New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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Crossroad Blues by Ariel Elaine Slick Prologue Beatrice As the pallbearers lowered my sister’s body into the warm, rich earth, I wondered whether any change would have made any difference. Did any of us have the slightest control over the situation—except him? Perhaps it was useless to think so. Every tiny detail led me here, and I had a feeling, would keep leading me here, no matter what I did to stop it. Because I did try to stop it. I really did. Chapter 1 The devil's gonna git you Oh the devil's gonna git you Man the devil's gonna git you Sure as you're born to die -Bessie Smith Azoma, Louisiana, 1924 Beatrice The Vic…
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Last reply by Marlena, -
CSO Opening
by MKG- 0 replies
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Last reply by MKG, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone, and a foreshadows the primary conflict. I followed Mahl deeper into the jungle. Winds slapped the leaves into my face, and the torrent of rain threw sheets of freezing rain into my bones. I could not see the ground beneath me, only felt my sandals sink deep into the earth as I trudged through the muck, holding tight to the thin orrnah wrapped around my shoulders. “We should stop, Ayni.” Her voice reached my ears despite the monsoon drowning out the sound of our sloshing steps and haggard breathing. How fortunate that I could hear Mahl’s voice, even in my head. “Why?” I asked just as my kameez snagged on…
Last reply by rachelmsterling, -
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CHAPTER 1: introduces protagonist and antagonist, setting, tone, and introduces/foreshadows all three levels of conflict
Last reply by s.park, -
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Chapter One He had taken great pains to prepare for his new role. After all, a medical residency at the famed Johns Hopkins Hospital was something sought by many but found by few. He was one of the lucky ones and wanted to look good. A crisp blue button-down shirt and striped tie were nicely framed by his short white coat. A new I.D card hung from his breast pocket, showcasing his thick light brown hair and warm smile. With his black doctor’s bag in hand, he was ready to go. After straightening his jacket and taking a deep breath, he briskly walked down the hall to the emergency room. As he approached, the electronic double doors quickly swung open to greet h…
Last reply by JEG, -
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Last reply by J. Cochran, -
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These opening pages introduce the protagonist and set the inciting incident into motion. Washington D.C. • • • • Day 1 As Avery Syrus approached the commissary, he met the gaze of a man he knew as “the arsonist” blocking the doors. Complexion pale and tattooed neck glistening with sweat, the man didn’t move. He instead said, “Avery is a trailer trash name.” The blunt assertion almost made Syrus laugh. They had never spoken before. “That’s terrible to hear. Would you like to walk with me and discuss this further?” As he gestured to the doors, a bright glint blinded him. Syrus made out the outline of the six inch knife as it plung…
Last reply by Hannah, -
OPENING SCENE (CHAPTER 1): Intros protagonist and antagonist in a re-imagining of a familiar realm populated with new characters setting up potential conflict... Akin to night overtaking the setting sun, a steady tint of brightness accents the dark void of infinite space. The vast mirage of a seemingly transparent floor canvas yields a landscape encompassing structures built from materials so refined, the human mind would not be able to articulate if asked. Standing with an upward gaze at a conversation taking place on a high-rise tower is a human-like being, fair mannered in expression, though imposing in stature. Unable to hear the dialogue of said conversation, th…
Last reply by Joe Belcastro, -
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DON’T FERTILITEASE ME The three months leading up to my 40th birthday were like a slow countdown to D-Day. There is something about that particular birthday that feels like a day of reckoning – a time to take stock of the first half of your life and face what you have accomplished or royally screwed up. When I had cast forward in my imagination as a young girl, it had never occurred to me that I could end up an unmarried 40 year old with no kids. In my teens, my sister and I used to fantasize about how old we would be in the year 2000. “Can you believe I will be 35 in the year 2000? I bet I’ll be married with 3 kids and be famous, probably a r…
Last reply by Operagirl, -
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Dragon Nightmare? Only two more centuries. I’m never going to make it. Quarter to midnight, six hours left. Kay Linda Taylor worried she wasn’t going to make it and then jumped when her mother came to check on her. Angrily she said, “Why are you up? You don’t have to worry about me, I can worry about myself. It’s my own fault I have to cram for this history test.” “You and Mary had fun taking care of Grandpop, before he died. There is more to life than A’s,” her mother said. “If you’re Mary, and are rich with a legacy, there is. But not me. If I want to go to an Ivy league school I have to get As. All As. But you wouldn’t understand because you don’t underst…
Last reply by K LMHS Turner, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduce gritty tone, protagonist, antagonists, setting juxtaposition, and foreshadows primary conflict. Episode 1: Uncle He was pocket-sized, with a needle mustache and a paper face. He didn’t look like a biker, but his colors were showing. He walked in, throwing two fat duffels to the floor. “Twenty-two hundred a pound.” His voice was gravelly—too big for his little body. He took a seat at the table, kicked a muddy boot in front of him, then leaned back with his fingers linked across his chest. “There’s twenty there.” He nodded at the bags. I glanced at them, then Rolo’s washed-out face. I’d never seen him so white. This was…
Last reply by Kari, -
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Opening scenes – introduces protagonist, world/setting, voice, and inciting incident. 1 - Time Will Not Tell The last thing Alila Illi desired was ending up in an asylum to rot alone with no family to save her. Stepping out of the elevator, she wished for the thousandth time that she could not feel people’s pain. It was getting harder to keep her mouth shut, swallow the hurt, and not blurt out to strangers unsolicited advice about their poor health. Especially when they didn’t even look sick. Alila stood in the lobby of her suburban apartment building and checked her watch, 8:30 a.m. Perfect. Her local coffee shop would be almost free of people. …
Last reply by Safiya M., -
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Natalie was dead. It was the truth. And it was irreversible. Her absence hung in the lab, on her untouched bench and the unwashed pipettes, in her unfinished notes. Her cells growing in the incubator, herself gone and her work ready to be taken over by a new fellow. It happened on Tuesday morning. Seared into my memory as the afterimage of a lightning against the night sky. Her delicate body balanced against the cold metal of her desk. A bottle of microshots clutched in her hand. Medics, security, hushed whispers, and averted gazes. All on that Tuesday morning. Yet none of us talked about it for days, at least to each other. That is what death does. It draws its…
Last reply by Nastaran Arfaei, -
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Chapter 1 - Don't Call It a Prologue At the relatively youthful age of two hundred and sixty-two, the United States had an identity crisis. No longer the fun, plucky new republic, it had fallen out-of-touch with the popular cliques in Europe but was too narcissistic to attempt the brooding loner routine. Bad decisions began to collect interest, and disgruntled citizens took on the less-than-charming personality of campaign ads. On the day that the final melting of the global ice caps live-streamed around the world, in-fighting reached the breaking point. Both ends of the country’s political spectrum threw up their hands and agreed to split up, admitting …
Last reply by Bill McQueen, -
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The hermit heard the distant clash of shield and spear before he saw them. Not until he trudged over a muddy knoll, using his gnarled broke-branch for a third leg, did he see them there below, their horses hard-breathing and spurblood streaming down their bellies. Two knights in provincial armor all hard-leather and hauberks rusting, faced one another readying for another charge and tilt. Rain began to fall, bone-cold, and the hermit steadied himself against a skeletonized tree to watch. He marked their shields as they raised them into position—each emblazoned with a weathered crest of a thorn-stemmed rose. An internal feud, a dispute o…
Last reply by Cleveland, -
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Text copied below and attached as pdf. Metzgar EAMP Chapter 1.pdf Metzgar EAMP Chapter 1.pdf Elvis, Aliens & Moonpies Chapter 1 Harris Lumkey sped westward on Interstate 20 toward Fort Worth hoping to make it to town before sunset. The last-minute call from his assignment editor to cover a national UFO enthusiasts’ conference irritated him to no end. “Really,” thought Harris, “I finally get a decent opportunity to break in my new routine and I have to cancel at the last minute just so I can chase down the true believers and get their views recorded for posterity?” Harris was sure this excursion was a waste of time. He’d had e…
Last reply by Emily M, -
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Dreaming about your future is a euphoric exercise; making it happen tests you to the core of your being. Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard gave a name to the action of a person faced with a choice that can’t be rationally justified: they take a leap of faith. Dreaming of being an author when you’re too busy to breathe, requires such a leap. Still believing you can find your great love when you’ve been hurt too many times, requires such a leap. In my case, I inadvertently chose to fly instead of jump. “Ms. Gregory, here’s your seat,” the flight attendant said, motioning with both hands as she presented the aisle chair in front of the last row in first class. “Can …
Last reply by Melissa1031, -
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Opening scene - introduce protagonist, protagonist sympathy, hint at antagonist and introduce conflict, worldbuilding. Chapter 1: The Broker “So, the prince is dead. Why should I care?” “Because every peddler in the Empire will be after his heart.” The conversation at the adjacent table was hard to ignore. Though it weakened his nerve, Marek had no choice but to go through with this; there was too much coin on the line. He tapped trembling fingers on the bar and cast what he hoped were inconspicuous glances around the grimy pub, searching… Through the pipe smoke clouding the windows, he could tell the sun was reaching its witching hour; when mo…
Last reply by S. R. Hatcher, -
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Fucking bagpipes. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. But we Irish love our bagpipes. Michael, especially. So, I thought it would be a nice touch for the service. But this was shortsighted. It didn’t occur to me how loud the bagpipes would be, if I was stuck right next to them. I’ve always enjoyed bagpipes at outdoor activities. St. Patrick’s Day parades. Notre Dame football games. I hadn’t considered how different it would be at an indoor funeral. In a church so crowded we passed capacity hours ago. Before the service, while my kids and I followed the casket to the altar and stood—for several minutes—directly in front of…
Last reply by Heather Wolesky, -
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Chapter 1 – Camp Pontchartrain Fear nibbled with sharp teeth on the edges of my soul as I scanned Camp Pontchartrain’s dining hall, looking for the bully who would surely notice me. Fortunately for me, the bullies were currently targeting the art students, a group of girls silently weeping with their heads lowered. Thankfully, they left the Techies, technology kids like me, alone . . . for now. I ran my fingers through my brown, curly hair, a self-soothing thing I did when I was nervous, which was a constant state of existence for me. Choosing a corner table, I set my tray down, then checked the seat for the all-too-familiar packets of ketchup or mus…
Last reply by Mark Cheverton, -
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Sorry, posted this chapter twice
Last reply by Mark Cheverton, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces the antagonist and protagonists, sets the tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Secrets can be cancerous. Eating away, slowly, at every cell of the keeper’s soul. In the McBride/Johnson family secrets were a toxic epidemic, weaving themselves into the very fabric of their family history. They were unspoken, subterranean stories not told around the holiday table. The offspring were all unwitting carriers of their family’s carcinogenic lies and betrayals. The McBride/Johnson clan was a walking petri dish ripe for a viral explosion of family drama. Their matriarch’s death would be the match predestined to ignite the fuel of revelations th…
Last reply by Shallmess, -
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CHAPTER ONE.docx
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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This is the beginning of the novel. it sets up the real of the Fates and what is at stake for the world. it is the first part of the prologue before we see the main character as a grown, 19 year old who doesn't have strong memories of her life in this magical world. “Let me tell you a story, my little ones,” her father said as he tucked her into bed. “Papa, tell us of the lost monsters,” Decasha squealed. Shadow, being the youngest of her father’s children, was too small to reach over and smack her older brother until he quieted, so she scowled at him instead. Her father must have seen this, for the old man with a face worn by hours of staring at …
Last reply by Ethan Perkus, -
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Preface The truth of a journey is that the vast and mysterious lands, the terra incognita, you set out to explore, in the end, becomes yourself. Every grain of grief and longing, love, regret, triumph, slips quietly into your suitcase. Harper had learned that at nineteen, a scattered girl full of woebegone and madness who made a pilgrimage to Paris to forget. But there is no escaping yourself. No drug, no distraction, works indefinitely. More than twenty years later, she was in yet another foreign country, and whether she’d gotten there by running toward or away, is debatable. Georgia was supposed to salvage her career and cure her loneliness…
Last reply by Misty,
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