New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
417 topics in this forum
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, secondary character, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Butter croissant, pain au chocolat, a raspberry tarte, baguette with butter and jam, a bowl of strawberries, a pot of yogurt. I run a finger down the menu—a slice of quiche?—although I won’t bother with this one because then I’d have to ask for the daily special and I don’t want to talk beyond the bare minimum. And then there is the coffee: Americano, my usual, or better yet, café au lait, to be truly authentic. But who am I kidding? I’m not French. “Un croissant et un café Americano, s'il vous plaît,” I say to the waiter as he approaches and takes …
Last reply by Lindsey, -
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OPENING SCENE: Fay (protagonist) is getting through a first date at a fancy restaurant. As the evening unfolds, readers gain a little insight into Fay and her excitement? about starting a dietetic internship the next day. Unseasoned Truths Ch. 1 11.25.docx
Last reply by Nkechi-KayShe, -
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Please take your pick for titles. But what really happens to people that get injured by no fault of their own under the State of New York's No Fault Laws that just happened to have left this pastry chef severely injured on the roadside. Have you ever been sued and had an IRS audit nearly at the same time? Probably not, I'm guessing. The pinch point here is getting injured and thinking that I had car insurance to cover my injuries. The plot point is; that didn't happen. Are you brave enough to get into the PDF attachment to find out what happened? bonetopick 11.pdf
Last reply by Dean Kropp, -
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Below, please find, the prologue and first chapter of my YA time-travel romance and coming-of-age novel, When Time Comes. The prologue offers a glimpse into the pivotal moments and historical eras the protagonist will encounter, while the first chapter establishes her warmth, challenges, and internal struggles. Additionally, it introduces the antagonist and a few key supporting characters, setting the stage for the emotional and transformative journey ahead. ----- Prologue I’m running in 1780. Bare feet hit the wooden deck of a ship, slick with sea spray and something else smelly—rotting fish, or worse—that I don’t want to think a…
Last reply by Stephanie Perry Moore, -
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The bus’s engine became louder as it approached the stop. Once the bus pulled over to let a group of students out, another group of students waiting on the platform moved closer to the vehicle to enter. Most of the new passengers sat down in the front row of seats. I chose to sit in the back, away from the rest of the crowd. I put my phone in my pocket and gazed out the window, into the adjacent forest. All of the trees were barren, and only a few leaves fluttered around them. Watching them gently sway back and forth filled me with such contempt. These crunchy little leaves will never understand how good they have it. They may be dead, but at least they don’t…
Last reply by Matt Curry, -
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The Emerald Cut
Last reply by Bri LeClerc, -
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Mama Told Me Not To Come George Pflug probed his dry mouth with his tongue. Swallowing produced no secretions. He felt depleted. Utterly. Like an alien had drained his vital fluids before ejecting him from the trash chute, he was tumbling through deep space to land…where? Somewhere comfortable. Lying on something soft. He stretched all four limbs, feeling his heart surge—not faster, just stronger, punching his left chest from the inside, like Bugs Bunny in love. He arched his spine, then collapsed back into the darkness. Wherever he was, he would just stay here a while. No rush. It was dark. Faint music played, far away. Something doleful, maybe from a Spoti…
Last reply by Chris Plowe, -
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Attached is the first chapter of my YA sci-fi coming-of-age novel, A Girl Between Worlds. This chapter establishes setting and introduces the protagonist and (indirectly) the antagonist, plus a couple of supporting characters. AGBW Chapter 1.pdf
Last reply by BridgetteP, -
emmanuelle Gray Nov 18, 2024, 2:39 PM (3 days ago) Dear Mr. Kropp, I hope this email finds you well. As I shared with you last time, we recently had the pleasure of reading your book, "The Cooking Olympics: The World’s Best Kept Secret". We spoke few days before the Frankfurt Book Fair Mr. Kropp and after I sent you the email you requested, I haven't heard from …
Last reply by Dean Kropp, -
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I believe in Fate--that the universe has ways of saying: Stop. Reverse course. Equally, I hate being told what to do. The day didn’t start well: I overslept, poured sour milk over the last of my cereal, smashed my hand in the sliding door, and limped to a standstill on a flat tire I could not afford to fix. If not for my stubborn middle finger to Fate, I’d have taken a personal day before things got worse. Instead? Instead I found myself where I did not belong: standing just inside the threshold of a small hot bedroom saturated in blood. I’d transcribed police and witness statements describing crime scenes, everything from mummified remains to fresh …
Last reply by Gretchen Jaeger, -
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I couldn’t believe I’d finally taken the plunge. Me! The most careful, plan-oriented woman on the planet threw caution to the wind and moved across country for a relationship of all things. Maybe the pandemic, followed by years of true isolation, finally emboldened me enough to leave the only town in coastal Oregon I’d ever known. Or maybe it was the 6+ solid months of near-constant communication, travel, and love-bombing charms of Dean. Ever the pragmatic, I would have never done something so wild before, but even I understood our long-distance status had to change if we wished to go forward, and I was the most portable. To be truthful, I was never attached to my h…
Last reply by HDNelson, -
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Updated: 11-30-24 Howdy all, Here's the full proposal PDF: google docs link to the full book proposal (formatted and easier on the eyes than reading here) Go Bleep Your Self-Help has an Introduction which um, well, you know...introduces the book, but here ya go: Chapter 1: Good Morning Sunshine, In your dream, a book has caught your eye. On its cover: a life-sized middle finger unabashedly flipping off your life’s vainglorious efforts to improve, better, and help yourself. You are delighted and offended. You are hopeful and skeptical. You are intrigued and exhausted. A thought-and-feeling-infused hurricane of failure, unworthine…
Last reply by J. Stewart Dixon, -
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Please see attached the first three chapters of my book. The first chapter is the OPENING SCENE, which introduces the main character and his mission to a reader. The scene is structured such that whoever tries to guess what his mission actually is will be completely surprised by the second chapter. The first chapter does introduce the ANTAGONIST, without the reader even realizing it. Second and third chapters create a PINCH POINT where the reader is up for an unexpected twist--no one could have guessed the identity of the main character or the nature of his mission. These are mostly dedicated to WORLD-BUILDING, through THE combination of DIALOGUE and the …
Last reply by Emil Buchman, -
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The Undergrad A novel by Kate Rounds “You’re not alone when someone thinks they can see your mind.”—Eileen Myles “… The heart itself is beyond control….”—Chitra Banerjee 1 Walking to work, I have this propulsive urge not to arrive at my destination, as if strong winds or heavy baggage were slowing me down. I’m a fledgling adjunct in the Department of English and Language Arts of Saint John’s Community College across the Hudson River from Lower Manhattan. In the hero’s journey, you eventually do get to your destination, but in real life, failing to arrive is not such a bad thing. You might be saving y…
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Last reply by Yelda Basar Moers, -
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I lost my mother in 1969, in one of the hottest and most disagreeable summers on record. The country was mired in protests of the Vietnam War and civil rights unrest rose in magnitude with the heat. While John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded “Give Peace a Chance” from their Montreal bed-in, Ronald Reagan launched his political career using the Berkeley campus anti-war demonstrations as a target. James Earl Ray pled guilty to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King but that single bigoted bullet couldn’t stop the counterculture’s cascade of change. Young people wanted love not hate, and peace not war. They were fed up, disillusioned, and sought solace in drugs and music.…
Last reply by Renée Ryan, -
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MT. ZION, OHIO 2015 I’ve never met Nomi and there she is, plopped at the family table, grey-haired, frowning, solid as a bulldog, in a speckly green dress she could have worn to a wedding. But this is a church luncheon after a funeral. Her daughter’s funeral. I grip Dylan’s hand harder. The church lady escorting us taps Nomi’s shoulder. “Nomi, here’s Bob, Esther’s husband, and”—the church lady bends over—“what’s your name again, sweetie?” “Dylan,” my daughter says. She drops my hand and seats herself in the folding chair across from Nomi at the same time she plucks from her craft bag a handful of plastic strings. Dylan may be ni…
Last reply by Martha Moody, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces and identifies protagonist as a Roman Catholic priest and describes his physical appearance. Establishes setting (San Diego, CA) and time of year (July). Foreshadows the routine hospital visit that will introduce the protagonist to the central conflict of the story - the discovery of someone in need from his past. The interaction with the young boy (not a central character) in the opening scene is intended to reveal something of the nature of the protagonist stemming from his early childhood. FYI - this opening scene is a complete re-write based on feedback from a literary agent that I needed to introduce my protagonist in the first chapter to…
Last reply by Catherine Ellbogen, -
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Dreaming about your future is a euphoric exercise; making it happen tests you to the core of your being. Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard gave a name to the action of a person faced with a choice that can’t be rationally justified: they take a leap of faith. Dreaming of being an author when you’re too busy to breathe, requires such a leap. Still believing you can find your great love when you’ve been hurt too many times, requires such a leap. In my case, I inadvertently chose to fly instead of jump. “Ms. Gregory, here’s your seat,” the flight attendant said, motioning with both hands as she presented the aisle chair in front of the last row in first class. “Can …
Last reply by Melissa1031, -
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The bandits smashed through the creaky kitchen door of the sister missionaries’ house just after nighttime companion prayer. The hermanas had prayed that night for the usual things: guidance to find people who’d listen; for the people they were teaching, that their hearts might be opened; for help with the language; and they had prayed for the health and safety of their families at home. They hadn’t thought to pray for their own. Hermana Harper was tired from the day, but not exhausted, getting tougher. She’d been in one of the hottest areas of Costa Rica for six weeks now, on her Mormon mission for three and a half months. It was like building muscle, an…
Last reply by Kathryn Maughan, -
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Hostage intro scene
Last reply by Ralph Hardy, -
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This is being completely re-written.
Last reply by Jane Weinkrantz, -
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Chapter 1: Liz eased the door closed behind her. She clicked the lock into place, took off her shoes, and tiptoed toward the stairs. At this hour, Dad would be in his workshop, but Liz wasn’t going to take any chances. She placed a gentle foot onto the first step and waited to see if its groan would give her away. Mercifully, the old house obeyed her unspoken command to remain silent. She gripped one hand around the railing and began her ascent. She just needed to make it into her room, and she’d be in the clear. Dad wouldn’t see – “Liz!?” Dad’s voice stopped Liz in her tracks. She peered over the railing, down the hallway, and toward the kitchen. Dad was s…
Last reply by Nino Laquidara, -
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Chapter 1 Hand Surgeon’s Office, Tuesday afternoon, October 5 Katherine Bradford, Miami socialite and advice columnist Katherine plunged her working hand into her tote and extracted the paperback she’d brought to the doctor’s office, The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Who was the oddball in their book group who had picked this one? Written almost a hundred years ago about random travelers whose destiny had intersected when a bridge collapsed in Peru in 1714. Strangers and fate!? Too much. She pushed the novel back into her Coach carryall with a sigh. Speaking of strangers, check out what this hand surgeon’s waiting room offered up. The oth…
Last reply by Rustin Levenson, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, setting, and tone. Hints at the antagonist and sets up the flashbacks that will fill in his story. This was not originally my first chapter, but I pulled this scene forward for a quicker immersion into the conflict and rewrote it as a starting point. Chapter 1 “It’s the police,” Ellen whispered as she walked back in the den. My lungs stopped. People think the heart is the vital organ that arrests in these fixed moments, but no, the heart races forward shooting tiny sparks of stress to the tips of your fingers, toes, and ears. The ends of you burn with the feelings of fear, but you can’t breathe. Your lungs hav…
Last reply by PamOHara, -
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Luminous Objects - Beginning, Scene One, Scene Two.docx
Last reply by Catherine Birtwell,
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