New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
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Below are elements that all would-be narrative fiction artists should consider, regardless of genre - prior to fingers touching the keyboard, and while the fingers are tapping. These elements should be used in this forum for helpful critique as well as writer editorial purposes. Keep in mind, that aside from the notes which follow, a great story premise with a strong plot and excellent characters will keep reader eyes on the page most effectively. All else is extra but necessary recipe - cliché but true. => For those about to post a sample of their prose narrative, this forum will serve you best if you post a three or four page scene taken from your opening …
Last reply by Chief Editor M. Neff, -
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Last reply by DomGerard, -
I knew—because Mom was involved—that my first car-buying experience would be painful, but I couldn’t imagine how close it would come to killing me. Dad was a professor of mathematics at Boston University and probably never held a torque wrench in his life, whereas Mom grew up in Grandpa’s repair shop and could tune up an engine by the time she turned eight. Meaning there wasn’t any question who would “help” me pick out my twenty-first birthday gift. We set out in her shiny, hatteras blue Cadillac Seville on a Saturday morning in October. You would’ve thought Mom was going to the symphony, not a used car dealership. For her, every excursion was an excuse to dress…
Last reply by Margie B, -
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Chapter One A.D. 66 The third day of Tammuz Outside of Bethlehem Diklah swept his hair off his forehead with the back of his hand and leaned heavily against his plow. The sun was high and scorching. Pulling a patch of cloth out of his pocket, he wiped the sweat from his face and squinted up at the cursed sun. The ground was hard and rocky, and he had been plowing it for weeks, but it seemed to harden overnight causing him to have to start again with each new day. He hated working in the fields. This was his father's passion, not his. He was a soldier or at least he would be soon. Unlike his kinsmen, he was exhilarated to learn …
Last reply by Sarah Wronko, -
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Nobody ever shows the bodies. In all the post-apocalyptic films a billion people always manage to magically disappear into thin air, leaving the survivors to walk the earth in isolation. Believe me, that sounds like heaven compared to the present situation. My name is Cody Armstrong. I am nineteen years old and even before what I’ve come to call the Great Extinction, I was all alone. I didn’t start out that way. Until I was eight, I had lots of friends. Then we moved, and I skipped three grades. The school didn’t want to do it since sixth graders don’t really hang out with eight year olds, even smart ones, but I was bored with third grade work and wa…
Last reply by Lora D., -
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The Undergrad A novel by Kate Rounds “You’re not alone when someone thinks they can see your mind.”—Eileen Myles “… The heart itself is beyond control….”—Chitra Banerjee 1 Walking to work, I have this propulsive urge not to arrive at my destination, as if strong winds or heavy baggage were slowing me down. I’m a fledgling adjunct in the Department of English and Language Arts of Saint John’s Community College across the Hudson River from Lower Manhattan. In the hero’s journey, you eventually do get to your destination, but in real life, failing to arrive is not such a bad thing. You might be saving y…
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Last reply by Yelda Basar Moers, -
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Chapter 1 - Rhubarb Tarte Thick ribbons of steam framed Arden’s face. Hovering before an opened oven, he scanned the pale domes of a dozen, freshly risen buns. He inhaled and sighed, dazzled by the creamy-ripe aroma of yeast on grain. Intent on caramelizing the swollen boules into gold, he shut the oven door and flipped a quarter-hourglass. It was early Tuesday morning. Outside the small porthole window above the stove, the city’s cobblestone streets were quiet and shiny, shellacked by summer night rains and blanketed by a gentle fog. The sky was ripening, its greyish haze paling into a cyan morning. “Oh!” Dawn already? Arden spun to salt a batch of b…
Last reply by Kev Perkins, -
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OPENING SCENE: Fay (protagonist) is getting through a first date at a fancy restaurant. As the evening unfolds, readers gain a little insight into Fay and her excitement? about starting a dietetic internship the next day. Unseasoned Truths Ch. 1 11.25.docx
Last reply by Nkechi-KayShe, -
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Here are the first few pages of my new novel, #GODDOESNTWANTYOUTOBEPOOR: Chapter 1 The sun rose on Lawson, Maine ushering in another sweltering July day, the fourth in a row and twelfth out of the last fourteen. Townsfolk sought relief as best they could. Backyards were dotted by plastic pools, and styrofoam coolers of thin beer. Kids dipped themselves in the quarry, floating in oversized black inner tubes until they felt hot enough to pop. Box fans occupied windows in the houses too poor for air conditioning, and shoppers lingered longer than necessary in the meat section of the Hannaford Super Market. For Jordie Furman, the heat meant people stopped buy…
Last reply by Jesse_McKinnell, -
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CHAPTER ONE (first four pages) establishes voice and setting and introduces the family I am seven in my bedroom on 90 Charles Street in NYC. I share a room with my little brother Zeph who is three. It is summer. It is boiling hot. There is no air-conditioning. There are no fans. There are screens in the open windows. The air is heavy inside. Even the plastic furniture is sweating. I am sticky. Daddy says “Wear a wet T-shirt, it is perfectly good air-conditioning.” We go to bed with wet hair and wet T-shirts on. The windows of our bedroom open onto the street. I fall asleep listening to everyone’s conversations as they drift into the screened windows. I…
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Last reply by discobiscuit3, -
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Books start with a catchy opening.
Last reply by RKP, -
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Opening scene/Chapter 1 of A Break in the Sky - Introduces our protagonist, the tone of the novel, and context as to why the protagonist may be on the run. This scene also includes the inciting incident at the end of the chapter that derails our protagonist's life and drives the novel. There is a brief prologue that precedes this chapter but does not include our protagonist, so I thought this a better sample to use for the purpose of this post. Chapter One “If you leave, you’ll lose everyone here. Everything. Your home. Aren’t you afraid of that? Aren’t you afraid of losing it all? Losing me?” “Don’t forget, we are doing unforgivable things.” …
Last reply by MeganDaniels, -
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Life is a hornets’ nest. If I don’t poke it, it won’t sting me. But now I’ve got hornets everywhere. Not literally, which is unfortunate because a literal hornets’ nest in my studio could be my get out of jail free card. I would kill for anything even remotely hornet-adjacent right now. When I agreed to this fiasco, Open Studios was shrouded in the mists of an unimaginable future, five whole months away. Now it’s here, and the sunlight that slants through my north-facing windows throws into brutal relief every reason I should not allow the general public into my space: bits of colored tin on every surface, gouges in the wood table where I eat my sad little solo …
Last reply by Ariel Slick, -
A Date With Lima: True Crime Writing Sample Introduces protagonist, antagonist, setting, and conflict Chapter 1: Contempt One Day Missing It was a pleasant, harmless, sunny day in the Gold Coast on the North Side of Chicago—an elite neighborhood on the border of Lake Shore Drive, along Lake Michigan. I had moved into the condominium in 1993, with my two young daughters, from an apartment that was less than a block away. On the corner of Burton and State Parkway—a block from the Cardinal mansion on North Avenue, bordering Lincoln Park. My recently ex-wife, Brigitte, had planned to take my two daughters to Kassel, Germany, to visit…
Last reply by Norman Miller, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces main heroes on the deck of a flying ship in space, during an astral travel. This scene serves as a flashforward. The children-heroes travel to the main adventure place, into the dimension of the living people. There is much tension as they fight off negative entities. 1. A Day of Surprises. ‘Ouch!’Roserin winced. Something had hit her arm. She rubbed it to ease the pain and looked to her right. A copper pot with a long arm was now hovering, spinning like a top…
Last reply by Natalie Petraki, -
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Attached is the first chapter of my YA sci-fi coming-of-age novel, A Girl Between Worlds. This chapter establishes setting and introduces the protagonist and (indirectly) the antagonist, plus a couple of supporting characters. AGBW Chapter 1.pdf
Last reply by BridgetteP, -
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Spindt Assignment 2 Dialogue.docx
Last reply by JazzyLady, -
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Please note there is some narratively relevant anti-Semitic thought and violence depicted. OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist (his bifurcated state of mind building tension and sympathy), antagonist, setting, object to become enduring symbol, description creating atmosphere/mood, dialogue with provocative statements, inciting incident, powerful event foreshadowing primary conflict and acting as microcosm of wider setting. Josef got his mail at the university in the center of Lvov, rather than at the convent, and that made all the difference. He knew the sisters, if they could have read English, wouldn’t approve of what he’d written in the manuscript he’d…
Last reply by Heidi Vornbrock Roosa, -
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This is the opening scene from A Ripe Republic, a historical fiction narrative based on actual people and events. It takes place in New Orleans on December 24, 1910. May Evans’ House was either an allegory of loss or the city’s finest whorehouse. Soon after her husband died unexpectedly, Mrs. Evans liquidated his dull farm-equipment business in the Marigny and used the proceeds to establish a more congenial enterprise in Storyville. The house was once the town residence of a Livingston Parish cotton family whose name no one remembered. The family sold it for a pittance after their cotton had all burned away during the war. Mrs. Evans also was now long gone, but her …
Last reply by Ethan Joselow, -
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A THIN LINE OF SMOKE Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty. The innocent will have to fend for themselves. Chapter 1 GEORGE They’d started out as innocent fibs, minor exaggerations, or hand waving distractions. There was nothing nefarious about adding flair, or emphasis, at least that’s what I’d believed when this started. We all did it, puffing up our chests, building up our importance, but somewhere along the way a boundary was crossed. What might have been embellishment slid further from the truth. One lie was left unquestioned, then another, and another. They’d all piled up, each new lie the fou…
Last reply by Ralph Walker, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces and identifies protagonist as a Roman Catholic priest and describes his physical appearance. Establishes setting (San Diego, CA) and time of year (July). Foreshadows the routine hospital visit that will introduce the protagonist to the central conflict of the story - the discovery of someone in need from his past. The interaction with the young boy (not a central character) in the opening scene is intended to reveal something of the nature of the protagonist stemming from his early childhood. FYI - this opening scene is a complete re-write based on feedback from a literary agent that I needed to introduce my protagonist in the first chapter to…
Last reply by Catherine Ellbogen, -
Gwen sat on her daughter's twin bed, staring at herself in a mirror they'd attached to the back of the door. It refracted the room's ambient light and gave the illusion of space. It also multiplied the flower decals Sophie had stuck on the walls and the Janice Joplin poster above her bed. Their realtor had called it a one-bedroom, but they all knew that was a lie. It was really a studio with a walk-in closet. But Gwen had been desperate to leave the Victorian townhome she'd shared with Jeremy down in Grammercy Park, and this place was the first thing she found. In hindsight, the signs of infidelity were everywhere--on Jeremy's fragrant coat, in Jeremy's smile--b…
Last reply by jodi daynard, -
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Aida Pemble was an abomination, but there were worse things to be. A turtle-murderer, for example. She was definitely better than a turtle-murderer. Or that guy in the city who fondled his willy while he walked around, Priest Saint Donahue or something like that. Oh, and definitely any bastard who felt the need to whistle. She fucking hated whistling. Sing or don’t sing, play an instrument or don’t, but to try and pretend curling your tongue and eschewing spit was anything more than an insult to those around you was absurd. Gods, she hated whistling. She hated it especially right now, as she wrestled with the stubborn wheelbarrow over the tangled brus…
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Opening Scene - Introduces protagonist, antagonists, setting, tone, and conflict 1977 - SUMMER Church bells toll outside my open window, asserting God’s ownership of the day. He must have caught me humming. Better Him than my mother. I squeeze in two more scribbled lines at the bottom of the page, rhyming ‘begin’ with ‘sin.’ Catholic, if you couldn’t tell. Hearing my mother’s nasal twang down the hall, I grab my pitch pipe from the nightstand and crane my head out the window between my bed and Elena’s. It’s dicey, making music at all, but I’d be wasting my last day of confinement if I didn’t write about it. With a gentle blow into the pipe’s metal spokes, I turn …
Last reply by campbelldenatale,
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