New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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Chapter One: Leah flinched as her phone alarm muffled sound from the depths of her tangled sheets. Opening an eyelid, she squinted and flailed about the web of fabric over her, unable to grasp her waking agitator. With a groan, she sprang up flopping and groping through pillows and folds knowing full well the sound and buzzes were coming from her ass, but too discombobulated and tired to make any sort of sense at the present moment. Finally, in a desperate attempt to find and silence the damn thing, she tugged her blanket taut watching it fly in the air until it tumbled onto the floor. Her watery brown eyes narrowed as she scooped it …
Last reply by Andrea Garcia, -
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CHAPTER 1 Shadows aren’t known for killing, but that’s never stopped them before. Years have gone by since Meira would have ever admitted to being afraid of the dark. But for the last two weeks, every moment she closes her eyes, she sees them. Every night; crimson, daunting eyes, the shade of blood. Perhaps that’s why she finds herself checking every corner as she hurries down the street. She pivots just enough to peer behind her, desperately hoping to shake the feeling of being followed. As she does, she finds nothing. Absolutely nothing. Which only makes her feel worse. A Tuesday, two years previous, was the last time she felt this way…
Last reply by katiewalkergevedon, -
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WE LIVE IN FIRE PROLOGUE Vienna, 1878 … In Statdpark on a lawn blanket by a glistening river, Friedrich performs the nose trick on his three-year-old daughter. He steals her nose with a swipe of the hand and shows her the tip of it, wedged between two fingers, in the clutch of his fist. Plump as powdered dough with rosy cheeks, Miranda gawks at the illusion, wonderment in her glassy blue eyes. She wants her nose back! She reaches for it with demanding hands, her outspread fingers pudgy as a couple of starfish. Bop! Friedrich returns Miranda’s nose with a gentle nudge. She giggles and crosses her eyes, touching the tip of he…
Last reply by Ian Caskey, -
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Opening scene introduces: the protagonist and her goal, main plot point, conflict, and tone This was it. The moment I’d dreamed about my entire life. Okay, maybe half of my life, but there was no turning back now. I clutched the manila folder against my chest, dampened from my sweaty palms, courtesy of the stifling southern heat and my uncontrollable nerves. Only a few brick steps and a set of white double doors separated me from my future. “Lex, are you ready?” Mom asked. She rested her hand on my shoulder, offering reassurance with a gentle squeeze. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” My stomach turned as a wave of nausea rush…
Last reply by Lauren Weiss, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, protagonist sympathy, setting, and tone CHAPTER ONE I held a stunning, white vintage gown to my neckline and gazed at myself in the mirror, the corners of my mouth curving into a subtle smile. I could almost feel the weight of its past in my hands as the feeble dress hung warily beneath a thin layer of plastic. Imagining it glistening under ballroom lights, I mourned for the garment cast out for a few loose threads, a broken zipper, or love gone wrong. With its exquisite lace and hand-sewn beads, the gown was glamorous and elegant, two things I was not. Although different, given that we were both in …
Last reply by JamieFrei, -
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Introduction to one of the two protaganists, hinting at conflict and antagonist at the end of the chapter. Declan feels like a horse being led to slaughter. A man in a well fitting black suit opens the back passenger door of a black SUV and holds his hand out, palm up, gesturing for him to get inside. Declan nods but keeps his head down to avoid calling attention his way. Not that it even matters how he tries to hide himself, he is Declan Graham, one of the most recognizable faces in Hollywood. Letting out a breath, he feels a slight breeze cool the perspiration that had gathered at the nape of his neck. Thanking the driver, he slides onto the shiny leather ben…
Last reply by Kaitlyn, -
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Part 1. November, Year 27 of Restored Nation Chapter 1. “Chosen” “Congratulations. You have been Chosen.” The doctor bowed his head, genuflecting, but not before a look of panic marred his smooth, plump face. He explained about the microchip. Because you had been growing for twelve weeks inside me, I could be tattooed and tracked. This development could only be celebrated, and yet the doctor would not meet my eyes. Or maybe I could not meet his eyes? Cold air circulated within the room where I sat. The fact that it was cold was supposed to mean that it was clean—free of toxic fog that muddied the November sky outside. I resented the doctor’s heat and…
Last reply by ValerieKinsey, -
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Prologue The air lay thickly on Tiren Ryger’s senses, blanketing the castle grounds and sky in that tomblike silence for which the Dead Watch was named. From atop the northernmost rook, Tiren could almost believe himself the only person alive in the world. These were the soft hours of the night where anything untouched by the moon ceased to exist. The utter abandonment belied the clockwork he knew was at work behind the heavy wooden entry doors to his left, yet even after two months on the watch, he found the facade eerie. Inside the gaslights were throwing uneven shadows along the walls as dozens of maids passed like slippered specters from room to room, wordl…
Last reply by Jenna Essenburg, -
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CHAPTER 1: introduces protagonist and antagonist, setting, tone, and introduces/foreshadows all three levels of conflict
Last reply by s.park, -
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Before I've always known that my life would end with an explosion and regrets. I enter the crowded ballroom alone. Tiny cocktail tables are scattered about, each surrounded by handsomely dressed socialites looking ill at ease in their uncomfortable but undoubtedly fashionable shoes. Chandeliers overhead cast the cavernous room in warm hues that make me feel like I’m walking through a candlelit ball at Netherfield and not a fancy hotel in the city. Occasionally, I see someone I know in the throngs of people, but I politely nod, flash a smile, and gesture to the bar. I receive amused waves in return, but no one rushes to accompany me, much to my relief. The…
Last reply by Liz LeCrone, -
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GAME KNOWS GAME EDIT.docx
Last reply by Marc Curtis Little, -
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CHAPTER ONE (first four pages) establishes voice and setting and introduces the family I am seven in my bedroom on 90 Charles Street in NYC. I share a room with my little brother Zeph who is three. It is summer. It is boiling hot. There is no air-conditioning. There are no fans. There are screens in the open windows. The air is heavy inside. Even the plastic furniture is sweating. I am sticky. Daddy says “Wear a wet T-shirt, it is perfectly good air-conditioning.” We go to bed with wet hair and wet T-shirts on. The windows of our bedroom open onto the street. I fall asleep listening to everyone’s conversations as they drift into the screened windows. I…
Last reply by JLC, -
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Village of Las Gaviotas, Columbia, SA Tears streamed down Jorge Manuelo’s cheeks as he stood with head bowed in prayer, listening to his brother’s screams. They had gone on far longer than should have been possible. How could Juan—hanging from the tree, his arms stretched above him as if reaching for heaven, entrails piled below like a pig being readied for Christmas day—live so long? He begged the Madonna to bring his own death more quickly. El Chuchillo—the man with the knife—turned away from Juan’s now silent body and lifted Jorge’s chin with the tip of his blade. “I have your attention?” Jorge wanted to answer but had no voice. The man holding hi…
Last reply by Kelly Owen, -
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Chapter One: A Tragedy Her sadness echoes. Her body trembles under the weight of her tears. Her nails clench into the steering wheel as rage overtakes her. How did this happen? How did I get here? These are the questions Jackie Anthonys asks herself as she prepares for a moment she’d hoped would never come… Here she was, finally alone, her hopes left unfulfilled, her pleas unanswered. The time has come, and from here on out, the woman who’d spent her entire life existing in a world of her own creation where she maintained all control was forced to face reality. This is their moment… their final moment together before she’s lost him forever. “Mom,” Her seventeen…
Last reply by Marc Curtis Little, -
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Opening scene - introduce protagonist, protagonist sympathy, hint at antagonist and introduce conflict, worldbuilding. Chapter 1: The Broker “So, the prince is dead. Why should I care?” “Because every peddler in the Empire will be after his heart.” The conversation at the adjacent table was hard to ignore. Though it weakened his nerve, Marek had no choice but to go through with this; there was too much coin on the line. He tapped trembling fingers on the bar and cast what he hoped were inconspicuous glances around the grimy pub, searching… Through the pipe smoke clouding the windows, he could tell the sun was reaching its witching hour; when mo…
Last reply by S. R. Hatcher, -
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Below are the first two scenes of Spark & Flame. Chapter 1 Sparks cracked through the empty music room. Blue-white flashes, blazing and violent, picked up music sheets in a gust and snapped against the drum symbols sending them clamoring. At the center of the whirlwind, Riza Ashland knelt, gripping the sides of her head and muttering the steps her papi taught her. Not now. Please, she could not surge now. “Dirt. Rock. Cement. Brick. Steel.” She repeated, each seal within her mind building up, up and willing the power behind them. Another spark escaped, sending her curly black hair flying forward. “Come on.” Fingers pressed on her temples, she roll…
Last reply by Stefanny Monga, -
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This is actually the third scene, occurring after a montage of the city of Bologna (scene 1) and several women hobnobbing in 1300 AD about the exhumation and burning of Saint Guglielma. (This is a dual timeline narrative) This third scene introduces the relationship between the modern-day protagonist and her lover in Bologna; establishes basic character outlines/occupations -- “Congratulations,” Amanda said, lifting a glass of the house red wine to Serafina. "On booking your first ever event. May there be many more to come." The remaining liter of wine sat, mostly full, on their small, square table. They were seated outdoors, and the evening October air was…
Last reply by Alexandra Syrah, -
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Last reply by Marcel P, -
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The Inquisitor's Apprentice (Upmarket Historical Fiction WIP) CHAPTER ONE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone and foreshadows the primary conflict The rider pulled back on the reins and brought the donkey to a halt. He straightened his back and moaned softly, releasing the pain and tension of two days and nights without cease on the back of the plodding beast. Although his stomach growled in protest, the priest would allow neither soft bed nor hard bread to tempt him into delaying his voyage here. His two retainers rode silently behind him, their black robes absorbing the brutal heat of the Cordovan summer. In the distance he saw the long, hea…
Last reply by DeanCycon, -
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Work in progress after the incredible "Write to Pitch" in NYC and advice from the amazing Paula Munier...
Last reply by Shannan Dugan, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduce gritty tone, protagonist, antagonists, setting juxtaposition, and foreshadows primary conflict. Episode 1: Uncle He was pocket-sized, with a needle mustache and a paper face. He didn’t look like a biker, but his colors were showing. He walked in, throwing two fat duffels to the floor. “Twenty-two hundred a pound.” His voice was gravelly—too big for his little body. He took a seat at the table, kicked a muddy boot in front of him, then leaned back with his fingers linked across his chest. “There’s twenty there.” He nodded at the bags. I glanced at them, then Rolo’s washed-out face. I’d never seen him so white. This was…
Last reply by Kari, -
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first 6 pages introduces tone, protagonist, reveals the antagonist. This excerpt sets the stage for primary conflict and showcases dialogue. Chapter 1| A Day To Remember The temperature on the island was cold, and it continued to rain. Today was when the next generation of the Five Kingdoms would graduate from being learners of our kingdoms to members of the New Watchers. Today was also the day I became Queen. The ceremony for me to be Queen was unexpected, but my mom found it more straightforward if I had it on the same day as my graduation. To her, it was killing two birds with one stone. I couldn’t help but think about my papa being there to see me become a…
Last reply by Frantz charles, -
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This is the opening scene (first four pages) of Chapter 1; it introduces the protagonist (one version of her, Jen), her setting, and her conflict. Chapter 1. Jen, January, 2017. What a fucking nightmare of a day, Jen thought, glancing out her office window at the D.C. streetlights and the sloth-like traffic. Her stomach rumbled; she had worked past dinnertime again, and being hungry made her an irritable bitch. But food wouldn’t erase the fact that the worst asshole in history had been inaugurated today. She’d had trouble concentrating on her immigration caseload—which had now expanded to an impossible seventy cases— knowing what was happening just two miles …
Last reply by Jill Martin, -
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Apocalypse That year, everyone believed in numerology. Our calendars were conveniently marked with the exact date of Armageddon: December 31st, 1999. It was a year of impending digital apocalypse. Even the disbelievers among us prayed that nothing would get lost in the translation of time to the strange new language of zeros and ones. All of us expecting our computers to detonate at the appointed hour like time bombs. The same year the South African son of a polygamous infidel passed his thorny crown even as it still dripped with the blood of Apartheid. It was a year of ancient land cracked…
Last reply by Tifffany, -
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First 5 pages Kramer.docx
Last reply by Jeff Kramer,
ALGONKIAN SUCCESS STORIES
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Where it All Began
