New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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They said 1979 would be remembered as the year Trivial Pursuit was invented and the YMCA sued The Village People over their catchy hit song. But it was China's new one-child policy that had me all riled up; plus the fact nobody even gave a shit. They were all too busy lining their cars up for blocks to save a measly three cents a litre because the price had risen to an all-time high. Instead of going to work I called in sick. At the corner of King and James in Hamilton, across from the Woolworth's, I held up a placard denouncing the Chinese government--a big red X through the black magic marker outline of a baby with almond eyes in a toilet bowl. Not one person honke…
Last reply by Karen Emilson, -
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edited
Last reply by Sarah Pierce, -
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CHAPTER 0 | THE BOY “Earth is the why, there is no truth greater than that.” Faja’s voice always evoked a calm as the words slipped through her puffy white lips. “We have 6 days left to find a cure. This is no the time to take risks.” Mr. Helele was frustrated and beneath that he was afraid. His powerful frame couldn’t hide the fear behind his garish robes. “We are so close. If we take this wild thing into our midst the perfect balance we have worked so hard to achieve could be torn apart.” The update had arrived only an hour ago from the Vish Monastery. From: Vish High Council “We have found the cure. A boy, found quite by coi…
Last reply by Brian, -
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The hermit heard the distant clash of shield and spear before he saw them. Not until he trudged over a muddy knoll, using his gnarled broke-branch for a third leg, did he see them there below, their horses hard-breathing and spurblood streaming down their bellies. Two knights in provincial armor all hard-leather and hauberks rusting, faced one another readying for another charge and tilt. Rain began to fall, bone-cold, and the hermit steadied himself against a skeletonized tree to watch. He marked their shields as they raised them into position—each emblazoned with a weathered crest of a thorn-stemmed rose. An internal feud, a dispute o…
Last reply by Cleveland, -
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Chapter 1-Algonkin.docx
Last reply by Clare Lowell, -
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Opening Scene- Establishes setting, protagonist, antagonist, and primary and secondary conflicts. CHAPTER 1 “Only one in forty are venomous.” The murmured reminder did nothing to banish the trickle of bright adrenaline down my nerves as the breakers began their telltale frothing beneath the water’s surface. I should have felt badly for skipping my voice session, but I was too sated on the sand’s warmth and a full belly to much care. Strands of hair coaxed on the sea’s winds floated across my copper cheeks, and I did not bother to restrain their path over slitted eyes which watched the ebb of the surf- waiting. The coiling of my stomach had lit…
Last reply by Melissa Mohalla, -
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Last reply by J. Cochran, -
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TERROR UNDELETED CHAPTER 1 Why bloody fingerprints on that note from his dad? Now was the wrong time to ask—a smear of senseless... as senseless as killing men he knew nothing about. But here he was. They moved up across the park-side to the back entrance, the one where the dope-fiends gathered in a tight company of pissy whiffs and shit-talking with hands…. The fiends made way without a third thought, keeping their chatter steady and casual, as the hooded men wedged through, guns downward…. Nico counted four men, between his own desperate heartbeats, himself included. Being 14 didn’t matter now. …
Last reply by Cavis Adams, -
HAMMERED STEEL CRIMSON FIRE – is two stories. One within the other. The true story of Brian Boru’s life from insignificant orphan to the only True and Rightful High King of Ireland, united in peace – book-ended, as you watch over Geoffrey of Monmouth’s shoulder, as he steals Brian’s life – His dreams, deeds, and glory; to fabricate a Hero for King Henry Ist – King Arthur of England. HAMMERED STEEL AND CRIMSON FIRE ~ 6 Book Series The Life of Brian Boru …
Last reply by ConnieWhitmer, -
Opening scene (flashback) introduces protagonist and initial traumatic event: The kid picked up a 2x4 and took a swing at my head. Like spikes on a medieval mace, three huge nails protruded from the end of the board. I leapt back as the crude weapon barely missed my nose. This was supposed to be a fistfight. At least, that’s what my six-year-old brain thought. A solid ring of grade-school boys surrounded me and my attacker. They shouted like a crowd of spectators at a Roman coliseum, eager for first blood. I took a quick glance to the side and saw a couple of the bigger kids holding back my brother, Mark, who was attempting to rush to my aid. Mark was three…
Last reply by Scott Fleuter, -
HANGOVERS FROM KARMA Chapter One: Ouster September 29, 2015. The evening was crimson, shadowing the earth in a cosmic twilight and shaping the water, the skies, and Aria invisible. In this opaque guise, Aria envisages strangling the two voices inside her head with no one to witness them dead. A few minutes earlier ……. In a world of seven billion people, she sneaked into the Village Marina to elope from the horror posted on the front door of her High Ranch, the content that stripped off her dignity. She looks up and sees shades of grey blending with the orange sky; her eyes adjust to the warm darkness as she focuses on ripples of white foam whirlpo…
Last reply by poonam sikand, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces main heroes on the deck of a flying ship in space, during an astral travel. This scene serves as a flashforward. The children-heroes travel to the main adventure place, into the dimension of the living people. There is much tension as they fight off negative entities. 1. A Day of Surprises. ‘Ouch!’Roserin winced. Something had hit her arm. She rubbed it to ease the pain and looked to her right. A copper pot with a long arm was now hovering, spinning like a top…
Last reply by Natalie Petraki, -
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Updated via workshop
Last reply by Allie, -
OPENING SCENE (CHAPTER 1): Intros protagonist and antagonist in a re-imagining of a familiar realm populated with new characters setting up potential conflict... Akin to night overtaking the setting sun, a steady tint of brightness accents the dark void of infinite space. The vast mirage of a seemingly transparent floor canvas yields a landscape encompassing structures built from materials so refined, the human mind would not be able to articulate if asked. Standing with an upward gaze at a conversation taking place on a high-rise tower is a human-like being, fair mannered in expression, though imposing in stature. Unable to hear the dialogue of said conversation, th…
Last reply by Joe Belcastro, -
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Opening scene: introduces primary conflict, setting, protagonist, and tone First, I want to say I’m sorry. Not for shooting Ethel—that was an accident. And not for showing up at City Hall with a gun—I promise I wasn’t going to hurt anyone. I was just trying to help. But people are hurting right now, and to those who think I made things worse: I’m sorry. Some people are calling me a white savior. Others are saying I was pushed over the edge by the election. Those are both partly true, I guess, but neither of them is the whole truth. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to save anyone except myself. You may never understand why I did what I did. But I bet …
Last reply by Ktoohill, -
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Chapter Two: introduces PROTAGONIST - an overprotective mother who feels guilty for not being home as much as she’d like, and later in the story, is not above lying to her son to protect him from scary realities of the world. This follows the opening chapter from the ANTAGONIST POV - a creepy slightly disturbed 15-year-old girl. It sets up a fear connection between Mother and Son. First the son will be afraid of “Patty”, a girl he’s never met, and years later, the mother will be after she meets her in person. I'm using chapter 2 as my writing sample, since most of the chapters are in Protagonist POV anyway. EXCERPT: Vivian heard the yell from her son’s bedroom.…
Last reply by Ron91710, -
First Pages, Chapter 1.docx
Last reply by Marianne Taylor, -
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Opening portion of the opening scene -- meant to establish the tone, setting (both physical, magical, and social), and protagonist The problem with rumor, Arren thought from the shadow of the alley, was not that it lied. The problem with rumor was that it sometimes told the truth. Arren knew she should be out looking for sure scores, not watching a man across the muddy street, armed with a cheap sword and flintlock, try not to fall asleep. She’d not made a decent score in weeks, and her coin was almost gone. But if rumor was telling the truth, a very rich merchant had just done something very stupid with a very large amount of his coin. If she was ever goin…
Last reply by kcraybould, -
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I had to try one time. Even though Dad was about to turn the car into my aunt and uncle’s driveway. Even though he and Mom had said “no” the hundred other times I’d already asked them. This was my last chance so I crossed my fingers on both hands and went for it. “Please please can I go to New York City with you guys?” I asked. “We could see the Statue of Liberty. I read all about it online. It’s 305 feet tall if you count the pedestal it stands on.” I knew they would like that I threw in the exact measurement. They always approved when I used my laptop for educational things instead of just playing video games. “I promise we’ll take you …
Last reply by Lesley Hershman, -
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I had seen you around campus. I never expected you to notice me, a nerdy first-year purposely blending into the background, but Zephyr is a small school. I would see you in the food hall or walking across the quad. Once, you opened a door for me and a group of girls from my dorm, your chivalry on display as the gaggle giggled our way out the door of the library’s extended late-night hours. We had wrapped up our Intro to Psych group project by 9:30, plenty of time to get a good night’s sleep; you and a friend were heading in for the late shift, textbooks under your arms. I would have been almost grateful, and a little relieved, to have gone unnoticed. My photo in the …
Last reply by Mandy Jo, -
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Chapter 1 Knowing that today would be one of Willow Glen Animal Shelter’s busiest of the year, Felicity Davis had skipped last night’s Fourth of July fireworks and gone to bed early. Even before her alarm buzzed, she jumped out of bed, causing her dog, Wilson, a Pyrenees mix, and her tabby cat, Jasmine, to rouse and leap from the bed. Felicity wanted to get to the shelter well before it opened and people started calling in with lost pet reports, so she breezed through her morning routine. “Sorry our walk is going to be short,” she apologized to Wilson as they went only once around the block. “We’ll take a longer one tonight.” Normall…
Last reply by Jennifer Ericson, -
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This first scene of the novel introduces the protagonists, one of the secondary conflicts, as well as some foreshadowing of larger events to come. ONE A harsh chemical stench assaulted Skye as she left her bedroom. Her hands trailed across the golden flocking of the floral-patterned wallpaper as she tried to pinpoint the source of the smell. An odor similar to those in an art studio, but more subtle and with a hint of flowers, led her down the hall to the bathroom. A sigh escaped Skye’s lips as she opened the bathroom door. One word described this room: minuscule. The sink stood to the right of the door, with the tub to the left. Directly acr…
Last reply by JJ Long, -
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The Hollow Tree stands at the end of Rotten Row. It looks like an ordinary tree to almost everyone who wanders past its twisting bark. There are details, like the deep trenches running along its spine and the way the leaves turn translucent in certain slants of light, but it takes time to notice those, and people on Rotten Row seem to be in quite a hurry. It looked like any old tree to Conor as well. At least until last Tuesday. He didn’t want to go to school that morning – or any morning as of late. He held a cup of tea to his forehead, feigning fever. He attempted loud coughing, wearing his shirt inside out to demonstrate his general sense of disarray, and …
Last reply by JuliaMay82, -
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Introduces antagonistic force, setting, tone & foreshadows a key conflict. Chapter 1 Philadelphia, October 4, 1779, Revolution Gone Awry: William Penn founded his colony in 1682, and named its capital using the Greek words, “philos,” friendly love, and “adelphos,” brother. It was the “City of Brotherly Love,” and, as Quakers friends were quick to add, “Sisterly Affection.” But Philadelphia had been anything but benevolent since Hannah Arnold had arrived last year. And, once again, it had turned deadly. She’d just witnessed an attempted assault on the Society Hill home of a Declaration of Independence signer. She peered down from City Tavern’s rooftop throug…
Last reply by Kathleen Yanity, -
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The first chapter is below, which introduces the protagonist and her world on a very bad day. Up to Here Marza had had it up to fucking here. Here not being just the chin or forehead, the traditional places one has it fucking up to, but all the way up through the fucking roof. She’d had it with her job. She’d had it with her boss. She’d had it with her horrifying ex-husband and their bratty kid. She’d had it with the cat she adopted that was forever shitting in her shoes. She’d had it with having to explain to people that her name was not Martha or Marcia Penn, but Marza Penn after the dumb-fuck almond confection that her dumb-fuck parents thought was “just oh so …
Last reply by katherinemf,
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