New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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My story is attached. Chapter one introduces my protagonist. The foreshadowing of a main antagonist, a primary external conflict, and an internal conflict exists. The setting has been established. Two supporting characters have been presented. The stage is set for the inciting incident. Claude Policart Claude Policart Goat Knucklebones Chapter 1.docx
Last reply by cpolicart, -
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First chapter. Note: Since my book's main antagonist is entropy causing parallel universes to merge, the first pages of my book are alternate realities of the main characters, who are getting a peek (at the same time as readers) of entropy descending in the other worlds of their other versions. The first is a "medieval America" era (followed by a character in a Biblical future-past, then one in a far-distant future), but the rest of the book is written as contemporary fantasy. Thanks! Jimmy The Living Book Of Cosmic Matter first pages.docx
Last reply by Jimmy Im, -
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Chapters Palms (5).pdfChapters Palms (5).pdf
Last reply by Rustin Levenson, -
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The bus’s engine became louder as it approached the stop. Once the bus pulled over to let a group of students out, another group of students waiting on the platform moved closer to the vehicle to enter. Most of the new passengers sat down in the front row of seats. I chose to sit in the back, away from the rest of the crowd. I put my phone in my pocket and gazed out the window, into the adjacent forest. All of the trees were barren, and only a few leaves fluttered around them. Watching them gently sway back and forth filled me with such onerous contempt. These leaves didn’t have to do something, meet someone, and most importantly, they were under no obligatio…
Last reply by Matt Curry, -
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(Introduction) Memoirs Of A Charm School Dropout Go figure, they don’t teach you about rape in Charm school. I have heard it said that the most important skills you learn in life are the ones you learn in kindergarten. For me, it was Charm School; Crossroads to Charm. At age 10, I thought that subjects like grace and poise, walking with books on my head, how to choose an outfit, cleanliness, styling my hair, table manners and even how I carried my voice turned out to be a funny foreshadowing of what was to come. Looking back after knowing what I know now, the first page to my Crossroads to Charm text book summed up how my life would be…nothing short of ir…
Last reply by Claudia Ciardelli Parrillo, -
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Aesthetics By Julia Reed Submission Word Count: 753 Opening scene of upmarket fiction novel, Aesthetics: Introduces antagonist, tone, and a setting that is used to dramatically contrast the glamorous lifestyle later introduced in the novel. Aesthetics_OpeningPagesSubmission_JuliaReed.pdf
Last reply by Julia Reed, -
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The Great Love of Fenneck Finnegan Frostears First Pages Submission.pdf
Last reply by Theodore Place, -
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Chapter 1- $1.98-3000 words.docx
Last reply by Clare Lowell, -
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This the first chapter of my novel, America's Town. If you have read the Beartown trilogy by Frederik Backman or seen Hoosiers, think of an unknown girl's high school basketball team becoming the pride of Gettysburg, the most famous small town in America, led by an unlikely, and reluctant coach. In real life, Gettysburg, aka "America's Town" has never claimed a state title in any sport. This first chapter introduces my protagonist, Jay Siler, two basketball players who are secondary characters, Bonita Blount and Stefani Baker as well as Alben Baker, borough administrator and Stefani's father, who has his own "power struggles" in Gettysburg. The narrative introduces the s…
Last reply by Stuart Nachbar, -
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Chapter One (Katya POV): Losing a twin is a kind of suicide. Alexi loved the woods. I only ever liked it because he was there with me. There was no other reason I’d be loitering alone in the Adirondacks on a balmy summer evening if not for him. I preferred the beach. I dialed Alexi’s cell and swatted a mosquito away. “Алло. Alexi here.” I leaned into the phone. “You have my number, so text me like a normal person.” The line cut to a beep. I texted him. Again. I kicked another pile of leaves. “Cука!” Two birds stopped foraging to offer beady-eyed condolences. I doubted anything would make me feel better. Cursing him out wasn’t cathartic like …
Last reply by melanie corinne, -
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The mist hung low over the town of Birchwood, casting an eerie glow under the vintage lampposts lined along the streets below. The usual great horned owl glided along the overcast sky overlooking the townsfolk as they hurried to load salt-filled sacks into their trucks and cars. Frank shuffled down one of the cobblestone streets in a hurry, careful not to slip in the newly fallen snow. The ivy-clad buildings loomed over him, their intricate woodwork seeming to hold old spirits trapped within, their hands asking for some kind of release from the time-stricken world. His breath was visible in the cold air and his hands were nestled deeply in the pockets of his jeans. He’d f…
Last reply by Katia Arco, -
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The mist hung low over the town of Birchwood, casting an eerie glow under the vintage lampposts lined along the streets below. The usual great horned owl glided along the overcast sky overlooking the townsfolk as they hurried to load salt-filled sacks into their trucks and cars. Frank shuffled down one of the cobblestone streets in a hurry, careful not to slip in the newly fallen snow. The ivy-clad buildings loomed over him, their intricate woodwork seeming to hold old spirits trapped within, their hands asking for some kind of release from the time-stricken world. His breath was visible in the cold air and his hands were nestled deeply in the pockets of his jeans. He’d f…
Last reply by Katia Arco, -
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Chapter 1 - November 2015 “Run all you want, I’ll always be at the finish line.” Sierra jolted upright in bed, gasping for air, her gray Calvin Klein t-shirt and shorts soaking wet with a nervous sweat. She hadn’t slept through her alarm - her room was still dark except for a familiar glow from the streetlights below on Venice Boulevard, softly trickling through her sheer turquoise curtains covering the window behind her. Instinctively, Sierra reached beneath her white down duvet and pinched her stomach. It was still flat, for now, just… wet. Wiping the sweat beads now dripping from her forehead, Sierra had two immediate thoughts. “Thank god I’m sleeping alone…
Last reply by Jillian Libenson, -
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OPENING SCENE - These are the first 4 pages of my YA fantasy novel, Oriana's Eyes: Book One of the Great Oak Trilogy. These first pages introduce the oppressive dystopian world that Oriana lives in, her internal/external conflicts, setting, and antagonist. Thank you for reading! The bleached ceilings, walls, and floors gleam in perfection. Drained of color, wiped of contamination, forever untainted they exist; a cold reminder of my purity. I walk down a blank hallway lit by a series of white lights from above. Each is a half orb, emerging from the ceiling like an unblinking eye. They’re practically blinding as their glow reflects off the stark white walls. Ther…
Last reply by Celeste Simone, -
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Chapter 1 introduces my protagonist, the setting, the main antagonist, two important supporting characters, and sets the stage for the inciting incident. Chapter 1 Vulcarian Calendar: 21st of Seber, 1065 AVE Challaen Calendar: 4th of Tritoseh, 6194 ALF With practiced violence, Hektur smothered the whimper forming in the back of his throat. “Hektur! Are you alright?” Briseus rushed to his side. Hektur blinked the wetness out of his eyes, but couldn’t do anything about the blood soaking into the sunbaked granite that paved the entrance to the Castralimes Youth Academy. “I’m fine,” Hektur spat, as he pushed himself to his feet. His…
Last reply by Sammy Krouse, -
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OPENING SCENE -- Introduces primary protagonist; introduces setting; provides important information for end of the novel; sets up Inciting Incident Opening Scene | Sample.pdf
Last reply by Elle Milewski, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces MC's primary problem, supporting characters, and basic rules of magic system Nand chanced upon a few other children from a neighboring village playing a game, their Zzards either coiled around their arms or riding on their shoulders as they ran back and forth along the shoreline. They seemed to be playing some sort of catching game, one child throwing a ball high into the air with the other children jockeying for position underneath to be the one to catch the falling toy. The boy who was launching the ball noticed Nand watching their game and smiled at him. “Hey! Hey, you wanna play?” The boy was talking in Nand’s direction, but Nan…
Last reply by Judah David, -
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I have written a very rough first draft and have begun my first edit pass. OPENING SCENE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone, and a foreshadows the primary conflict. CHAPTER 1 Some days the loss weighed more heavily on Eliana Richardson’s heart than others and she knew the minute she woke up that today was going to be a rough one. She sighed from her bed as she watched the overcast sky slowly darken and bright green maple leaves wave their greetings to the birds hungrily visiting the bird feeder through the slatted blinds. Josh, her twelve-year-old Golden Retriever and constant companion, rested his chin on the side of the bed and offered h…
Last reply by Barb de Normandie, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces the protagonist, setting and tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict Chapter One Iggy followed an insistent Keandra down the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard, until they finally reached the man being crucified. She pointed up at him and said, “Look.” But Iggy was distracted by the crowd taking in the mid-day action. “There must be thirty people here,” he said, disbelieving. “Not one of which has recognized me, by the way.” He cast a grumpy look around at the dusty assemblage. They gathered in front of the charred remains of an eatery that had been burned to the ground decades before, payback for serving up so many lethal patties, …
Last reply by PJAlexander, -
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I have my whole book written and edited, but I'm excited to work on it more during the conference. First two pages of book: Part 1 October 30th, 2019: Fort Lauderdale My eyes trail around the crew bar as I take another swig of my Johnny Walker scotch. Who is going to be the chosen boy tonight? On my final night of my contract? Tyla has been throwing “thirsty eyes” at me all night. He probably expects it since we've been seeing each other on and off for three months and it's our last night on this ship. He's headed for London and I'm going home to Virginia. But... no. Tyla's not exciting enough. This is my last night. I take another sloppy sw…
Last reply by RebeccaA, -
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Prologue (foreshadows protagonist) 1995 So dry was the air that she began to wonder if she’d be better off holding her breath. Its stillness belied the abundance of life that somehow survived here. Thrived here. This desert teemed with life, even while inhospitably threatening it. On top of that was the human threat, maybe worst of all. How, she wondered, could such a place bring forth a living thing. She blinked slowly through drops of sweat, fighting unconsciousness. Her last, nearly empty water bottle, lying on its side just out of reach, seemed to mock her. Its insubstantial, crinkly plastic a symbol of this entire journey. She didn’t even know where she wa…
Last reply by Tom McCarthy, -
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[Opening Scene--introduces antagonist, setting, tone, foreshadows primary conflict] Elam Luddington’s obituary stated he was the first missionary to China, but it’s not true. Nor as it claimed, did he “perform an important mission to Japan”.[1] Five months after it appeared Levi Savage, his former companion on that journey, belatedly corrected the errors. He wrote to Salt Lake City's Deseret Weekly on August 8th, 1893, and included this seemingly detached detail of their parting, “Some time after[,] I learned that Elder Ludington had left Rangoon for parts unknown to me[2].” Another story in a letter-journal lay on a shelf, in an archive, nearly untouche…
Last reply by AA Bastian, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone, and a foreshadows the primary conflict Chapter 1: Did She Say…? “There’s a statue of my pussy in Paris.” On the TV screen, ViVi took a hit off her hand rolled cigarette. She lounged on an antique wooden chair with lavender and gold fleur-de-lis upholstery in a room flooded with indirect afternoon sunlight. The tall framed French windows behind her had been flung open to frame an incredible view of the Eiffel Tower. Her silver hair gleamed, swinging back with her movement and brushing the tops of her shoulders. She turned her head to the left and exhaled a long stream of blue gray smoke before tu…
Last reply by Jess, -
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[Opening Scene] Of all the ways to celebrate Quinn Frost’s birthday, this was far from ideal. Too bad city officials gave residents of Calystan little choice in the matter. Had it been up to Quinn, she’d already be halfway down a flagon of crisp, sweet ale and all the way up the Nine Lives terrace. Impatience bubbled in her chest like a venom as Quinn scaled the familiar four flights of musty stairs. Up, up, dread rising with her altitude. It felt like just yesterday Quinn was standing before the Teller’s sneering face, trying not to inhale the centuries-old debris that no doubt carried every number of toxic molds known to the Gods. Like just yesterday she wa…
Last reply by Mary S, -
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Opening scene- inner monologue to help set tone and foreshadowing the end of the book. Kept the prologue short in order to be able to switch perspectives and show the reader early on that they change with each chapter. Prologue Jacqueline The first five seconds are the worst. When you first turn out the lights, a moment of blindness follows where the world is pitch black, before your eyes have had a chance to adjust. You sometimes get the feeling as if you are not alone. That maybe there is someone else lurking in the darkest corners of your room. You quickly reassure yourself that you are crazy for even thinking that and try to make you…
Last reply by tmflattery,
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