New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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Scene 1: Preying As part of her recent nightly routine, Alex Mercer watched from across the street as Henry Shen stepped out from his doorway with his briefcase and firmly locked the door behind him, oblivious to her shadow across the street cast by the streetlights. She saw the gold chain’s glint dangling around his neck as it swung. Embedded around his eyes was his occipital interface – titanium that ran around his orbits like metallic eyeliner. Across the street, the fleeting glow of Alex’s cigarette crumbled to ash when she rose, keeping a watchful distance. Alex followed Shen through San Francisco’s Chinatown night market, passing vendors selling c…
Last reply by MingluJiangP6, -
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Hi Everyone, I'm attaching another story of mine, Crime Warp. It's the first installment in a planned series of 5 stories (sequel written, 3 others fully outlined). The main premise of the series are my MCs use a technology called Projection (similar to time-travel, but with differences), to solve famous unsolved mysteries and cold cases. I've pasted a plot summary below and a short, but not sweet, chapter one. I appreciate all feedback. ==================================================================================================== When you want to solve history’s greatest cold cases, you don’t find the witnesses, you become the witnesses. Seasoned…
Last reply by Matt Leyshon, -
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TWO WORLDS MERGING TO FORM THE ONE Neom City, Saudi Arabia October 2, 2030 He was not armed heavily – that could not be risked with the security drones programmed for firearms or direct-energy caps. The kill would have to be Old World – swift and by the blade. The assassin was dressed for the occasion – in formal white; he’d be a face in the crowd, a presumed participantin the regional wealth ofthe Greatest Show On Earth. Ishmael’s orders were simple:eliminate the great Infidel, MX Leon, enemy to both the people and the state, not to mention to Allah himself. The devil Leon was a creature beyond the sands, possessed of magic and technology …
Last reply by Liora Yoael, -
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THE GREATEST RACE! By Doc Spoon Speculative, Alt-Historical Fiction - 116,000 words FIRST FIVE PAGES When people run out of golden ideas to chase, they chase gold.” Anonymous Chapter One – The Bilderberg Wager The billionaires were face to face, nose to nose, with flushed cheeks and clenched fists. They were about to put hands on each other. “Square has not lost a race in seven years!” Fixon and the cognac shouted. Monroe Fixon was an African American pharmaceutical mogul who capitalized on the human genome work. “Neither has Quad!” screamed Bishop and the liquor. August Bishop was a British-Caucasian who made his fortune by pate…
Last reply by Thomas Schemkes, -
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Chapter 1.[MOU1] Bri Winter lay on her couch, tossed popcorn into her mouth, and stared at the TV blindly. Daytime TV got her through the day, well, at least until midday, after that, she was at a bit of a loss. There wasn’t much she enjoyed about her life. Maybe the sighting of an eagle overhead or a cobweb pearled in frost. She often wished she had been born a couple of centuries earlier when life seemed more romantic. “Seemed.” As the old cliche says—things are not always what they seem. The eighteen hundreds may have spawned Romantic poets, but it was filth ridden and rampant with disease. The women on TV were getting heated about Botox, the Puffy Filler F…
Last reply by Heidi, -
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*Opening Scene: Introduces the protagonist, establishes primary conflict, setting, tone, and briefly introduces an important secondary character. Chapter 1: Day 0, Saturday Night Declan I’m pretty sure I just died. Or I am dead. Either way, no one noticed. I’m not even sure I noticed. Here’s what I got: I remember leaving the gym just after 8:30 pm. Our school was going nuts in the stands because the star forward, Derek, twisted his ankle minutes before the close of the first half. And if he was down, I was up. No one wanted to see that, especially me. While our school’s version of LeBron rolled on the floor,…
Last reply by Courtney McColl, -
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Last reply by Uma Lerner, -
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CHAPTER ONE.docx
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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Opening Chapter - Introduce protagonists in present timeline and inciting incident 1 Gina October 2015, Colorado Springs, Colorado On the sixth-month anniversary of Mom’s death, I make more crème caramel than Mamie and I can eat. She and I sit side by side in her kitchen, three ramekins filled to the brim on the Formica table. A whiff of vanilla lingers on my fingers from slicing the sticky bean lengthwise and scraping the seeds out to add to the milk and cream, like Mom taught me. Mamie’s white hair is wispy and pinned up in a loose chignon. “I’ll start.” She says, and slips a spoon into the pale, yellow custard. A warm, syrupy odor wafts in…
Last reply by Cynthia Anderson, -
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An Interview With Anje Goodwin Michael Neff, director of the New York Pitch Conference, talks to aspiring author, Anje Goodwin, about her leaps in narrative evolution and prose style after working with the NAPE Drills (pronounced "nap"). - A Sample of Anje's Latest Work Q: Angie, you are one of the AWC alums; we reconnected in January about some systemic issues found in a sample of your prose submitted to the forum. We discussed that a prose drill exercise could help with the problems you were facing; can you tell us a little about your expectations? And what difficulties you might have faced during the exercise. A: I’ll start by saying t…
Last reply by Chief Editor M. Neff, -
Revised Chapter One - Introduces the Sifting Ceremony and two main protagonists, Hild and Razzia. CHAPTER 1 Hild looked down the shaft of his arrow through a small gap in the foliage, then readjusted his hand on the grip. He felt his heart beating in his fingers as they held the nock of the arrow just behind the blue and gold fletching. He crouched, ready, waiting, and fearful, for today, the Sifting Ceremony began. Hild watched in mute horror as the dark-armored guards appeared, dragging a young girl from a nearby tent. They shoved her toward the center of the large, circular courtyard and dropped her at the base of a polished stone altar shaped …
Last reply by Chief Editor M. Neff, -
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Chapter 1 Unwanted Secret People who have not been to Narnia sometimes think that a thing cannot be good and terrible at the same time. --C.S. Lewis Larnaca, Cyprus Eastern Mediterranean Mal Cozakos shifted nervously in his wooden chair outside a small cafe. Beneath charcoal brows, his thinly slit eyes darted between the small photograph in his left hand and the tourist entrance to the ancient church across the street. A narrow strip of shade protected him from the mid-morning heat. Crags in his olive face had evolved into a permanent squint by eight decades of Mediterranean sun. Although a common man, his full head of tousled white hair, salt and pepper mou…
Last reply by Deborah Morris, -
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Logline: One young princess stood at the crossroads of the founding of three nations: France, England, and Belgium. Her story, and the story of the knight she loved, has never been told – until now. The true story of a rebellious princess and a brave knight who defy the king and overcome treachery, murder, and Vikings, to build a life--and a new country--together. Opening Scene - This scene introduces the male protagonist, Baldwin, and sets him on his journey to serve the king - the father of the protagonist princess, Judith. This first scene also provides historical background necessary to understand the political climate in the ninth-century Carolingian Kin…
Last reply by Deborah Morris, -
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Genre: Upmarket Fiction Author: Kathleen J. Waites
Last reply by Kathleen, -
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first 6 pages introduces tone, protagonist, reveals the antagonist. This excerpt sets the stage for primary conflict and showcases dialogue. Chapter 1| A Day To Remember The temperature on the island was cold, and it continued to rain. Today was when the next generation of the Five Kingdoms would graduate from being learners of our kingdoms to members of the New Watchers. Today was also the day I became Queen. The ceremony for me to be Queen was unexpected, but my mom found it more straightforward if I had it on the same day as my graduation. To her, it was killing two birds with one stone. I couldn’t help but think about my papa being there to see me become a…
Last reply by Frantz charles, -
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Marian watched the sunset from a grassy hill outside the Steinigen fortress. Free from her father, and free from his warlocks and guards, the moment she carved out of time for herself was one of peace. She was surrounded by Harken Lilies, a rare flower whose seeds were prized elsewhere in the Kingdom of Ephorus. She whispered into the petals, a plea for rescue, and a tear rolled down her freckled cheek. Ancient texts told of pixies who could hear your cries through the delicate system the flower built beneath the earth with its roots, but no one had ever come. As the final ray of sunlight touched her, she snapped her fingers, and a bright spark arose on her fingertips, bo…
Last reply by Deborah Morris, -
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Opening Scene- Establishes setting, protagonist, antagonist, and primary and secondary conflicts. CHAPTER 1 “Only one in forty are venomous.” The murmured reminder did nothing to banish the trickle of bright adrenaline down my nerves as the breakers began their telltale frothing beneath the water’s surface. I should have felt badly for skipping my voice session, but I was too sated on the sand’s warmth and a full belly to much care. Strands of hair coaxed on the sea’s winds floated across my copper cheeks, and I did not bother to restrain their path over slitted eyes which watched the ebb of the surf- waiting. The coiling of my stomach had lit…
Last reply by Melissa Mohalla, -
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Part 1. November, Year 27 of Restored Nation Chapter 1. “Chosen” “Congratulations. You have been Chosen.” The doctor bowed his head, genuflecting, but not before a look of panic marred his smooth, plump face. He explained about the microchip. Because you had been growing for twelve weeks inside me, I could be tattooed and tracked. This development could only be celebrated, and yet the doctor would not meet my eyes. Or maybe I could not meet his eyes? Cold air circulated within the room where I sat. The fact that it was cold was supposed to mean that it was clean—free of toxic fog that muddied the November sky outside. I resented the doctor’s heat and…
Last reply by ValerieKinsey, -
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Text copied below and attached as pdf. Metzgar EAMP Chapter 1.pdf Metzgar EAMP Chapter 1.pdf Elvis, Aliens & Moonpies Chapter 1 Harris Lumkey sped westward on Interstate 20 toward Fort Worth hoping to make it to town before sunset. The last-minute call from his assignment editor to cover a national UFO enthusiasts’ conference irritated him to no end. “Really,” thought Harris, “I finally get a decent opportunity to break in my new routine and I have to cancel at the last minute just so I can chase down the true believers and get their views recorded for posterity?” Harris was sure this excursion was a waste of time. He’d had e…
Last reply by Emily M, -
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Early on the morning of June 13, 2022, Jake MacKay walked through the mist of Dunrobin Castle’s hedged gardens. The twin spired castle was the northernmost in the Scottish Highlands, a white fortress jutting from the hillside against the sea. Jake crossed the vast lawn to the wooded spot, where the caged birds of prey watched, their heads pivoting— massive eagles, falcons owls. He found Tavish Kerr, the falconer, in his thatched hut picking over rabbit parts for the birds on a long table. Older now, stooped— still with his worn, tweed cap, he nodded. "Today is the day." He sized up Jake. "You shrank.” “I lost my rugby weight a long time ago.” …
Last reply by Tom Jessiman, -
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CHAPTER 1 - Introduces protagonist, establishes relationship to antagonist, sets tone, inciting incident takes place. Johnny Bueno stepped out of his car ready to make a killing, but he never thought fate would take him literally. Nestled against the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains, Santa Anita Park was a beacon for the gambling addicted. A holy ground for the hobbyist. And a den of damnation for the foolhardy. And Johnny, hustling toward the track entrance determined to make the last race of the day, was nothing if not foolhardy. He glanced at his watch, a military-issued Elgin handed down by his grandfather—and counted thirteen minut…
Last reply by Don Munro, -
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This is the beginning of the novel. it sets up the real of the Fates and what is at stake for the world. it is the first part of the prologue before we see the main character as a grown, 19 year old who doesn't have strong memories of her life in this magical world. “Let me tell you a story, my little ones,” her father said as he tucked her into bed. “Papa, tell us of the lost monsters,” Decasha squealed. Shadow, being the youngest of her father’s children, was too small to reach over and smack her older brother until he quieted, so she scowled at him instead. Her father must have seen this, for the old man with a face worn by hours of staring at …
Last reply by Ethan Perkus, -
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Aida Pemble was an abomination, but there were worse things to be. A turtle-murderer, for example. She was definitely better than a turtle-murderer. Or that guy in the city who fondled his willy while he walked around, Priest Saint Donahue or something like that. Oh, and definitely any bastard who felt the need to whistle. She fucking hated whistling. Sing or don’t sing, play an instrument or don’t, but to try and pretend curling your tongue and eschewing spit was anything more than an insult to those around you was absurd. Gods, she hated whistling. She hated it especially right now, as she wrestled with the stubborn wheelbarrow over the tangled brus…
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Below is the opening scene. It introduces the protagonist, antagonist, primary conflict, and setting. Travis Lynch is back in town, but I don’t know it yet. I’m naïve, a younger sister par excellence. I learned to swim when Yvette told me that the lifeguard would spank me if I didn’t jump in the pool. I believed in the Tooth Fairy even in the face of my classmates’ denials, and when I caught my dad putting a coin under my pillow, I reasoned that the real Tooth Fairy had gotten sick. I showed up at the ninth grade Halloween dance dressed as a playing card, believing one of the cool girls in my class when she said we could go as a pair of aces. I was the only one…
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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TERROR UNDELETED CHAPTER 1 Why bloody fingerprints on that note from his dad? Now was the wrong time to ask—a smear of senseless... as senseless as killing men he knew nothing about. But here he was. They moved up across the park-side to the back entrance, the one where the dope-fiends gathered in a tight company of pissy whiffs and shit-talking with hands…. The fiends made way without a third thought, keeping their chatter steady and casual, as the hooded men wedged through, guns downward…. Nico counted four men, between his own desperate heartbeats, himself included. Being 14 didn’t matter now. …
Last reply by Cavis Adams,
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