Andrew

Below is chapter one and the first two pages of chapter two. The opening scene introduces the main character Jacob Johnson. The scene is a flash-forward scene that the reader will return to later in the novel. The tone is cold and distant. The opening scene foreshadows the man Jacob will become. Chapter two is set in 1986 when Jacob was a boy. The scene begins in his bathroom, toggles to a flashback, then back to the bathroom. This scene of him speaking with his father establishes their relationship because later his father will die shortly before his tenth birthday. I He took her life with spite. The instrument of death didn’t slice flesh or rip it with the pull of a trigger. His tool ensured a deeper death. He concealed the deed, committed it to silence—the kind kept in the family, secrets protected by blood. Jacob Johnson, like absolute monarchs before him, did not just ascend to the throne— he took it. His province, the boardroom, not a royal court, though similar rules applied. His coronation took place in the mansion he designed on Lake Norman, thirty-two miles from uptown Charlotte. Enveloped in opulence, he was master. There would be no questions as to what happened; his word was law. He surveyed the room he’d designed—a room accented with roses, their aroma of citrus and mint lingered while the pink walls fought to maintain tones of softness and safety. The truth of the morning’s events whispered to him until it became reality: she was gone. His eyes turned to water, but tears never fell, the lump in his throat never formed. His heart maintained its rhythm. He was safe now. Outside, the brilliance of the morning sun encouraged the chirps of birds and crickets. The sun’s light beamed through the bay window behind the four-poster California king, where she lay cooling. The room now illuminated with power and death. The only witnesses to the spectacle were French oil paintings whose judgement sat silent from their place on the walls. In the aftermath, there was no time to consider his actions. No time to mourn his loss. No regret and no reflection. It was morning; he needed to make decisions, and business continued. Today he became CEO of one of the southeast’s largest companies. After contacting the paramedics, he called the head of communications at Carrington Enterprises. He recounted what happened and gave instructions. “That’s right, I want the press conference here. I am committed to the same schedule. I also do not under any circumstances want prepared remarks.” “But, Mr. Johnson, we’ve—” “Two more items. First, have the lawyers check their file on Tonya Lewis. Second, there is a folder in the top drawer of my desk. The folder has the names of three that will need to be terminated immediately. They were connected to Doug Wilbanks. I verified their role in that fiasco. Prepare a press release for Tanya’s release and an email to the organization about the others.” “Right away, sir.” “Personally see to it that all of this is completed by the close of business—that’s all.” His calls completed, he looked at her again. She appeared peaceful as if she was in a deep sleep. His concentration broke when he heard the media trucks arrive. Local and national business media sent whoever they could to cover the press conference. His personal security team, inherited from Mr. Carrington as the leader of the firm was entitled, ushered members of the media in place. They positioned the reporters outside his front door in the sixty-six-degree October afternoon. Inside the home, the hum of news vans and the chatter of reporters getting their live shots muted the birds and crickets. In his closet, the size of a studio apartment, adorned with mahogany and marble, he chose not one of his tailored suits, but the only off-the-rack suit. It was the suit his mom picked for him when he took her out for a shopping day. She encouraged him to “just try it on.” He did, and to his surprise liked it. The ten-foot-high mirror reflected the man to himself. His shoulders slumped. His face was dormant, but his eyes were steel. Jacob adjusted his tie in the mirror and saw the reflection of the wooden chessboard he received from Deacon Rose the Christmas after his father died. The paint on the board had not chipped or faded through the years even though he had used it to aid him through many of his pivotal moments. He closed his eyes, briefly, then took the elevator to the ground floor. His shoulders lower now. His face transitioned from dormant to hibernation. “Take it. This is your time,” the voice said to him. At that moment, Jacob Johnson erected his back. His face awakened and his shoulders rose. He stood symmetrical. Jacob walked to the front door of the main house. He opened the door, then walked to the microphones. With no notes, he looked at the assembled press and began. “Today, I lost two of the most important people in my life. Both will never be forgotten and always remembered in my heart.” Jacob paused. He expected his emotions to whipsaw. Instead, his feelings were stock-still. He continued. “Today we begin anew. Personally, I begin a new chapter, but also does Carrington Enterprises, and I look forward to working with our employees and shareholders to see that Mr. Carrington’s vision, his life’s work, is accomplished.” The story of Jacob Johnson did not begin in the room of mint and citrus by the lake. The future began in the past, the year, December 6, 1986 with his father. II Jacob eyeballed two tablespoons of baking soda. He emptied the contents onto the stained khakis. A mix of mud and fescue stained the pants. With an assist from the bathroom spigot, a thick paste formed, allowing him to work most of the stains out. His left eye, slightly swollen, would not be as easy to hide. The sound of the fabric’s friction grated, off-key. As the desafinado ensued, his memory flinched. He replayed the pictures from the creek and how the whole mess started—he found himself here once again. He walked to the creek as the crisp December air instructed his nose to run. Wind from the east made his eyes water. The creek made winter colder. Jacob’s windbreaker and gloves were just enough to keep the situation tolerable. In his right hand, he held the mason jar he brought to catch tadpoles. He liked going to the creek and was familiar with its contours. Jacob identified two medium-sized rocks in the shallowest end of the creek. He tiptoed to them, steadied his hand, and situated the jar in the water. On cue, one tadpole went in as if it had been waiting for a new home all day. The tadpoles blended with the water’s mud. The brown mixture made it difficult to determine his success. The capture made him anxious to see how many he caught. He made his way back to the edge of the creek. That’s when he spotted them. Like skilled predators they used the terrain to cover themselves. He wanted to run, but the hunters, led by Mikey, rendered all routes of escape invalid. The prey stood helpless. Fear soaked his pants. Jacob was stricken with panic fit for a soldier affixing his bayonet to his rifle before a charge. He considered resistance but accepted the fists with bitter resignation. Back in the bathroom he conducted the ritual of humiliation he perfected. He let the pants sit in the water while he patted a cotton ball to disinfect his eye with isopropyl alcohol. A few strands of the cotton ball stuck in the wound. Lucky for him, the cut sat just below his left eyebrow, so it took a squinted eye to notice. He continued his checklist of items. Jacob erased the stains from the pants and dropped them in the hamper. No evidence, no conversations. He concealed the effects of the bullying most days, but even a nine-year-old’s self-examination couldn’t justify why. He was not a child deprived of love. He had two parents, toys at Christmas, and thoughtful chastising which was abnormal in his neighborhood. He understood his mother’s love in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich she placed in his lunchbox. In conversations with his father, he felt nourished, wanted, even needed. While he felt the love, he also leveraged his father’s work schedule and his mother’s adherence to her stories on ABC as a sufficient cloak. His toothbrush, wash cloth, and towel were the sorrowful audience yet again. He wrung out his pants then opened the bathroom door. There, on the worn tan carpet, his father, Ricky Johnson, stood before him. “You plan to put those in the hamper?” Jacob stood in the doorway. His shock at seeing his father suspended his motion. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on?” His father said. Jacob once again had no escape. The boys at the creek had cut off his routes, and now his dad made avoidance of the conversation impossible. Ricky Johnson’s arms were folded. Most mechanics didn’t dress in a white shirt and slacks even if they did own the shop. But most mechanics were not Ricky Johnson. He styled himself to command respect. The boys at the shop called him “Mr. J”; it was a sign of respect. Dress shirt and slacks were his uniform in a shop mired in oil and grease. Jacob admired his dad’s fashion choices even in this moment when he wished he could be anywhere else. Jacob had seen his father’s expression before. Ricky’s mood was not angry it was worse. His father was even tempered and employed logic. He didn’t spare the rod, but his rod struck the mind, not the body. “I’ve known about the bullying. I also know it just doesn’t happen at school. Were you down by the creek?” Jacob looked down. “Yes, sir. I didn’t start it.” Ricky told Jacob that he had seen the shirts and pants in the hamper. He implored his son to fight back. “The only language a bully understands is violence. Otherwise, they will feed off your fear.” In the doorway of that bathroom, under the watchful eye of his audience, Jacob felt he let his father down. School came easy to him, but he consistently felt that to get all his father’s love he needed to improve with his hands. His father once asked him for a straight edge, and he froze. After an awkward silence his father said, “Hand me that ruler.” His knowledge of cars was less impressive. His father not only owned the repair shop, but he also repaired the cars. He knew car makes and models. Jacob wasn’t even sure of the kind of car his parents drove every day. In every measure he believed his dad cared about Jacob did not make the grade. He wanted his dad to take it out on him, but Ricky never did. Jacob’s eyes welled as Ricky kept going.

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. Sever every bond to seize a dark power. SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them. The reader is presented with two options. First, the antagonistic force is the voice that haunts Jacob after his father Ricky’s death. Emerging from a dream warning of an “evil thing”, this presence—possibly supernatural, maybe psychological—expedites Jacob’s transformation. Its goal is Jacob’s corruption, urging him to seize power through betrayal and murder. The voice, sowed in Jacob’s grief and the cutthroat corporate world of Carrington Enterprises, exploits his vulnerabilities—bullying and ambition—whispering promises of control. It reacts to Jacob’s resistance with ever-growing insistence, gaining strength as he wavers. The voice mirrors Jacob’s inner darkness, the triumph completes when he embraces evil, proving power demands his soul. Alternatively, there is no voice—Jacob alone drives his descent. Rooted in losing his father, his choices reflect his will, not coercion. Create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed). The Death of Jacob Johnson: The day Jacob Johnson’s father died his life’s trajectory altered. The boy who learned of his father's death in church changed through bullying, the love he found in college, and his ascension to CEO of Carrington Enterprises. His death was not a natural one, but one of mind, body, and spirit. Dreams: Jacob is visited by his father shortly after his death and is told to only trust Deacon Rose. This is central to the book in that it opens the door to the supernatural. Jacob is also visited two additional times in his dreams to preview events to come. Metaphorically, most of the characters in the book have aspirational dreams. Jacob dreams of protecting and providing for his mother. Deacon Rose dreams of helping Jacob deal with this voice, Eleanor Barber dreams of one last adventure before she retires, and Katie, his mother, dreams of her son going to college and becoming a businessperson. Jacob’s Voice: After Jacob is bullied in junior high, he hears a voice that makes his tongue feel pain. This voice appears during crucial decision points in the novel. It is that same voice that encourages him to make decisions that while in his best interest conflict with what he knows is morally acceptable. Develop two smart comparables for your novel. Who compares to you? And why? The Fox Wife by Yangsze Choo: The Fox Wife uses a subtle supernatural thread to explore a tale of personal transformation and moral ambiguity. Both books feature protagonists shaped by loss who navigate a world where external forces blur the line between reality and metaphor. Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee: Both works center on a protagonist’s evolution after trauma—Ester’s loss mirrors Jacob’s, driving her toward a hardened, solitary path. The supernatural is the catalyst for their journeys. Both books use a literary lens to probe the tension between inner darkness and external forces Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound. In Charlotte, North Carolina, Jacob’s optimism crumbles when his father’s death unleashes a dark force, twisting his protective heart into a chilling force that betrays his closest bonds for ruthless power. Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction. Jacob’s inner conflict stems from a moral core—raised by church and parents to choose good—shattered by Ricky’s death. Without a father, Jacob sought the comfort of father figures. His want to take care of and provide for his mother became the driving force of his life which complicated his decision-making ability. His major decisions had an added layer of complexity due to a voice that encouraged him to make the wrong choices. Would he choose the decision that was morally, right? Or would he choose the decision that allowed him to attain higher status and higher advancement to meet his goals? For example, Jacob attended the prestigious Hilderbrant University. Graduating from Hilderbrant meant connections, a great career, and lifelong friendships as long as one was able to maintain those relationships. While there, Jacob attended the most exclusive fraternity party on campus. Jacob was invited as his girlfriend’s (Megan) plus one. His roommate Dan also attended. Later that night Jacob found Dan sexually assaulting a female attendee. Jacob physically restrained Dan and called the police. The cops instructed Jacob to leave. The next few scenes Jacob grappled with what he had seen. He decided not to tell his girlfriend, but instead, he would confront Dan. The next day Jacob told Dan to turn himself in. He expressed how disgusted he was with him and that if Dan didn’t turn himself in Jacob would do it for him. Dan realized Jacob was serious and offered him a choice. First, to forget what he saw. His second choice was more of a threat. Dan insinuated that because Jacob was black it would be more believable that he assaulted the girl. He informed Jacob of his parent’s wealth, resources, and deep relationships with the campus police. Jacob, who had devoted much of his early life to position himself so that he could attend a college like Hilderbrant felt pain in his tongue and heard a voice as he weighed the pros and cons. Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it? The secondary conflict pits Jacob’s social environment—family, friends, and the woman he loves—against his darkening trajectory. The nature of his relationships with everyone around him erodes as his ambition clashes with their values, fueled by a voice—or his will. An example of this is when Megan leaves him. The two met in college and Jacob helped her work through an eating disorder. She moves to Charlotte with him, but as time progresses Jacob sacrifices Megan to secure his position at Carrington Enterprises. After covering up Dan’s rape, in college, and climbing the corporate ladder, he prioritizes power over their relationship. Jacob disregards his relationship after Mr. Carrington gives him an ultimatum to choose success or his relationship. Soon after, he comes home late and forgets relationship milestones. Megan learns she is pregnant with Jacob’s child, and decides to leave him instead of being witness to his decline. Megan represents his last tether to love and morality. Her exit and his refusal to contact her isolate him further clearing the path to his internal ruin. Sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? The book is divided into three acts, each with a distinctive setting. Act I took place in Charlotte, NC, from 1986 to 1994. The set pieces included Trinity Resurrection Baptist Church, where Jacob learned of his father’s passing; the Johnson home, where friends and family congregated; and Englehart Junior High School, where Mikey, the school bully, intimidated Jacob. A key setting was Deacon Rose’s front yard, where he taught Jacob chess, where Jacob revealed he heard a voice, and where Deacon Rose decided to help him. The final set piece was a small library off Beatties Ford Rd., where Deacon Rose and Eleanor Barber conducted their research. Act II expanded as the setting shifted to Hilderbrant University. Jacob lived at his girlfriend Megan’s apartment and visited a fraternity house he’d been warned against in a dream. The setting briefly moved from Charlotte to Cape Cod, where Jacob and Megan introduced each other to their families. Back in Charlotte, Jacob was confronted by Mikey, his junior high bully. A mysterious place called The Fortress emerged, tied to Mr. Carrington, head of Carrington Enterprises and member of a secretive organization. Jacob and Megan settled in Charlotte for his job at Carrington Enterprises; they shared an apartment that was a haven of love until Jacob’s ambition to succeed—for his mother’s sake—drove Megan away. Act III returned to Charlotte, NC, where the story began, but the narrative had narrowed. Jacob’s perspective of the city shifted: Deacon Rose had died, and Jacob had purchased a lavish home on Lake Norman. The library Eleanor Barber once loved was now a shell of itself. She retired, and at her retirement party, a call spurred her on one last adventure. At Jacob’s lakeside home, he built a guest house for his mother, outfitting it in her favorite color, pink, and filling it with roses until the air carried scents of citrus and mint. Each act featured a dream sequence. Jacob was visited three times, with dream settings echoing the real world, unnerving him. For instance, his first dream foreshadowed a home Deacon Rose visited, where he uncovered the spirit Bacchus. Each set piece reflected Jacob’s transformation. His world contracted as his stature grew. As a young man, he was surrounded by loved ones and an older mentor; in college, he built a network of friends and found love. But as his thirst for power and success intensified, his world shrank. By the time he owned the lake home, Megan was gone, he had no friends, and his only mentor was Mr. Carrington, who seemed not to have his best interests at heart.