berenberg

Chapter 1 and first scene of Chapter 2. Introduces protagonist and setting, drops clues about antagonist, begins worldbuilding, first part of inciting incident.. CHAPTER 1 Noah fell asleep halfway through How the Jackalope Tricked El Chupacabra. Had I known it was more survival guide than picture book, I would have kept reading on my own. Instead, I pulled the blanket up to Noah’s chin and kissed him on the forehead, inhaling his fresh toddler scent. He clutched his new stuffed animals, jackalope on the right, chupacabra on the left. I think he picked the book from the museum gift shop knowing I would get him the matching animals. Something to replace his beloved zebra that had gone missing the month before. Or beezra, as he adorably called it. Not even five and he knew better than me when I couldn’t say no. I knocked on Amy’s door as I passed by. “Phone off by nine, lights off by ten.” “I know, Mom.” I put my hand on the knob, paused, then removed it. Part of our deal. “Good night, love you.” “Love you too.” I missed the goodnight hug and kiss, but now that she was in high school I was giving her more freedom to set her own rules and boundaries. At least I got some time with her after dinners and on the weekends. Snuggled in my own bed, I opened my case file for the next day. A picture of Jack Dixon, my client’s stalker, stared back at me. Noah’s face should have been the last one I saw before bed, but I knew if I didn't review the file, I'd spend half the night wondering what details I had missed. Little good it did me. I should have finished Noah's book. I should have reread all of his books. # My phone vibrated in Amy’s pattern as I pulled into the last rooftop spot. I didn’t have time to deal with the latest teen drama. She knew to text me if it was an emergency. I stepped out of my minivan. Live music drifted over from the Santa Fe Plaza. I answered the call just before it went to voice mail. “Amy, you know I’ve got a hearing, and you should be in class.” “It’s my lunch period, Mom.” “But we agreed, no more calls—” “When you stop for your tea, will you get me that book about Los Alamos I wanted?” I had to smile. She still had enough interest in my life to know my routines. I remembered my teen years well enough to know it wouldn’t last much longer. “I’ll look for it, but no promises. I’m already running late because of traffic.” “You won’t miss my game?” “No. This judge runs a tight schedule. But your dad will pick you up after he gets Noah from daycare, then—” “Thanks, bye!” “Love you.” She had already hung up. It had become a game for Amy. Could she end the call without sounding like she cut me off. At least she still said it at night. I pocketed my phone and squinted at the cobalt blue sky, typical of late New Mexico summers. A few monsoon clouds were building over the Sangre de Cristo Mountains to the east, but nothing that threatened the Plaza area. I left the windows cracked, grabbed my case file from the back, and locked up. The stairs dropped me off near the courtyard entrance to the Collected Works bookstore. I waved to the barista and tapped my watch. I had time for tea or books, but not both, and Amy came first. I found the book she wanted on the new releases table. My case file fell to the floor. Amy had told me the title, but not the authors. Strange Particles, by Drs. Javier Sanchez and Saul Cohen. I grabbed the top copy off the stack. Checked the index. Skimmed the first couple of chapters. No sign of my name. Good. My threat of a lawsuit had worked. But still. I’d spent the last twenty-five years trying to forget those men and their experiments. No way was that book coming anywhere near my house. I dropped it onto the table. I turned at the light touch of a hand on my shoulder. A young woman with black hair below her shoulders and wearing a black summer dress stood next to me. “Here, let me help you.” She lined the book up with the others, straightening the pile. “I— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make a mess.” “It’s okay.” She knelt, picked up my file, and handed it to me. “I had a similar reaction the first time I saw it.” “You— You know them?” I did not ordinarily trip over my words. “I am familiar with their work. Especially their early days.” Did she just wink at me? “Perhaps I can help you find something else?” “My daughter asked for it. Amy. But I can’t . . .” “How old?” “Fourteen.” “A difficult age. And a good one.” She leaned over the table, turning her back to me. Black feathers intertwined with her narrow braids. “How about this one?” I blinked and took the book from her. Ghost Stories of Northern New Mexico. The cover showed a pale woman with long black hair and a flowing white dress, standing in water up to her knees and crying. “Creepy, but I think she’ll like it.” “I suggest the cover story, before you head for home. Preferably while you wait for your hearing to start.” “How did you know—?” The woman had already turned away from me. I stared at the black fishnet stockings covering her calves, now at my eye level. Her black heels clicked on the floor as she walked away. I turned again at another touch on my shoulder. “Ma’am? Are you okay?” One of the clerks knelt next to me, a look of concern on her face. I sat on the floor next to the new releases table, my legs splayed out, my file scattered about me. I began sweeping it up. “I—I’m okay. Sorry for the mess. I’ve been getting these dizzy spells— Just in Santa Fe— Maybe the altitude?” Except it wasn’t much higher than my home in Albuquerque. And why was I rambling about my health to a stranger? “Do you need help? Can I get you anything?” “Really, it’s okay. I have a doctor’s appointment next week. I’m supposed to keep hydrated.” My hands encountered the book of ghost stories as I cleaned up my papers. Had the woman’s words been a threat? A warning? I handed the book to the clerk. “Just this?” “Of course.” She helped me to my feet. “I’ll have it at the counter when you’re ready.” I went into the bathroom to straighten up. My hair didn’t need any attention—I’d worn it short since before high school so I wouldn’t have to mess with it. I brushed some dirt off my pant suit, trying to get back into my courtroom mindset. The clerk had the book waiting for me at the counter, along with a hot to-go cup. “Earl Gray. On the house. Luis said it’s your usual?” “Yes. Tell him thank you. And I’d like to pay for it.” “Sorry.” She handed back my credit card. “I already rang up the book.” I put the book in my file and pulled out a ten. “At least give him this tip?” “Of course.” I paused at the door, turned back to the clerk, then turned again and walked out. The woman in black could have been real. So long as I didn’t ask, didn’t have someone tell me I’d been alone at the table. I sipped my tea and pushed her out of my mind. # The Santa Fe River managed to make itself heard over the traffic as I hurried across the bridge. Usually dry near the end of summer, the late monsoon rains had kept it flowing. A man with scraggly, reddish-brown hair and a coat in matching colors, too heavy for the weather, walked along the riverbank below me. A coyote paced him on either side. I reached for my phone to snap a picture. “Hey!” He looked up, surprise written on his face. Another wave of dizziness hit. I fumbled my phone, almost losing it over the railing. When I looked back down, I saw only three coyotes, quickly lost to sight under the bridge. Maybe I needed to move up that doctor’s appointment. But at the moment, I needed to concentrate on my arguments, not worry about my health. Plus, the bookstore had put me behind schedule, and I still had to get through security. Judges were exempt from the checks, but we’re the ones who got sanctioned for being late. CHAPTER 2 I awoke to nearly complete darkness, rough carpet pressing against my cheek. As my eyes adjusted, the outlines of the minivan seats came into focus. How . . . ? I remembered the bridge, and the coyotes, and . . . nothing. What happened to my hearing? Had I blacked out from another dizzy spell? Amy would have been furious I’d missed her game. Ryan would have pretended he wasn’t. But by now they’d be sick with worry. I had to call them. When I sat up, long hair spilled about my face. I pulled on it. Real? A whimper escaped my lips. My heart racing, I scrabbled for my phone, finally finding under the seat. Dead. Same with my watch. How long had I been out? I climbed onto the back seat to get a look out the windows, trying to find a comfortable position despite the ache in my hips and the pressure from my bladder. A crescent moon glinted off the windshields of other cars parked in neat arrays around me. Beyond the roof parapets, the moonlight revealed the outlines of nearby buildings. The whole city had gone dark. Not even a candle. A thump against the van scared a yelp out of me. Darkness or the door hid the source of the noise. I reached for the locks, my hips and bladder protesting when I leaned forward, but I couldn’t remember if I needed to push the toggles forward or back. Another thump sounded on the roof, followed by dragging and scraping, like fingernails on a chalkboard. I dove for the front seat, twisting my knee against the center console. I turned the key back and forth. Nothing. Not even a click. None of the lights worked. My labored breathing and rapid heartbeat filled the minivan. I squeezed the wheel until my fingers hurt. Remembering a long-ago yoga class, I took a deep breath while I counted to four, held it for seven, let it out for eight. Repeat. My breathing slowed. The tightness in my chest eased. I nearly screamed at a knock on my window. I scrambled toward the other seat, but my seatbelt held me in. Stupid habit. “Fancy meeting you here, counselor,” said a nasally voice. Whoever it was jiggled the handle. I slammed my hand on the lock. Already down. He put his face against the glass. “Be a good girl and let me in.” I tried to make out his features in the dim moonlight. “Jack . . . Dixon? What are you doing here?” “We have unfinished business.” “Didn’t I get . . . restraining order . . .” I lowered my head to the steering wheel, pressing my fingers against my temples, trying to remember the hearing. My newly long hair fell over my hands. I looked back at Dixon, pulling my hair until it hurt. “What did you do to me?” Dixon smiled. “You really don’t remember.” He jiggled the handle again, then held a sheet of paper against the window. I couldn’t read it in the dark. “Let me in and I’ll tell you all about it.” A window broke nearby. Dixon looked toward the sound and pounded on my window. “Dammit, let me in!” A three-foot tall, softly glowing, mostly naked creature landed on the windshield, cracking the glass. I screamed.

1. Write your story statement. Trick the gods to save the magic and the world. 2. In 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them. Dr. Javier Sanchez is a physicist from Los Alamos National Laboratory. Twenty-five years ago, he led an experiment that secretly was a method for him to gain supernatural powers. The experiment ended in an accident, killing several people. Now, Dr. Sanchez believes he has fixed the problems, but things again go wrong. Another accident displaces technology with magic within a 150 mile radius. The effect is unstable, though, and it will eventually destroy Northern New Mexico. Only a survivor of the original accident can stabilize the project, because of powers gained from the combination of the two accidents. Those survivors include Dr. Sanchez himself, and Violet, who was a student research assistant for the original experiment. The stabilization process, however, will kill whoever performs it. Dr. Sanchez tries to bring Violet back to Los Alamos. He works covertly, sending out various magical and non-magical proxies to retrieve Violet. Ultimately, he sets up a government operation that captures Violet and brings her to Los Alamos. He fakes his own death, adopts a disguise, and inserts himself into Violet’s team, all to make sure she succeeds in stabilizing the experiment. Dr. Sanchez’s true role is not revealed until the end. 3. Create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed). Violet: As one result of the inciting incident, the protagonist’s hair turns bright purple. She chooses the name Violet, in part as a way to embrace her transformed self, and in part to hide her identity from enemies she has made in the course of her career, now that the protections she has come to expect from society no longer exist. The Enchanted Zone: The region where magic has displaced technology is called the enchanted zone by its denizens. Land of Enchantment: The state nickname for New Mexico, with an obvious relationship to “the enchanted zone.” I prefer this for the series title, but it would also work as the title for the first book in the series. 4. Develop two smart comparables for your novel. Who compares to you? And why? The Wren in the Holly Library by K.A. Linde: Magic and monsters have entered the real world. The protagonist is a young woman who must learn how to use her newly-developed magical powers to protect and rescue the ones she loves. Other powerful forces want to use her for their own ends. The Book of Doors by Gareth Brown: Takes place in the modern world. Magical books, known only to a few, give the possessor a magical power, one power per book such as the ability to walk through any door in the world just by thinking about it. The protagonist stumbles upon the title book, putting herself and her friends in danger, but also giving her the power to fight against those who want to use the books for evil. 5. Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound. A single mother must rescue her children from government conspirators after an incident in Los Alamos causes all technology more complex than a bicycle to stop functioning and brings the myths and folktales of Northern New Mexico to life. 6. Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction. Before the inciting incident (“the enchantment”), Violet was an attorney who sued predators – stalkers, guys who made deepfake videos, that kind of thing. The enchantment transformed Northern New Mexico, replacing physics with magic. It also physically transformed many of the people within the covered area (“the enchanted zone”). Post-enchantment, Violet now looks like a deepfake image the latest defendant had made of her. As she sees it, it’s like all the predators she ever went after got their revenge on her all at once. She worries that she is no longer the same person. Those worries are perhaps confirmed when she discovers that she has also gained magical powers, but those powers sometimes cause her to lose control of her emotions and her actions. For example, Violet ends up traveling with a man (Caleb) more than twenty years her junior. Violet sees he has a crush on her. Although she is flattered, and finds it cute, she is not interested. When Caleb breaks his arm, Violet uses her newfound powers to heal him. Powers she barely understands. As a side effect, Violet’s emotions become entangled with Caleb’s, and suddenly Caleb’s feelings become mutual. For the next several scenes, Violet struggles to separate her own emotions back out while also having to deal with the physical urges the entanglement has created. Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it? Early in the story, Violet encounters La Llorona, a ghost from Spanish folklore. According to legend, La Llorona caught her husband with his mistress, then drowned her children and herself in the Santa Fe River out of spite. Now she wanders the riverside, seeking her children . . . or those of others. When Violet comes across La Llorona, the ghost enters her mind and makes Violet think she has killed her own children. The memories fade after Violet wakes up, but they recur every time she sleeps, worse every time. The nightmares start to bleed over into the waking world, putting Violet’s real children in danger. Violet eventually finds La Llorona, and they have a final showdown. “This ends here,” says La Llorona. “Yes,” says Violet, “but I’m the one who ends it.” Violet turns the tables and enters La Llorona’s memories, but what she finds surprises her. Rather than fighting and destroying the ghost, as she expected to do, Violet releases her from a curse. This ties into the inner conflict by helping Violet see that her transformation was superficial. She ended up helping La Llorona, in the same way she helped her clients pre-enchantment. Underneath the new cover, Violet is the same person she has always been. 7. Sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? The story takes place in real-world settings of Northern New Mexico. In fact, the manuscript is divided into six parts, covering Violet’s journey from start to end. Those parts are: One: Santa Fe, primarily the historical Plaza area. Two: Pueblo Country, covering the Native American Pueblos along the I-25 corridor from Santa Fe to Albuquerque. Three: Albuquerque, including the foothills of the Sandia Mountains and the arroyo that runs from the foothills (where Violet’s home is located) down to the Rio Grande. Four: Rio Grande, covering various locations along the river, from Los Lunas south of Albuquerque to Bernalillo north of the city. Five: Jemez Mountains, the volcanic range that lies to the west between Albuquerque and Santa Fe. Six: Los Alamos, home to the National Laboratory and site of the story’s climax. These settings bring in details that both locals and visitors will recognize, and they also provide a variety of supernatural elements. For example, the story starts at the Santa Fe Plaza. Violet encounters her first supernatural creatures there, based on stories from the Spanish Inquisition in New Mexico. She finds temporary refuge in the historic cathedral at one end of the Plaza, but she is soon chased off because of the superstitious fears of other refugees. She is attacked by the ghost La Llorona along the Santa Fe River, which is a frequent location for many of the traditional La Llorona stories. She is then swept away in a river flood caused by a monsoon rain storm. (After I wrote that scene, I happened to get caught in a storm near the same location and took videos of the resulting flood.) As another example, Violet makes it to her home along Arroyo del Oso (Bear Canyon) in the Albuquerque foothills. She evades capture by an Army contingent with the help of the spirit bear that the arroyo is named after. The bear carries her along the arroyo on its way to the Rio Grande. When the arroyo is channeled through a tunnel under a business district, they are attacked by a monster Violet first ran into in Santa Fe. They make it through, then pass by the city’s Balloon Fiesta Park on the way to the Rio Grande. The bear leaves Violet at a sanctuary farm, which is situated in a real-life agricultural area. The farm is too close to the river, though, and Violet must flee when La Llorona shows up again.