Ethan Perkus

This is so awesome. I love your lines like this one that make her desire to harm herself appear like an external, omnipresent force. Really really well done. Two things to consider, in the name of trying to be constructive. One: How does an eighteen year old with an ancient truck afford 22 acres? Two: While this is a line that I really enjoy to read I think it's the only one you should consider cutting. Reason being that we already know she is suicidal due to a past event and so through this lens of trying to figure out why the line "Of course you'll turn five." is super daunting. Following it up with the narrator's statement, in my opinion, diminishes this effect. Also, the "not ever." made me so very happy. Had my mind racing for a "why" just as she leaps into action. Super cool. Thanks for the read, Ethan

"there had never been a world with creatures of flesh..." The implication here has me very excited, right at the beginning of your book! You do a great job painting wide strokes with small lines regarding character description. Shadow does nothing but scowl, curl her toes, and drop her jaw and already I'm rooting for her. Very well done. One thing to consider is that once father begins telling the story the exposition and narrative is completely linear. An interruption by one of the children that conflicts with the tale, such as Decasha arguing the neighbor has a slightly different version etc., may help the tale feel less didactic to us. Of course that's exactly what many tales to young children are for so it is really a non-issue, just a thought! Thanks for the read, Ethan

Hey Peju! Firstly I'd like to say that I really enjoy how the antagonist, as you noted, is not obviously marked as the antagonist. He appears as a determined yet conflicted character from the get go. I would, however, consider making it clear that he is the antagonist/opposition very soon, prior to introducing the protagonist. Or making sure his quest is clearly antithetical to the protagonist's once they're introduced. Since you mention familiar things like monkeys and birds it would be nice to have a description of a quagga since my mind is left thinking "It's anything but a horse!" without any other parameters besides it being large enough to carry an adult human(?) and can "canter". If it is a horse that's fine too, but I want to know whether you use both familiar and unfamiliar terms for creatures I know or if the use of unfamiliar terms is designated to fantastical creatures. I like the dynamic between Jahi and Ga but was thrown a bit when Jahi starts describing the black city, its lore, and his concerns. Presumably they've been traveling together for a while and knew this was their destination, wouldn't this conversation happen sooner? Perhaps if Jahi were to begin referencing the lore and Ga has a "Jahi, not again," moment so we get both a measure of Jahi's dislike of this place, by virtue of him bringing it up repeatedly, and the necessary exposition without that D&D feeling of all the characters spawning at the trail towards the keep. Thanks for the read! Ethan

1) Defy the gods to protect your kin. 2) For centuries, Junotheia has planned to massacre her siblings to consolidate divine power for herself. The time has finally come. The Divine race cannot generate offspring with each other, but mingling with mortals has its consequences. A half-blooded child enjoys the unique privilege of irreversible power transfers from their divine parent as the Divine develops feelings for the child. Since abstinence is an unfair proposition for immortals, slaughtering their own children is the next best option. The Reborn are the mechanism for this ongoing extermination. Divine discovered to have fathered or mothered a child are responsible for sponsoring a new Reborn that will hunt and kill half-blooded children indiscriminately. This initiative is run by Junotheia who has never had a child herself, but believes her half-blooded nieces and nephews may be the keystone to her plot. 3) More than Myth (perhaps this is the series title) The Demi Gods’ Dilemma Wrong Side of Divinity 4) The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan if things were up to Hera. Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson set in contemporary times. 5) A Demigod and his friends aspire to exist despite their maniacal parents. 6) Jared struggles transitioning from a high school fantasy nerd to an embattled demigod, his biggest qualm being the apparent necessity of violence. After being denied refuge from the Demi colony beneath Grand Central Station, Jared and his two new friends, Andre and Maria, seek to redefine the half-blooded experience. The empowerment they seek is product of a brutal process to harvest the creatures that hunt them. Jared becomes increasingly conflicted when their quest imperils human lives as collateral. As if stealing the souls of sapient beings wasn’t hard enough. Secondary conflict: Jared has a crush on Less-Than, the magical former captive who just spent more time with both of Jared’s parents together than he has. 7) Jared’s flight for life takes him from an assassination attempt at a vaudeville circus in Bridgeport Connecticut to a secret colony of his peers eight levels beneath Grand Central Station. From there he and his friends rob a weapons tent at a Renaissance fair in Pennsylvania, infiltrate a neo-Nazi gathering, have a shoot-out in a mannequin factory, and return to the the colony to defend against the extinction of their peers. Meanwhile, Less-Than travels from the ranch she’s been a captive on in upstate New York for most of her life to an abandoned warehouse in Long Island to aid in a resurrection of a beast meant to hunt Jared. She travels to and from her dream world where she’s been tutored in magic for the past few years and uses the space to convene with Jared after his parents free her. This is where she warns him of the impending attack on the colony before going to Grand Central herself with Jared's parents. Benjamin, Jared’s father, ends his journey in the underworld after being killed by Junotheia. It is occupied by other lost souls who are driven to clawing at, and eating, the sand-like walls of this disparate place. He is left at the edge of the pit, a gorge of nothingness that grants one the ability to think and remember so long as you stare directly into it. Here Benjamin contemplates endowing the last of his life force to his son through self-annihilation while Jared and his kin suffer the wrath of Junotheia above.