the book, exploring non-monogamy to figure out our own rules and define commitment for us. The velocity at which we dated others and shared experiences with others started slow but grew. Then Although we never broke our rules, we made huge mistakes along the way, causing us to doubt and re-evaluate our relationship. After 12 years of non-monogamy, we asked ourselves a new question, “should we now be monogamous?” 6) INNER CONFLICT, SECONDARY CONFLICT Throughout our relationship, I was plagued with “What ifs?” What if I never agreed to be non-monogamous? What if he found someone else? What if there was someone out there who really did fulfill all my needs? What if I got pregnant with someone else's child? Even in the most beautiful moments of our relationship, those thoughts whispered in the back of my mind, often in the voices of those I loved. But in the fragile moments, the birth of our first child and the death of his mother, the moments that stripped us raw and reforged us together, their whispers were silent. And in that silence, I built up my strength. 7) SETTINGS The book will open at home, a beautiful home after two parents have tucked their children into bed. It’s the idyllic, quintessential American home for an upper-middle-class family of four. But the couple will sit down with a glass of wine to decide, after 12 years of non-monogamy, should they be monogamous? OPEN COMMITMENT will then transport the reader back in time to Amsterdam, where the couple first met, and across Europe to tell the story of how we decided to be non-monogamous at the beginning of our relationship. I will bring the reader with us to a hidden Swingers Club outside of Amsterdam, to a traditional wedding in the Bavarian Alps, and to our first threesome in the bustle of London. And yet, many chapters will end with quiet, intimate moments with us where we “check-in” on our relationship. The second half of our story primarily takes place in California, where, once we have decided to be non-monogamous, we live our rules. The tranquility, beauty, adventure, and turbulence of the Bay Area, will also be reflected in our experiences. I had an affair that I still to this day regret in the most beautiful hotel in San Francisco. I fell back in love with my body after motherhood, sailing under the Golden Gate bridge.

PROLOGUE This evening, my husband Rich handed me my glass of white wine and stated, “I want monogamy.” I smirked at him as he sat down on his side of the couch, but as I brought the glass to my lips, I looked at him and didn’t see the expression I expected. “Wait, are you serious?” I asked. “I am.” He looked at me, not looking away or down at his beer. He maintained that calm look of determination, not aggressive, just opening up the conversation. I stared at him over the rim of my wine glass, now frozen on my lips. Just like countless evenings before, we had just sat down on the couch to talk. Our daughter had come down the stairs a few minutes ago asking for a different stuffed animal because her brother got to sleep with the dog that night. Also, she needed new water. I brought her back up the stairs, tucked her into bed again, found the stuffie, placed it under the covers with her, said goodnight and went back downstairs into our living room. Rich had dimmed the lights and Nora Jones was playing through our downstairs speakers. I ignored the meticulous Jenga stacked dishes in the sink and the fact that neither the dishwasher nor washing machine would be run tonight. Rich was already on the couch when I sat down across from him and he stated, casually, like he was asking what would be for dinner that night, that he wanted to completely change the relationship lifestyle that we had been nurturing for over 10 years. But I could sense his controlled unease. I took a sip. “I know I’m in trouble, but is that what you want?” I pushed away the crayons and colored pencils into a pile and placed my wine glass on my side of the coffee table. He took a deep breath. “Yeah. At least for a little while.” “I don’t understand,” I said, although I had an idea. I knew he had been feeling distant from me for a while. His legs were up on the coffee table, crossed at the ankles. There were two cans of unopened beers placed within easy reach at his feet. His arms were crossed in front of his chest, facing the cold, empty fireplace. The pillows—which he normally used as cushions behind his back when he leaned against the arm of the couch —were piled between us. My legs were extended in front of me, my toes brushing the edges of the pillow pile. I was tucking the blanket in under my thighs and feet for warmth when he continued. “I’ve gotten to a point where, if you aren’t in the house, I’m wondering who you are having sex with… and besides…” “What!” I blurted. I had meant to let him get it all out, but I also knew all the things he was going to say. “That’s not fair at all. A few nights ago, I was out with friends, I texted you that I would be late, but I wasn’t hooking up with anyone.” “But I didn’t know that. I don’t know anymore.” He sighed and took a drink. “And I don’t trust you. Not the way I usually do."