New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, secondary character, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Butter croissant, pain au chocolat, a raspberry tarte, baguette with butter and jam, a bowl of strawberries, a pot of yogurt. I run a finger down the menu—a slice of quiche?—although I won’t bother with this one because then I’d have to ask for the daily special and I don’t want to talk beyond the bare minimum. And then there is the coffee: Americano, my usual, or better yet, café au lait, to be truly authentic. But who am I kidding? I’m not French. “Un croissant et un café Americano, s'il vous plaît,” I say to the waiter as he approaches and takes …
Last reply by Lindsey, -
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Scene: states the family and depression as the antagonists, conflicted as how to break away and overcome; taking place between Southern California and Ohio. When an X becomes a check The thing of depression, in this, these far deeper dredges than those of your run-of-the-mill San Diego blues, of what I wrote in Lights at the end of the tunnel, is that I never had a choice. Or a chance. Raised by two joyless, egotistical co-dependents whose only semblance of happiness came from the child, I was not provided the adequate tools to experience anything other. As such, my life, this life, has been nothing but one unending quest to find. An epic jo…
Last reply by Dylan Night, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces protagonist, setting (flip-flops between two setting: past and present), tone and foreshadows the primary conflict. 1 Mesa, AZ (ten years ago) Corey laid lifeless. Her eyes had yet to open and she was already resentful of the day before her. Her cheek clung to her pillowcase, still damp with tears from the night before. And then, like clockwork, came the weight, rich with pain, nuzzling into its usual spot within her sternum. She opened her eyes and slowly, a blurry room began to merge into focus. Corey’s eyes fixed upon the metal object atop her nightstand. Beams of light slipping through the window promoted it wi…
Last reply by Ethan Perkus, -
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Hey everyone! This is the opening scene to my YA Survival novel (the title likely getting changed soon). Each chapter alternates the POV of the stepsisters, Emily and Skylar. The opening scene is from Emily POV and sets up the remote wilderness setting and the personal relationships. The formatting of the paragraphs and spacing is off after I copy and paste the pages... Sorry about that. Chapter 1 Emily “Nature in her green tranquil woods heals and soothes all afflictions.” – John Muir An entire week without electricity, running water, or Wi-Fi, on a private lake packed with walleye . . . Paradise. Dad and I travel to th…
Last reply by Deborah Morris, -
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Below, please find, the prologue and first chapter of my YA time-travel romance and coming-of-age novel, When Time Comes. The prologue offers a glimpse into the pivotal moments and historical eras the protagonist will encounter, while the first chapter establishes her warmth, challenges, and internal struggles. Additionally, it introduces the antagonist and a few key supporting characters, setting the stage for the emotional and transformative journey ahead. ----- Prologue I’m running in 1780. Bare feet hit the wooden deck of a ship, slick with sea spray and something else smelly—rotting fish, or worse—that I don’t want to think a…
Last reply by Stephanie Perry Moore, -
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Chapter 1 NOW- July 28th Fog blankets my mind hiding my memory in its mist. Floating spots and light trails cloud my vision, and I’m groggy like I’m waking up from general anesthesia. Did I have surgery? It can’t be— they don’t strap you down. Four-point restraints choke my ankles and wrists, cementing me into a corpse pose. My temples tighten into a vice-like grip, threatening to crush my skull, and the only sound is blood smashing between my ears. My eyelids grow heavy, and the light recedes to dark. I drift in and out of consciousness. A mix of bleach and antiseptic sting my nostrils pulling me awake like they’re smelling salts, and the frigid a…
Last reply by Laurie V, -
Primal longing is often conceived in the cage of civilization, where the danger of the wilderness can lay shrouded by a puerile enthusiasm to escape and melt into solitude. Baker County Sheriff’s Search and Rescue Coordinator, Dylan Stoke, had experienced the full gambit of enthusiastically ignorant decisions made by the out-of-their-element city dweller. Most of the time, the mishaps affected only those that deserved a little discomfort, and his SAR team could easily rectify those with a tow truck, a cup of hot liquid, or a splint. Sometimes, however, the poor decisions and lack of preparation endangered the innocent. The hinges of Stoke’s jaw retreated into hi…
Last reply by Steve Dunn, -
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Village of Las Gaviotas, Columbia, SA Tears streamed down Jorge Manuelo’s cheeks as he stood with head bowed in prayer, listening to his brother’s screams. They had gone on far longer than should have been possible. How could Juan—hanging from the tree, his arms stretched above him as if reaching for heaven, entrails piled below like a pig being readied for Christmas day—live so long? He begged the Madonna to bring his own death more quickly. El Chuchillo—the man with the knife—turned away from Juan’s now silent body and lifted Jorge’s chin with the tip of his blade. “I have your attention?” Jorge wanted to answer but had no voice. The man holding hi…
Last reply by Kelly Owen, -
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PITCH: This sometimes pithy, often humorous case-study follows one woman's obsessive behavior over unrequited love. Sacrificing much of her younger years in futile attempts to win back the man of her dreams, she finds herself spending a chance afternoon and evening with him four decades later, on a boat, where suppressed feelings surface and she realizes her fixation has been unhealthy and especially hurtful to the one man who truly loves her: her husband. But can she shake her deep-rooted fixation on the one who got away? PROLOGUE (see below) PART ONE - Present Day – Begins in Isle of Hope, Georgia, then Sarah (protagonist) and Ben (husband) travel to their tr…
Last reply by Cindy, -
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*Opening Scene: Introduces the protagonist, establishes primary conflict, setting, tone, and briefly introduces an important secondary character. Chapter 1: Day 0, Saturday Night Declan I’m pretty sure I just died. Or I am dead. Either way, no one noticed. I’m not even sure I noticed. Here’s what I got: I remember leaving the gym just after 8:30 pm. Our school was going nuts in the stands because the star forward, Derek, twisted his ankle minutes before the close of the first half. And if he was down, I was up. No one wanted to see that, especially me. While our school’s version of LeBron rolled on the floor,…
Last reply by Courtney McColl, -
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It was at Shari Saltzman’s Bat-Mitzvah that I asked my husband if he was having an affair. While Shari and her family had carefully planned every last detail of her momentous event—from her flawless Torah reading in synagogue to the Gummy Bear toppings at the ice-cream sundae bar at the reception—I hadn’t planned a damn thing. Still, both Shari and I came of age that spring day. I’d been to plenty of coming-of-age celebrations that year. Between nieces and nephews and neighbors, it seemed every Jewish kid was turning thirteen. One party was pretty much like any other, though the Saturday night receptions promised a little more panache (for a lot more green). The Bea…
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone, and a foreshadows the primary conflict Chapter 1: Did She Say…? “There’s a statue of my pussy in Paris.” On the TV screen, ViVi took a hit off her hand rolled cigarette. She lounged on an antique wooden chair with lavender and gold fleur-de-lis upholstery in a room flooded with indirect afternoon sunlight. The tall framed French windows behind her had been flung open to frame an incredible view of the Eiffel Tower. Her silver hair gleamed, swinging back with her movement and brushing the tops of her shoulders. She turned her head to the left and exhaled a long stream of blue gray smoke before tu…
Last reply by Jess, -
BLOOD OF THE BELLFLOWER: THE TRACE HUNTER CHAPTER ONE Hild still couldn’t comprehend why they were hunting him - a young indentured servant, glorified horse hostler, and fence mender. Nonetheless, his parlous escape from the obscure mining village had flared an uproar with the Segaeta guards. Now, he lay stunned and spread eagle in the hot sand, breathing heavily and blinking against a sticky trickle of blood from his brow bone. Three things tumbled through his mind: First, this new life of running and fighting was unsustainable. Second, Razzia was somewhere – on a horse – being hunted by an assassin. She couldn’t stay on a fence t…
Last reply by Laura Neibaur, -
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Edit: so far these opening pages have been working in querying, so I'm not revising them anymore for now. Thanks! Hello, this is my opening scene (my whole first chapter, actually, since it's 4 pages single spaced.) This introduces the antagonist (though my protagonist doesn't know Griselda is the antagonist yet,) establishes the setting of Whitefall and the conflict of Lucina's memory loss, and foreshadows the soul-eating monster (aka Griselda) conflict. Hopefully, Lucina comes off sympathetic and enjoyable to read about too! Chapter 1: Transition Numbness I think I might be a ghost. My limbs are weightless. Feathery. I bring my hand up to check, and yep,…
Last reply by JINJUP6RICHARDS, -
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Please take your pick for titles. But what really happens to people that get injured by no fault of their own under the State of New York's No Fault Laws that just happened to have left this pastry chef severely injured on the roadside. Have you ever been sued and had an IRS audit nearly at the same time? Probably not, I'm guessing. The pinch point here is getting injured and thinking that I had car insurance to cover my injuries. The plot point is; that didn't happen. Are you brave enough to get into the PDF attachment to find out what happened? bonetopick 11.pdf
Last reply by Dean Kropp, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces MC's primary problem, supporting characters, and basic rules of magic system Nand chanced upon a few other children from a neighboring village playing a game, their Zzards either coiled around their arms or riding on their shoulders as they ran back and forth along the shoreline. They seemed to be playing some sort of catching game, one child throwing a ball high into the air with the other children jockeying for position underneath to be the one to catch the falling toy. The boy who was launching the ball noticed Nand watching their game and smiled at him. “Hey! Hey, you wanna play?” The boy was talking in Nand’s direction, but Nan…
Last reply by Judah David, -
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