Whiskered Writer

First 1500 words of opening scene, Chapter 1 THE GOD-WHISPERER SERIES, BOOK 1: THE NARROW PLACE The dead never yielded the Queen’s March. Adekira sensed them watching her. She sensed their restlessness, a false life quickened by an ancient duty that time twisted into resentment and hatred. Adekira believed in ghosts. She had little choice in the matter. Close to two centuries ago, her thrice-great-grandmother launched decades of wars here—first against the Ogani empire, and again, when she turned on her husband to found the empire Adekira now ruled. Six generations of warrior-queens forged links in the chains that bound the dead here. Soldiers who fell during centuries of war fought eternal battles in the march, lurking amidst the Pinewood and taking up residence in the ruins of bygone structures—now overgrown and amounting to little more than crumbling foundations. Adekira bore the weight of her ancestor’s chains as her soldiers approached the March’s entrance. The column advanced in relative silence, exhaustion weighing on them like a millstone. Boots squelched in the mud. Leather creaked under strain, and metal links clinked lazily with each stride. Like a spear tip, the vanguard thrust ahead. Adekira and her wardens followed on horseback. Their destriers’ heavy hooves pounded divots into the mud. The wardens’ shadow acolytes rode palfreys, trailing behind their masters’ mighty warhorses. The rear guard trudged along behind Adekira’s retinue, their boots sinking in the pitted perils heavy horses left behind. Adekira shifted in Asher’s saddle. He nickered, stamping straight-legged in the mud. She leaned in and patted him on his neck. The heat of him warmed her hand, even through her leather gloves. She listened to the deep sound of his powerful chest during each breath. She glanced at the warden riding a few feet to her right. “I feel the significance of this place keenly, Itri,” she said, sitting up again. “Your Highness?” asked Warden Itri. “How many have died in the March?” asked Adekira. “Tens of thousands over the centuries—hundreds of thousands? Did they know what their deaths would purchase?” Warden Itri paused, gazing at the March’s entrance. “Nations are birthed through blood, Anamin,” he said, using the queen’s honorific to address Adekira. “Like all creatures, a nation must feed—” “Warden Itri quotes your father, but there is more to the lesson, Your Highness,” said Warden Oteka. He nudged his destrier closer, riding on Adekira’s left. “Blood alone did not birth Dineos. Make no mistake, Dineos must feed on blood now and again, but blood cannot sustain a nation.” Oteka deepened his already Dunnish accent, slowing his words to mimic her late father’s cadence. “A realm sustained by blood alone is tyranny. It must be nourished through the love of your people to survive.” Oteka’s imitation pulled Adekira’s cheeks into a smile. The memory was a good one. Her father, King Adisu, had trained Ote alongside Adekira. Ote meant no malice in his imitation of her father. He loved her father as much as she did. “Well spoken!” said Warden Bront. Warden Itri gazed up at the sky. “Anamin, we must make speed in order to make it through the March before mistfall—” “Your Highness, this is your first ride since giving birth. Perhaps we should camp?” said Warden Oteka. “There is no shame in—” “I am fine, Ote. I have been too long away from Ayrus,” said Adekira. Her heart thumped at the mention of her baby. Warden Oteka harrumphed. “Apologies, Anin, but we are losing daylight. The weather does not help. What is one more night?” Warden Bront snorted a laugh. “An aching back, cold feet, and salt wages—some thousand gold, I’d wager.” He pulled a wineskin from his waist, pulled the stopper, and took a long draught. “Aye.” Warden Rose raised her voice to be heard from the rear of the group. “There is time enough to finish the crossing and cross again before mistfall.” She clicked her tongue. Her destrier bobbed its head, quickening its steps to pass among the group. Now within conversation range, Rose craned her neck, smirking at Oteka. “You worry too much—” “So says the source of our delay,” said Warden Oteka. Bront coughed a laugh, leaning over to spit a mouthful of wine. “He’s got you there, Bramble,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He retrieved a pouch from his kit and pulled a pinch of rust-leaf from it, sticking the leaf in his mouth. “If our Warden of Thorns hadn’t spent overlong polishing that tarnished armor of hers, we wouldn’t have to spend the gloaming battling wraiths!” A few of the shadow acolytes drew in sharp breaths. Not one of them had seen more than fifteen cycles. Bront delighted in terrifying the shadows, but it was all part of a cycle. One day, the shadows would learn the value of fear, and if they became wardens, visit the same torment on their own acolytes. Bront chewed the leaf before stuffing it in his cheek. Then he spit a mouthful of rust-colored spit on the rain-soaked ground. Adekira sighed. “It’s still daylight, Warden Bront. We’re not battling wraiths yet,” she said, adjusting her hauberk. The armor lay heavy on her chest. She needed to feed her baby. Her breasts had grown swollen and sore in her absence from him. “You have more to fear if I miss another supper. Keep pace.” Adekira peered up at the sun, glowing through grey clouds as it journeyed westward. In the east, Khet’s moons, just visible and floating in diffused pools of light, heralded the coming mistfall. A raindrop splashed upon her cheek. Then another. Soon droplets pattered on leaves, and on leather, and tinked against naked metal. When Adekira turned her eyes ahead toward the road, they caught the movement of two figures approaching along the column on horseback. Oteka watched as well. “I am uneasy, Anin. The March has claimed many during mistfall—” “Nonsense. Travelers’ tales,” said Warden Rose. “There are no lingering dead here. It’s just a bit of fog and the howl of the sea caves—” “Come now,” said Itri. “You offend the dead.” “Spirits or no,” said Bront. “I must agree with Bramble. Another night is a night and a day of provisioning on top of the gold.” “To Pyt with you, Bront,” said Warden Rose. “Easy, Bramble! I agreed with you.” “I would rather be wrong—” “No more delays,” said Adekira. She removed her glove and reached beneath her armor, massaging her breast. Her gambeson was damp with sweat and mother’s milk. She withdrew the hand, wiping it on her leg and slipping it back into her glove. “I don’t want to be away from Ayrus another night.” The two figures rode counter to the column. As they drew near, Adekira glimpsed their warden’s armor. “Ah,” said Itri, craning his neck. “Warden Ayla approaches,” he said. “No doubt with tales of haunts within the March,” said Bront. Adekira rolled her eyes. Warden Ayla came within earshot. He cupped a hand to the side of his mouth and called out, “Your Majesty, the way seems clear.” He lowered his voice as he drew near. “But there are—” “Spectres!” Warden Bront blurted. Warden Ayla shook his head. “What? No. Dragon sign. It’s a big one—” “Oh ho! Even better, Ayla! I knew I liked you.” Bront took on the air of a child on Harvest Moon. “A swamp dragon this far north?” asked Itri. “Not a swamp dragon,” said Ayla. “The proportions do not fit. The beast is too long … too wide.” “Some beasts are longer and wider than others,” said Bront. He spat rust again, chuckling to himself. “There is no shame in it—” “A plains-dragon,” said Oteka. “Could be. Larger than a Carter’s wain. I cannot be sure when it passed by here. The rain makes it difficult to tell, but no more than a few hours.” Warden Itri furrowed his brow, blinking. “How in Pyt would a plains-dragon get here? And without attracting notice—” “Ah, but the small folk claimed to see one,” said Bront. His smile stretched from ear to ear. “The tales sprouted up and down the mountain border. I thought them weirdling tales … not worth mention—but gods! They’re true? I would love to take the beast’s hide. Large enough to clothe me, my horse, and my shadow besides, head to hoof—” “Bront speaks true,” said Oteka. “I thought the stories were just fancies spreading among young folk seeking renown.” Rose grinned, turning to Ote. “So camp and feed the dragon, or risk mistfall and battle your wraiths, Ote.” “Taunt me as you will, but there are other dangers in the March. Ghosts and dragons, the least of them. The magpies will tell you—” “Bront, place the spear-men at the front of the column,” said Adekira. “Hopefully the beast has moved on, but if I must fight it, I would rather my eyes open and aware. You and Ayla lead them.” “Thank you, Your Majesty,” said Bront. Then he glanced at each of his fellow wardens and grinned before jabbing a heel into his destrier and thundering off to gather his spear-men.

1) The Act of Story Statement: Adekira must risk everything to escape her captor and journey home to protect her newborn child and recover her crown. 2) The Antagonist Plots the Point: Braga, the Ogre King: the inciting antagonist, a mercenary who captures Adekira and holds her hostage. He initially plans to kill her, but he later becomes a complex figure with whom she shares a complicated relationship. Driven by revenge for the felling of his father’s empire by Adekira’s ancestors, Braga is both a physical and emotional adversary. Graupel, the Winter Wolf: alpha of her pack and a savage and cunning antagonist who hunts Adekira and her allies. She delights in tormenting her prey and is driven by her primal instincts. Though later transformed into an ermine and begrudgingly bonded to one of Adekira’s allies, Graupel remains manipulative and seeks to regain power, making her a persistent threat. Oleg: a brutal poacher who crosses paths with Adekira. He is driven by self-pity and jealousy. He displays a willingness to exploit, manipulate, and harm others for his gain. Oleg’s violent tendencies pose a direct threat to Adekira’s survival. Ayeron (overarching): Adekira’s husband: a dangerous antagonist through his acts of betrayal. Motivated by ambition, he orchestrates assassination attempts against Adekira, seeking to claim the throne. His willingness to conspire with Braga to achieve his goals makes him a duplicitous and treacherous foe. 3) Breakout Title: The Narrow Place 4) Comps: The Bloodsworn Saga by John Gwynne: fallen powers, great empires, and lost magic. Both worlds are dark, gritty, and dangerous, with an epic scope and complex character motivations driven by personal survival and legacy. MEETS The Broken Empire Trilogy by Mark Lawrence: morally complex protagonists navigating brutal, violent worlds filled with betrayal. A protagonist that faces tough choices and sacrifices to achieve their goals. A novel that explores the dark side of power and the lasting consequences of historical conflict. WITH Dark, forbidden magic that comes at a significant cost like The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco 5) Logline: In a world of fallen empires and treacherous magic, a betrayed queen, determined to prove her strength and independence, must navigate dark forces and political intrigue to reclaim her queendom—making bitter sacrifices and battling enemies both ancient and new. 6) OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS: Adekira’s inner conflict intensifies as she grapples with her responsibility to her son, Ayrus, and her complex feelings for Braga, a man she once viewed as an enemy but with whom she now shares a profound bond. This internal tug-of-war is triggered when she must leave Braga behind on the mountain to return to her son, torn between her duty as a mother and her growing love for Braga. This conflict stirs feelings of guilt, anxiety, and deep inner turmoil. Scenario: Adekira faces a pivotal decision—whether to remain with Braga or return to Dineos to protect her son, Ayrus and recover her crown. Both choices carry immense emotional and political stakes, heightening her anxiety. By staying with Braga, she risks abandoning her duties as a mother and queen. While her bond with Braga strengthens, remaining with him would mean forsaking her son and potentially losing her claim to the throne. Braga embodies the power and strength she admires, which conflicts with her fear of being seen as dependent or weak. Returning to Dineos, however, forces her to confront the dangers she escaped—Ayeron’s betrayal, court intrigue, and threats to her life. She knows that returning to court could cast her back into a position of vulnerability. Yet her son’s safety and future rest on her leadership. Trigger: Adekira is compelled to flee upon learning that she is pregnant with her belly beginning to show. The urgency of the situation forces her to solidify her decision, heightening the internal turmoil she faces. Reaction: Fear and guilt flood her mind. She realizes that no matter which path she chooses, the consequences are permanent. Her anxiety builds as she contemplates the possibility of losing her son and her crown—or losing the man she has grown to love. At the heart of her struggle lies a fear of being seen as vulnerable or incapable of facing these dangers alone. In this moment, Adekira’s internal conflict emerges from her need to prove herself as a strong, independent leader while trying not to abandon the people she holds dear. This dilemma strikes at the core of her identity, amplifying her anxiety as she chooses to return to her son, even at the risk of losing Braga. 7) Setting: Khet is a world with a history spanning thousands of years, and the novel is set in the Queendom of Dineos during the 12th century of this age. Four generations before the novel begins, Adekira‘s ancestors, Volkira the Conqueror and her husband Sandyr, overthrew the Ogani Empire. Their victory sparked a fierce dispute over the crown, leading to The Maidens’ War, where families were torn apart—mothers fought sons, sisters fought brothers, and wives fought husbands. Volkira won and imprisoned Sandyr in a tower, but their love endured. Despite the conflict, they remained deeply connected. They had a daughter, the second in a line of warrior queen matriarchs. The Maidens’ War left a lasting impact on Dineos, a nation still young—built upon the ruins of the Ogani Empire. The blending of Ogani ruins with new Dineos architecture symbolizes the ongoing tension between past and present, reflecting Adekira‘s internal struggles with legacy and identity. This tension is also felt across the sixteen demesnes of Dineos, where the reverberations of the Maidens’ War can still be seen in political and social dynamics. When Adekira births a son, cracks in the stability of Dineos are beginning to show. The demesnes are in conflict, and the losing faction of the Maidens’ War still vies for power. Half-men (Amadi) are treated as outcasts, and many are forced into indentured servitude alongside the diminutive race known as ineks, as well as the few surviving Ogani within the queendom’s borders. Geographically, The Spine, a mountain range running north to south, splits the continent. To the west lies Dineos, and to the east are the Wilds, a vast expanse of steppe-lands inhabited by nomadic Amadi tribes (half-men), who frequently war among themselves. The ruins of the ancient Ogani capital are also in the Wilds, adding further layers of historical significance to the landscape.