STORY STATEMENT: What’s real and what’s and illusion? And if something looks real and feels real, does it matter if it’s real or not?  DANIEL NAYERI

Living in a universe where hologram illusions are on the rise and flying chairs as transport the norm, seventeen-year-old Clea wishes she was as gifted as her Adept family. Her insecurities prevent her from realizing her own unique talents until she comes across one of the last old Illusion Centers and finds herself in a race to save her world.

 

ANTAGONIST(S)

This story is a race against time involving a group of people (Pure’s) who, four days from now, plan to destroy all illusions and in doing so, in the chaos that follows, take over the Government.

The main antagonists are the current second in command of the Government, David Peterson, the newly appointed Prime Two. He’s planning the coup. Twenty years previously there had been an attempt to topple the government using old style illusions and the perpetrator was never identified or caught. That perp was David Peterson. He has been biding his time to stage a second attempt – this time, one which will succeed. His motivations are power and greed, but he is “politician polished” in his public dealings.

He is aided by Mara Allenby Founder of The Pure’s, and her CEO daughter, Arianne. Arianne is a driving force behind the new coup attempt. Prime Two is her father and she is determined that her family take over the Government and her father’s earlier humiliation be erased. Supremely confidant, she enjoys being in charge and is ruthless in her pursuit of her goals. Not achieving success in anything she wants to do is never a part of her thought process.

Mara Allenby is fixated on Prime Two’s achieving the apex of his career. She’s proud of her daughter, less outwardly aggressive in her dealings, but equally ruthless.

 

BREAKOUT TITLE

ANAMORPHOSIS– Book 1- ILLUSIONS

ILLUSIONS (this is what I have been calling it)

 

COMPARABLES

This one is hard as this is a YA Fantasy, and YA fantasy right now is dominated by Romantasy and somewhat dystopian stories, involving myths, legends, fairy stories and lots of Fae. ILLUSIONS is a pure fast paced fantasy adventure and takes place over only four days. 

 Closest comps:  Brandon Sanderson’s SKYWARD series – he writes terrific fast paced adventures. His stories are not romances although they may touch on that. He is light years ahead of me – but the feeling of his stories is similar. 

The world illusion creation of Ursula K Le Guin's WIZARD OF EARTHSEA,  

And - I can’t ignore the Holodeck on the Starship USS Enterprise in STARTREK.

 

HOOK LINE

In a land where reality blurs with dazzling holograms, an introverted teen precipitates a race against time to thwart a zealot’s planned coup, and discovers she is far more capable than she ever dreamed.  

 

CONFLICT

            PRIMARY – The protagonist(s) must stop a fanatic from destroying all illusions and taking over their country. They have very little time, only four days, and must rely on their own abilities to stop the coup from happening.

            SECONDARY – Rivalry between Zach and his clone Chance

INTERPERSONAL

Main protagonists are Clea Fletcher, Zach Owens and his clone Chance 

CLEA: 

There are many groups of people with special talents in this world but the only one we deal with here are Adepts and Illusion Creators. Clea is part of a family of gifted Adepts, but her talent is Memory Walking which is considered only a minor ability. Her mother, Marguerite, is an Empath and although she loves her daughter, she was disappointed that Clea was not a Foreseer and Clea knows this. She feels overshadowed by her family’s talents and sometimes overwhelmed by her mother’s extreme extraverted personality. Her mother can be exhausting. Her father died when Clea was eight and her brother Naran who is a Time Linker, twelve. She has a stepfather she loves – Anton, a Mind Thrower. Clea lacks confidence in her abilities as she always compares herself to her family and feels inferior.

ZACH/CHANCE

Zach is the grandson of a Master Illusion Creator and has inherited his talent. He sees in Clea how bright she is, and he encourages her participation and input. He is also attracted to her. He is the accidental creator of Chance who is his clone, so Chance has the same feelings for Clea as Zach does – this causes conflict between them. They both have the same memories, habits etc. Only when Chance is created do their life experiences start to. differ.

 

SETTING

Set on a world very similar to ours but in someways more advanced. People no longer use roads as primary transport but travel in air transport lanes – stacked by speed and cost, transport is always some kind of seating. Sofas and couches for families, air chaises for most people, recliners and fauteuils for the rich. For poorer students like Clea, an old kitchen chair works fine.

Above her, the family transit lanes, an hour ago full of plump couches carrying moms and kids on their wayhome from various activities, were down to the occasional flying sofa. 

Her lane, twenty feet above tree level, was reserved for the slower air-chairs––the ones not in good working order, nor pleasing to look at­‑- old chrome kitchen chairs with their green padded seats, elderly wooden rockers, and salvaged bar stools––a lane reserved for students, like Clea, counting their every cipher, and transient workers, old folks, and the eccentric. 

Clea felt right at home there, riding her old duct-taped chair, which barely got her from one place to the next.

Every transport has an invisible weather shield, heat and cooling. Its energy comes from an apple sized power pack hidden under the seat base. Controls on newer transport are holograms. Older models like Clea’s have steering rods and instrument displays. Some work better than others!

 

What sets this world apart though is the use of hologram illusions, all controlled by the government. Here, for a monthly fee, you can rent your illusions of choice from the government’s Automated Illusion Provider’s (AIP’s) found on every street corner and in most shops and eating places. You can choose anything on your wish list. Good looks? Weight loss? Secret fantasy? All yours, if you keep up the payments. Before AIP’s, privately owned Illusion Centers dominated the industry, but that was eons ago before the government regulated the market for safety, national security, and profit.

There are two kinds of illusions. Modern holograms and the old packet illusions which were sold in actual packets by illusion type. Unlike holograms which last as long as you pay the rent for them, packet illusions have a finite life – most only a few days, although there are a few expensive ones that can last for years.

There is growing concern however that holograms are beginning to take over from what is real – more than 50% of government revenue is now from holograms. People carry around small scanners so they can check if what they see is real or is an illusion. The scanner disrupts a hologram, just long enough to know. Modern scanners don’t work on packet illusions because those illusions are considered obsolete.

Communications is mostly through wrist-coms although a user can activate a ‘hook’ which will bring a hologram of the recipient to wherever the call originates, so they can see and participate in what is happening

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

MEMOIR - The Girl, The Physicist and The Beauty of Reality

(1) STORY STATEMENT 

(Memoir) A NASA physicist with paranormal powers steps in when the teenage daughter of neighbors barely survives a car accident and teaches her how to live--in more than one dimension. (Q: Should this be in first person for Memoir?)

(2) THE ANTAGONISTIC FORCE

At a plot/surface level, the antagonist is played by a collective of arrogant healthcare-provider villains who I gave pet names (Dr. Propofol, Dr. Clicky Pen, Dr. Big, etc.). Their often shocking behavior provides opportunities for readers to root for me and openly consider my reflections. A drumbeat of unrelated and unexpected medical events over decades underscores this antagonistic force. 

At the thematic level, the antagonist is the widespread, outdated belief in an objective, Newtonian, deterministic reality—akin to when we believed the earth was flat, because that was how we experienced it. I explore the unnecessary tension between science and the inexplicable, tapping into a growing awareness that those two may not have to tussle with each other anymore. A century of quantum physics research demonstrates that two things can be true at once. 

(3) CREATE A BREAKOUT TITLE

The Girl, The Physicist and The Beauty of Reality - a quantum memoir

Remarkable Happens Everywhere - a story of love, quantum physics—and everything else

(4) COMPARABLES

This is likely too long. I’m ready for feedback.

I think of my literary memoir as most comparable to Stephanie Foo’s hybrid memoir, What My Bones Know. In both, a more academic understanding of something complicated unfolds for the reader through the narrator's dramatic story (Foo-complex trauma, mine-the subjective nature of reality). 

However, the mood in mine is more like Robert M Pirsig’s classic Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance due to its  reflective exploration of universal truths, but it’s a more plot-driven, female-narrated version for the quantum/AI era. A real-life story for fans of the movies The Matrix and Inception.

And, although firmly a scene-driven memoir, underneath, it reveals a theory that unifies quantum phyics, metaphysics, philosopy and AI theory, incorporating ideas similar to those found in Deepak Chopra’s You are the Universe (metaphysical), Michio Kaku's The God Equation (quantum physics), Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth (philosophy) and Rizwan Virk's The Simulation Hypothesis: An MIT Computer Scientist Shows Why AI, Quantum Physics, and Eastern Mystics All Agree We Are in a Video Game.

If comparables are about assessing the market, there is another element at play for my memoir. 

What AI, consciousness, and quantum physics might mean for our reality and how we see ourselves is a concept catching fire, and my supporting character—Physicist Tom Campbell—is in the thick of it. A sought-after guest on popular podcasts (The Joe Rogan Experience, The Bialik Breakdown and The Telepathy Tapes, amongst others), the audiobook of his 2003, 900-page trilogy My Big Theory of Everything is currently listed on Amazon as Number 1 in Physics. I am scheduled to interview Tom on his YouTube channel in June. I am not sure how to treat this connection to someone else’s rising star. He is an 81-year-old physicist—I did not expect him to be trending when I started to write.

(5) WRITE YOUR LOGLINE WITH PRIMARY CONFLICT AND CORE WOUND

When I was horribly injured and almost died in a brutal car accident as a teenager, a NASA physicist neighbor with paranormal abilities showed me how quantum physics and his Theory of Everything held the key to surviving and thriving through that trauma—and later, what it meant for becoming fearless.

(6) INNER CONFLICT AND SECONDARY CONFLICT

Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

FEAR: When I first moved from Queens, NY to the South as a child, I was rejected by my schoolmates as a “Yankee.” As a teenager, I was physically traumatized by a terrible car accident and a long, brutal recovery. My loving mother suffered undiagnosed anxiety which caused her to paint vivid disaster scenarios for me and tell me she would kill herself if anything else ever happened to me. A shy girl with a naturally carefree spirit, I became afraid.

This sets up the conditions for my bedridden self to find power and peace in the philosophies that the supporting character in the story—physicist Tom Campbell—shares with me as a teenager. Further “fear tests” (a near-death car accident, the death of a friend, a difficult childbirth, a scary diagnosis for my child, erroneous fatal diagnosis, aborted surgery, another near-death and, finally, in the last chapter, the removal of the last shard of glass remaining from the decades-earlier accident) force me to cultivate a mindset that transcends fear.

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

CONFLICTED SENSE OF REALITY: As an adult with a Harvard MBA under my belt, I landed the Big Job at one of the most prestigious consulting companies on the planet—a place where my understanding of a larger reality would be considered crazy or, worse, “not academic.” Even though a dogmatic attachment to a disproven Newtonian reality seemed less intellectual or academic than the skeptical curiosity that has always driven science to ask, “What is next?”, this prevailing attitude caused me to keep my ideas to myself. 

A core conflict arises when my son gets diagnosed with physical ailments and learning differences but the most prestigious hospitals in Boston failed to suggest satisfactory solutions, and I had to consider: Would I risk exposing him to a world where healing happens in a more unconventional way? The answer was YES. I decided that if a philosophical approach was going to be a core tool for me and my family, then I had to understand better. This inspired me to reconnect more deeply with Tom and pursue a quest to come to terms with what is real.

(7) SETTING

Given this memoir spans decades, settings are varied.

ONE - CHILDHOOD in Charlottesville, Virginia

• Childhood backdrops in the 1970s—a football game, two schools, a neighborhood
• University of Virginia Teaching Hospital—during my extended stay, protocols, personalities, other patients and the daily physical humiliation of being a bedridden patient build a vivid world

TWO  - TOM/CONSCIOUSNESS

• Whistlefield Farm, 1970s—the estate of Bob Monroe (author of Journeys Out of the Body) where his privately-funded experiments design to test the possibilities of  consciousness took place in a purpose-built lab.
• The Monroe Institute in the 2010s—a leading global center for exploring expanded states of consciousness built on a mountain near Whistlefield farm. Their immersive programs help thousands of participants from around the world experience the benefits of meditation and learn how to travel out-of-body.
• The King of the Mountain Cabin in Tennessee, the site of a retreat with Tom Campbell where he tries to teach others how to access alternate states of consciousness

THREE - ADULTHOOD

• Harvard Business School in the early 1990s
• Central London in the late 1990s--Home, and a hospital 
• Boston in the 2000s--Home, and a hospital
• Maine- Home, and a hospital in the 2010s. The home in Maine appears in the final scene, and plays a role in the denouement.

This is a memoir.  

1. Gerl Dine is a Midwestern wife and mom who longs to be fully known. So long as she pretends to be fine, she doubts that anyone’s love for her is real. In a dangerous experiment, she seeks to redeem a traumatic past by staging a re-enactment of it, hoping she can show up differently and forgive herself.  When this proves disastrous, she has no choice but to end her suffering from the inside out. 

 

2. Carl has nothing left to lose.  Molested from birth, his cynicism is natural, and he grieves the suffering of the world. His one vanity is his long brown hair, which he pampers with salon shampoo scented with rosemary and mint. He has crooked, yellowing teeth, and he reveals the whole mouthful when he laughs at his own sarcasm.  A pleaser, Gerl Dine is in awe (and envy) of his easy rudeness. She is kind to him, like she has been trained to be kind to everyone whether she likes them or not. Her innocence is the one thing he doesn’t have, never had, and she awakens in him a craving that turns into madness.  After he first hurts her, her sadness infuriates him, and he keeps hurting her more, trying to possess her so he can make it better, so he can prove to her she’ll be ok.  When he burns her apartment down, he is only wanting to give her a reason to need him, to move in with him so he can take care of her and she can see how much he loves her.  He believes she is the one person on earth who would never hurt him, and, as the story will later reveal, he is wrong.  He spends his whole life obsessing over her, even after he marries someone else, and this ensures he never has a real or intimate relationship with anyone.  His obsession is his own protection, even as it leads to his undoing. He can’t truly trust anyone, and because of their experiences, neither can she.  

 

3. Titles:

   1. Man Eater

   2. From Fucked-up to Free

   3. Sukha My Dukkha 

 

4. Comparables: I plan to spend more time reading comparables.  This is a huge void for me.

   1. Leslie Jamison  Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story

      1. My femoir is similar to Jamison’s in terms of its honesty and some of its subject matter (divorce).  Mine presses the ugly truth a little further, in cruder terms, and offers a bit more hope in the end. 

   2. Untamed, by Glennon Doyle

      1. My femoir has some similar subject matter and style. 

 

5. Hook Line: Gerl Dine, a Midwestern wife and mom, hates her husband and her fake life.  Afraid she is doomed to be a man-hater forever, she faces down its roots - her own self-rejection and a secret past - and risks losing everything for the chance to fully inhabit herself.

 

6. Gerl Dine’s inner conflict is with herself.  She hates her body and has been sabotaging her well being since childhood. Raised by unhappy women who scorn any woman who is sexually alive or selfish enough to be happy, Gerl Dine vows to be the first happy woman in her family.  To do so, she must risk making choices for herself, but her mother abandons her for her small rebellion.  Lost, she throws away all the rules and realizes too late how the rules were meant to protect her.  Badly harmed and nearly killed, she stuffs her hate and her shame deep down and embarks on a life of pretending she is fine. She gets married but realizes that both self-loathing and its inversion, man-hating, is part of her inheritance, and she doesn’t know how to shake it.  She tries harmless approaches to healing - medication, meditation, religion, art, but nothing seems to free her of her hatred.  She feels the answer is outside of her—if she can get one person to know everything and still love her, she’ll be ok.  She decides to be vulnerable with her husband and tell him everything, and his response is that he doesn’t want to know.  She cares about him and wants a good life for her children, but her fury at a marriage where sex is required but emotional vulnerability is prohibited makes divorce inevitable. She aches for her past tormentor, because at least he knows what she knows; there is no secret required. She faces down this man who harmed her, fantasizing about a do-over where she can rewrite the story and show up differently.  She thinks that if she can either defend herself well or fall in love with him, she can finally accept herself and be happy. The experience ends in disaster, and she is still left with the mystery of how to connect with and love her body and all its memories.  She wants all of it to belong, but none of it is acceptable.  Determined to heal at all costs, she will try anything, and a gay man grieving his impotence on the night before his death arrives with an opportunity for healing that requires Gerl Dine to silence all the judging women in her head.  She misses her husband and the family they once were, but in order to be free, she has to continue to risk being true and hope she can bear the consequences.  Claiming all that she is creates a complex blessing. Learning to love herself makes her love everyone else a lot better, but it means others may love her a lot less. 

 

7.  Setting

This story has its roots in the rural Midwest, a land where survival is a struggle.  The soil is clay, studded with rocks, and there are no rules against poisoning the the creeks with discarded dishwashers, broken cars, and paint cans.  Despite this, the beauty of this land prevails.  Vines swallow up entire yards full of trash, studding them with purple morning glory.  Fox tiptoe across the fields, birds sing. To survive as a woman, one must buck up and stay resilient in the face of harsh, age-old rules. In this environment, saturated with religious beliefs, social customs, and stereotypes about women and the female body, everyone earns a reputation for friendliness that belies the scorn tainting the very groundwater.  Here, no one hates women more than women themselves.  The message is, How Dare You Be Happier Than I Am. It is a land of fences, and the innocent groundhog who dares to frolic across the field will have its skull nailed to the fence post. 

Part of the story is set in Kansas, where the vast space allows freedom but the wind prohibits any anchoring roots. The harsh gales hurl grit in one's eyes, and it is hard to see clearly.  There is no sheltering tree, no forest in which one can hide.  Everything is stripped down to its most vulnerable, and everything can be blown away.

STORY STATEMENT

Find his lost love no matter what the answer.

The protagonist’s goal is to find his wife, whom he believes to be alive but unable to reach him after a sailing accident three years ago. He must overcome his own fear, doubt, and pain to stay committed to this outrageous possibility of a reunion. Haunted by his nighttime dreams of his wife appearing before him, he is convinced she is speaking to him from the present moment with her cryptic and sometimes direct guidance on how he might find her. He must follow the clues she shares and those he encounters along the way to locate her. He has to sleuth his way through to an answer and overcome many challenges. He will have to endure a certain amount of hardship, personal injury, insult, and navigating deception to locate his loved ones. He will encounter some friendly allies on his journey who are compassionate to his situation. His spirit is both tormented and relentless.

THE ANTAGONIST - 

Our part-time harbor master, part-time dive boat captain, is the main antagonist and the ring leader of the other antagonists who work collaboratively to prevent our main character from reaching their goal, not because they inherently want harm to come to the protagonist but more because of sacred duty and sworn oath to protect the island's secrets including the alien race underneath the ocean of which he has earned their respect. 

As a former Navy sailor, our sea-faring adventurer emulates the mysteries of the ocean with a layered personality, and it is not until vulnerable moments in the story that the antagonist shows us depths beyond the muscle-bound warrior façade that he is most known for. He walks freely among the Atlanteans and so is, by nature, not a racist or bigoted man but guided by a higher sense of purpose and inter-species equality. He has an inner ordering principle that emulates confidence and certainty with seriousness, and somewhere in the recesses of his voice, there are hints of deep empathy for the world and for the pain and suffering of our main character in his quest to be reunited with his family. The boat and docks are the antagonist’s dojo, and so he moves with extreme ease and grace when tending to lines, securing equipment, and giving orders to deckhands or other boat captains. He is masterful at all things nautical.  

CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

1.    The 13^th Pier

2.    Beyond the Waves

3.    Secret of the Deep

Comparables

Admittingly, I need to deepen into my genre more. I just recently started to focus in more on Thrillers\Paranormal from Sci-Fi and it’s feeling right and still a lot of diversity of writers in this genre as paranormal can mean a wide variety of things.

So I will need to choose some hypothetical comparables now and revise as I read the Genre and also get a sense of what is currently the popular new first-time authors.

Recognizing that these authors are too established as actual comparables, I am suggesting these two authors now to complete the exercise and will revise.

Anthony M. Strong’s John Decker Supernatural Thrillers. 

Perhaps more with the protagonist up against the phenomena, less on the monster hunter aspect.

Jeff VanderMeer with Annihilation and his four-book Southern Reach series because of his cohort of characters, including a biologist.  

 

Own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound

When a missing boat reappears after being lost at sea, a journalist is activated to find answers and reunite with his wife, obscured by the mystery of the ocean and an island that is protecting a supernatural secret.

Conflict

Inner conflict – Sam would feel conflicted that he is putting his own life at risk when his daughter has already lost her mom. He doesn’t want to be reckless and leave her alone in the world and what the answers that he is after is dangerous. So, there are moments where he realizes he is risking it all, and the consequences of failure are so high that he tries to overcome those tense moments with super human strength and when the moment relaxes he is exhausted and embarrassed at the risk that he has taken. The irresponsibility of a parent who is risking their life for a personal crusade that could end up with them dead.  I think he writes her a letter. It's almost like a final letter that a soldier would write on the battlefield, but he does it more often. And it gives a moment to reconnect with why the action is important, the human and tender side. It also memorializes the activity and allows for reflection.

As for the secondary conflict, I can conceive of two that will emerge. The museum director who is an ally to our protagonist, will want to help him find the answers he is looking for. He has a propensity for intrigue and wants to solve riddles as a lover of history, but his inner conflict is fear of losing his own life or being incarcerated again for sharing any information that would jeopardize his own personal freedom. He stops himself, doesn’t give the answers that our charter is looking for and he hates himself for it. He hates the yoke and it makes him sad, depressed and angry. Is there a place in the story for him to take a risk, to 

Setting

The primary setting of the story is the Island of Bermuda but we will want to go beyond the resort and tourist life an get a behind the scenes of the island, and bringing out the gritty side of the island. Beaches, and waves are the backdrop not necessarily the destination. 

Ocean Scene – evokes the danger of the ocean, that things are not always beachy. Introduces our main antagonist 

Mental Hospital – evokes the pain of loss from the patients, but also the protectiveness from sub-antagonists that don’t really want our protagonist to get the answers that he is looking for.

Museum of History – This is the oasis of hope where our protagonist finds an ally. It’s a safer place on the island, and one where our main character learns and unlocks secrets.   

Administrative/City Planning Office – A work-place that is slightly dark and ominous.  

Restaurant – Somewhere where the Museum Director and the Main Character connect 1:1. 

TBD – The main charterer needs a place that he writes to his daughter. Either the hotel room, a café, or some in-between place. 

Off-island settings

Under Ocean Scene – This is climax scene with the whales. It evokes serenity, stillness, and helplessness.

The Interrogation Room and the 8^th Gate – This is the big reveal scene and is eerie, ominous, and we see the cause of the phenomena. 

 

1. Act of Story Statement

British expat Maurice Symington, who knows the correct way to behave and expects the same of others, comes home to find the grown son of his long-estranged brother on the doorstep of his Washington, D.C., home. How to respond to this unwelcome intrusion threatens to upend Maurice’s predictable, quiet life in the novel “Georgetown and a Basset Hound.”

Good-natured, well-meaning nephew Mike, a recent college graduate, has the smarts to gain acceptance to an elite medical program at pricey Georgetown University near Maurice’s home, but not the means to pay for it. As a last resort, his luckless father, Tom, has sent him from Texas to Maurice in the hope that uncle might be willing to help nephew.

It’s everything that tidy, exacting Maurice doesn’t want. Ten years after a painful parting from his only love, Maurice has walled himself off from the world, contenting himself with making properly brewed pots of tea, walking his clumsy but affable basset Henry, and re-reading the British canon.

He finds himself living cheek-by-jowl with Mike who, in looking for the guidance he never received from hapless Tom, expects wise answers from this new father figure — a role Maurice never wished to take on. When Tom too arrives unexpectedly, the brothers lock horns repeatedly before being caught in an unraveling of secrets and misunderstandings that have crippled both their lives.

Now Maurice must decide whether to keep braving the painful uncovering of past harm  — or simply to send his only relations away and again retreat behind the wall that has offered such reliable and familiar, if uninspiring, safety.

2. The Antagonists

For years, Maurice’s much-younger brother, Tom, struggled to keep a job in Houston while raising Mike alone. Tom has spent most of his life coping, only intermittently successfully, with uncaring parents, a self-centered ex-wife, and a world that has little patience for an Army vet with only a high-school degree. Nevertheless, he’s good-natured, likable and generous — except when it comes to his brother.

Tom was only a boy when Maurice left the family home in London for university, and was still quite young when his father’s oil company transferred the family to Houston, leaving Maurice in England. All Tom has ever heard about his brother since is that Maurice inherited a large sum from an English grandfather that he declined to share with his family and afterward moved to Washington to take a lucrative academic job.

Having received nothing from his brother, an embittered and hurt Tom figures Maurice owes something to his nephew, at least. So he sends son Mike, a recent college graduate who has been accepted for a medical fellowship at pricey Georgetown University, to Maurice’s home in hopes of being relieved of the cost of room and board. Circumstances later send Tom to D.C. as well, and the brothers find themselves reliving old family battles.

Minor antagonists are Mike, who tries valiantly to make himself agreeable but disrupts his uncle’s quiet life nevertheless, and Ken, an old friend Maurice had dropped abruptly years earlier, who is willing to rekindle their relationship but first has some uncomfortable questions for Maurice.

3. The Title

“Georgetown and a Basset Hound”

4. Comps

“Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand,” by Helen Simonson

“Foreign Affairs,” by Alison Lurie

Kazue Ishiguro’s screenplay “Living,” a vehicle for Bill Nighy as a veteran civil servant in London

5. Hook Line

A man confronted with the son of his long-estranged brother must decide whether to aid his young nephew or remain behind the emotional wall he has built to shield himself from memories of a cold childhood and the devastating loss of an only love.

6. Two Levels of Conflict

Main:

Maurice’s cold London childhood has affected him far more deeply than he realizes, making him stand-offish and judgmental — traits that long have kept him from having close friends and serious relationships. He spends years working, playing his cello and caring for a series of much-loved basset hounds until finally allowing one woman past his defenses. A warm and outgoing Italian, she sees him for what he is and does her best to show her love for him, overlooking his inability to connect, until she can take no more, leaving Maurice shattered and even more withdrawn.

Secondary:

Mike enters Maurice’s life having experienced a hard childhood himself. Though his father has done his best to make Mike feel secure and loved after the boy’s mother leaves, Tom himself had done poorly in school and now finds himself losing job after job in a tight economy. The physical insecurity of being constantly thrown into new schools, living in sketchy neighborhoods and seeing his mother only occasionally has left Mike scrambling to keep up his education, make new friends and earn his mother’s approval. Though intelligent, likable and nice-looking, Mike lacks self-confidence and so does his best to make the peace and get along with everyone — until finally pushed to the brink by what he sees as his father’s ineptitude and his uncle’s unbending nature.

Tom too has suffered from the remoteness of his and Maurice’s parents, coping mostly by trying to stay out of the way and not cause trouble. While still a boy Tom moved with his parents to the States, where his father had been transferred, and where he was teased in school for his accent and his poor grades. After high school he enlists in the Army, where his handiness, his team spirit and his ability to follow orders earns him some success. Handsome in his uniform, Tom attracts a shallow, thoughtless woman who moves with him from post to post but eventually finds military life too stuffy and demanding. Tom agrees not to reap and they have their son, Mike. But the civilian world has little use for Tom, as does his self-centered wife, who grows tired of living on Tom’s merely adequate salary and leaves to pursue a frivolous life.

Tom is now doubly embittered by the treatment from his wife and from Maurice, whom he thinks abandoned him to their unfeeling parents and cheated him of an inheritance. Faced with looming financial troubles and the expensive fellowship for Mike, Tom sends his son to Maurice for help, hoping to keep Mike from knowing of their dire situation and reasoning that the world owes him at least this much.

7. Setting

Much of the story takes place in an English basement, a snug place to which Maurice has retreated from the main floors of his Georgetown row house. He has decorated the homey space with books and art prints, and spends many comfortable hours in front of the fireplace with his affable basset hound, Henry. In back is a narrow but lush back yard, where they enjoy gardening (Maurice) and snoozing (Henry). Living in the basement when an entire house can be had directly above puzzles Mike and irritates Tom; still, Maurice remains adamant about the three of them staying in the small space and declines to say why.

Nearby is the local dog park, an open green space with owners and dogs socializing in the area near the entry gate and a small playground  behind it. Far to one side is a lonely bench or two; here Maurice reads as Henry romps with the other dogs. Mike, once he arrives, wastes no time in befriending people and pets alike, thus forcing his uncle into speaking with them as well. In the end, Maurice has to admit that most of its habitues, whom he’d previously dismissed, to be friendly, interested and caring

A small neighborhood garage is where Maurice rekindles a relationship with Ken, the owner, whom Maurice dropped without explanation years earlier. Ken likes to leave the two garage doors open to the street, with a beat-up plastic wicker chair on the sidewalk where he takes breaks and watches the neighborhood go by. Running the length behind the garage area is a separate room with a makeshift kitchen, a few tables and chairs, and a bulletin board filled with photos of Ken’s family, his clients with their cars and children, and postcards from them all.

1: Story Statement

Three remarkable women, each entwined with the history of the Château de Chenonceau, navigate the constraints of their patriarchal eras to shape a legacy that defies time. Centuries later, a modern-day narrator, in search of her own voice, discovers their stories—drawing strength and inspiration to forge a lasting mark of her own.

#2: Antagonistic Forces

Each woman is confronted with social, political, and cultural structures that seek to silence or control them. But also: 

 Beatrice: her mother

 Katherine: her husband

 Diane: Anne (king’s mistress), Cathérine de Médici

 Cathérine: Diane the mistress

 #3: Breakout Titles

The Ladies of Chenonceau

The Women Who Loved Chenonceau

One Château, Three Women

#4: Comparables

The Serpent and the Pearl by Kate Quinn

The Rivals of Versailles by Sallie Christie

#5: Core Wound and Primary Conflicts

A woman whose life has fallen apart returns to a château she once visited in her youth, seeking solace in the wisdom of the remarkable women who lived there—each of whom defied the constraints of patriarchy in her own way.

Note: My story centers on a modern-day narrator whose journey is interwoven with the lives of three women from the past. Through their stories, she uncovers profound lessons and shared experiences. While the central thread follows the narrator’s present-day perspective, each woman’s narrative reveals a common struggle—the fight to have their voices heard in a world that silences them, not only through the people around them, but through the enduring weight of patriarchal systems, both historical and still present today. 

#6: Other Matters of Conflict 

I have sketched out the conflicts and hypothetical scenarios for each of the three women in the story, as well as the main narrator.

Beatrice (modern day): Shy and hesitant to voice her opinions, Beatrice drifts through life, bending to the desires of others while neglecting her own. She struggles to assert her needs, often finding herself drawn to narcissistic men who diminish her sense of self. Deep down, she longs to be heard, to break free from this cycle, and to step into the fullest version of herself. 

Core Conflict: A profound lack of self-confidence and inability to find her own voice.

 Hypothetical scenario: Beatrice falls deeply in love with Mark during college, convinced they are building a future together—until he abruptly accepts a job in Taiwan without consulting her (trigger). He offers a lukewarm invitation for her to join him, and she follows after him, only to eventually realize he has no real intention of committing to their relationship (reaction). 

Kathérine (late Middle Ages): Passionate about architecture, Kathérine dreams of building a lasting legacy through her designs for her and her family. Yet, her ambitions are stifled by her husband, who not only offers her no support for her own dreams but also takes the credit for the work she has done. 

Core conflict: Betrayal and lack of support from her husband.

 Hypothetical scenario: After her husband’s death, Kathérine hears whispers at court that he had been embezzling funds to sustain their extravagant lifestyle—a stark contrast to his claims of inherited wealth when they were betrothed. The truth strikes her: he had never opposed her dream of building a magnificent château out of principle, but out of financial deceit (trigger). He allowed her to pursue it only as long as it bolstered his own image, never once considering the legacy she longed to create for herself or the foundation she hoped to build for their family. Now, with the court poised to seize the château as collateral for his debts, she must act swiftly—and legally—to reclaim what is rightfully hers (reaction).

 Diane de Poitiers (French Renaissance): Privileged by wealth and status yet starved for power, Diane knows she cannot claim influence on her own. To secure her place in the political arena, she becomes the young king’s mistress, skillfully manipulating court affairs from behind the scenes. With beauty and charm as her weapons, she carves out the life she desires—including possession of the château.   

Core conflict: Navigating and subverting the patriarchal system.

 Hypothetical scenario: Henri is set to be married, and Diane knows she must move quickly to secure her influence (trigger). She concedes that Cathérine de’ Médici is a suitable match—if only because, as the daughter of a mere merchant, she poses little threat. This union will allow Diane to maintain her hold on power. She must convince Henri to concur, knowing he is falling in love with her, and she him (reaction).

 Cathérine de Médici (French Renaissance): Trapped in a loveless marriage with Henri II, Cathérine’s unreciprocated devotion festers into a need for control, manifesting in her ruthless, vindictive nature. Unable to win his love, she wields power in other ways—using the château as both a weapon and a symbol of her influence.

Core conflict: The pain of being unloved.

 Hypothetical scenario: The 14-year-old duchess is brought to France to marry the dauphin, and she falls madly in love when she sees him for the first time, a handsome, brooding teenager. But he has eyes for someone else (trigger). She responds by taking her wrath out on the women of his desire (reaction).

 #7: Setting

 The château de Chenonceau in the Loire Valley is more than just a backdrop—it’s a character in its own right, as five different women across centuries build it and leave their marks, shaping its history as much as it shapes theirs. The first woman lays its foundation and the next two expand and refine it. In the present, Beatrice arrives, drawn to their echoes, seeking wisdom from their stories as she arrives to find her own voice. 

 Kathérine: the founder—the courage to begin anew; taking the first step toward change using perseverance and dedication.

Diane: the visionary—ability to claim space and wield power using beauty and love.

Cathérine: the survivor—transforms the chateau into a center of influence using power and force.

 

THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.

Police Academy cadet, Lynn Frasier is proud of her family’s law enforcement heritage but begins to question the future of her chosen field when she visits a California bay-area county detention center, where the only detainee is a renowned detective, the uncle who raised her after her parents were killed in a car crash. During their brief private discussion, her uncle indicates it’s dangerous for her and to GET OUT. She doesn’t know who to trust. As she struggles to find the reason for her uncle’s arrest, she escapes to a small town in Northern California to find an attorney friend of her uncle, who might have answers, and safety. Lynn discovers both her uncle and his friend had past relationships with the U.S. Marshal’s office and that her parents had been in the Witness Protection Program due to their effort to uncover a corrupt police gang twenty years ago. The leader of this gang, hiding in Mexico, still runs things from afar, including getting his sister elected as the District Attorney of the county with the almost empty detention center.

 

THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

Noreen Moreno Hillder, the newly elected District Attorney of Adele County, has plans to rebuild her brother’s gang with corrupt cops and politicians who have helped her get elected. By placing her nephew as the acting sheriff, they make deals with criminals (no arrests if the criminal works for her) but when Lynn’s uncle recognizes Noreen as part of the Moreno Gang from twenty years ago, he starts his own investigation with an undercover FBI agent. Noreen finds out and strives to wipe out the Frasier family, as she feels they did to her family. She has Lynn’s uncle killed in jail and is after the only remaining Frasier (Lynn). Her team includes police academy instructors and even some of the cadets who think the bad guys are cool.

Lynn also runs into a mercenary real estate developer and a greedy bank loan officer who try to force Lynn’s new friends in the small town to sell their commercial downtown building, to the point of setting it on fire and killing a homeless man who tried to stop them.   

 

CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

1.     Hide and Seek

2.      

 

DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good

opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

My story is a Thiller Mystery. The comparables that I’ve chosen are The Troubling Death of Maddy Benson by Terry Shames and Home Fires by Claire Booth. While both are more police procedurals than mine, I feel my story incorporates the suspense (of Lynn’s flight) as well as the family and community involvements that help her realize her goals. Both Shames’ and Booth’s stories include several characters, their interactions with the protagonist, and the support they exchange with the community.

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above.

 Police Academy cadet, Lynn Frasier struggles with her faith in law enforcement when her last remaining family member is killed by an unscrupulous District Attorney. She must find a way to get retribution without stooping to the corrupt ways of the DA’s gang of amoral cops.

 

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case.

(This is the first scene where Lynn finds herself anxious and confused. She didn’t get an answer to why her famous detective uncle had been arrested and after her brief visit with him in the detention center, she questions the professionalism of the deputies there. The only thing she got out of that meeting was her uncle believed she was in grave danger and wanted her to get out.)

My mind and heart were numb as I merged south on San Pablo Avenue. I pounded my palm twice against the steering wheel trying to pull myself out of the brain fog when I realized I was driving 25mph in a 45mph lane. So unlike me. I sped up to match the surrounding traffic.

Headlights from the vehicle behind me kept the same pace.

A tiny spark of paranoia caused me to slow again and check the rear-view mirror. Instead of changing lanes to pass me, the following car slowed, too.

I moved to the left lane.

The car behind me moved to the left lane.

The training I received during my short four weeks at the Northern California Police Academy seemed to kick in. I tried to study the car in the rear-view mirror. A light-colored sedan appeared as they passed through intermittent illumination from streetlights. Older car. maybe a Crown Vic? An old police car?

Am I beginning to be spooked by the police? My experiences with the Tres Amigos and the detention center guard flashed through my thoughts. I hadn’t considered them Bad Cops, had no proof except my gut reaction, but I was disappointed in the way they were representing such an honorable profession.

I tried to peer into the car behind me as we passed another streetlight. The windshield reflected the light, and I couldn’t tell who was driving or even how many were in the car. But I saw movement. Shadows bouncing inside the car.

Was this what Uncle Martin was trying to warn me about? Was I too late to ‘get out’? I hit the gas for two blocks and made a quick left turn onto a lovely tree-lined residential street, not unlike my own.

I pulled over to the curb, stopped, turned off the lights and stared into the rear-view mirror just as the Crown Vic rounded the corner.

I grabbed my cell phone, then threw it on the passenger seat. Too late to call anyone. And if it was the police in that car, why should I be anxious? But I was indeed nervous. I realized I’d have to deal with whatever comes by myself.

I grasped the door handle, ready to jump out and either fight or run, when the dirty, gray Crown Victoria slowly rolled past. The back seat seemed full of squirmy action, waving arms, and smiling, bouncy faces. The driver, a woman leaning toward the windshield and away from the action from the backseat, her wide eyes briefly met mine, mirroring my exhausted look.

I watched as the car pulled to the curb two houses ahead of me. The back door popped open and two eight-year-old girls bounded out, all skinny legs and sparkly backpacks. As they ran up the steps to the house, the car slowly pulled away and continued down the street, delivering little girls safely home from school, or dance class, or whatever, by the harried soccer-mom driver.

I let go of the breath I had been holding and consciously let go of the door handle. A near hysterical laugh hiccupped out as I visualized myself jumping from the car to defend myself from a pack of eight-year-old girls.

Suddenly the seriousness of what had just happened hit me like an ice storm. I clutched the top of the steering wheel and leaned forward to rest my forehead against the back of my hands and closed my eyes. I had over-reacted, assuming danger from an innocent vehicle full of little girls. Where had this paranoia come from? Was this what it will be like to be a cop? Seeing possible threats everywhere?

Once my breathing came back to normal, I straightened my arms, pushed my back against the seat, my head against the head rest. The early summer evening air cooled the spot on my forehead where I had pressed my sweaty hands.

I opened my eyes and looked straight ahead at the canopy of trees. Streetlight beams shot through the leaves causing spots on the street to sparkle like the little girl’s backpack.

The neighborhood reminded me again of my own. When I was eight years old, I skipped down sidewalks like these. The strip of grass between the street and the sidewalk was where I had learned to ride a bicycle, my uncle running behind to keep it balanced until I could ride on my own. I had jumped up steps to that great porch of the Judge’s House and swung in the creaky porch swing.

The Judge was the grandfather I barely remember. Uncle Martin and I have always called it the Judge’s House even after the Judge had passed away and it was just the two of us.

As Craftsman style homes were designed to do, the Judge’s House emphasized hard work and rejected mass-production. The solid foundation and wide eaves protected those who were lucky enough to live there. The Judge’s House had been my home since I was a baby when my parents had both been killed and I came to stay with my uncle and the Judge. It was where everything was safe, at least it had been until today.

I slammed the Defender’s gear into first but had to control myself from jumping on the gas. I wanted to get home as quickly as possible but knew it wouldn’t go well if I got stopped for speeding. Not with my current state of mind.

I drove into the Judge’s garage and turned off the ignition. The big motor pinged and tinged as it settled like an old dog before a fireplace. I closed the garage door with the remote switch stuck to the dashboard with double-sided tape.

As the door rattled down, I remembered that morning when I met the Academy Commander in his office. His face was gray. He had a difficult time looking me in the eye, when he told me about Uncle Martin’s arrest. “Racketeering,” he had mumbled.

“What the hell are you saying?” I demanded.

He shook his head, shrugged his shoulders. “You should go,” he said, so I did. Straight to that quiet detention center to find my uncle presumably the only detainee.

I stepped out of the garage and looked at the rear of the house. A chill ran down my spine even though the weather had turned warm. The backyard seemed darker than it ever had been before. Why was I spooked? I concentrated on the shadows, the rustle of leaves, a breeze across my face. I took one slow step, and then another. Four more and I was on the back porch.

 I reached for the doorknob when suddenly I heard the distinctive clack of an M1 Garand’s bolt slamming forward to chamber a 30.06 round.

 

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment.

(This scene is the first meeting between Lynn and Nathaniel Carter. She doesn’t know if she can trust him, but his name was included on some papers her uncle had been working on for the U.S. Marshals Service, Witness Protection Program.)

I slowly sat in one of the two chairs opposite his large wooden desk. Nathaniel Carter moved stiffly behind the desk to the worn, leather high-back chair, and sighed as he sank into it.

Neither of us spoke for a bit. He continued to scrutinize me. It seemed he could read my every thought. I knew I would have to be careful. I waited for him to make the first move.

“Where would you like to start?” he finally asked.

I hesitated. Could I really trust him? I slowly pulled out one of the typed pages from my backpack and cautiously laid it on the desktop in front of him. This would be the test. Carter glanced at the page and gently placed his palm on it, closed his eyes for a few seconds, then looked back at me. He knew what the pages were. I felt he was the Nathaniel Carter who had worked with my uncle. But could I trust him?

I took a deep breath and then a leap of faith.

“Uncle Martin was arrested three days ago and was detained in Adele County. He told me to get out when I saw him,” I choked a little, trying to explain. “He told me to get the ‘good stuff’, scotch he said, hidden in the laundry room.”

Carter was nodding as I talked. “I found all of this, plus IDs and cash in the empty scotch bottles. Someone was following me yesterday morning, but I don’t think they know where I am now. There was a disturbance with injuries at ACDC, but I don’t know if Uncle Martin was hurt.”

Carter continued to study me.

“Strange things seem to be happening.” A feeble finish. I just ran out of steam.

Carter sat still for a few more beats. “So, you are Linda Franks from North Dakota, in order to hide from whoever might be following you?”

It sounded so ridiculous when he put it like that, but I nodded. Would a fake name really hide me?

He took a deep breath.

“What were the charges?”

“The commander at the Northern California Police Academy said it was conspiracy to commit fraud and racketeering,” I told him.

Carter tilted his head.

“I’m going to the academy,” I explained. His dark eyebrows rose as if to question me, but then he nodded.

“Who was he supposed to be conspiring with?” he asked.

I shrugged and bit my lower lip.

“Had he been working on anything lately?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I was only home for two weeks after I got back from Sac State before I moved into the academy dorm. He seemed his usual self during that time. You know, a bit distracted, but nothing serious.”

Carter nodded again when I said ‘distracted’. He sat back in his big leather chair, hands together almost in prayer, eyes staring at the bookshelves behind me, but I knew he wasn’t looking at the books. He was seeing something from the past. He was so quiet I was starting to doubt my decision to trust him. Should I tell him the rest?

He suddenly sat up, leaning toward the desk. “What else?” he asked.

I took my time. This is it. I’m going to have to tell him everything, including my fears and suspicions. I’m going to have to ask for his help or I’m going to have to stand up and walk out right now. ‘And go where?’ a voice whispered in the back of my mind.

A deep breath and I finally accepted that this man’s help was the only chance to make sense of what had happened during the last few days. I bent toward my backpack and retrieved the outline made in the library yesterday. Spreading it on the desk in front of him, I asked, “You worked with him, writing these procedures for the U.S. Marshals Witness Protection Program, didn’t you?”

He nodded.

“These are my notes. I need your help.”

 

THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. 

(This story is set in three main locations: The Northern California Police Academy in the East Bay area near San Francisco, Lynn Fraiser’s Berkeley house, and the small northern California town of Freedom where Lynn finds trustworthy friends and is eventually able to determine what she must do to stop the corruption in the Bay Area. The following scene describes Lynn’s introduction to the community of Freedom, CA.)

I found myself following Jessie and Cork past the darkened reception room, and through the side door that Shelly had appeared from earlier. Was it even the same day, I wondered? My head was still in a daze.

A small hallway held three tall file cabinets, a small refrigerator, a printer, and a massive Keurig coffee maker. One open door on the left revealed a white and black tiled bathroom while another doorway on the right showed a small dark room with what looked like a bed against the farthest wall.

Jessie opened a glass door at the end of the hallway and stepped onto an exterior balcony. Cork rushed through the opening and down the metal steps, clicking toenails and banging the balusters with his tail.

From the balcony, I could view a large concrete area running from the back of the building to the alley. Tables were crammed together with white tablecloths and sparkling glassware. Folding chairs were being set up, grabbed, moved about, and sat on by dozens of people who were walking in from every direction. An assortment of rusty, faded yard furniture cluttered the asphalt nearest the alley, separating it from the car lanes with pots of flowers and potted palm trees. Strings of holiday lights were hung from wires crossing above the area. One stray Japanese paper lantern dangled in the middle of the spray of lights.

At least forty people were lingering, most with drinks in their hands already, some lounging on the wobbly chairs, some seated at the tables. Neighbors were greeting each other, hugging, laughing.

I was mesmerized. Jessie stood beside me at the balcony railing.

“Cool, huh?” Jessie asked.

“Magical,” I whispered.

“Come on, then.”

I followed her along the balcony that ran the width of the back of the building and down the metal steps. Cork had already claimed a table and people had been patting his head as he waited patiently for Jessie. Apparently, he had done this before.

I found myself starting to thaw.

Jessie wound her way through the crowd. I followed awkwardly, as Jessie introduced me to everyone on the way to our table. I wouldn’t remember anyone’s name but smiled and nodded anyway.

Once settled, with Cork comfortably curled under the table, a young, aproned man brought paper plates and napkins in one hand and poured rich red wine from the bottle in the other. “Wait until you see what we have tonight!”

“Thanks, Luis! Can’t wait,” Jessie said.

He smiled and hustled into a small door set under the stairs they had just come down.

“What is this place?” I was fascinated. This wasn’t like the dying small rural towns that the media loved to show.

“Well, it is a bit complicated,” Jessie explained. “During early morning and throughout the day, it is the back entrance to the Humble Pie Bakery. Jack Wilson, the baker, opens at five in the morning and closes at one. Then, Luis takes over the kitchen and runs a cooking school four days a week.”

Jessie held up her wine glass and smiled at the color. Swirling it around the glass bowl, she inhaled the smokey, spicey aroma. Finally taking a sip, she sighed.

“The building was originally a distillery in the 1800s and we’ve been able to maintain the historic liquor license on this location with lots of legal help from Nate.” She continued explaining and took another sip. “That allows the cooking school to offer local wine, beer and whisky, depending on their menu.”

Jessie sat back and gazed lovingly at the old brick façade. “Nate helped my brother, Michael, and me put together a plan to fund the school. Everyone here,” she motioned to the boisterous group around us, “has invested in it and once a month we are treated to the most fabulous dinner made by Luis and his students. And local booze! Can’t beat it. Hope you like Tempranillo. Looks like we’re going to have something savory tonight.”

She nodded to my untouched wine glass. “Try it. You’ll like it.”

My little experience with alcohol came when Karrie and I had snuck the Tres Amigos tequila into our dorm room and the unfortunate gulp of Monkey’s Shoulder in the laundry room. Even growing up in California, I hadn’t explored the many wines of the region, or to be honest, I didn’t even know how to. So, I copied the actions of my hostess, picked up the glass, checked out the color like I knew what I was looking for, swirled it around in the glass, only sloshing out a bit. Skipping the sniffing, I went directly to the tasting.

“Wow! That’s really good!”

“Told you,” Jessie smiled, tipped her glass to clink mine and resumed sipping.

Suddenly a gong sounded, echoing off the buildings along the alley. The crowd hushed; all heads turned in anticipation toward the little door under the stairs as Luis emerged with a tray held high. Slowly walking toward the center table, he proudly set the tray down to the ooohs and aaahhs of the crowd.

“I present to you, my friends, Freedom Culinary School’s Wild Boar Ribs with a root-beer bourbon barbeque sauce and blackberry reduction!”

The crowd stood for an ovation and I, caught up in the enthusiasm, stood and cheered, too.

 

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. 

Arlie Wynne hoped that starting over at a new university in Ocean Grove, California would give her a quiet, uneventful life after the chaos she left behind at UCLA. She’s stayed off social media and resisted cyberstalking anyone from her past life. She’s kept her focus on her homework and her waitressing job. So it just isn’t fair when the groom at the worst bachelor party ever turns out to be her ex. And although she’s often wished him dead, she finds herself trying, and failing to save his life. She’s made all the smart choices, lately, and now she’s the one accused of murder. Twice. Preferring to rely only on herself, she’s reluctant to accept help. But there’s the handsome nepo baby who joined in her failed CPR attempts, along with his charming marine biologist grandmother. And the large, grumpy librarian who, apparently, considers finding a murderer to be just another reference question. Since constantly adapting to fit in has only led to trouble, maybe she should finally listen to her own instincts about who to trust and when to speak out. But with a murderer on the loose, is now really the time to stay and fight, or should she just move on to the next new town?

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

Nora Fox: More of a Marilla character, Nora is slow and thoughtful to Arlie’s quick to action and judgment. She is exactly who she appears to be, and doesn’t hide her opinions. Arlie needs Nora’s help to find the true killer, but she chafes at Nora’s structure and refusal to jump to conclusions. Nora’s past has led her to value security, predictability, knowledge, and comfort. She is willing to fight for justice, but she will only act as a last resort. She prefers to use her intellect and her connections with others to assist in the fight.

Dan White: The murderer, has waited in the wings his whole life. Stepping in to his father’s job of financial advisor and overall life manager for the Doring family, he is sure his loyalty will eventually be repaid and his lifelong love of Barb Doring reciprocated. After all, he deserves it. But when Barb’s son Chet announces he is getting married, entitling him to the remainder of the family trust, Dan’s dreams are in danger. When he realizes a simple tweak to a bachelor party prank could save his job and allow him to play hero, he decides to finally take action. His murder plot is successful, but no one is reacting the way he imagined. Barb is doting on a newcomer and has no time for him. Chet’s fiancée is making demands and bringing unwanted attention to what should be private matters. That pesky librarian and the outsider he had hoped to pin Chet’s murder on are poking around where they don’t belong. And family secrets being revealed means he needs to kill again to secure his future with Barb.

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

Ask Me Anything

Don’t Ask

I would love to find something better!

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: - Read this NWOE article on comparables then return here. Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

The Postscript Murders by Elly Griffiths

Vera Wong’s Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jessie Q. Sutanto

Both of these authors write modern cozy-adjacent mysteries with a cast of diverse characters who become found family. Amateur sleuths combine their skills to provide justice when the regular channels fail.

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

Hoping to escape the drama of her recent past by moving to a new university in a quiet beach town, a young woman finds even more trouble when she is accused of killing her ex-boyfriend and another person she’d tried to forget, and must learn to trust her own instincts about others to save herself.

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Conflict: A Navy brat who has lived all over the world, Arlie is great at reading the room and fitting in. Sometimes too well, so she’s not sure anymore who she is versus who she has adapted herself to be. The one time she let her true self shine through, calling out her frat-boy boyfriend for his potentially criminal treatment of young women, she is shunned on social media and in person. Determined to blend in and just get through her classes at her new school, she avoids attention and getting close to anyone, until she’s back in the spotlight and accused of murdering the very same ex she had hoped would die.

Arlie bristles when she sees injustice, but she has promised herself she wouldn’t get involved in anything that wasn’t hers to do.

Scene: Working her part-time job as a waitress, Arlie finds herself dealing with the frat-boy types she knew all to well at a bachelor party at the golf club bar. Listening to the crude jokes about the bride and enduring lude comments, she sucks it up and puts on a glowing smile instead of delivering the punch in the nose she knows they deserve. That never ends well. When the groom ends up being her ex, she wants to scream but doesn’t react, except to spill a glass of water on him. And when he falls to the ground with convulsions, she knows she can’t just watch. Her dad taught her to step up, so she has to try to save even his worthless life. When he dies anyway, Arlie wonders why she bothers and longs to crawl back into her dorm room bed. But when she’s accused of killing him, she knows she has to fight, no matter what the consequences.

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

Lyle Rowan was the only other person at the bachelor party to step up and try to save Chet. He is charming and funny, and Arlie finds herself attracted to him. But she doesn’t trust her own instincts or anyone else, especially a handsome, charming, rich guy. The push and pull of Arlie’s feelings and inability to trust cause tension and conflict throughout the story, especially when Lyle could also be the murderer. Here are some of Arlie’s thoughts:

Sure, this guy Lyle jumped in to help with CPR when no one else would. But he’s a nepo baby with a bad reputation, and grew up with Chet. Why should he be any different? He’s handsome and charming, and he knows it. Okay, he has spent his time learning to be a top-notch nature photographer instead of partying all the time like Chet. But he’s left two powerful women, an Oscar-nominated actress and a tennis player who beat Serina, at the altar. But he’s polite to his grandmother and fed me rather than griped when I was starving. He seems like he might actually be a nice guy. But I thought that about Chet once upon a time, didn’t I? Or did I just think he was fun and exciting? And that being seen with him would get me access to the best parties in LA? I saw the pecking order at UCLA and made my choice. I was as attracted to the glamour and the instant circle of “friends” in the top sororities as the next college freshman. I lightened my hair and scoured the internet for the right dresses and jewelry before I even landed in LA. So who was I to judge? Aunt Linda was always good at knocking some sense into me when my desire to fit in got bigger than my sense of right and wrong, but she’s gone. And I certainly can’t trust myself, let alone anyone else.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

Ocean Grove, California looks like Mayberry on the beach. A tiny, quiet town nestled between Monterey and Carmel, few people even realize it exists, and just think it’s another neighborhood in Monterey if they think about it at all. But for centuries, there has been more going on here than meets the eye. Women have held roles from mayor to architect. And when they couldn’t wield direct power, they formed the Society of Helpful and Enquiring Women to get things done more discreetly. Tourists come to walk the gorgeous coastal trail and admire the charming bungalows, but most never realize the intricate structure of women supporting truth and justice that hold the town together.

Ocean Grove Public Library has a reference desk like most public libraries, with the “Ask Me Anything” sign. But no other library has Nora Wolfe sitting like a queen on her throne, answering any question a patron dares to ask. Lost children have been found, cheating husbands exposed, and murders solved, at this desk. Except for the never-ending line at the reference desk, the library is quietly bustling like most small libraries. The large windows that overlook the bay in the reading room attract students and retirees. Story times and local history lectures are regularly scheduled. But Arlie quickly realizes that, more than any other library she’s been to, this is a place where she belongs.

Nora’s home, aka the Society Clubhouse is a solid craftsman bungalow two blocks from the library. Owned by SHREW, the comfortable living and dining rooms on the first floor are where members meet. Filled with decades of well-build hand-me-down furniture centered around the huge tiled fireplace, these rooms contain photos of past members, books they’ve written, and memorabilia of member successes. Mitzi, Nora’s wife, reigns over the kitchen, providing food for meetings along with meals for the customers lucky enough to be on her weekly food delivery list. Mitzi is the best chef in town, but you have to be willing to eat what she’s in the mood to make. Nora and Mitzi live on the second floor, behind the bright red door few are invited to pass beyond. The third floor is available, according to Society charter, to those in need, for as long as that need exists. This is where Arlie ends up when she is unable to return to her dorm, in a cozy attic bedroom with a window seat that has peeks of the bay.

Isla’s Shell House is Lyle’s grandmother’s house. Isla, a marine biologist who worked with Jacque Cousteau when she was younger, had it built for her on the coast in Cobble Beach by an architect friend in the 1960s. Small but perfectly designed for its environment, every room has a view of the ocean, and no space is wasted. When Arlie gets a chance to stay the night in the Pearl Room, she never wants to leave.

Presidio University is the small university in Ocean Grove where Arlie enrolls after leaving UCLA. It is where her Aunt Linda went to college, and the reason her aunt brought her to Ocean Grove every summer. It is located at the top of the hill, furthest away from the ocean you can get in Ocean Grove, in the Grove part of town. Nestled high in the trees, PU is a world unto itself, where few students bother to venture into the rest of the quiet town. Due to her last minute decision to transfer, Arlie is stuck in a triple dorm room in one of the oldest dorms, on a floor full of freshman. As a transfer junior, she feels older than her years and overwhelmed by the chaotic energy of 18-year-olds on their own for the first time. Her roommates, best friends from Turlock, thinks she’s strange even before she’s accused of murder, and the college grapevine makes it impossible for Arlie to stay on campus once Chet is killed.

Various Local Restaurants: Since most of the local restaurants are owned by one conglomerate and Arlie only works part-time, she is sent to various restaurants for her shifts, each with different vibes and staff expectations. La Rue is quiet and French. Shenanigans, the golf bar, is rowdy and loud. Arlie’s skills at reading a room and adapting enable her to work at both, and other restaurants, without a thought. And getting to know staff gives her insight from locals that she otherwise wouldn’t have.

The Coastal Trails through Ocean Grove and Cobble Beach are Arlie’s escape. She can run for miles, get away from the dorm drama, and hold onto her memories of her many visits here with her Aunt Linda. Often the trails are bustling with tourists and bicyclists, but early in the morning or late at night, she can have them to herself, except for the occasional sea lion or pelican.

SHERI BAGLEY

 

Assignment One: Story Statement

 

Overcome the deep fear of love and loss, and learn to live and love again.

 

Assignment Two: Sketch Antagonist/Antagonistic Force in my story

 

I struggled with this one a bit, because Lexi’s deep fear of losing another person she loves is what works against her in the story, so she’s sort of her own antagonist. BUT, if her actual GOAL is to keep herself insulated from the pain of love and loss, then her best friend Janey could be the antagonist. 

Janey lovingly manipulates people and circumstances, in her mind doing what she thinks is best for everyone. She’s motivated by love (and a bit of fear of her own) and her manipulations are clearly the catalysts and driving force of the plot, assisting (forcing, really!) Lexi’s character arc in moving forward. 

At one point I thought maybe Janey was the protagonist–because her goal is clear and measurable–and Lexi was the antagonist, resisting and refusing to let Janey have her way. But Janey dies in Chapter 24 (out of 28, at this point), and where would that leave us? 

 

Assignment Three: Breakout Titles

 

FAR ENOUGH AWAY  This title came to me fairly early in the writing process, because of something Janey tells Lexi when they’re fighting about one of Janey’s manipulations.  “You can’t hold people (you love) far enough away that it won’t hurt when they die!” Because Lexi is intent on keeping people at arm’s length for fear of being devastated when they die (or just leave).

 

NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE  In the same argument with Janey, Lexi insists she has nothing left to give–she gave every bit of her best to Mark (her deceased husband, and Janey’s brother). 

 

Love Again, Live Again

 

Assignment Four: Genre and Comps

 

Genre:  Steamy Romance (Though it may be a little less steamy by the time I’m done!)

 

Comps:  The Wings of the Dove by Henry James was the novel that came closest to mine plot-wise, but it was written in 1906! 

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet comes close, but there isn’t secret manipulation involved, and this one was written in 2015.

(Clearly this is something I still need to work on, but I want to get this posted! )

 

Assignment Five:  Logline

 

Three years after Lexi, a widow in her 50s, witnessed the horrifying death of her beloved husband, all she wants to do is cling fiercely to her past. Refusing to entertain the idea of ever loving again, but desperately missing physical intimacy, she allows her best friend to manipulate her into embarking on a journey she would never have imagined, surprising herself and finally allowing healing and love–in the last place she ever expected.

 

Sixth Assignment:  Inner Conflict and Secondary Conflict

 

Inner Conflict:  Lexi has a couple of reasons for inner conflict:

First, she was completely devoted to her husband Mark, and even though he’s been dead for three years, she still has a “relationship” with him. Everything in their bedroom is still the same. His clothes are still in his closet and dresser drawers, the furniture is exactly where it was, etc. She still mourns his passing and is haunted by the fact that she witnessed his death. So she feels guilty for engaging in a physical relationship with someone else.

Hypothetical Scenario (for first Inner Conflict):  Immediately following the first sexual encounter with Hunter, Lexi starts sobbing, without any thought behind it. She feels like it’s completely out-of-the-blue. The following morning, she realizes that she felt guilty because she enjoyed it, and felt like she was betraying Mark’s memory.

 

Second, after several months, Lexi begins to have little glimmers of emotional attachment to Hunter. They’ve been friends for 30-plus years, but now and then, she feels a bit more than just friendship. However, Hunter “belongs” to someone else, so she stuffs her feelings and refuses to think about them. 

Hypothetical Scenario (for second Inner Conflict):  Janey and Hunter have a big party for their 30th anniversary, and an old friend of theirs (Brandon) pays a lot of attention to Lexi. At the end of the evening, Hunter sort of gives Lexi “permission” to date Brandon. He doesn’t want to hold her back from finding love/happiness. Lexi is taken aback. She doesn’t want to date anyone–the way things are is perfect for her. She can hang onto Mark, and still have a physical relationship that doesn’t “endanger” that. Then she finds out that Hunter and Janey still have a sexual relationship once in a while, and she has a little “mini freak-out”. The following day, Christi asks Lexi if she’s in love with Hunter, and Lexi, who hasn’t wanted to even glance at her feelings, much less examine them closely, denies being in love with him.

 

Secondary Conflict:  Once Lexi agrees to enter into a physical relationship with Hunter, she must keep it hidden from everyone in her life except Janey (whose idea it was). 

Hypothetical Scenario:  On the anniversary of Lexi’s husband’s death, Janey sends Hunter over to be with Lexi, knowing that Lexi will most likely be an emotional mess. Lexi and Hunter stay up talking until the wee hours, and then have sexy-time upstairs. Hunter accidentally falls asleep and stays the rest of the night there, something he’s never done. They’re woken up late the next morning by Ross and Christi, coming to bring Lexi breakfast.

 

Seventh and Final Assignment:  Setting

 

Most of the scenes take place in and around a 55-and-over gated community (possibly in one of the cooler parts of Arizona–Pine-Top, Lakeside, maybe Flagstaff [though snow might be a little much]). There are three homes they frequent–Janey and Hunter’s, Ross and Christi’s, and Lexi’s–that have similar, but not identical, lay-outs. They have monthly BBQs that take place in a big, open, grassy area near the community clubhouse. 

There is potential here for other residents of the community to be characters in the story (Lexi’s next-door-neighbor Maddie has a few scenes, as well as a newer, beautiful blond woman named Stephanie who has a mad crush on Hunter), but I need to figure out if they really help to move the story forward. My original thought was to add Maddie so that it wasn’t just the five friends who have no other people in their lives.  

Other places in the story include a campground up in the mountains, a Tuscan Winery out past the edge of town, a small coffee shop called The Beanery, and an event venue called Solstice, where they have an underground wine-cave.

 

More specifically:

Lexi’s kitchen, living room, primary bedroom, Mark’s closet in that bedroom, guest bedroom, roof and side yard (though I might cut that scene). Her front porch and yard. Her back porch and yard.

 

Ross and Christi’s kitchen, dining room, and, because it’s open to the dining area, the living room.

 

Janey and Hunter’s dining area, living room, kitchen, guest bedroom, back yard, primary bedroom and bathroom/shower.

 

The streets of the community where they live, the walking path around the small lake in the community, a playground where the residents can bring their grandchildren.

 

The Tuscan Winery: the front as they pull up in Hunter’s truck, the dining tables in the terraced deck/garden area, the stage where the band is set up. The big, open room inside where all the wineries are set up for the wine-tasting event. The women’s restroom, the hall outside the restroom.

 

The campground: their “family campsite” where their three RVs are set up, sitting around the fire, the women’s restroom at the campground, the roads through the campground, the river that flows through the campground, under an old stone bridge that crosses the river, at a picnic table where they all have breakfast.

 

The Beanery: a sweet little coffee shop with lots of dark wood, dark green upholstery on the comfy sofas and chairs, and on the seats of the dining chairs, lots of plants, creamy white walls. A very comfortable, homey atmosphere.

 

A picnic table near the snack-bar at a small lake near the edge of town.

Leila Emadin

1. THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

Galaxy Burns, a reluctant guest, is trapped at a remote Zen Buddhist monastery where she has to uncover the community’s shameful past to solve the murder of the former Abbot—at the wedding of the young woman who was recently revealed as his illegitimate daughter.

2. THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

Adair’s hair is short, iron grey. She makes no effort to enhance her appearance. “Her smile drew the ends of her narrow lips so far down that on anyone else it would be called a frown.”

She has dedicated her life to good. Her world is prescribed by the strictest interpretations of her beliefs. After a lifetime of right thought and right actions, she is finally, in a position where she can dictate that they all do the same—and punish anyone who fails to obey. No one knows the abuse she suffered as a child. Or more recently. No one can know the shameful secret she has hidden. As Abbess, she will do anything to keep this sudden threat, this ghost who has appeared from the distant past with his life-changing revelation, from destroying her community again. Or from taking away the one thing she holds most dear.

Not even she, before, could have imagined the lengths she would go to protect what is hers.

3. CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE:  The Sound of One Hand Killing

4. DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

I know how important it is to find comparables, and I’m having a hard time. The easy, superficial answer is that my novel looks like a contemporary, slightly literary, ‘locked room’ suspense novel (maybe The Hunting Party, by Lucy Foley?). But there is more here.

The unusual setting—both the physical setting, and the community—plays a vital role. The remote location and natural world impose their rhythms on the novel and dictate key events.

The Zen Buddhist community defines the world of the story and the pace of the narrative. It also prescribes the behavior of most of the key characters.

This community will be a key selling point for the book: more than 1.3 Americans (and more than 535 million people around the world) identify as Buddhists. Millions more have incorporated some of the beliefs, the tenets, the practices and even the vocabulary of Buddhism into their lives. This novel is a glimpse behind the scenes of an American Zen Buddhist community—one that exists in this world, but is also a world of its own.

The central conflict is based on power and potential abuse struggles between the male and female characters; and, crucially, religious leaders and their followers.

All of these elements together make the novel a bit difficult to categorize, but will be selling points. There is a large, connected community who will want to read this book because they have some personal interest in, or experience with, Zen—and people will be talking about it. In addition to that audience, I think most of the early sales will be primarily based on the suspense aspect of the novel, and some, possibly prurient, curiosity, which will build to sustained sales over time. 

These are the books I’m reviewing as possible comps. And suggestions would be really welcome. 

The Hunting Party, by Lucy Foley

Broken Country, by Clare Leslie Hall

The Woman in Cabin 10, by Ruth Ware

A Quiet Retreat, by Kiersten Modglin

Where the Crawdads Sing, by Delia Owens

5. CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT 

A reluctant guest at a remote Buddhist wedding must uncover the monastery’s shameful secrets that lead to the death of the former Abbot, who has just been revealed as the father of the bride.

6. OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

Inner conflicts:

-      uncomfortable with herself: not knowing how to handle her own intelligence, social awkwardness;

-      not belonging (not to the community, not to anyone; being alone); open (religious) conflict with Adair; unexpected, developing conflict with Raine because she’s been put in a position of knowing private, ‘secret’ information she’s now keeping from her; and getting shanghaid into helping Valen (cop) feeds her ego, but puts her in conflict with everyone else;

-      romantic tension and jealousy: unrecognized/unspoken feelings with Valen; confusion with Devon; jealousy (old and new) with Macie; jealous of the couples

 Example:

“Here.” Valen stood on the bottom step, two feet below her, holding out a diamond ring. For an instant she had trouble breathing. It was beautiful. Not very big, but lovely. Then her brain snapped back into place.

“Where? How?”

“Evan. He found it that night, when he went back. On the floor, by the plunge. He saw it  shine in the light from his flashlight.”

“But he didn’t see the body?” Valen shook his head, obviously annoyed.

Galaxy looked at the ring in his hand. There were dried green smears of the decaying satin it had lain in for so long, but the band still shone. High quality gold, she thought to herself. And the empire-cut center diamond sparkled in the sun. Valen pulled the ring up to his face, squinting, then offered it to her again. She bit down a highly inappropriate giggle at the thought of junior-high jock Valen Wolfe being too old to read the tiny inscription. She took his gloved wrist and turned it, so that she could see the whole line.

"What is the color of love?" She looked up. “Who it was for? I mean, originally.”

"What does it mean?"

She shook her head. "I don’t know. Maybe a koan?"

"A what?"

"A koan. It's a kind of teaching riddle they use. Like a parable. You know, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" She realized with a start that she was still holding his wrist, and let it go.

"Uh—nothing?"

"See—Daphne was right. You are a Buddhist. You just don't know it yet."

"That's the answer?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Maybe."

He shook his head, frustrated.  "What are you talking about?"

"I don’t make this stuff up, Valen! And I am so not the right person to explain it. I think it's less about the sound that the clapping doesn't make," she paused, getting lost in her own confused attempt to explain, "and more about figuring out the question?"

He stared at her in disbelief. "So, what is the color of love?"

She shrugged again. "I don't know." She looked at the ring, where he held it between them. "The diamond is clear..."

Macie came up, took one look, and nodded. "Pretty, " she said. "It's an antique." She slid her hand into Valen's, a startling intimate gesture, brought it close, and read the inscription. "But that's newer." Still holding Valen’s right hand, she read the note he was holding in his left. "Farber Lang. That makes it easy. They've got records going back more than a hundred years." She looked at Galaxy, and let go of Valen’s hand.

Finally, Galaxy thought. She and Valen just stared at her.

"If that diamond's as flawless  as it looks, it’s worth a fair amount of money. So he was going to propose. At least that's something. Damn him, anyway. Poor Rainie...what?"

Valen recovered first. "How do you know all this?" Macie looked at him like he'd asked her if she could read. She enunciated her words.

Slowly.

"It's an antique diamond ring. From Faber Lang—they’re the oldest jewelers in the city. I assume that means that he was going to propose to Raine's mother. Back then, I mean. Which part didn't you understand?"

 

Sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment.

The last notes of the gong resounded in the cold air. Galaxy made her way across the courtyard, It looked like most of the community was already crowded just inside the dining room. The first person she saw was Wren. It would be. She turned away, stepping behind a convenient, broad robed back. It didn’t work. Wren appeared at her side, silently offering an open wooden box. Galaxy shook her head, offended. She didn't need to see the photocopied prayer Wren was distributing to each of the visitors. She hadn't seen the 'Verse of the Five Contemplations' since the summer, but she remembered the words.

Someone struck the tiny bell they kept on the dining room altar, in its niche on the wall, and they began in ragged unison:

"We reflect on the effort that brought us this food,

and consider how it comes to us.

We reflect on our virtue and our practice,

and whether we are worthy of this offering.

 

We regard it as essential to keep the mind free from excesses,

such as greed.

We regard this food as good medicine to sustain our life.

For the sake of enlightenment, we receive this food.

 

First, this is for the Three Treasures: the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha.

Second, for the four Benefactors: for our Teachers, our Parents, our Nation, and our World.

Third, for the beings in the six realms; may all be equally nourished.

 

The first portion is to end all evil.

The second portion is to cultivate all good.

The third portion is to free all beings.

 May we all realize the Buddha Way.”

 

The monks bowed, and then they all jostled, in a good-natured and overly-civilized manner, to get in line.

 

7. Sketch out your setting in detail.

The setting of my novel is Masiana, a Zen Buddhist monastery deep in the mountain wilderness east of Big Sur, California, where community members and a small group of invited ‘outside’ guests have gathered for a wedding.

The physical aspects—and challenges—of the location are first introduced through the arduous journey to Masiana, as well as the guests’ arrival and first impressions. More detail is revealed as the story unfolds. I’ve attached the initial (disparate) descriptive passages from the first 75 or so pages:

Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, is the kind of place where a hamburger costs $26.95. It was hard to imagine a more extreme contrast to the monastery where she was headed. Less than thirty miles away as the crow, or the endangered California condor, flies. Galaxy glanced at the gas gauge and realized with a groan that she'd have to fill up on the way. Here at sea level, it was almost an hour to the Way Station, where she’d leave her car and board the Stage. And from there it was another two hours and fifteen bone-jarring miles of twisting, cliff-hugging, rutted dirt road up and over the almost impassable coastal range, and then down, into the heart of the wilderness, to Masiana. The oldest Buddhist Monastery in the western world.

 …

 And I don't have more luggage than anyone else, she thought, twenty minutes later, having self-righteously counted the pieces in Macie's designer set. With Brad's strong arms and good-natured help, Otter had attempted to shoehorn most of it into the SUV. They piled the rest on top of the ancient Suburban, in a hard-shelled container attached to the top that looked like a giant green beetle. The four of them settled themselves in, silently ceding the front bench, next to the driver, to the other two passengers—an older man with a smoothly-shaved head who looked vaguely familiar, and a young man, who managed to look both nervous and slightly disapproving, at the same time. They’d been waiting silently a few steps away.

After a final check, Otter started the SUV,  using both hands to crank the heavy steering wheel around as they made the sharp turn out of the parking lot. They rattled over the cattle guard onto the dirt road beyond. A small, hand-lettered wooden sign Galaxy had never seen before stood tilting in the mud off to the side:

Thank you for driving slowly:

life goes by fast enough!

Then they were bouncing their way carefully back and forth up the first of the many rutted, muddy switchbacks that led the top of the Pass. From there the road would fall another ten miles down the other side, twisting back on itself, over and over, as it clung desperately to the steep, crumbling cliffs  before ending, finally, in the narrow valley that was their destination. Masiana: another two hours and a whole world away.

 …

 Masiana. It is not so much a valley as a ravine, a deep, steep gash all but invisible from any distance in the roughly pleated, densely wooded Ventana mountain wilderness. Macie and Griff had been here as children—but not often, and not for years. Their idea of roughing it was staying in a hotel with fewer than five stars.

"I'd never heard of Masiana before I met Raine," Brad said as the Stage rounded another turn and they all slid in their seats, grabbing whatever they could to hang on to. "I'm really looking forward to it. There's a  creek, right?" He turned slightly, trying to look toward Galaxy on the bench behind him.

She could have told him: the cold waters of Masiana creek run east, fighting their way over boulders and through narrow rocky turns, opening up into deep, hidden pools and falling suddenly over steep drop-offs, over and over again until they run into the larger Arroyo Seco River somewhere to the southeast. She'd never hiked that far. She'd never been to the place where the redoubled waters joined, turned, and rushed, as if to make up for lost time, to meet the Pacific Ocean to the west.

Instead, she just nodded.

It was hard to carry on a conversation in the bouncing, swaying, Stage, but Macie did her level best. Recounting how Brad had first met Raine in Steiner's Gourmet Market, down the hill from the loft he and Griff shared in Pacific Heights. "He started by asking her advice and ended up hiring her to cook a meal for him and Griff."

Brad chimed in. "She was still a student at the Culinary Institute then. Now she's the rising star at Veg--"

"But her boss, that egomaniac Robert Garzi, takes most of the credit,” Macie interrupted. “He's even talking about a book, taking credit for recipes that Rainie says belong to Masiana."  Galaxy, who knew too well who Rob Garzi was, steered the torrent of words back to Raine, and Macie continued. Oh, yeah—they’d all become friends… and it was Macie who'd eventually realized that her mother's uncle was Cricket's brother. “So, we’re practically family, really.”

Between the bouncing Stage, scrabbling and sliding around each switchback, Macie's endless, convoluted babble, and the warm, stale air blasting from the heating vent beside her, Galaxy, not usually prone to motion sickness, was starting to feel decidedly queasy. Or it may have been all that bacon. Otter was carefully slaloming around the worst of the rocks and mud from recent slides, trying to avoid the deepest potholes without veering too close to the steep drop-off at the cliff's edge.

Galaxy looked out. On either side of the road the smooth trunks of the madrone trees shone like burnished copper in the winter sun. Drops of water sparkled like leftover bits of magic from the bare branches. The Stage ascended slowly, past creeks of water that ran down the rock face to their left and over the narrow road to form muddy orange puddles in the potholes.

They were almost at the top of the Pass. Otter slowed even more as the wheels searched for traction, and Brad twisted in his seat to look around. To the east, rippled green hillsides dropped down to the valley floor, where pale, pastel-colored blocks of new housing developments crowded against the fertile green fields of the Salinas Valley. Ahead, the corrugated folds of the coastal range marched in staggered rows to the south as far as they could see. And to the west, in a narrow notch between the wooded slopes, it all ended in a deep blue triangle of Pacific Ocean on the horizon.

Galaxy remembered that the Esalen Indians, who'd lived on this jagged coast for over ten thousand—ten thousand—years, called life here “dancing on the edge of the world.”

 …

 The Stage continued its descent, turtling around the hairpin turns. The Esalen knew every fold in these mountains, Galaxy thought, her mind still reeling over the empty expanse beside them. They walked the trails along each of those ridges; they came and went in cycles with the seasons. For them the overwhelming physical formations of the valley were less compelling than what lay hidden deep beneath them: the life-saving spirit of the earth, pouring forth in boiling, sulphurous waters that cleansed the body and soul of any whose heart was strong enough to withstand them. Ritual bathing in those steaming hot springs left them weakened from their encounter with the Gods; cleansed and healed. Sure of the power of the earth and the goodness of her gifts.

"What does Masiana mean?" Brad asked, as if he could hear her thinking. Galaxy thought Otter, or one of the monks sharing the front seat would reply, but they were silent. Brad and Macie turned to look at her.

"The Esalen named everything they saw," she said, almost in a trance, remembering what she'd read years ago.  She could remember almost everything she’d ever read, and she'd come across it again these past few days. "The sea, the sky, every plant, every animal. They called the valley masiana'x pulpul matsa...aosapa asanax,” she could see the words on the page, but stumbled over the unfamiliar syllables, “where the burning spirit of the earth gives birth to water.'" She shrugged, suddenly aware of their scrutiny. "It's been Masiana ever since."

She could have gone on, but she’d been accused too often in her life of being a know-it-all.  She could have told them that Masiana's newest residents—the Zen Monastery where they were headed—had only been here fifty years or so. And that they called anyone who had braved a full year at Masiana, who had somehow survived both an entire burning summer, and a, bitter, freezing, winter, a true “Masi.”

Many of them celebrated the achievement with a home-made tattoo: a stylized image of fire and water painfully pricked into once city-soft skin. The tattoo reminded them of the experience years later, when they had grown soft again, and forgetful.

It was an external sign of the change the place wrought in their soul.

…

An hour later they slid slowly around the last turn and into the open area in front of the entrance to Masiana. The cars parked in the small lot and on either side had been washed almost clean by yesterday’s rain, except for a muddy few at the end who’d obviously arrived since. The stylized wooden Temple Entrance, with its steep thatched roof, looked very Japanese. Next to it, the simple metal gate across the road stood open. Galaxy had never seen it closed.

Otter threaded the Stage over the creaking bridge and through the narrow opening. They rolled down, past the worn shop buildings, past the garden sheds, the greenhouse, and the bare vegetable garden with its raised, empty beds. Galaxy twisted her neck to look, but the cluster of tiny cabins carved into the steep cliff wall rising to their right were almost directly above them, and impossible to see from here. The Stage slowed into the turn past the Zendo and sighed to a crunchy stop on the gravel Landing.

They had arrived.

Wow, she breathed. If Masiana during the busy Guest Season was like summer camp for the New Age, in winter it looked like Outward Bound for the hard-core. The usually emerald stretch of lawn in front of the Stone Office was muddy and brown. The ancient wisterias that embraced over the carved wooden arbor in front of the student dining porch were bare, skeletal twigs clutching desperately to the last few faded leaves. No welcoming flowers bloomed along the stone wall. Instead, damp piles of dirty straw protected the tender roots and bulbs hidden underneath. The plain wooden sign where the old Gossip Oak used to stand, next to the railroad bell that announced guest mealtimes, was clearly visible; the summer screen of tall Shasta daisies reduced now to inch-high brown stumps. Bedraggled clumps of shorn lavender lined either side of the steep stone steps that climbed from the kitchen below them to the left.

It had been years since an errant Stage had bumped and broken one of the heavy timber posts supporting the roof over the path. The repair, conducted with Sig’s deliberate mindfulness, was barely visible now, just a darker slash in the faded grey wood. Large metal garden carts in varying shades of old green stood upended over the stone culvert that ran down next to the road,  their wheels in the air, their long handles leaning on the stacked stone wall beneath the Zendo. Ready to carry luggage—or laundry, or compost, or supplies—down the path in either direction to the tiny cabins that sprouted in mismatched clusters along the creek below, or up to the shop area they’d passed by the Gate, or down to the work yard at the far end of the ravine.

By the time Galaxy and Macie climbed out of the far back seat where they’d been trapped by Macie’s matching bags, most of the other luggage had been unloaded. With their usual care, someone—maybe Otter, but it could have been one of the other passengers—had carefully separated and set off to the side what was obviously Galaxy’s briefcase, the wrapped wedding gift, and the big bag of cookies she’d brought for Raine.

As she gingerly stepped out of the SUV and down onto her good knee, the smell hit her at the same time as the cold. It was almost enough to drive her back into the Stage: the thick, acrid stench of sulphur rising through the cold, clear air. Griff, city-mouse to the core, was holding a manicured hand over his tiny, offended nose. His gorgeous boyfriend just grinned and rolled his eyes. If Brad had grown up in the heartland—something Macie had revealed on the ride—he’d probably smelled worse, Galaxy thought. Macie gasped and choked, waving a graceful hand, tennis bracelet flashing in the winter sun, and giggling. Galaxy always forgot about the smell, and was always stunned and surprised by it all over again.

It took her a moment to realize that the deafening roar that accompanied it was the creek. Barely audible at the height of the summer, it now thundered, swollen with the recent rains. The roar echoed back and forth between the sheer cliffs exposed on either side, the trees that screened them in the summer now standing like dark skeletons, leafless and bare.

The smell was making her eyes water, and Macie was squinting behind her designer shades. Two freshly-shorn students came up the shallow, irregular stone steps from the office below, and bowed. Clearly students—acolytes—the stiff bristles of their hair were cut only to within a quarter-inch of their skulls, rather than the complete smooth hairlessness that signified priesthood. One, smiling, consulted a clipboard, matching their names to rooms while the other stood sullenly by, expressionless and silent. It was hard to tell if he was angry, or just perfecting the sullen, blank look that so many of them wore. She wondered, not for the first time, if they were all really that unhappy.

Last summer, Robert Haus, the author and chef whose name and face were well known beyond these mountains, and who had been one of the earliest Zen students here all those years ago, had stopped her in the kitchen one day. It was one of the lowest points in her life, and she was chopping vegetables in a desperate attempt to process the pain.

“What’s your deal, Galaxy?” he’d asked, this almost-mythical figure of Masiana history. She’d recently discovered his cookbooks, though she rarely used them, and was surprised that he knew her name. He looked at her. “You’re way too cheerful to be a Buddhist,” he said.

She’d been too stunned to reply.

It was only a couple of days later that she’d had her final run-in with Adair, who was Ino at the time. Galaxy was leaving the Zendo after morning Zazen. Meditation was one thing—emptying her mind sounded like such a good, if elusive, idea—but she’d stopped staying for the creepy service afterwards. A roomful of droning worshippers, chanting in four languages that none of them spoke, or understood. The words were transcribed phonetically in slim, black-bound chant books. It was a matter of pride, for some of them, when they didn’t need to use the books anymore. But even native speakers, had there been any around, would have had trouble recognizing the words. And Pali! Did any of them even know where (or when, or if,) Pali had ever been spoken? After a few initial, uncomfortable attempts, Galaxy had started slipping out after meditation. She’d head down to the kitchen and help a grateful Chiyo with the ever-present, always-growing pile of dishes, instead.

Until that morning. Adair had blocked her escape and told her that she had to stay for the service. Like the good girl she’d been raised to be, Galaxy did as she was told. And, like a wounded child, she’d sobbed, uncontrollably, through the whole miserable ritual. She still didn’t know why. The second it was over she’d run back to her room, thrown her things into her bag, and gotten the hell out. If there hadn’t been room on the Stage that day she would have WALKED over the damn mountain. She’d left in such a hurry, she’d left a brand-new pair of Croc Clouds, and her new favorite shirt, kind of a bright, lime green linen, behind. Not to mention the money she’d paid for the rest of her stay. She almost didn’t care. She’d had enough. Not sure she’d ever come back. Or wanted to.

And now here she was.

She’d also sworn that she’d never, ever, step foot in a Zendo—or anywhere else—for a Buddhist service again. She looked up at the long, squat building looming above them. More than likely, that’s where the ceremony would take place.

Ce la vie, she thought. And somewhere God--or Buddha--laughed.

STORY STATEMENT

            I have two protagonists from vastly different times and places. Wenzel Voegelin and Vakeva Gullveig. Their separate stories merge near the end of this manuscript.

1) Wenzel must stop Magzaar, the sorcerer who massacred his family—among others. Upon failing he must find his chosen successor before the unstoppable death from the sorcerer’s curse takes him.

2) Vakeva settles into a semblance of her pre-orphan existence but takes an unbelievable detour when she meets the dying Wenzel. She must first believe, then learn what magic is and how to control it; and come to terms with Wenzel’s story of the evil sorcerer Magzaar, who will return one day.

ANTAGONIST OR ANTAGONISTIC FORCE

Wenzel’s antagonist is the sorcerer Magzaar. Magzaar was tormented and neglected as a child—because he was a sorcerer. His father, a wizard, mistreated him under the guise of teaching him to be tough and thus successful in the world. His mother couldn’t give him love to compensate. He was secretly tutored by a mysterious rouge faerie who showed him magic—without context or full information—to protect himself from his father. Magzaar felt the unknown magic was for much more than stopping his father. He felt the fae chose him to rule over the magical world, and using them to rule the whole world. Fear was his tool. He had to use whatever means he had to make people fear. Mortals were expendable—"after all, they had such pitifully short lives, anyway."

Vakeva’s antagonist is life and Mr. Dwire. Dwire, the town blacksmith, agreed to care for Vakeva until permanent arrangements could be made. Once he had control of all her money and possessions, he kept her around as free labor while freely spending her money ‘on her upkeep.’ Within a year, the money was gone and even her horse is sold. Later, her antagonist will become Magzaar.

TITLE

1)    Wizard Earth

2)    The Wizard Realm Saga: Wizard Earth

3)    In Medias Res: The Wizard Realm Saga (Book 1)

COMPS

Heidi meets The Magicians.

The First Binding by R.R. Virdi: layered timelines, parallel character development, and mythological underpinnings.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman: Magic hidden around the normal world we all experience with a few chosen ones having access to it—an antagonist whose power is unknown.

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT (hook or logline)

A young orphan strikes out on her own in 15^th century Ireland, enduring hardship and attacks until the night she meets a strange old man with an unbelievable story … and a gift.

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT

WENZEL:
Primary (inner): Wenzel’s happy life is torn apart when the Roman army (guided by Magzaar) attacks his family’s farm, killing all—except Wenzel, who plays dead to survive. Severely wounded and hungry, he must leave the farm and the graves he dug for his parents and brothers. For two years he roams from town to town working for food and a place to sleep. All the while, the black eyes of the mysterious man watching the massacre on the hilltop, haunts his dreams. The thoughts don’t dwindle even after he becomes a wizard. So, he makes it his life’s work to stop this man he discovers is the Sorcerer Magzaar. He must avenge his family.

(Hypothetical scenario): The man then turned away from the crowd as he moved to mount his horse. This gave Wenzel an unobstructed front view. The recognition hit him hard. Magzaar.

He had not met the sorcerer, but he’d seen him twice before. The black eyes of a sorcerer were obvious, but the perpetual scowl that most sorcerers did not exhibit solidified the recognition. The sorcerer’s gaze descended upon Wenzel. “A wizard, I see.” He tossed the reins to the closest warlock and stepped toward the nervous Wenzel. “And why is a wizard encroaching on this tranquil coven?”

“I pay my respects to all magicals as I make my travels.” He stayed on his horse but bent forward in a bow of deference without appearing condescending. “Sorcerers included, Magzaar.”

“So, you know me. But I don’t recall meeting you …”

“I am Wenzel of Voegelin.”

“Voegelin? I knew that region. The Romans seemed to have made it … disappear.”

“That they did. My family with it.”

“I never cared for the Romans,” said Magzaar. “Great ingenuity, with the help of your fellow wizards, but their ability to acquire far outpaced their ability to hold. A major shortcoming.”

The thought of wizards helping to advance the Romans had an ill effect on Wenzel, but he quickly let it dissipate. “I hold no grudge against the general populace for the acts of a few men and their leaders.”

“Only weak men walk away from such a vicious affront without exacting revenge. I can help you with that, and I can always use a strong wizard on my team.”

“I thank you for the offer, Sorcerer Magzaar, but I prefer to find my own solutions to my chosen battles.”

Secondary (social): Wenzel’s self-appointed goal is to rid the world of the evil propagated by Magzaar. To do this, he must kill Magzaar—a sorcerer, not an easy task. He spends centuries following rumors of lost spells and curses that a wizard could use to kill a sorcerer. Every turn becomes a dead end until a rumor of a Guardian Witch hiding ancient scrolls makes it to his ears. The most promising clue he’s ever had brings him to the Alas Purwo Forest on the island of Java. He finds the witch, but Magzaar beat him there and destroyed the scrolls. Fifteen hundred years of searching and he arrives too late. There are no more rumors to follow.

(Hypothetical scenario): “From time to time we get visitors looking for something. They know not what, but they too follow rumors and we are a coven keeping secrets—that much is obvious to the world. Secrets attract the curious—even if they don’t know what they seek.”

“So, I have to prove my worthiness for you to show me the scrolls?”

“I can’t show you the scrolls. But nobody believes I can’t give what they want. They’ve built up in their mind that I have their answers.”

Another cryptic game? I’ll go along and see where it leads. Wenzel began. “Each wizard has a goal they choose as their life’s work—”

“I’ve learned about wizards. I’ve met wizards. That doesn’t change reality. I can’t show you the scrolls.”

She’s not saying she doesn’t have them. How do I convince her to show me the scrolls? He continued. “There is a terrible influence spreading over the world. My chosen life’s work is to stop it. Stop the one who’s causing it.”

“I may live in an isolated forest within a great big world, but my life has been studying that world. I know bad things and bad people come and go. Why is now any different?”

“Each iteration gets worse. He who stokes it gets better at it each time.”

“You make it sound as if the bad influence is a single person, but these things have gone on forever, ruled by different men each time. Men die and their dreams die as well.”

“The men who make it into the history you learned, are puppets. The real culprit is the Sorcerer Magzaar. I am after Magzaar. He will not die.”

At the sound of the name, the Guardian froze.

Wenzel straightened up at the Guardian’s recognition of the name. “Do you know this sorcerer?”

“You may have heard rumors, among the many you heard about Alas Purwo, that wizards and sorcerers come here to show themselves to lesser magicals and mortals … to play with us.” She smiled widely. “Well, that is true. One of them was the Sorcerer Magzaar. He also sought the scrolls. The first time he came, nearly two thousand years ago, he slaughtered many of our coven, but I, the Guardian Witch, would not reveal the scrolls. Our willingness to be killed without a hint of revealing the truth convinced him that there were no scrolls.”

“You said ‘the first time.’ He returned?”

“Yes. The second time was about five hundred years ago. He killed many more of us, including me, the body of the Guardian Witch. And he took the scrolls. All of them. There were three.”

Wenzel dropped his head to the table. Sugayatri noticed this and ran toward him, though the invisible barrier Wenzel had created blocked her approach. She yelled for Untung to prepare to defend as Wenzel raised his head, sensing a problem outside the barrier. He signaled to Sugayatri that he was safe, and she returned to her table. But she kept her eyes on Wenzel.

"You seem more disheartened than I expected, Wenzel. What does this mean to you?"

"My visions and research tell me those scrolls contained many powerful spells and curses. Spells even the sorcerers don't know. But one in particular, the one I have been seeking for nigh on a millennium and a half, had the power to stop Magzaar. And he has them. May the Gods help us if he learns the power within them."

"Then maybe it is consolation to learn that he doesn't have them."

"What? You said he took them."

"He did. After rolling through each one, he burned them in the firepit not ten feet behind you.”

Wenzel turned on his seat and looked at the firepit. “That may be worse. If he still had them, there was a possibility that we could somehow get them. But destroyed … I have run out of possibilities. There is no way to stop him.”

VAKEVA:

Primary (inner): Vakeva, never knowing her mother, spent her early life helping and protecting her father and at a very young age had mapped out her future. When her father died—she was only ten years old—her future died with him. Not knowing any other way, she wants to restart that life as much as possible. However, her loyalty (even to those who’ve cheated her) and a budding romance presented roadblocks. She must reconcile which parts of her dreamlife to pursue.

(Hypothetical scenario) Mr. Dwire, the local blacksmith and his wife took Vakeva in after her father died, when she thought others had abandoned her. For a year they treated her well. However, unknown to her, they depleted the money and other resources her father had when he died. During the year, she became quite helpful to the blacksmith. She helped around the shop and delivered finished products. She was content but sad. Then she got some encouragement.

“The trick now is to find what makes you happy.”

“I would love to be on the road again, with Papa. The next best thing would be to continue what we were doing. I love bringing to people the things they need.”

“Then find a way to do that. My visions show me you can.”

“Visions? That sounds like witchcraft.”

The lady did not respond to the charge. “Think beyond the Dwires, my dear.”

“Except for spending my money, Mr. and Mrs. Dwire have been so good to me. They’ve grown to depend on me. I can’t just leave them.”

“They did alright before you arrived and they’ll do fine when you’re gone. And from the talk in town, you’ve more than paid in money and service for what they did for you.”

Secondary (social): Starting the day she is born, Vakeva’s life throws curve balls at her. Her mother dies, a witch tells her father she is special, and the townsfolk pity her for her circumstances. She settles into a wonderful life on the road selling things with her father who then dies when she’s ten, leaving her with a protector in an unknown town who steals all the money her father left. Still quite young, she breaks away and resumes the life of a traveling pedlar only to be attacked and kidnapped. Eventually, even as she gets everything she thinks she wants, including love, she realizes that it isn’t the future she dreamed of. As she tries to reconcile this, her world is once again torn apart by the (apparently) chance meeting with a crazy old man who says he’s a wizard.

(Hypothetical scenario) As she sets out to begin her new (old) life as a traveling pedlar she is taught how to defend herself:

Mr. Macarthy stabbed the knife into the wood of the table and fished a well-used sharpening stone out of his pocket. Using the care of a father, he showed her how to keep the knife sharp. His second lesson was how to hold it, to stab or fend off any wild game that may threaten her.

“And lastly …” He became quite serious. “Your biggest threat when traveling alone will be robbers. Defending against them is different than with a wild animal. Humans can think. And be sneaky.”

Mr. MacCarthy spent the next hour teaching Vakeva how to hold, hide, and use the knife.

“One more thing. When they find out you’re a lass … it may get worse. It won’t only be your money they’re after. You know what I mean?”

“You’re the second person who told me something like that. What do robbers do to lassies?”

“With no mother to tell you these things, I guess your father didn’t think it was time. But now is the time.” MacCarthy hesitated, his brow furrowed with worry, and he didn’t know how to go on. “Ailis,” he called to his wife. “I think you need to have this talk with Vakeva. I’ll be at the pub.”

SKETCH OUT SETTING

This story follows three characters from vastly different times and locations. The sorcerer Magzaar was born thousands of years ago, the wizard Wenzel was born early in the first century of the common era, and Vakeva was born in 1474. The locations are there to support the structure of the story, but (except in a few instances) are not crucial to the plot.

The story opens with the tragic birth of Vakeva in a small town in the eastern reaches of the Kalmar Union, in what is now Finland. She moves with her widowed father to the English-ruled Dublin Pale shortly after. She and her father travel between the Pale and outlying towns of Medieval Ireland to sell wares. Upon his untimely death, she is trapped in one of these Irish towns until she breaks out on her own and resumes her father’s trade routes. Her life is confined to the small towns of medieval Ireland, with an occasional visit to Dublin, until her sixteenth year. These small towns have the usual assortment of shops, taverns, and parochial people.

In the second chapter, we meet a young Wenzel on his family farm somewhere east of a river that becomes known as the Rhein in the early decades of the common era. He becomes orphaned and roams what is now southern Germany for a couple of years before meeting a man who makes him a wizard and stays to be his mentor. He travels to several locations that I have pictured in my mind, but are only vaguely pinpointed in the narrative. They end up in Armenia within sight of Mount Ararat.

As Wenzel becomes a fully trained wizard, he moves back to a vague location in a mountainous region of Germany. As his ultimate battle with Magzaar approaches, in the year 1491, Bardsey Island, also known as the Island of 20,000 saints, becomes important. As an infant traveling to Ireland with her father, Vakeva takes an interest as they pass this island. The lore and legend of the island play an important part in the story plot. This island is believed to be the location of Merlin’s grave, under the Glass Tower, protecting the Thirteen Treasures of British myth. I rely on the isolation and mythology to make this place a likely battleground between a wizard and a sorcerer.

After the battle, a dying Wenzel makes his way across the Irish Sea to find his successor. He travels through 15th century Ireland to meet a fellow wizard in Dublin and then to the interior of Ireland to find a girl his fae-inspired dreams revealed.

I have my antagonist, Magzaar’s, early story in a vague location, that I see (but don’t describe) as possibly southeast Europe or the northern part of the Middle East. There is an apple orchard, which is very important to the growth of my antagonist, but I don’t intend to draw similarities to the Garden of Eden. Magzaar moves to a mountaintop that is also vaguely in southeastern Europe (perhaps in the region of modern-day Kosovo.)

Several locations are special to the magical side of this story:

Wizard Sanctuaries are sets of rooms that each wizard has. Sanctuaries are entered through special doorways from the Wizard’s home. These magical rooms contain what each wizard needs to fulfill his/her purpose in life: libraries, workshops, gardens, laboratories, studios, etc. Each sanctuary has an entrance to the Wizard Keepe that only the correct wizard with the current incantation may open. The actual location of these sanctuaries is somewhere in the faerie realm.

Wizard Keepe is a place where all the wizards throughout the world may congregate. It’s basically like a grand hotel or retreat. One of the rooms is the Council Chamber for the elected leadership of The Wizard Realm. This chamber has a room, known as the Infinity Room, that has the power to be anything/place needed. (Not unlike Star Trek’s Holodeck or Harry Potter’s Room of Requirement.) This Keepe is located on the magical planet Terrafae, though the wizards are unaware of this. It is contained under a mountain structure on the planet next to a similar place for the sorcerers, the Citadel. There is no possible entrance between the planet’s surface and the Keepe.

Citadel is a magical place where the sorcerers of the world meet—they don’t have an intermediary place like the Wizard’s Sanctuaries. In essence, it serves the same purpose as the Wizard Keepe, but it is a castle-like structure on the surface of Terrafae, between the pink ocean and blue mountains. Sorcerers can travel the surface of Terrafae as they do on the Earth. Through the Citadel, a sorcerer can enter the Connection.

Sorcerers cannot enter the Keepe and wizards cannot enter the Citadel—just one of those strange laws of the fae.

Connection is a place where sorcerers may communicate with the fae—when the fae wish. Special ceremonies and events take place there. This is also connected to Citadels of sorcerers from other planets within the galaxy. Earth’s sorcerers are free to commune with those from other planets. They may even visit other planets.

Terrafae is a planet orbiting a double star known (to Earth astronomers) as Kappa Librae. It is the magical center of the galaxy. It has oceans, mountains, and plains like Earth, but the sea is a pinkish color that turns purplish between the settings of the two suns. There are non-magical inhabitants of Terrafae, but they have no real part in the early stories of this saga.

Kappa Librae is known in the magical realm as the Wizard Star. The Wizard Star is actually the smaller of the two (Kappa Librae2), but earth magicals were unaware of the double nature of the star during the timeframe of this story. The larger star (Kappa Librae1) is known as the Sorcerer Star to greater magicals (sorcerers and the fae.)

The rare alignment of the two suns Kappa Librae1 and Kappa Librae2, Terrafae, our sun, our moon, and the earth happens in October of the year 1474, during the birth of Vakeva.

 

 

Assignment #1 Story Statement:

The safety of his family, at whatever cost, becomes a dying man’s priority.

Assignment #2 Antagonist:

We all know a “Ricky”. He’s the one whose continued failures are the result of everyone and everything. Accepting responsibility is something he is unable to fathom as it would provide a level of accountability, he’s keenly aware could only be used against him. His confidence and sense of self-importance are backed not by achievement, but by his unchallenged outbursts. When being aggressive fails him, he embraces being the victim. He steamrolls over those who allow him and attempts to rally support against those with “character flaws” who don’t. To call him a narcissist, not to his face – of course, would be calling Everest a hill.   

Assignment #3 Breakout Title:

THE CALM OF CHAOS

 DOG

FAITHFUL CONSEQUENCES

Assignment #4 Comparables:

THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU by H.G. Wells – Displays the ability of animals to have human characteristics and manners of thinking.

HACHIKO WAITS by Leslea Newman – Story of a very dedicated dog to its master who waited at a train station for 10 years for him to return.

DOGS by Nancy Kress – Provides the misunderstanding of dogs / animals’ intelligence and our inability to fully communicate with them.

Assignment #5 Hook Line:

A lightning strike provides a stroke victim’s dog with his cunning, which is used to surreptitiously exact revenge on those who have wronged him and who he sees a threat to him and his family.

Assignment #6 Protagonist: Ward has suffered a great deal of loss, particularly that of his young son, Andy. He is far from a fan of his daughter’s loser boyfriend, Ricky, who he tolerates at her request. He sees much wrong going on around him but has taken a very reserved stance to the point he can be considered a push-over. Having spent four years in the Marines he is able to deal with conflict but chooses to avoid it. He knows he must do something about Ricky to protect his daughter.

Assignment #7 Setting: A quiet underdeveloped town, Clarksville, was mostly known for being ‘near Akron’.  A community of farmers, blue collar workers and of course, Amish. The people who lived there stayed. It was not unusual for families to have several homes of different generations built on the ‘property’, which could span hundreds of acres. Above ground pools, mobile homes, fishing ponds, non-operational vehicles and farm equipment hidden by tall grass were commonplace.  

Prework Algonkian Novel Writing Retreat

August 18, 2025

Title: Neo Soul Love Story

Genre: Women’s Fiction

Assignment One: Act of Story Statement

Simone Baker must find a way to trust again in intimate relationships after she is raped by a former boyfriend.

Assignment Two: Antagonist/Antagonistic Force

Antagonist: Embodied in Gary and the antagonistic situation he created for Simone when he raped her. His actions caused Simone’s reactions as she tries to navigate her post rape life. She becomes Gary’s creation. Her life decisions are always in response to that moment. He’s not constantly in the story, yet he is always in the story. How Simone and Marcus enter into their relationship is in response to Gary’s actions. This leads to an unsuccessful attempt to have a thriving relationship despite their desire to have one. Until that wound in Simone is healed Gary holds sway over their relationship and her life. Unbeknownst to Marcus he is also impacted by the rape. Each hurdle the couple encounters is mostly due to Gary. But Marcus has his own antagonistic situation in how he lived his life previously as a womanizer. His history with women is something that comes back to haunt him and shows up in physical form when an old conquest reappears with a baby. Thus, derailing their relationship further. How will the couple navigate these obstacles to their goal of a healthy, loving, long-lasting relationship?

Assignment Three: Title

Neo Soul Love Story

Assignment Four: Comparables

The books by one of my favorite authors Tina McElroy Ansa. She wrote a series of novels focused on Black women living in Mulberry a small Georgia town. The women in each book face a situation that must be overcome by the final chapters of the book. The situations usually revolve around their families and an obstacle that she (or they in the case of the sisters and mother in Ugly Ways or mother, daughter and granddaughter in You Know Better). As a Black woman I see myself in the women characters Ansa developed as well as the Black community where they live and that formed them. My West Baltimore series is the setting for the Black women in my stories. Women who must overcome a challenge they cannot go around, or over, but must confront. Often with the help and sometimes hindrance of her family, friends, and community.

 Assignment Five: Hook Line

Simone Baker carries an awful secret into her budding relationship with Marcus Robertson. Once it is revealed will it crush any chances of their pursuing long lasting love or will they find a way forward?

Assignment Six: Conflict

Simone’s core wound is the result of being raped by her boyfriend. When Marcus, a young doctor and womanizer, comes into her life, she finds him interesting and attractive, but is not ready for a sexual relationship. Her past trauma is a barrier to any future relationships. For Marcus, the challenge is to enter into a relationship with no intimacy. Is it even worth the effort?

Once Simone is confronted with her growing affections for Marcus accompanied by her tortuous memories of the assault how will she move forward? In a pivotal scene she encounters Gary and reacts violently, landing her in jail. Marcus and both their families are thrown into turmoil. How will they help Simone?

Assignment Seven: Setting

Neo Soul Love Story is set in Baltimore from 1998 to 2000 against the backdrop of Hip Hop culture—the music, clothing, politics, everything from the late nineties entering the millennium period for young post college, professional Black folks. The narrative is infused with a cast of characters from the Black professional class, including multi-generational as embodied in Marcus’ parents, Dr. George Robertson and Alma Robertson, a journalist and community leader. Simone’s friends include musicians, artists, college professors and writers. She and her sister own Neo Soul the bookstore that becomes the hub for family and friends and the backdrop for much of the dramatic turns in the story.

The seven assignments.pages

(1) Story Statement

M must identify the true nature of those around her, understand her childhood issues, and overcome her tendencies towards people-pleasing and perfectionism, to survive ophthalmology residency at the intense and toxic Infirmary.

(2) Antagonists plots to point

Dr. D is the initial temporary antagonist/antagonistic force at the Infirmary. She sees M as a rival, is jealous of her, but also identifies with her - beautiful, competent, and interested in the same subspecialty. She is driven by order, organization, rules, in a completely chaotic environment whereby the only way to enforce this is coming down hard on the residents and forcing productivity.  She spies on the residents, and is the personification of the unnerving, "haunted" sensation that permeates the Infirmary. She also gets a hint of sadistic delight from watching people (especially her primary targets), squirm and fall flat of expectations, and enjoys setting them up for this. She is very passive aggressive and uses other more "minor" villains to enact shame on the main characters. Unbeknownst to the audience/main characters, she faces a lot of pressure from the mysterious powers that be, which motivates a lot of her actions, in addition to her own insecurities about her own competence. Thus, it is discovered later that she is human, and perhaps not as evil as initially imagined. 

Further antagonistic forces include (the "truer" and darker antagonists) include HSR (introduced early on who becomes a more visible character later in the series; a covert masogynist and narcissist), MC ( a co-resident, revealed to be manipulative, two-faced, and ruthless – financially motivated).

However, the Infirmary itself is the true antagonist of the series, as it generates such an overpowering workload in an archaic, inflexible system, which pits the characters against each other, revealing their true flaws and selfishness.

(3) Breakout title: The Infirmary

It's the name of the hospital, it's a pun off the main character's name, foreboding/mysterious, and the characters are all a little deranged.

Alternative: Window into the Soul

(4) Genre + Similar titles

Genre: Women’s Fiction/Romance

Tell me Lies by Carola Lovering

The Wedding People, Alison Espach

(5) Core Wound + Primary Conflict

Hook line: An over-achieving young woman struggles to identify friends from foe while pursuing rigorous training as an ophthalmologist at the illustrious yet malignant Infirmary.

(6) Other Matters of Conflict

Internal Conflict of Main Character

As a result of how she was raised, M has an unwavering feeling that she needs to be grateful for every opportunity, every friendship, every kindness that the world has given, which she must overcome as she will otherwise be eaten alive in this environment. There is turmoil when the powers above/expectations of her residency are in conflict with what is moral, which is delivering good care to patients. She takes her sister's advice to put up boundaries at work, to “clock-in and clock-out” in order to survive, which serves her to a degree. She ultimately realizes that is not the solution, but rather a balance is needed between engaging with her community while exerting boundaries.

The secondary conflict is the complicated romantic dynamics at the infirmary -  the love triangle (more like a pentagon) with JL, a senior resident, who is mysterious, stoic, but adores her (who represents security yet escapism) and MJ, a charming, charismatic, but married fellow (who represents elements she aspires to be – charming, charismatic, above the drama, bright, but unattainable).

She will also have smaller conflicts with other residents – KH (who she initially clocks as a nemesis who turns out to be a reliable ally), MK (initially marked as a mentor but turns out to be fake, undermining, and herself incompetent), MS (a toxic, aggressive adversary, but who pushes her), ML (passive aggressive but a foil to demonstrate her competence in the end). 

(7) Setting 

The setting is the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary in the East Village of New York City.

The building is tall, black brick, a foreboding structure with an uncharacteristically whimsical pink-blue awning declaring it a recently acquired product of Big Hospital. This juxtaposition is foreshadow to the clash which occurs with Big Hospital’s acquisition of the Infirmary—the new, financially motivated Big Hospital versus the archaic infirmary.

It is countless stories tall. 

The first floor is the resident-run ophthalmology clinic – the urgent care is located near the front, where the security guards sit, since that is where the residents see patients after hours (alone, without supervision). In the back is the bustling clinic during the day, with a vacuous waiting room which usually becomes Standing Room Only by 2PM. The residents rotate through, along with the different subspecialties, which is a theme of the novel – characters always rotating through, as the infirmary sits, unchanged and unbothered, a silent witness to the events.

The second and 4^th floor are the OR’s. The second floor is where more ratchet cases go down, where general anesthesia can go, lots of delays and where most resident cases go, especially early on. The fourth floor is much more organized, kinder staff, and runs more like a private practice. Seniors tend to operate here, and straight-forward cataracts are mostly done here.

The third floor is pathology, the conference room, and where ENT used to be.

The fifth floor is the old inpatient rooms, which are not used and almost certainly haunted. Later, Big Hospital will use this space for gender reassignment surgery.

The Infirmary sits in the vibrant and exhilarating city of New York—attracts interesting individuals, lots of diversity; underscores the fact that although these characters live amongst millions, they end up trauma-bonded to each other in this small world. As the book goes on, she makes fewer and fewer attempts to connect with this outside world—initially seeing friends, her sister, and dating outside the Infirmary, but eventually resigning.

The seven assignments(1).pages

1. Writer your Story Statement

In a story about resilience, seventeen-year-old Lindsey maneuvers the chaotic intervals of New York City foster care – questioning trust, love, and her own worth in a society that overlooks her kind. Through various tremendous losses and a special, unexpected connection, Lindsey unintentionally learns the power of emotional vulnerability. 

2. In 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

Walter is the primary antagonist who ignites the initial conflict. Boyfriend to Helen – Lindsey’s foster mother, he takes full advantage of government funds, free housing, and forced servitude in the form of beer runs between his spot at the shockingly-new television and decrepit refrigerator. He loves watching Criminal Minds, CSI, and any shows that feed his delusion that yes –  if studied long and hard in the haze of eight beers deep, he could, potentially, be a well-seasoned criminal that outsmarts any law enforcement agent. If a lazy partnership to Helen means a life of free handouts and alcoholic nourishment, then he’s found his resting place. Ions ago, Walter himself was a foster kid that aged out of the system —  hitching his developed anger management to the local bars and attaching himself to anyone willing to lay as a doormat. Walter’s abusive persona is fueled by his decade-long insecurity of rejection and loneliness. 

Lindsey is everything he was and wasn’t; she’s hardened, but carries a persistent notion that she will both survive and succeed in her circumstance. 

The antagonist force is foster care. From page one to the finish, its gripping presence is woven through the characters, setting, and reader.

3. Create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

The Run

Somewhere, Somehow 

Running from You

4. Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

The Run can be compared with the audience of Jenny Han’s To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Her YA Fiction showcases tasteful interactions between the narrator and her love interest(s), allowing the reader access to the relatability of a teenage mind. The YA genre excuses the young characters to indulge in impulsive behavior, creating irresistible drama. The turmoil in my manuscript reflects the delicious impulsivity of the main narrator, giving the reader  a variety of emotional responses. Han writes in a way that’s very digestible, with easy-flowing events, dialogue, and conflicts. Her readers are drawn to her characters for their authenticity and likeability, imposing last effects. Han is a genius in creating immersive worlds and characters her audience roots for; my pool of readers have expressed similar adoration.

Abby Jimenez constructs emotional roller-coaster fiction, entertaining chaos throughout the entirety of her work – specifically “Just for the Summer.” She writes complex supporting characters and romance that operates in a “slow burn” fashion, rewarding her readers for their patience. For my proposed novel, I create emotional upheaval that aims to leave the reader breathless, as well as respecting my protagonist and reader’s wishes by giving them what they both want and need. Similar to Jimenez, I maintain a healthy balance between surprising turmoil and feel-good scenes, forcing the reader to appreciate the tender moments as they come. Her readers understand complex, mature themes, while also appreciating silly narratives aimed for relief.

5. Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

A teenage girl is kicked out from her foster home, meets a boy that challenges her carefully constructed facades, and works to maintain a steady relationship amidst the mercy of a rocky government system. 

6. Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction. Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

PRIMARY CONFLICT, INNER CONFLICT: 

Lindsey fights back against Walter – her foster mother Helen’s abusive boyfriend, who influences Helen to remove her from the house. Given a few twenty-dollar bills, she faces the streets of New York City without a home base. This inflicting conflict is the first immediate scene in the story, exposing and feeding Lindsey’s core wound in feeling unwanted.

SECONDARY (social environment): 

Lindsey’s only best friend and confidant takes her in, letting her stay in the guest bedroom for as long as she needs. Sleeping safely, Lindsey awakes in the middle of the night to an unknown figure. Utilizing her survival instincts, she sprays the stranger – Nathaniel, with mace. Their initial meeting is nothing short of dramatic and violent, laying an aggravated terrain for the two of them.

7. Sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

SETTING: The setting for the majority of the book is in New York City. Scene-by-scene, I include Central Park, coffee shops, a pet store, a high school, a dentist office, NYU, and a Connecticut suburban neighborhood. The uniqueness of New York is the variety of places I’m able to situate the characters and their reactions to each area. The culture supports my protagonist's toughness. 

Much of their time is spent between Lavender’s apartment in Brooklyn and the foster house in Queens. A portion of the book is in a wealthy suburban neighborhood in Chicago, Illinois, as well as another foster home and a Preparatory school.

My characters travel from New York to Los Angeles.

 

 

 

                          Pinny Bugaeff’s-7 Algonkian Assignments

Assignment 1

The Act of Story Statement

Save newborn baby Zoe, before she’s sold as an infant heart donor.

 ASSIGNMENT 2

THE ANTAGONIST

   Cybelle Chambers is the director of Riverview, a shelter for homeless, pregnant women.  She wears her thick auburn hair in a bun and has a habit of pursing her cupid bow lips as if she’s smelling something rancid, add to that her zaftig figure, and she looks like she just stepped out of a Botero painting, 

       Cybelle isn’t just your run of the mill psychopath. She also possesses the superficial charm and skillful manipulations of a narcissist. Like most narcissists she is able to feign emotion to get what she wants. Her smooth public persona, as a woman who funds a non-profit shelter for women, hides the fact that her real business is selling new born babies destined to be used as infant organ donors. For her, it’s all about the money. Cybelle has no more compunction about her business than a farmer who sells a crate of carrots to a baker, who’ll then use them to make carrot cake.

ASSIGNMENT 3

 BREAKOUT TITLE SUGGESTIONS

Since baby selling in a core theme of my book, before selecting my proposed title, I explored a variety of titles featuring the word Baby. I considered the following titles:

 Bye, Bye Baby, Buy Baby Bye and Red Market Baby. What I discovered was, there are currently 128 Romance novels on the market with the word Baby in the title. 

Next I considered using the word Heart in my title: Heart to Heart- Heartless and Have   a Heart. Goodreads lists 1,233 books with the word Heart in the title.

Therefore, I have tentatively thought of using MAD as my book title. Although there are 667 books with Mad in the title, I couldn’t find any that use just the one word- Mad. Here’s my reasoning on this title. For starters, Maddy Brinker, (her friends call her Mad) is the protagonist in a story that features a cast of characters that to one degree or other evidence a variety of mad psychological personalities. Cybelle Chambers, the major antagonist is a toxic narcissist. Her husband, Harlin is a murdering psychopath, Cybelle’s sister Trudy is a sociopath with psychopathic traits. And the theme of selling infants as organ donors certainly skirts the edge of madness.  Note: If Mad doesn’t seem appropriate I am very open to changing it. But if Mad does indeed become my official title, the next book in the series will be: Still Mad.

 

ASSIGNMENT 4

COMPABLE BOOKS AND MOVIES

I make no claim to even be on the same writing planet as Chelsea Cain but her courage and skillful writing featuring Gretchen Lowell, a vicious female killer with a taste for torture, gave me the courage to feature a truly vicious female psychopath- Cybelle Chambers, whose business is selling new born infants to be used for organ transplants.

Beginning with her first book, Heartsick, right through the other 5 in the series by Chelsea Cain, Gretchen Lowell, became wildly popular. Gretchen’s pursuit and torture of Detective Archie Sheridan which I would have assumed would have been distasteful to a large number of readers, garnered a readership that has resulted in multi-million dollar sales.

*

Again I have no illusions that my writing is on a par with Jeff Lindsay’s, author of the Dexter series, but beginning with Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Lindsay found a way to make psychopath/ anti-hero, Dexter, a sympathetic character whose motive for murder is not only understandable but is a service to society. I think of his mission as taking out the garbage, and judging by his vast audience a lot of people see it that way,

 I’m a retired social worker. I’ve worked in the New York City Juvenile Hall, and the Forensic unit of a state hospital.  I was a child protective services worker for the State of Connecticut and a psychotherapist for female felons. Jeff Lindsay’s courage and talent in writing so graphically about pedophile perverts gave me the courage to write about the equally despicable characters, the Chambers. I found real fellowship with Dexter because, truthfully there are some folks who need killing.  No amount of therapy will ever touch some of the psychopaths and deviants I’ve met. And I think it’s a vote of public agreement from the millions who have read and then enjoyed the Dexter TV series.

ASSIGNMENT 5

HOOK LINE FOR ALGONKIAN

Social Worker, Maddy Brinker, deeply guilt ridden because she blames herself for her mother’s suicide, tries to assuage her guilt by rescuing others. Maddy must save newborn baby Zoe, from being sold and used as an infant heart donor.

 

  

 

ASSIGNMENT 6

SKETCH INNER CONFLICT-AND ANXIETY

(This scene follows Maddy’s therapy session with Zee Perez, the pregnant mother of about to be born baby, Zoe.)  Zee left the therapy session precipitously because she had to find boyfriend Leo’s python, Sissy, who was missing. Zee was afraid that when Leo found out his snake was missing he would blame her for leaving the cage open, then beat the snot out of her.

 Maddy is snake phobic, nonetheless she feels compelled to drive over to Zee’s tenement to check on her. Before Maddy leaves, she meets with Cybelle, and has an intense confrontation with her because Cybelle refuses to support court ordered inpatient treatment for Zee. The meeting ends in an angry standoff.

*

Anxiety knotted my belly. I knew challenging Cybelle was going to cost me. I didn’t know how yet, but her methods of revenge tended to be well thought out. She’s a narcissist. I figured she’d have the whole week end to plan my comeuppance. But I couldn’t help myself. Although I had to be back at Riverview for group by seven, I needed to at least drive by Zee’s tenement.

 I was worried sick about her. If Sissy hadn’t yet slithered back to her cage, I was sure Leo would take it out on Zee. And if he did, what would happen to baby Zoe?

             Leo had done time for battery on his last girlfriend. I had no illusions that he wouldn’t do the same to Zee. The fact that Zee was pregnant with his child wasn’t going to be any source of protection for her.

It was drizzling when I left. As I drove towards Zee’s. I was hoping

maybe I’d catch her outside but in case I ran into Leo, I’d have to have a reason why I stopped by. Stomach clenched, I pulled up in front of a triplex that looked like the set for The Addams Family. I’d dropped Zee off there once and watched her take the outside staircase up to the second floor apartment.

I parked across the street from their driveway. If I wanted to check on Zee, I’d have to walk down the muddy drive in the dark and take the outside stairs up to the second floor. 

All I could think about was Sissy. What if she’d gotten outside and was coiled around a banister? What if she was stretched across the driveway, lurking in the mud?

Heart pounding, I crossed the street and started down the shadowed drive. At every step I expected to feel a snaky coil around my ankle. I was wound so tight, if I’d stepped on a garden hose, I’d a dropped dead.

            I noticed a sliver of blue light shining through a crack in one of the driveway-level basement windows that had been painted over. I hesitated. My stomach turned over— what if Leo was breeding pythons in the basement? I decided not to check. Thunder rumbled in the distance. The air was charged with ozone. Fat drops of rain spattered the mud puddles. 

Starting up the stairs, I was still trying to think of a plausible excuse why I’d stopped by to see Zee. As I reached the first landing of the outside stairs, the back door to the first-floor apartment flew open. A hairy guy in a wife-beater undershirt thrust a ham-sized fist toward my face.

“Hey, votch’yu doin’?”

“Uhhhh . . .” I could hardly talk. “Uhhhh . . .” I figured this was Leo’s father, Stash Jenks.

“You get the FUCK off my porch.”

Damn. Trying to think how to get past the guy I heard footsteps coming down the second-floor stairway. I looked up. Leo, head shaved, shirtless and tattooed neck to waist, stepped out onto the landing. Sissy, fat as a fire hose, was draped across his bare shoulders. Cradling her head in his hand, he took a step toward me

“Well, well, wel . . .” He was smirking.

Before the third “well” left his lips, I leapt off the porch. A blinding crack of lightning spurred my retreat back down the drive. Heedless of oncoming traffic I dashed across the street, threw myself into my truck and laid a block-long strip of rubber.

 As I peeled away from the house, my Inner Bitch, her voice dripping with contempt, started in on me: You gutless wonder.   I took a deep breath and screamed back, “You shut up!” She stopped. I was amazed. Dr. Sydney kept telling me to “stop colluding with the enemy.” Maybe he was right. The Bitch had stopped.

Breathless and drenched to the skin, trying to regain some kind of control, I pulled into a CVS and parked catawampus across two parking spots. I consciously tried to slow my breathing. Trying to talk myself back into as semblance of sanity, I started my Dr. Sydney prescribed mantra for regaining sanity after a PTSD freak out. I started to repeat the safety sequence out loud.

“I am safe. I am safe in my truck.” I made myself rub my hands together to create warmth and also to help remind myself that I was alive. I continued to slow my breathing. Trying to feel grounded, I started to name objects out loud. “I see the steering wheel. I see the numbers on the gauges on my dashboard.  I see the signs in the windows of the store. I made myself read one out loud. Ex-Lax. Well I sure didn’t need that. I began to feel my heart rate slowing. My breathing got more regular.

 Still worried about Zee, I thought about calling the police and asking them to do a well person check. In Connecticut, even if there isn’t any particular emergency, you can call the police and ask them to go check on a relative or someone you think might need help. But in this case, if the police showed up while Leo was there, Zee’d deny anything was wrong, and as soon as the police left Leo would beat the crap out of her.

 

ASSIGNMENT 7

SETTING DETAILS FOR MAD

Local- Just off Connecticut Route 84, a wide bridge spans the Connecticut River and is the route one takes into the(fictional) town of Greenport. The Chambers Riverview Estate and Maddy Brinker’s fixer-upper farm lie on the near side of the bridge. One crosses the bridge to get to the town of Greenport, where the State Police barracks, the Jenk’s triplex, and the hospital are located. Maddy’s friend, Tyler’s Peale’s home is located just out of town on Swan Lane.

Riverview Estate-now a maternity home for homeless, pregnant, women, once belonged to General William Williams, a shipping magnet and whaling merchant. Set on bluff overlooking the Connecticut River, it is now owned by Dr. Harlin Chambers and his wife, Cybelle Chase Chambers. There is a gated entry lined with ancient maples and a charming stone gate-house which marks the beginning of the property and serves as the Chambers residence.

 Further down the lane lies the main house, Riverview.  It’s a grand, pale yellow, Second Empire, Victorian with a wraparound porch. It serves as the residence for the women living at Riverview, there is a small parking lot behind the house and from there Maddy can easily get to her office which is set in an alcove of the wrap-around porch.

Close to the river, a windowless 3 car garage, once a stable, is located at the far end of the lane. There is an attached coach house, which has been converted into a home for the house- manager, Cybelle’s sister, Trudy Chase. Inside the locked garage is a very basic delivery room. A door from inside Trudy’s kitchen leads into the “delivery room.” A van and the Chambers car are parked inside the other spaces in the garage.

Maddy Brinker-Her “fixer upper” farm lies east of the Chamber’s estate. A rutted dirt drive leads to her house which has to be redone top to bottom. A tired red barn sits behind the house and other issues aside, it badly needs a new roof. Maddy’s 4 acres’ end at a stand of pines at the back of the property. Just beyond the stand of trees is a steep embankment that leads down to a pond that lies in a protected cove of the river.

 Leo and Elsa- Zee and Stash Jenks –A rundown Triplex on Furnace Street, located at the far end of Greenport, is home to the Jenks family. Leo’s father, Stash Jenks and his wife Elsa live on the first floor. Leo and Zee live in the second floor unit.  The roof of the place is leaky and no one lives in the top floor unit.  A line of beat up garbage cans sit on the sidewalk.

Attorney Tyler Peale-Maddy’s best friend, Tyler lives across the river from her, just on the outskirts of Greenport. His beautiful home is located in a quiet and well established neighborhood located on Swan Lane

Firestone Construction-Home Remolding- Owned by Mary Jane Pietroinferno and Fran Low and their adopted son Rob. (Years before Maddy had rescued 3-year-old Rob and had been instrumental in placing him with Mary Jane and Fran who later married then adopted Rob.)

   

 

                                                                                     

                             

 

Maddy’s

file:///C:/Users/MY/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image015.pngfile:///C:/Users/MY/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image018.png                                                                                                         

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                       

 

                                                                                                                               e                                                                    

file:///C:/Users/MY/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image023.pngfile:///C:/Users/MY/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image025.png                                                                    

 

file:///C:/Users/MY/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image029.pngfile:///C:/Users/MY/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image031.png                                                                                                            

                  

 

                                                                                                                                                                      

 

 

 

 

Algonkian Assignments 2025

Story Statement

Two scientists are drafted to save a rare and deadly predator species from extinction at the hands of an ecocriminal.

Antagonist

A ruthless self-promoter and careerist, Rud Imazve was convicted of criminal ecodisaster and exiled to a desolate, boondocks planet. There, he schemes to earn his way back to the glitzy Center by exterminating a predatory species that plagues the humans inhabiting a lush, earthlike world in the same star system. He envisions offering the beleaguered Center a new place to stash its overflowing human population--including a few million refugees from his ecodisaster that destroyed their world. When a sudden snafu requires him to beg the Center for help with his plan, the Center sends him the two scientists who hate him the most: (1) the biome investigator whose report got him convicted in the first place, and (2) a xenoveterinarian who was a childhood refugee from the disaster. Desperate, he has to play nice with these two, while schmoozing, steering and tricking them into his sketchy extermination scheme.

Breakout Title

Something to suggest that this is a lighthearted tale of impending ecodisaster and extinction, e.g.:

Fiends Like These [or other puns with "fiends," e.g., What Are Fiends For?]

Don't Kill the Monsters

Comps

What We Are Seeking, by Cameron Reed. (According to Amazon, forthcoming from Tor April 7, 2026.) Similar setting, tropes, and cast of characters: boondocks planet, baffled humans facing a mysterious species, scientist(s) drafted to investigate….)

Humorous-&-sometimes-scary scifi and scifi-adjacent novels, like (tall cotton, here!): Lois MacMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan Saga; Russel Hoban's Riddley Walker; Rick Gualtieri's Bill the Vampire series; and (dare I invoke it) the original Star Wars movies. [Author's Note: Don't worry, my vampires aren't sparkly adolescents or accented aristocrats dressed to attend the opera.]

Log Line (conflict & core wound)

Two reluctant scientists are drafted to save a little-known, deadly species from extinction in order to make a planet safe for humanity, only to discover that their real foe is a criminal they both know well.

Conflict Levels (inner turmoil & external social environment)

Forced into hiding after securing the conviction of a ruthless official, and exiled from his own aristocratic family due to his casual parentage, a young zoologist resolves to prove his worth and regain his career by rescuing an endangered species from impending extinction at the hands of the same ecocriminal. He must overcome his by-the-rulebook timidity to have any chance of succeeding against his familiar foe.

Once a childhood refugee from planetary catastrophe, a xenoveterinarian joins the zoologist on his quixotic mission to save an endangered species, balancing her calling of saving lives against her desire for revenge against her world's destroyer. She must also battle the native humans' insufferably patriarchal cultures.

Setting Details

Far, far in the future, in a galaxy right here, a far-flung collective of citizen species links most inhabited worlds and controls nearly all space travel: call it the Komplex ("empire" is trite and misleading.) The uppercrust of the Komplex inhabits a sector of the galaxy called The Center, which is populous enough even to need human participation. Two human Central organizations figuring in the novel are the Komplex Institute of Sciences and the Produx Bureau.

Among the thousands of those species, humanity is among the most disrespected, what with being relatively new to the Komplex, backwards in technology, and breeding way too fast by official standards. Humans have spread to hundreds, maybe thousands of worlds, whether eco-compatible or requiring sealed structures.

One star system with the archaic designation P-11010, features two human-infested planets: the outer one frozen and nearly airless, now peppered with Prefabitats full of refugees; the inner one lush, verdant, fertile, its larger continent home to a native human population. The natives call their planet "Oria," believed to come from an archaic word meaning "hunter." By Komplex standards, they're technologically primitive.

The inhabited pancontinent ("Oria Major," in Centrish) covers about a quarter of Oria's surface and holds over ninety percent of the world's land. Most of the people live in six city-states strung along a huge equatorial river valley; small villages and towns dot the vast "Ocean of Trees" across the northlands. The southern part of Oria Major is uninhabited, as is the "High Dry," a parched plateau occupying the western quarter of the pancontinent. Off Major's east coast lies Trezz, the seismically fraught "Shaking Island," with another city-state perched on a plateau in the shadows of rumbling volcanoes. The continental people figure the Trezzans are nuts for living there. The rest of Oria's circumference is one enormous ocean, which all Orians avoid. The Komplex aliens, however, have discovered an uninhabited, Australia-sized continent amidst the ocean and call it Oria Minor.

The big catch with this nice world is, humans aren't the top of the food chain. is also home to at least two species of vicious, bat-like predators that love human blood and the occasional chunk of flesh. The creatures ("fiends" or "wilders," in Orianese) can also spread a bleeding disease the Orians call "The Slow," because that's how it kills you. The Orians have been battling these creatures for at least two thousand years (records are poor), with no noticeable progress. Their culture has become steeped, stained and stunted by supernatural fears, legends, and dubious folk practices for warding off or healing The Slow. For centuries, teams of huntsmen have tracked down roosts and stopover points for the flying killers, attracted them with blood, and then killed the creatures with siphon arrows, wire blades, hollow spears. Spilling the beasts' blood frees the souls of their victims, allowing them to find peace in the Land Beyond Sunset. According to legend, of course.

About a century before storytime, the Komplex established a Presence (embassy) on Oria and sent a detail of the human Force Militar to the 11010 system, ostensibly to combat spaceborne piracy. Instead, they founded a military academy for youths on the outer planet, intending to train them, ship them to Oria, and tell them "fire at will" when they see one of the "Great Orian Vampires" or GOVs (Centrish term for the big predators). Nobody in the Komplex knows or has bothered to learn anything about the creatures--until our he-and-she team of protagonists from the KIS arrive on the planet, tasked with--believe it or not--saving the rare, uniplanetary, very nasty GOVs from extermination.

Treichler Workshop Assignment 1.docx

Algonkian Writers Pre Exercises.docx

Attached, you will find the completed assignments

Pitch Event Assignments.pdf

1. Story Statement

A young man fabricates an identity to pursue country stardom in 70's Nashville.

___________________________________________________

2. Antagonist

The primary antagonist is his producer / manager, Jerry. He's uniquely able to see through Jackson's fabricated identity; in fact, this is what draws him to Jackson in the first place. He sees somebody who's willing to build a story with him, which is his ultimate goal.

While his stated goal is just to make money, he enjoys telling stories as much as any artist; but instead of cultivating deeper truth through storytelling, his mind is ruled by the market. He likes the challenge of creating and cultivating artists that fit into a mold, which he, as a seasoned professional, believes he is the best in the world at.

Another antagonist is the love interest, Lawrence. Lawrence is the antithesis of Jackson when it comes to cultivating story and identity; Jackson believes it is something that can be cultivated and created (as Jerry does), while Lawrence sees it as arising from the unconscious spirit, and it cannot be changed.

After their first encounter, Lawrence and Jackson head in two completely different directions; Lawrence, towards openness, trying to balance his previous identity and the new one he's exploring as a newly queer person, and Jackson, towards repression, wanting his love to be a private, secret thing. This creates conflicts in the relationship that mean the two are not destined to be together.

___________________________________________________

3. Title

The Groton Sound -- referencing a town in New England where Jackson grew up; the sounds, the scents of your past can never really escape you, as hard as he tries. as opposed to The Nashville Sound, the genre he's working in.

The Sound of Steel -- referencing pedal steel, an instrument that has a lot of symbolic weight in the story

 

___________________________________________________

4. Comparables

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - first person romance novel, told from a somewhat disconnected narrator. includes details of secret queer love affairs being navigated by a very public figure. Steeped in a very specific place and time, old Hollywood for this book and countrypolitan Nashville for mine.

Brokeback Mountain - originally a short story, deals with themes of emotional repression as it relates to homosexuality, especially being set against a hypermasculine, conservative backdrop -- Wyoming ranching industry for Brokeback Mountain, and 70s Nashville country industry for my book.

____________________________________________________

5. Core Wound and Primary Conflict

Afraid and ashamed of his sexuality, and a target for bullying at his rich private school, Jackson flees after graduating, fabricating an identity to become a country singer in the rapidly-fading Nashville countrypolitan scene. However, after he scores a fluke hit, he falls in love with a member of his band and must navigate a hidden relationship as the band goes on tour across the South. Ultimately, he must choose either living his truth or living in the persona that made him a star.

______________________________________________________

6. Other Conflict

Inner Conflict: Jackson is ashamed of his identity and feels that he can't reveal any part of himself to the world; given that he's in 70's Nashville with a fledgling career in the entertainment industry, revealing his sexuality would lead to an immediate blacklisting. His two most important priorities are advancing his career to achieve fame and finally have a story he's proud of, and keeping his secret relationship with his bandmate going. Oftentimes these come into conflict. Throughout the book, his anxiety steadily increases as he tries to have both of them and finds them mutually exclusive.

Outer Conflict: Band members start noticing the relationship between Jackson and Lawrence. They start treating them differently, making veiled references to the relationship. 

______________________________________________________

7. Setting

70's Nashville; a dusty industrial city, plenty of drugs and alcohol and seedy dive bars, contrasted with the rich suburbs where many wealthy country artists and executives live in sprawling mansions with emerald-green lawns.

The tour; rotating between a large, dusty bus, run-down motels, and seedy venues, sharing every waking hour with a group of men, it creates a pressure-chamber environment.

Assignment 1:

When outcast Zayla Nox is chosen as a sacrificial offering and discovers she is the heir to an ancient shadow queen, she must embrace her forbidden power, unite with the Resistance, and risk everything to stop the fire-wielders from conquering the planet.

Assignment 2:

General Ignis is the ruthless leader of the Pyremire, the fire territory. A man who clawed his way to power after the Uprising and now clings to it. A master fire wielder, he sees strength not as a gift but as a threat. Especially when it belongs to women. To maintain control, Ignis systematically cuts down the strongest female fire wielders, ensuring no rival can rise to challenge him. His ambition stretches beyond his territory. He envisions a planet consumed by his flames, entirely only under his rule. His vision is absolute domination, not just of land but of will itself. Charismatic enough to rally followers yet merciless enough to instill fear, Ignis is destructive, consuming, and endlessly hungry.

Assignment 3:

THE SUN THAT DOOMED US

WHEN THE SUN SHATTERED 

THE SUN THAT WIELDS US

 

Assignment 4: 

It is in the same vein as POWERLESS by Lauren Roberts for its unique magic systems, HEARTLESS HUNTER by Kristen Ciccarelli for its morally grey MMC and enemies-to-lovers romance, and FALL OF RUIN AND WRATH by Jennifer L. Armentrout for its intricate world-building and cliffhanger endings.

Assignment 5: 

Branded an outcast and cast out as a sacrifice, Zayla Nox must confront the terrifying truth of her shadow-born power and choose whether to embrace the darkness within to save her people, the planet, and the man she’s come to love.

Assignment 6:

- Upbringing & Indoctrination as Zayla was raised in Pyremire’s Facility, where the Commanders taught her that the Resistance were bloodthirsty rebels responsible for the Uprising and her father’s death.

- Personal Loss as her father’s death is the defining wound of her childhood. She is angry and mistrusting. The Commanders exploit this.
- Identity Crisis. When she learns she has shadow power, the very kind of magic demonized by her society, it destroys everything she thought she knew about loyalty, morality, and herself.

 

Sketch 1

During a tense debrief with the Resistance, Zayla learns that years ago, her father died in the middle of a Resistance raid. Their mission had been to rescue a group of Pyremire children (including her) from the Fire Commanders’ control. Her father had been caught between the Commanders and the Resistance, and though he fought to protect her, he was struck down in the chaos.

Zayla feels shock and betrayal. All her life, she was told the Resistance murdered her father in cold blood, proof they were ruthless rebels. Now she learns he actually died because they were trying to save her.

Conflict: If the Resistance saved children, including her, then they aren’t the monsters she believed—but the Fire Commanders who twisted the story are. That realization shakes her loyalty to the only world she’s known.
 

Sketch 2

Zayla is living with the Resistance after they rescued her, but her indoctrination runs deep. She sees the Resistance members aren’t savages. They have towns, schools, families, and communities where children laugh freely and women hold leadership roles. It is the opposite of what the Commanders in Pyremire led her to believe.

Zayla walks through a Resistance town and sees children learning safely in a schoolhouse. Later, she eats dinner with a Resistance family who offer her a place at their table as though she belongs.

She feels confusion and social alienation. She questions which side is right and which is wrong. The Resistance’s thriving society forces her to confront her own loyalty and whether she’s willing to give up the world she came from to embrace a new one she never knew was possible.

 

Assignment 7

Elysium was once a planet of balance, where the elemental territories coexisted in fragile harmony. Fire, earth, water, and air shaped both the land and the people. The Uprising shattered that equilibrium, leaving scars across the planet’s surface and spirit. What was once lush and radiant is now marked by ruin and destruction as the people work to rebuild and reclaim control. 

Pyremire is the fire territory. Once a jewel of Elysium, Pyremire shimmered under the shadow of the Ashpire Volcano, its towers carved from lava stone and onyx. Spice markets fragranced the air, and firelight festivals painted the desert sky crimson. After the Uprising, its beauty was reduced to rubble. Now, cold steel War Facilities rise where art and culture once flourished. Within their oppressive walls, fire wielders are oppressed and forced into obedience by iron-fisted Commanders.
The Wastelands are perhaps the greatest scar across Elysium. Jagged red dunes, charred ruins, and skeletal remains of villages mark this no-man’s-land separating Pyremire from the other territories. Survival here is unlikely. Storms whip the sand, and scavengers lurk among the bones. It is both a graveyard of the past and the crucible where Zayla begins her rebirth.

The earth wielders live in Stonehelm. Stonehelm’s labyrinthine cities, carved deep into bedrock, house the greatest armory on the planet. Their weapon-makers are unmatched, brimming with war machines and axes hewn from the earth itself. Aboveground, Stonehelm looks barren, but beneath, its people thrive.

Tidescar is home to the water wielders. A massive tsunami swept away Tidescar’s outlying islands during the Uprising, leaving a broken coastline. Still, the territory endures, led by a royal family in their sandstone castle perched over a sea-battered village. The scent of salt and fish fills the air, while coral lanterns line the docks. Despite their losses, Tidescar remains proud. Known for their medicinal healing talents and love of wisdom, the people strive to educate themselves as much as possible. 

Perched precariously along the cliffs of a great mountain, Zephyrhold, the air wielding territory, is both breathtaking and perilous. Its wind-carved stairways and skybridges connect aerie-like dwellings built directly into the stone. It is accessible only to those brave enough to climb. Their people are more elusive because of the territory’s dangerous terrain, but they are known for their science and inventions. 

Setting the Scene: 

On mornings like this, I wonder what the sky looks like. I mean, I’ve seen it. Dozens of times. Captured in paintings, glimpsed through the thick glass wall of the Great Hall, our only window to the outside world. But I’ve never stood beneath it, outside the walls of my Facility.  

So more specifically, on mornings like this, at the peak of summer, I wonder what the moon looks like as she fades. If she lingers for just a moment, winking at the sun before slipping beneath the horizon, swallowed by the endless red sands of the dying planet. I wonder if she ever catches a glimpse of him—if she ever wants to—as he ascends, casting his golden fire behind the domineering silhouette of the Ashpire Volcano.

The sun. The moon. Our creators. Eternally orbiting in purgatory.

There’s not much privacy at all in the fire wielder’s territory. In the three identical buildings, constructed equidistance across from each other to form a triangle.

We call them Facility One, Facility Two and Facility Three.

Creativity is not tolerated in Pyremire.

The people who weren’t killed during the Uprising when the Resistance attacked are stuffed into these metallic, impenetrable fortresses.

I wasn’t alive for it.

I was born a year later, during the Rebuilding, when the elemental territories sealed themselves off from the world, and from each other. Tensions were too high. Trust was a forgotten luxury.

The solution was meant to be temporary, just until the Resistance members were found and wiped out. But years passed, and Elysium never united again. Pyremire learned to survive in isolation. So did the other territories.

Once a year, Pyremire’s highest-ranking Commander—the General—selects one woman to sacrifice herself to Elysium. Always a fire wielder, always powerful. She will offer her fire, her very life, to the dying sun. Her sacrifice sustains the Facilities, keeps the sun from collapsing in on itself, keeps Mother Nature’s vengeance for the crimes committed against the land during the Uprising at bay. It is the highest honor a woman in Pyremire can achieve, to become the fuel that sustains our world. To live out the rest of her days on the red rock corpse of the long-dormant Ashpire Volcano, slowly feeding her power into the sky.

Highest honor—according to the Commanders, petulance laces my thoughts.

She will be chosen in just two days, on the Summer Solstice. The longest day of the year. When the sun is at its peak, demanding its due. Few women in the Facility will admit the words out loud, but the Great Sacrifice terrifies us. An inescapable reality, one we can never find relief from, never stop worrying about. Wondering if this is the year that you or a family member or a friend will be called to complete the Sacrifice, sucked dry, wasting away for all to see.

On the eve of the Solstice, it is tradition for Facility One to host a massive ball in the Great Hall, so that all can gaze at the base of the Ashpire Volcano through the thick glass of the monstrous window. It’s the only wall in the entire Facility that isn’t steel and cold and grey. The only window to the red, barren, deserted outside world. The entire fire wielding territory of Pyremire participates. It’s the only day of the year that the others can leave their Facilities, traveling to ours using an underground tunnel system that connects each building. The names of fire wielding females in Facilities Two and Three are fair game as well. We all watch as the chosen female wielder joins those who came before her, handing over their lives—slowly—to the dying sun, keeping it from winking out with their power. 

Restoring balance. Returning to Mother Nature what the shadow wielders stole during the Uprising. 

Balance was shattered 21 years ago. The shadow wielders, the supposed enforcers of equilibrium, betrayed us all. They were the only oversight to the elements. The balance to Mother Nature Herself, created by Her as she birthed earth, fire, water, and air from the black void of nothingness at the beginning of time.

The elements, created from darkness, are also controlled by it. 

The shadow wielders became insatiable for power, learned to fuse their ancient darkness with the elements, creating Bloodflame. A living, breathing corruption. A power that could consume not just its wielder, but Elysium itself.

The element wielders unified as one, barely defeating the wielders of darkness. Victory took a toll on the planet. One we pay for with the Sacrifice. Sometimes I will visit the Great Hall on my own. Sometimes I stand alone and stare at the women littering the edge of the Ashpire Volcano through the thick, impassable floor to ceiling glass.

There’s singing and dancing. Instruments and art. There’s color.

The General will decorate the Great Hall in burning flags of crimson and gold. Pyremire’s official territory colors from a time when grey could only be found in the sparkling flecks of stone along the silhouette of the city and metal was a mere element in the lava of the Ashpire.

The attendees are encouraged to reflect their appreciation for the sun in their attire. Men exchange their charcoal Facility uniforms for Pyremire-gold dress slacks with crimson jackets, tailcoats freshly pressed and outlined in glimmering metallic thread. Particularly high-ranking military Commanders will drape golden sashes across their chests.

My father having been one of them.

Women will wear ballgowns of varying shades of yellow, orange, and red, paying homage to the burning ball of fire that fuels the people of Pyremire with its strength. The women are responsible for sewing their own gowns, fabrics of varying textures and hues brought up from storage. Lace and gemstones and ribbons all waiting to be chosen and turned into a work of art. 

It’s a tease, really. A cruel taunt. A reminder of everything we’ve lost as a people.

My mother was one of the few who survived the Uprising. She is one of the few fire wielders who remembers Pyremire as it once was. Vibrant, teeming with life. Still a desert, still red, but alive. A city built from gold quartz and deep black lava rock, its buildings flecked with uncut gems that caught the sun, making the market squares shimmer like embers in the heat. At midday, Pyremire burned with reflected light, a city of fire that looked ablaze beneath the sky. An oasis amid the arid expanse, rich with the scent of spices and aromatics, home to artisans and engineers who mastered the art of harnessing the sun’s energy.

My mother also remembers the fall. The war that turned Pyremire to ash. And why the Rebuilding was necessary in the first place. The volcano that once stood peacefully beside our great city erupted, reducing Pyremire to nothing but molten ruin. Most of our people were wiped out—the women, the children, the elders. Their souls buried in the red ash wasteland beyond the Facilities.

Mudslides swallowed the mountain villages of Zephyrhold, the northernmost region of Elysium, leaving only ruin in their wake. A society built into the cliffs, its people, renowned for their intellect and innovation, were either buried alive beneath the shifting earth or torn from their homes, plummeting into the abyss below.

South of Zephyrhold, the earth territory of Stonehelm, fortified, battle-hardened, and famed for its weaponry, was no match for the wrath of the land it once commanded. Earthquakes split the forests apart, swallowing entire mud homes and treehouse villages. Tornadoes ripped through the armory, sending centuries of craftsmanship crumbling into the ravaged ground.

To the west, the waters of the Rusted Sea rose with fury, claiming much of Tidescar in a single, monstrous tsunami. The sea stole more than just lives. It drowned centuries of healing knowledge, washing away medicines and books on homeopathic remedies. With the elders lost, their wisdom faded, leaving only fragments of the past.

Pyremire, Stonehelm, and Tidescar clawed their way back from the brink, adapting to Mother Nature’s new, unforgiving rules. But Zephyrhold, isolated and distrusted, faced a different fate. During the chaos of the Uprising, suspicion fell on the air wielders. Their scientists and inventors, once the pride of Elysium, had been working on a way to fuse elemental powers, claiming it would unify the territories and strengthen our world. But it was their research that revealed the dangerous truth that only shadow wielders could merge elements, endure the strain, and survive it. Worse, they could control it.

When the Uprising ended, Zephyrhold paid in blood. Those inventors who were caught were executed alongside the shadow wielders they had unknowingly empowered. The few who escaped are rumored to be in hiding, lost somewhere deep within the Shardcrest Mountains—if they’re still alive at all.

Of course, all of this is rumor. Fragments of a forgotten past, whispered through the steel corridors of the Facilities. Ghost stories passed between children who once heard their grandparents speak of a time before the war. Before such talk was outlawed. Now, none of the territories have communicated in decades.

The Facilities are more than a home. They are a barricade. They are a weapon.

Practical. Brutal. Efficient.

There was a scouting mission. Five years after my father died. A mission led by the General and three of his closest advisors to leave the Facilities and venture into the wild, red sand desert of Pyremire.

The news upon their return was bleak: the desert is desolate. No signs of life, and no promise that it would one day be able to sustain it again. The Commanders called a Facility-wide assembly upon the completion of the mission to inform the people of what they found in the outside world. Which, apparently, was a whole lot of nothing.

That night, I heard soft sobs from behind my mother’s bedroom door in our family chambers. She has only cried twice in my life. Both times because of loss. The first was the loss of my father. This second was the loss of hope. The loss of a dream of ever living freely again. Of looking up and seeing the blue of an outside sky instead of steel-grey ceilings.

My mother was once a wild spirit. My father used to whisper stories about her many adventures across Elysium as he put me to bed. He said her wildness is why he fell in love with her. Unbound and unbroken and free, my mother was a force, generously gifted with powerful fire wielding abilities by Mother Nature herself.

Ambassador of Pyremire. That was her title. She was a high-ranking Commander.

Before.

Before it was deemed too unsteady for woman to hold positions of power. Now, she is just “Cook.” And a Homemaker. But before the world burned itself, crumbled in on itself, tried to destroy itself, she was a liaison between lands.

She had a horse, Kassium, and she would race him faster than the desert wind across the land, helping to establish trade and relationships with the territories to our north and west. She traded our fire energy for medicine and vaccines, books on healing and herbs, from the water wielders of Tidescar. She studied deep in the Shardcrest Mountains, travelling farther than any in our territory ever dared. Working under the inventors and scientists of Zephyrhold, learning from them. She took what she learned to the armory of Stonehelm. Teaching them how to combine our fire power into weapons in exchange for supplying our military. That’s when she met my father, returning home to Pyremire with the fire powered weapons from the Orrenwald Forest.

As he describes it, the warriors of Pyremire erupted in pure chaos, undulated terror as they watched “a burning ball” of Bloodflame soar across the desert flanked by a line of unbreakable fire. My father, being my father, decided he was going to risk his life to take the brunt of the hit, to protect his General and his home. He did not hesitate before jumping on his horse and racing across the desert towards fire and death. Only as his own horse approached, that flaming ball of destruction started to take form. The form of a woman. And behind her, bending to her will, thousands of transport wagons filled with flaming weapons.

She had wielded her fire and welded it to the weaponry, a mere thought allowing her to power them on command using the knowledge she learned in Zephyrhold. Powering the weapons as she crossed into Pyremire territory was absolutely not necessary. Other than the desire for a dramatic return. But that was my mother. She has a flare for the sensational and could never turn down an opportunity for a show. My father slid out of his saddle as my mother let the flames extinguish with a smirk and the snap of a finger. Hair the color of burning rust flaring on the fading fire’s phantom breeze.  

“Brave, brilliant woman.”

His first words to her. Filled with awe and wonder that a young woman in his city would risk her life for her territory. For her people. And would not only return with the most advanced weaponry Elysium has ever seen, but alliances. Friendships. Information.

They courted and were married on the eve of the Summer Solstice that same year. My father in his crimson dress uniform. My mother, a gown of silver and white with moonflowers crowning her braided hair. The sun and moon incarnate, united in harmony, celebrating the wealth and prosperity and fruitfulness of their territory. Back when the Solstice signified nothing more than a thanks to the sun for Pyremire’s bounty and blessings.

There is a small painting my mother keeps of their wedding night celebration, gifted to her by a long dead artist, buried in either the carnage or the lava during the Uprising. It was the only reminder of her past life, the only memorabilia she smuggled into the Facility before the steel doors slammed shut 21 years ago.

The canvas was yellow with age, but the colors, the colors, were pristine. My breath hitched in my throat as I studied the tiny moment painted in time. I’d never seen such colors, such artistry. I had not yet come of age, so had never attended the Solstice Ball. Never knew a world beyond grey. No colors so bright existed in the Facility.

But in this painting… in this painting.

The arm of my father’s crimson jacket outstretched as he twirled my mother through the air. His golden sash seemed to sparkle with flecks of orange and yellow the painter expertly flicked onto the canvas. Tiny globes filled with wielded fire gleamed above their heads on the dancefloor, casting a flickering glow on my father’s hay-colored hair, which was longer, freer than I remembered it being before he died.

My mother’s dress, a living whirlpool of white and silver, swirled around her ankles. Delicate bridal slippers arched as she spun on her toes. Her braided auburn hair whipped out from the pins that had crowned it atop her head. Milky moonflower petals pulled free and floated around her like desert snow as they drifted to the floor. Their smiles were dazzling, two sets of russet eyes locked on each other. The revelers surrounding them faded away into nothing more than whirling, swirling bursts of color in the background. Shades of blues and purples and reds and greens.

Bright, spirited, alive.

As I gazed at the painting, I’d never felt so dead.

Loss. This is what we lost.

 

STORY STATEMENT: 

1. Lina Waters must convince humanity she’s God before the world faces extinction. 

ANTAGONIST: 

1. President Nolan Voss loves power more than he loves the Earth–but he loves himself the most. He’s the mastermind behind an elaborate, underground bunker for the elite post-climate collapse, and he intends to rule over the community victorious. More than anything, as one of the few members of the public who knows the hidden truth of the Impressions system, he fights to gain the highest number of them all.

TITLES:

1. Impressions

2. Killing the Modern Messiah 

3. The Impressions System

COMPARABLE TITLES:

1. The Future by Naomi Alderman (2023), for its global upheaval 

2. The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley (2024), for its themes of romance and climate change through a genre-blending lens

HOOK LINE: 

1. After an AI declares her as humanity’s God, college student Lina Waters embraces a divine lie to prevent ecological collapse and preserve the legacy of her deceased first love. 

 

INNER CONFLICT:

1. Lina grapples with thrusting the unfair assumption of her divinity to the masses. Ilias, her deceased best friend, didn’t know her to be a liar. Before she appears on world-renowned Milana Kims’ television program, a broadcast that attracts over 10 million viewers and could catapult her into ubiquity, she questions whether leveraging a false declaration is worth compromising her integrity. 

2. As she falls in love with nihilist actor Theo Condry, Lina struggles to reconcile his materialism with her idealistic hopes of reunion with Ilias in the afterlife. While Theo offers her an escape to South Africa to delay the ramifications of climate catastrophe, Lina struggles to explore if avoiding her future fate is worth betraying her past motivation.

SETTING:

1. Brandon University – The story opens in a religious, small town in Brandon, Mississippi. The small, college town has several bars downtown that fuel Lina’s drinking tendencies. This location contrasts with the metropolitan glamor of the major city that Lina later experiences. 

2. Silver Struck’s HQ – Silver Struck is a hyper-modern tech company based in San Francisco, California. 

3. New York City – The bulk of the narrative takes place in the heart of Williamsburg, the location of Lina’s luxury penthouse. New York City, specifically Midtown Manhattan, is also home to major media conglomerates. 

4. Vatican City – Based in the Sistine Chapel, with its grandiose art depictions, the religious space resembles a mythical sanctuary. 

5. The Global Climate Summit – The 115-degree heat in Melbourne is all-encompassing when Lina steps out of her private jet. The Global Climate Summit takes place at a fictitious park with a large stage and a modest backstage arena.