Daryl Periman

The attachment includes my first two chapters introducing the protagonist and one of the antagonists as children. Note, many of these scenes were sprinkled as backstory in past iterations, but I found it slowed the pace and some of my betas felt more inclined to want to be in the moment of the two opposing forces in a crucial school shooting scene (rather than backstory). Though 95% of the book is about the main characters as adults, I felt the reader needed to experience the tragic event in real time with the characters. The school shooting immediately follows these pages. Many thanks Daryl NYPPITCH--PROSE SAMPLE-PERIMAN.gdoc

Indeed that does help. Many thanks for the clarification. Perhaps I wasn’t as far off the mark as I thought:)

Should anyone see my first post, they will see that I clearly didn't understand the use of this forum. My apologies, I thought we were submitting these assignments. Not sure how I got that idea except that I teach middle school for a living and am obliged to have students do just that. Just failing forward here. However, now that I understand the context of this forum I will simply say that extreme nut shelling as in putting a 450 page story into a single line was a fabulous exercise and was grateful for the struggle:)

Growing up with blood on his hands as a youth, a federal agent returns to his hometown to face a convergence of past and present enemies while keeping his family and friends alive.