MarsyDotes

Question - what if your story has multiple antagonists?

Chapter 1: Deadly Paradise Sunday, late February Leilani Drew inhaled the sweet scent of plumeria and surveyed the sweeping ocean view as she made her way down a concrete path lined with coconut palms, flaming red ti and green and white striped Star of India. Bird song filled the crisp morning air and the last slivers of a waxing moon dove into the ocean as the sun began its blazing trek across a cloudless sky. Unfolding before her lay the tranquil aquamarine waters of Honokono Bay, known as Turtle Cove, and beyond, a deep ocean channel and the mysterious island of Moloka’i. A light warm breeze played with long ribbons of Leilani’s dark hair, and she raised her face to absorb the sun’s radiance, smiling contentedly. Juggling two bags of groceries in one arm and the keys to her condo in the other, Leilani maneuvered toward her front door. She kicked her sandals across the tiled entryway. Fumbling with the key, she finally slipped it in the lock and opened the door, breathing deeply, relief and satisfaction settling into her bones. She placed the groceries on the dining table and she walked through the living room, opening the sliding glass door to the lanai. The murmur of ocean waves gently licking the rock-lined cove filled the room. Leilani scanned her victory, appreciating again the view out the floor to ceiling windows facing the sea. Sunlight glittered off blue-green waves, like a million diamonds thrown in devotional offering to Kanaloa, Hawaiian god of the ocean and wind. She stuck the groceries in the fridge without taking them out of the bags. In the bedroom, she dumped the contents of a large leather overnight bag onto the bed and rummaged through her clothing until she found a blue and orange bikini. She hurriedly changed, tying a light blue sarong around her waist, then pulled her thick hair into a ponytail and headed out of the condo towards the coastal trail leading to the beach. Jagged black lava rocks lined the coastline and stood in stark contrast to a moving canvas of peacock blue ocean. Across that watery expanse, the shadowed valleys and emerald colored slopes of Moloka’i dazzled the eye. Dark clouds bruised the beauty, shrouding the towering summits like ancient whispers of restless spirits breathing a message of foreboding. With the two-hour drive from her family home in the jungle on Maui’s east side behind her, she felt tension and stress melt away as she stretched her legs and breathed in the sea air. Heavy tourist traffic had choked the roads leaving her feeling edgy. Ever since her mother’s accident, she hated driving. She knew a walk and a swim would help calm her. Staying at her condo for a few weeks would give her time to paint and fix it up before renting it out to vacationers next month. She planned to meet some members of the HomeOwners Association, the HOA, that evening. First, she sought solace in the beauty surrounding her.She looked back at the condo complex nestled around the cove. The low rise concrete buildings stacked three levels high were built in a tiered formation along a sweeping curve of the cove, taking up almost three acres of gently sloping hillside. A lanai overlooking the bay adorned the condos, allowing each unit a privileged view of paradise. The ground floor units bordered a verdant carpet of manicured lawn that rolled out to terraced rock ledges guarding the entrance to the cove. Passing through a small gate, Leilani left the grounds of the condo resort and stepped onto a narrow sand and rock trail. A mix of hau and jade plum trees grew along both sides of the path, creating a screen of leaves and branches. The trail led down towards the ocean and opened onto a wide rocky beach dotted with tidepools. The sound of ocean surf crashing onto the rocks spurred her forward. Water flew high into the blue sky, the wind misting her with salt spray. She stopped and gazed at the ocean. The waves rose and fell back in a hypnotic rhythm, like a rocking cradle that gently soothed her jangled nerves. The scent of the ocean smelled wild and free and its salty mist clung to her lips. Hopping over a mosaic of ancient volcanic rocks and glittering tidepools, she rounded a corner. As she got closer to a wide expanse of beach, she passed a local man standing on the outer point of a rock jetty. He climbed barefoot out of the water, and held a long cylindrical speargun in the air, like an ancient samurai with his killing sword. Dressed in board shorts and shirtless, she noticed ornate tattoos decorating his arms and legs. The way he stood seemed vaguely familiar to her. Goggles covered his eyes, and his long hair and beard dripped beads of water that glistened like tiny shards of glass. At the end of the spear dangled a puffer fish, its body inflated like a spiky balloon. Nice catch. In a relaxed state, their innocuous small bodies belied this unusual reflex to blow up like a medieval mace when sensing danger. Common to these waters, puffer fish were highly poisonous to eat if not handled with experience and care. It was such a classic Maui scene that she raised her smartphone and snapped a quick photo. The man lowered the speargun and glared at her. As he turned away, the sun glinted off his muscular back, revealing a large, crescent-shaped scar practically bisecting his torso, a raw gash that hid violent secrets. She shivered involuntarily and fumbled with her phone, tucking it into her sarong, hoping he hadn’t seen her take the shot. Just then, her foot caught on a rock and she tumbled head first, face planting into the sand, letting out a yelp as she went down. “Oh shit,” she said to the rock. She desperately hoped the man hadn’t seen her fall and wasn't making his way over to her. Heaving herself out of the sand, she peered over to where the man had been standing. He was gone. A manic giggle erupted behind her. Standing on the other side of the path was a bespectacled pubescent onlooker, capturing her clumsy display on his cellphone and laughing like a mini mad scientist. Ah, paradise. So beautiful. So deadly. And, at times, so humiliating.

Chapter 1_ Deadly Paradise .pdf

Write to Pitch Conference June 2025 PreWork Maria Miller Silvert Assignment 1: Story Statement Leilani Drew, a Hawaiian beauty and grand niece of famed detective Nancy Drew, upholds her family legacy by investigating the double mysteries of Turtle Cove, a violent murder and a fabled buried treasure. Assignment 2: The Antagonist(s) Mike Campbell: Treasurer of the HomeOwners Association at Turtle Cove and retired lawyer, Mike Campbell becomes increasingly suspicious, desperate and threatening as Leilani investigates the murder and buried treasure. A gambling addiction threatens to ruin his life, as do his ties with The Palaoa, a dangerous drug running gang on Maui. Mr. A.: Rumored to be the ruthless leader of the Palaoa gang on the Hawaiian islands, A stands for anonymous, because no one knows his true identity and anyone who did discover it met their demise soon after. Mr. A. is introduced in this book, and his presence will continue in the planned series. Maud and John Finkley: Flamboyant Maud, president of the HomeOwners Association, and mild mannered husband John, are a senior couple living at Turtle Cove resort. But appearances aren’t all they seem and these tragic antagonists create life threatening problems for Leilani. Assignment 3: Breakout Title Mystery of Turtle Cove, a Leilani Drew Mystery Murder at Turtle Cove, a Leilani Drew Mystery Secrets of Turtle Cove, a Leilani Drew Mystery Assignment 4: Comparables Enola Holmes Mysteries, by Nancy Springer Because the series is a spin off of Sherlock Holmes, set in historical London, and the appealing younger sister, Enola, solves the mysteries, it has some characteristics similar to Mystery of Turtle Cove. Leilani Drew is an appealing and complex young woman, grand niece to Nancy Drew, and the first murder is set on contemporary Maui. Leilani relies on her two siblings for help in making her investigations. A parallel setting related to the buried treasure takes place on Maui in the mid 1800s to early 1900s. The Lei Crime Series, by Toby Neal Like the Mystery of Turtle Cove, the Lei Crime series portrays a female multi racial protagonist compelled to solve crimes amidst stunning island settings, showcasing the contrast between paradise and a seamy criminal underbelly that infests the islands, framed by a strong Hawaiian cultural context. Assignment 5: Core Wound and the Primary Conflict A chilling murder and an ancient buried treasure draw Polynesian beauty Leilani Drew, grand niece of famed detective Nancy Drew, into the dual mysteries of Turtle Cove, an oceanfront resort on the island paradise of Maui. Despite tragic personal losses, an inner ear imbalance that hampers her dreams, and the disapproval of her older brother, Leilani follows her family legacy, compelled to prove her own worth as a detective even as a dangerous investigation threatens her life. Assignment 6: Other Conflicts Inner Conflict: She sat for a moment, thinking about her conversation with Keke. She had lied to her about falling off the cliff. And she was hiding information from Kai. A denseness squeezed her chest, and razor-like wires of guilt wrapped themselves around her gut. Even as she acknowledged her deceitfulness, she knew she couldn’t, and wouldn’t, stop her investigations. At eleven, after her mother’s death, Leilani realized she couldn’t control anything, so she lost herself in Aunt Nancy’s books. Reading about Aunt Nancy’s adventures, she felt she too could solve mysteries, and that maybe, it was something she could be good at. Perhaps even be a hero like her Aunt Nancy, and have something of value to offer others. As time went on, she discovered solving mysteries took her out of herself and helped her feel in control. The rest of her life was so messy. Her depresssion, fueled by grief, fear, and loneliness, she numbed by drinking. Then her father died and she was driven to discover what happened, even though it remained a desolate mystery. She was afraid to get too close to anyone because she didn’t want to go through the hurt of losing them, like her parents. Solving mysteries gave her a purpose, and when she felt shy and awkward, it helped her talk with people. Secondary conflict: (Leilani has broken into the house of the murdered man at night to search for evidence.) She took out her phone and snapped photos of the back and front of the painting. Then she gently pressed the frame closed and carefully hung the painting back in its place on the wall. The sound of a motor alerted her. It was a car, creeping up the street. An urgent necessity to leave exploded in her gut. Turning off the flashlight, she walked out of the house, locking the door behind her. She jumped down to the ground and ran to the side yard. From her vantage point behind a bush, she saw the radiating blue light of a patrol car. It stopped in front of the house. She hoped the officer wouldn’t do a physical check of the grounds. Holding her breath, she moved into the shadow of a Japanese silk tree. The officer slowly got out of the car. Suddenly, the police radio cackled and the dispatcher’s voice came through. The officer got back into the car and answered. The cruiser's blue lights flashed and the car took off. Leilani breathed a sigh of relief. That was too close. Imaging Kai’s reaction if she had been caught took her breath away and she forced herself to not think. Assignment 7: Setting Maui, an iconic paradise that conjures images of sun filled days spent lazing on butter colored sand beaches, swimming glittering turquoise waters, and snorkeling with sea turtles and kaleidoscopic fish. Drinking pina coladas from a beach side lanai while watching humpback whales breaching next to toned surfers catching waves, muscles glistening in the sun. It’s a massive sandbox and playground for sports lovers and hedonists alike offering an array of water sports, whale watching, volcano climbing, MaiTai drinking, world class golfing, ukulele playing, karaoke singing, hula dancing, horseback riding, polo playing panoply of delights. And yet, beneath the stunning natural beauty of the island, its tranquil aquamarine waters, plumeria scented breezes, melodic bird song, and lush emerald colored valleys and peaks of neighboring islands, for all its outward celebration of life and living, lies a seductive lull from deep beneath the earth, a pulsing from the heart of the island, a sepulchral whisper that says “one day soon you will be mine too.” For evidence of Death’s mark is everywhere for the awakened eye to see. On the islands, shark attacks are more common than being shot, hit by a drunk driver, drowning in the ocean, goring by wild boar, or dying from a falling coconut. But these dangers, and more, lurk everywhere - from razor sharp black lava rocks that line the coastline, to sea mangos (the suicide fruit) that look similar to the delicious sweet and tangy lilikoi to fiery red monster centipedes. And then there are the human dangers - gun violence, gangs, meth labs, pot fields, drunk drivers, pissed off islanders, steep pali trails covered in vines that grab at the ankles of naive tourists, throwing them headlong down a thousand foot drop, and the jungle itself, breathing, heaving, sweating, devouring all that enter, well, the list does go on.