Gerard Simon

Danny gave the taxi driver a five dollar tip and stepped out into the drizzle. Despite being early spring, winter was pushing back hard, and a damp, cold evening like this could cause a man to try and hide his head under an umbrella, or pull the collars of his trench coat up tight to his cheek bones, but Danny walked tall, anticipating a profit. The only acknowledgements to the weather that he wore were a dark grey water resistant polyester soft shell jacket, a pair of worn leather gloves, and a faded black baseball cap. The sun had set and with the help of the heavy clouds, darkness was coming quickly. A gust of wind gave him a momentary chill and splattered icy droplets onto his face. Still, the meeting location was a block away, behind a nail salon that had recently closed down, and Danny walked briskly to his destination. He glanced at the fabric of a once colorful awning that sheltered the front door and windows of the now defunct enterprise. Sun and harsh weather had faded it from a bright canary to pale pastel, splattered with patches of dirt and grime. This was a clear sign that business had been slowing down for a while and the proprietors probably didn’t have the money to perform maintenance and make upgrades.  It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway, since the word was that most of the patrons were choosing to go to a nail salon that imbedded itself in the new super grocery store that opened about a five minute drive away. None of that mattered to Danny.

He splashed through a puddle in size 10 brown canvas shoes as he turned down a dirty alley next to the nail salon, strewn with cans, beer bottles, broken glass, and random trash, en route to the meeting spot, eager to get on with the business. When he arrived, he found the location to be devoid of activity, but that only lasted a minute before a rented truck rumbled into the space, its headlights burning Danny’s retinas a bit. An unshaven man in his mid twenties was behind the wheel, his bright blue eyes blazing from within a visage defined by his scraggly beard and stringy hair. He shut off the engine, swung open the door, and jumped down. Apparently he too was unaffected by the weather and wore only a flannel shirt over a white tee-shirt and dirty jeans.

“Danny boy!” the man exclaimed. “Ready to make some money?”

“Howard!” Danny replied. “How you doing man?!”

Danny and Howard shook hands with the gusto of two men who had worked together before. Just few months ago, they managed to swipe a few boxes of car speakers off a loading dock at the mall. They were working on a much bigger score today.

“Where’s Ray?” Danny asked.

“He said he had some other things to take care of,” Howard replied, “but I’ll meet up with him later.”

 “Sounds good,” Danny responded, “when we’re done here, we should go grab a few drinks.”

“Definitely!” Howard agreed. “So let’s do this!”

They headed for the back of the truck and Howard rolled the door up and open, climbing into the back with Danny close behind him. Numerous boxes with the Sony logo filled about two thirds of the musty cargo box. There was a three inch hole in the ceiling of the cargo box, which let water in but somehow none of the cardboard boxes were dampened. Danny glanced at Howard to see where he positioned himself. He took notice that he was close enough for a hand to hand fight, but too close for the gun that he kept under his belt. If he was forced to draw the weapon, Howard would be in a position to wrestle for it. At this range, his knife would be a good option. Danny didn’t expect to have a fight with Howard, but he was always ready for one. Howard pushed a box over to Danny for him to examine. Danny ignored it and chose his own. He took his knife from his pocket and flicked out the blade, testing its sharpness against his thumb. He cut the box open, pulled out an item still in its original factory packaging, and smiled. He opened another box and smiled again.

“Just as I said,” Howard reassured, “Playstation 3s and games.  We staked out a warehouse and followed a delivery truck for an hour before we made our move. This has got be worth between 30 to 40 grand.”

“I hope 40 grand is the right number,” Danny mused.

Danny wasn’t sure which versions of the game console were in the truck, but he hoped they were the sixty gigabyte models that sold for $599. The lower tiered model wasn’t bad either and cost $499. He had it all worked out how he would sell the consoles. He already had a few customers lined up and the cash that he got from those sales, he would use to buy a computer. With the computer, Danny could then sell the Playstations over eBay or any other service he could get access to. Even though the consoles had been on sale for a few years, they were still popular and this was going to be easy money.

Opening scene: Introduces the protagonist, Danny Irvine. The scene takes place behind a closed down business and sets the basis for the primary conflict.

Danny gave the taxi driver a five dollar tip and stepped out into the drizzle. Despite being early spring, winter was pushing back hard, and a damp, cold evening like this could cause a man to try and hide his head under an umbrella, or pull the collars of his trench coat up tight to his cheek bones, but Danny walked tall, anticipating a profit. The only acknowledgements to the weather that he wore were a dark grey water resistant polyester soft shell jacket, a pair of worn leather gloves, and a faded black baseball cap. The sun had set and with the help of the heavy clouds, darkness was coming quickly. A gust of wind gave him a momentary chill and splattered icy droplets onto his face. Still, the meeting location was a block away, behind a nail salon that had recently closed down, and Danny walked briskly to his destination. He glanced at the fabric of a once colorful awning that sheltered the front door and windows of the now defunct enterprise. Sun and harsh weather had faded it from a bright canary to pale pastel, splattered with patches of dirt and grime. This was a clear sign that business had been slowing down for a while and the proprietors probably didn’t have the money to perform maintenance and make upgrades.  It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway, since the word was that most of the patrons were choosing to go to a nail salon that imbedded itself in the new super grocery store that opened about a five minute drive away. None of that mattered to Danny.

He splashed through a puddle in size 10 brown canvas shoes as he turned down a dirty alley next to the nail salon, strewn with cans, beer bottles, broken glass, and random trash, en route to the meeting spot, eager to get on with the business. When he arrived, he found the location to be devoid of activity, but that only lasted a minute before a rented truck rumbled into the space, its headlights burning Danny’s retinas a bit. An unshaven man in his mid twenties was behind the wheel, his bright blue eyes blazing from within a visage defined by his scraggly beard and stringy hair. He shut off the engine, swung open the door, and jumped down. Apparently he too was unaffected by the weather and wore only a flannel shirt over a white tee-shirt and dirty jeans.

"Danny boy!” the man exclaimed. “Ready to make some money?”

“Howard!” Danny replied. “How you doing man?!”

Danny and Howard shook hands with the gusto of two men who had worked together before. Just few months ago, they managed to swipe a few boxes of car speakers off a loading dock at the mall. They were working on a much bigger score today.

“Where’s Ray?” Danny asked.

“He said he had some other things to take care of,” Howard replied, “but I’ll meet up with him later.”

“Sounds good,” Danny responded, “when we’re done here, we should go grab a few drinks.”

“Definitely!” Howard agreed. “So let’s do this!”

They headed for the back of the truck and Howard rolled the door up and open, climbing into the back with Danny close behind him. Numerous boxes with the Sony logo filled about two thirds of the musty cargo box. There was a three inch hole in the ceiling of the cargo box, which let water in but somehow did not dampen any of the cardboard. Danny glanced at Howard to see where he positioned himself. He took notice that he was close enough for a hand to hand fight, but too close for the gun that he kept under his belt. If he was forced to draw the weapon, Howard would be in a position to wrestle for it. At this range, his knife would be a good option. Danny didn’t expect to have a fight with Howard, but he was always ready for one. Howard pushed a box over to Danny for him to examine. Danny ignored it and chose his own. He took his knife from his pocket and flicked out the blade, testing its sharpness against his thumb. He cut the box open, pulled out an item still in its original factory packaging, and smiled. He opened another box and smiled again.

 “Just as I said,” Howard reassured, “Playstation 3s and games.  We staked out a warehouse and followed a delivery truck for an hour before we made our move. This has got be worth between 30 to 40 grand.”

"I hope 40 grand is the right number," Danny mused.

“So why don’t you sell them yourselves?” he asked, snapping out of his rumination.

“Not our thing,” Howard said, “we just want a quick score.”

 “All right then. Nice job,” Danny said as he reached into the large inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a thick brown envelope. He handed it to Howard, who inspected the contents and grinned.

“We good?” Danny asked.

“Oh, we are good,” Howard answered.

Danny was already doing the easy math in his head. The sharks expected a thousand dollars a week for 20 weeks. He figured he could do that easily and still clear 20 grand for himself. This would allow his to relax for a while and step back from the day to day hustle in the life of thug. Maybe he could be normal for a little while. Maybe he could get a job while he lived off that money.

 “Where are the keys?” Danny asked.

 “In the ignition,” Howard responded. “Where are you going to put those?”

 “I’ve got a storage unit. I can unload the truck and return it to you tonight."

 They jumped down from the cargo box and Danny pulled the door closed.

 “Meet me at The End Zone in two hours and we can have a few drinks,” Danny said.

“You’ll have all that unloaded that fast?” Howard asked.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Okay, I’ll see you there,” Howard replied as he reached out his hand.

They shook hands again and Howard turned to leave the site. Danny moved quickly to the cab and climbed into the driver’s seat as a flash of blue light caught the peripheral vision of his left eye. He shifted his gaze and caught sight of police cars streaming into the space behind the defunct nail salon. Jumping down from the truck, his first instinct was to return from the direction he came, but that wasn’t possible and cops were rushing out of that alley toward him. He turned sharply and sprinted around the back of the truck, aiming to cut down another alley he took notice of previously while talking to Howard. Too late! Howard was already there and was being cut off by a police car with officers throwing the doors open and having their weapons drawn. Instead of raising his hands into the air in futility, Howard produced a weapon and leveled it at the cops. Danny didn’t see which one pulled the trigger, but there were two quick pops and Howard crumpled to the ground.

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: The story statement.

After Danny Irvine borrows ten thousand dollars from a Cincinnati loan shark to fund the purchase of stolen merchandise, he loses it and the merchandise in a police raid. Despite this, the loan shark reminds him of the terms of their deal: even though the loan amount was ten thousand, he needs to pay back twenty thousand. Also, instead of making payments in installments, he wants it all back immediately. Danny takes desperate actions to find the cash, actions that lead him to hold a bank manager and his daughter hostage to gain access to a safe deposit box that contains what he needs to save his life.

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: Sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story.

Michael Adams is the leader of a criminal organization called The Paper Mill that deals in financial crimes like money laundering, bribery, and loan sharking. The organization was formed by his grandfather, who taught him to be honorable in his dealings with others while exhibiting strength. Part of maintaining the image of strength is ensuring that everyone knows he is a person who must be treated with respect and when a deal has been made, both sides must keep up their ends of the bargain. In Mike’s business he cannot afford to look weak. He sends his thugs to find Danny and keep the pressure on him to pay off his debts. If Danny doesn’t pay up, Mike will hurt him badly or even kill him so that others will learn from his mistake.

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: Create a breakout title.

Danny Pays His Debts – Danny’s character drives the action in the story and he is intent upon paying off what he owes instead of running off without paying… maybe.

Danny’s Gamble – Danny likes to gamble and he takes a number of big chances in his efforts to get the money he needs

The Unwanted Guest – In Danny’s final exploit, he holds a bank manager and his daughter hostage in their own home, spending the weekend with them until the bank opens Monday morning.

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel.

Buy Back by Brian M. Wiprud (2010)

The protagonist arranges an art theft to pay for his debt, but someone steals the paintings. He now has to find the paintings to collect a bounty on them while evading the loan shark and dealing with other dangerous distractions.

My protagonist, Danny Irvine is in a similar situation since he has to find a cache of stolen jewelry to pay his loan.

Hostage by Robert Crais

When a robbery goes wrong, three men take a family hostage in their home.

In my novel, Danny also takes a family hostage in their home. However, he is alone and resorts to brutal measures to gain leverage over the father and daughter.

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound.

After a lifelong Cincinnati criminal with dreams of living a clean life loses his chance at a steady income and the semblance of stability for a while, he resorts to robberies and taking hostages to get access to a safe deposit box to pay off the relentless loan shark who is after him.

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have.

Danny has never been a good person, and seems to prefer the life of a criminal to a normal existence. Yet, there is a part of him that wishes things had turned out differently. With each criminal act he executes, he feels twinges of regret, but these are quickly overwhelmed by his cravings for violence and greed. This creates conflict within him when he takes the bank manager and his daughter hostage. He decides that the best way to control them is to threaten them with physical violence, but when they defy him, he has to prove he isn’t bluffing.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Sketch out your setting in detail.

This story takes place in Cincinnati. The city has two bridges which feature in the telling of the story with a murder being committed on one and the final conflict taking place on the other. The leader of the criminal organization lives in a part of Cincinnati called Hyde Park where many wealthy people live, while the bank manager lives in Oakley. Danny lives in Mount Airy.