Lindsey

OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, secondary character, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Butter croissant, pain au chocolat, a raspberry tarte, baguette with butter and jam, a bowl of strawberries, a pot of yogurt. I run a finger down the menu—a slice of quiche?—although I won’t bother with this one because then I’d have to ask for the daily special and I don’t want to talk beyond the bare minimum. And then there is the coffee: Americano, my usual, or better yet, café au lait, to be truly authentic. But who am I kidding? I’m not French. “Un croissant et un café Americano, s'il vous plaît,” I say to the waiter as he approaches and takes my menu. I’ve been here for a month already, but still, it feels like I’m living in a movie, not real life. “Yes, ma’am, right away,” he says in his accented English. It’s morning but he’s wearing a suit and bowtie. I like how these Frenchmen always dress up, no matter the occasion. I guess he doesn’t have a choice though, does he? I sigh. When will my French be good enough so that they start replying to me in their language instead of my own? I’m so tired of English, of everything American. I came here to get away from it all, but here I am living out the cliche, an American in Paris. I pull my Le Monde out of my bag and unfold it, looking for any article that sparks my interest. Something about a dog being kidnapped in the 2nd arrondissement. Global warming. An upcoming planned workers strike at the airport. This doesn’t affect me. I’m not planning on going anywhere. The mustached waiter approaches my table and puts down my Americano in a large ceramic cup on a saucer and a croissant on a plate. “Merci beaucoup,” I say, trying to smile. After he leaves, I reach out and touch the croissant. It’s warm. Of course it’s warm, it’s France. They know how to do things right here. I’m reading the paper, or at least trying to, and sipping on my Americano when I hear my name being called out. “Wendy, Wendy!” I turn my head all around but it takes me a moment to recognize the man walking towards me. It’s Lucas from my French literature class at the Sorbonne. “Wendy,” he says again as he sits down beside me before kissing me on both cheeks. It still shocks me when people here do this. It’s so intimate. I can’t remember the last time I’d been kissed and now it’s a weekly occurrence when I can’t wiggle my way out of it. “Um hi,” I say, trying to hide that I’m blushing. Maybe he’ll just think it’s the chilly wind giving me a flush. I look up and see that Lucas has one of those perfectly brown with blue flecked scarves around his neck. He’s handsome with his sandy blond hair and green speckled eyes that always seem to be smiling. “Hey, can I ask you something?” he says. I hate when people ask this. What am I supposed to say? No? Do I even have a choice? I nod in agreement. “You live in the Latin Quarter, right?” he says. My cheeks go red as I nod again. “Wait, how did you know that?” I ask. “Well, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I followed you,” he says. “You did?” I sputter. Does he have a crush on me or something? “Yeah, um, I did. Sorry,” he says. He doesn’t sound sorry. “I need you… “ he starts, then pauses when the waiter comes over to ask him if he wants anything and orders, “un espresso, s’il vous plait.” Lucas’s French is perfect because he actually is French. I learned that on the first day of class. Then he starts again, “I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with something.” Again with these statements where I’m not allowed to say anything other than yes. Part of me wants to say no—the scared shy part—but I’m too curious not to at least ask. “What is it?” Now I’m nervously glancing around the cafe, but there is only an older man down at the end of the row of tables, and he’s not paying us any attention. “I have, what do they call it, a mission. And I need your help,” Lucas whispers. “A mission? Like a spy mission?” I don’t know why I said that. It sounds so stupid coming out of my mouth. But then he nods and he’s looking at me intently, eyes not smiling now. He’s serious. The cold from the sidewalk is radiating up through my jeans, making me shiver. “Yes,” is all Lucas can say before we both abruptly stop talking. His espresso has arrived. He takes it down in one shot before adding, “I’ll talk to you about this later. After class.” He gets up and leaves, only looking back to give me a wink. My mind is spinning with all the possibilities. Just then a family sits down beside me and instantly I can feel my levity deflating. A boy—looks to be about five—rides a scooter right up to the table, almost crashing into it. He takes off his helmet and slams it down on the table. The mother is telling him something in French that I can’t quite make out. The little girl is whining. The waiter approaches and takes the mother’s barked order. I try to go back to reading the newspaper, at least what I can decipher from it, or thinking about what Lucas has said, but I’m constantly distracted by this family intrusion. My calm Parisian morning has been infiltrated by noise, demands, ongoing negotiations that probably started at home and have continued here in the café. All I want is some tranquility, a moment of peace before my morning classes at the Sorbonne. The boy is quiet when his croissant arrives and I turn to look as he smashes it in a pot of strawberry jam and stuffs it into his mouth, leaving the red preserves smeared on his face. The mother is calmer now, sipping on her espresso, lighting a cigarette. The girl is happy, too. She’s playing with a doll that she’s produced from her backpack. Golden blond hair, the doll and the girl alike. I try to think back to my own childhood. This scene before me must have looked different from my own, but I can’t remember. In fact, I can’t remember much of it at all. I know that I’m from Kansas. I grew up on a farm before we moved to Topeka. That’s what Daddy says, at least. So how does a girl from Kansas end up in Paris? Funny story. Amélie. That’s the short answer. I loved that movie. I even had the haircut for quite a while, but it’s grown into a longer bob now. A lob, I think they call it. I loved everything about that movie: the characters, the pranks, the love interest. My favorite thing had to be Amélie herself. The fact that she doesn’t talk. I can relate. I don’t talk much either. “Qu'est ce que vous regardez?” the boy with the red-smeared strawberry face asks me, through a mouth full of croissant. I flinch. “Rien,” I say, looking away after clocking that the mother pulled her son in closer to her side. Is she afraid of me? I guess I was staring, but so what? My peaceful breakfast ruined, I take one last sip of my Americano and clank the cup back on the saucer. I wrap the croissant, cold now, in a paper towel that I produce from my bag and stuff it in on top of the books. I see that waiter coming back to the table and giving me a sour look. It’s definitely something that only an American would do: take their breakfast to go. I get up and head off for my class, giving one last backwards glance at the family. An uneasy feeling overtakes me, but I don’t know why. I never know why.

Hello, I’m trying to decide which book I should focus on during the workshop/conference. Can you please let me know which one you think is stronger? BOOK #1: Here are my responses for my amateur sleuth mystery: STORY STATEMENT Wendy, a 22-year-old college student in Paris, must solve the mystery of the murdered woman in her building in order to bring clarity to her own mother’s murder and also to stop a killer who might be targeting her next. ANTAGONIST Wendy’s father is an alcoholic living in Kansas. Wendy had been living with him until she decided to go to Paris for a year, her grandmother’s dying wish. Her father misses Wendy and wants her to come home, mostly to help him with the family business and to take care of the house, something that she’s been helping out with since she was a child and her mother died. He doesn’t like when Wendy talks back to him–it reminds him of her mother–and he will do whatever he can to get back control over the situation, and Wendy. Matilde’s husband, the husband of the murdered woman, reminds Wendy of her own father. He likes to drink, is impulsive and angry, especially when he feels like he’s losing control. Wendy can see that he also has a daughter who reminds her of herself when she is young and Wendy is worried that if she can’t bring the father to justice, that the daughter will end up just like her: afraid, anxious, and loyal to a father who does not deserve it. BREAKOUT TITLE WENDY BRAVO: TO CATCH A KILLER IN THE SHADOWS OF PARIS THE ACCIDENTAL SPY IN PARIS GENRE AND COMPS Genre: Amateur sleuth mystery THE MAID - socially awkward protagonist FINLAY DONOVAN IS KILLING IT - inventive protagonist with disguises, humor HOOK/LOGLINE Having lost her mother when she was a child, a young woman must learn to trust new friends in order to solve the mystery of the murdered woman in her Parisian apartment building. INNER CONFLICT Wendy has social anxiety and has a hard time connecting with people around her, preferring to slip into her imagination and the films that she loves. She is torn between the loyalty–and fear–she feels towards her father and the unconditional love she feels for her mother, who died in her childhood from a car crash, or so she’s been told. When a woman who reminds her of her mother goes missing in her building, Wendy is compelled to find out what happened to her, even though she is afraid of the truth. Depending on newfound friends in Paris requires Wendy to go outside of her comfort zone and trust new people. She often slips into her fantasy world, and excuses, to avoid them, but eventually, she has to depend on them in order to stay out of trouble, solve the case, and stay alive. SETTING Wendy is in Paris for a year of studies at the Sorbonne. Being a student, she is forced to do group projects with her classmates. She also takes French language classes that require her to interact with other older students, one of who becomes her lawyer later on. The setting for the story is the city of Paris–walking by the Seine, meeting with classmates in Jardin de Luxembourg, cafe rendezvous, going undercover to a chocolate shop, accidentally buying spy supplies in a sex shop, and a gala at the Musee D’Orsay. Another big part of the setting is the apartment building where Wendy lives and the woman goes missing. The building has strange things about it, for example the toilet is out in the hall, which forces Wendy to interact with neighbors. She’s also able to see into the apartment building across the street, which helps her to fulfill a spy mission given to her by one of her classmates. ____________________________________________________ BOOK #2: Here are my responses for my domestic suspense thriller: STORY STATEMENT New bride Sienna, 26, must escape from her abusive husband on their honeymoon in Hawaii. ANTAGONIST Oliver Blake is on his honeymoon in Hawaii with his wife Sienna. He likes her because she’s pretty, she’s smart, she makes him look good, and mostly, because she listens to him when he teaches her how to do things. It makes him feel good about himself, and important, which he certainly hasn’t always felt growing up, or recently, when he made a big mistake with Bitcoin investing, something that he hasn’t told Sienna about yet. When Sienna talks back or questions him, it makes him feel uncontrollably angry and it makes him do things that he doesn’t understand–he doesn’t remember it, but he hurts her. On his honeymoon, he’s hoping to solve his Bitcoin debt problem while also keeping Sienna in line, shaping her into the kind of wife he wants her to be, or else, he just might have to replace her. BREAKOUT TITLE ON THE ROCKS LIES IN PARADISE GETAWAY ESCAPE FOR TWO GENRE AND COMPS Genre: Domestic suspense thriller THE WIFE BETWEEN US - dual-POV with a wife and a new potential partner BEHIND CLOSED DOORS - nightmarish vacation with new spouse HOOK/LOGLINE A young woman on her honeymoon must figure out how to escape her abusive husband while staying alive and rebuilding her self-esteem. INNER CONFLICT When Sienna is reunited with Oliver after she pushes him off the cliff, she feels compelled to go along with his scheme because she’s worried he will turn her into the police or that he will kill her. She also still has low self-esteem from their years of relationship that make her unsure if she is worthy of better treatment. Therefore, when Oliver returns and tells Sienna that she has to obey him, she does, worrying that she’ll lose her life, in one way or another, if she doesn’t. Another issue is Sienna’s budding relationship with another man on the island that still makes her question if she’s worthy to be taken care of, especially considering her past relationship with Oliver and everything that has gone on between them. She’s being treated nicely now, but she doesn’t trust it. SETTING This story takes place in Maui over the course of two weeks. There’s a dingy hotel where Oliver takes his new bride, to her disappointment. There’s also a fancy resort next door where they go to dine and hang out by the pool, attend a timeshare meeting, and go to a luau, before getting kicked out for not being residents of the resort. Later after Sienna pushes Oliver off a cliff, she goes back to the resort and meets Kai, a young man who works there and they quickly form a flirtationship. Other settings include the beach, the unrelenting waves of the ocean, the Garden of Eden, where Sienna pushes Oliver off a cliff, the town of Lahaina, and the Forbidden Island where it all comes to a head. The setting in the story is the paradise which is beautiful yet dangerous, and juxtaposes against the marriage which looks good from the outside, yet is rotten within.