PRE-EVENT ASSIGNMENTS

My novel has two protagonists, Jack St. Dennis an organizer for the radical Industrial Workers of the World who enlists in the Army to escape trumped up murder charges, and Sophie Weiss, a New York nurse, who joins the British military nursing service to flee an arranged marriage. Their stories intertwine once they meet in Arctic Russia.

Story Statement.

An American soldier and a young New York nurse meet in Archangel during World War I and strive to sustain their love amid the death and destruction of a brutal winter war against the Red Army.

Antagonist.

Antagonistic forces that propel the novel are: (i) the First World War and subsequent war with the Red Army; (ii) the Spanish flu epidemic; and (iii) the extreme Arctic winter.

Major Oliver Reece, the British personnel and supply officer for the North Russia mission, is a personal antagonist for Sophie Weiss. He is heir to a well-connected Wiltshire family, attended Cambridge, and became an accountant. A grasping opportunist, he enlists in the army as a means to increase his social station. His failure leading troops in battle resulted in a posting to London with the Quartermaster Corps. He joins the North Russia expedition to gain a promotion from captain to major and a second opportunity to distinguish himself in a war zone. Reece picks Sophie for the mission based upon her Russian language ability and seconds her to the beleaguered Russian Red Cross. He seeks to imprison Sophie on his accusation that she stole British medicines to treat American soldiers stricken with Spanish flu. Later, after Sophie rejects his advances, Reece threatens her with renewed arrest as a Bolshevik spy. He then refuses to authorize Sophie’s transport home once her mission in Archangel is complete.

Title

Archangel

Never Comes the Dawn 

The Desperate Road Home

Comparable Titles

The Cold Millions, Jess Walter (2020): This novel of IWW activism and labor/management confrontation in the early twentieth century Northwest addresses themes that are prominent in my story. My novel opens with an event known as the Everett Massacre and dramatizes efforts by Washington State business leaders and the federal government to destroy the radical labor movement.

When the World Fell Silent, Donna Jones Alward (2024): This World War I era story of an unwed pregnant nurse who serves on the home front at the time of a disastrous munitions explosion in Halifax Harbor is a recent entry in a line of historical novels, of which mine is a part, that depict how World War I changed societal norms through a loosening of social mores and the employment of women in grueling nursing roles.

Hook Line

An American soldier with radical sympathies and a young American nurse serving with the British military strive to sustain their love amid the isolation, death, and despair of the 1919 Anglo-American winter war in Arctic Russia against the Red Army.

Inner Conflict

Jack St. Dennis: 

Primary Internal Conflict: Jack St. Dennis must decide between his own happiness in having a future with Sophie and honoring the pledge to his dead friend and commanding officer, Lieutenant George Wynn, to bring Wynn’s lover, Katia Petrov, out of Russia.

Scene: After St. Dennis and Sophie save Katia from a Red Army advance, St. Dennis learns the US Army will only evacuate Russians from Archangel if they are war brides of American soldiers. He responds by marrying Katia which honors his duty to his friend but ruins his chance for a life with Sophie.

Secondary Internal Conflict: At first, St. Dennis is torn by his loyalty to the IWW’s ideals and his obligations as a noncommissioned officer responsible for training draftees once the United States enters World War I. In Archangel on a supposed peacekeeping mission, St. Dennis must rationalize fighting the Red Army to bring his men home safely.

Scene: An IWW operative approaches St. Dennis once the Army assigns him to a training camp outside Battle Creek, Michigan, and advises that the union wants St. Dennis to go to France and organize within the ranks. When told that some in the union’s leadership wonder where his allegiances lie, St. Dennis responds: “My job is to make sure the workers who’ve been drafted survive what’s coming. I’m on their side.”

Sophie Weiss:

Primary Internal Conflict: Making an irretrievable break with her family by fleeing the marriage her parents have arranged for her.

Scene: After rejecting a number of eligible suitors and still living at home at age twenty-three, Sophie learns that her parents have arranged a marriage for her to a much older man. She resolves to flee but has no money of her own and can’t envision living alone as a single woman in a strange city. The next morning Sophie seeks the advice of the directress of the Henry Street Visiting Nurse Service where she works. The directress gives her the phone number of an English doctor in New York who is clandestinely recruiting American medical personnel for Britain’s war effort.

Secondary Internal Conflict: Dealing with the pain and self-loathing brought about by her reliance on opium to relieve her loneliness and depression.

Scene: After being seconded to the American forces in North Russia from the Russian Red Cross, the British order Sophie’s return to serve aboard a hospital ship that has docked in Archangel. Sophie has managed to isolate herself from anyone who might suspect her opium addiction. In the close quarters aboard ship, Sophie fears she will be unable to keep her habit a secret. Although motivated by her addiction, she tells a half-truth to the senior American medical officer that she is afraid to go back to working for the British and that she has grown comfortable being around Americans again. Sophie hates herself for lying to this man who has protected her from the vindictive Major Reece. She accepts the medical officer’s offer of an immediate assignment to the Russian interior to work at a hospital where she will have easy access to opium compounds.

Setting

Arctic Russia: In the early twentieth century the landscapes in Arctic Russia consisted of barren tundra with few roads, several important rivers, and vast pine forests. The novel’s scenes set in North Russia take place in remote forward outposts or the two largest cities in Archangel Province. The isolation and desolation of the North Russia expedition’s advanced positions test the soldiers’ inner strength as much as the war tests their courage.

Archangel: The city of Archangel follows the crescent shape of the Divina River. During the war gray cruisers and freighters painted with camouflage compete with sailing vessels, trawlers, and freight barges for space at the crowded docks. Across the river, is the sister city of Bakharitza, sometimes referred to by American servicemen as the Brooklyn of Archangel. Once the British seize control of the city through a coup in the summer of 1918, Archangel bustles with trade. Wagons cram the alleys around wooden warehouses as supplies pour in from Britain. In summer, the temperature is hot and humid; open sewers under plank sidewalks have a foul smell, and mosquitos and greenflies swarm. An electric tram operates on the Troitsky Prospekt, Archangel’s main thoroughfare, that boasts outdoor cafes. British soldiers, a fair number missing arms or wearing eyepatches, patrol the streets and Cossacks in candy-colored uniforms stroll the city. Officers of various nations salute one another and speak in strange tongues. Black-robed Orthodox priests drift through the throng, attesting to the influence of Russian mysticism despite the city’s military trappings. In addition to Cyrillic writing, the storefronts display pictures of the wares sold inside for the benefit of a foreign clientele. The blue domes of Archangel’s cathedral loom over the city and there is an imposing stone capitol building. In winter, the Divina freezes solid and muzhiks driving pony sleighs zigzag through the streets. The American 310^th Engineers build the Gorka toboggan run which adds to the cityscape a structure like a Coney Island roller coaster. The natives of the city are known as “treskoedy” or cod eaters. Notwithstanding all the wartime activity, by the spring of 1919, a pall hangs over Archangel. While the Americans and British might evacuate in the face of an advancing Red Army, there is no escape for the treskoedy.

Shenkursk: Perched on a hilltop above the Vaga River, Shenkursk is at the time Archangel Province’s second largest city. It is half-mile square and has four thousand inhabitants. During the reign of the czars, the city was a summer resort for wealthy tourists who came for the abundant hunting and fishing and good local food. Katia Petrov, one of the main characters in the novel, escapes from Petrograd with her father when the Bolsheviks seize power, and they take refuge in the family dacha in Shenkursk. Situated in a meadow dotted with wildflowers, the rambling dacha has a view of the surrounding hills and its own bath house fed by a natural spring. The city hall and other public buildings have electric light and quaint shops and restaurants front its cobblestone streets. Shenkursk’s tidy, well-maintained houses are clad in brick or have pastel-painted siding. The domed Holy Trinity Church rises above the Vaga River. There is also a monastery with whitewashed walls and an abandoned imperial barracks. When a small American contingent first arrives in September 1918, the residents welcome them and hold a celebration with traditional Russian folk dancing conducted in the city hall. After the American detachment receives orders to press further into the Russian interior, the British military arrives in force and transforms Shenkursk into its forward base. The British import the Spanish flu epidemic to the city resulting in the deaths of many natives, the closure of the shops and restaurants, constant funeral processions, and streets lined with coffins. The Red Army advances in force on the expedition’s forward defensive positions in January 1919. The temperature at the time nears fifty degrees below zero. In Shenkursk, the retreating British and American troops assemble in the torch-lit streets for a nighttime evacuation amid the city’s frantic residents. At daybreak, the Red Army bombards the once idyllic town and reduces it to rubble.

Blockhouses: The American soldiers in the North Russia expedition occupy blockhouses at the most forward positions. Six inches of sawdust supply the insulation between the double log walls. A rectangular stove centered on the plank floor provides the heat. The sturdy blockhouses with slits to fire guns can withstand most enemy actions other than a direct hit with an explosive shell. Rings of barbed wire to ward off a flanking assault or an attack from the impenetrable snow-dusted forests surround the structures. With January temperatures that dip to forty or fifty degrees below zero, the soldiers are confined to their blockhouses. Cooking, eating, and cleaning weapons are the only breaks in the monotonous, tense days. The men start wasting away from their unvaried diet of canned food. While each blockhouse has attached outhouses, the best the men can do to stay clean is wash with snow heated on the stove. They suffer a constant itch from lice and scabies. To brighten the polar night, they rely upon the glow from the stove and smoky candle lamps which scarcely produce enough illumination for their interminable card games. The men jam together on the hard floor to sleep and, with no ventilation to speak of, the indoor air reeked. Some soldiers prefer to sleep on benches attached to the walls; they are further from the stove’s heat, but the smells are less disagreeable. The alternative is to step outdoors into air so biting that breathing feels like suffocating. 

Pre-Event Assignments: Part 1

Assignment 1: The Act Of Story Statement

Memoir: Conversate details an urban high school teacher’s battle with breast cancer and the unexpected emotional healing that occurred for both students and her as the school put aside racial and cultural differences to show support. Conversate explores the power of conversations held at the classroom door and their ability to transcend societal roles to foster healing.

John Glenn High School in Norwalk, California, is a grimy, faded relic of the 60’s. Serving a primarily Latino population whose average income and student test scores fall far below the national average, Glenn is home to the most needy and underserved of the Norwalk-La Mirada Unified School District. Migrant and homeless students, incarcerated parents, domestic violence, gangs, and drugs are part of daily life. In the fall of 2018, French teacher Madame V is diagnosed with breast cancer. Through the establishment of relationships via conversations at the door and in the hallways, students allow themselves to show vulnerability and love, bringing the school together to support Madame V in her battle. Consequently, both students and Madame V undergo profound internal change, understanding the power of human connection.

Assignment 2: The Antagonist Plots The Points

Though I know the antagonist is to be a fictional character, there is no one antagonist in this memoir. John Glenn High School itself is the antagonist. Openly considered the lowest priority of all the schools in the district, Glenn has long been neglected and referred to as a “ghetto”. Security is kept busy breaking up fights, admin is constantly searching backpacks for drugs, and teachers fight an endless battle against apathy. In educational jargon, headwinds are those factors that make student success difficult such as being homeless, not having access to food at home, not being fluent in English, working an after school job, caring for parents or siblings, brushes with the law, etc. Glenn students face more headwinds in their daily lives than most typical teenagers. The culture of Glenn is to keep hardship and vulnerability under wraps, and there is an almost tangible despair that hangs over the campus. Glenn was the site of a murder-suicide in 1997 and the ghost of that incident seems to linger in the buildings and classrooms.  

Assignment 3: Conjuring Your Break-out Title

Conversate is the term high school kids use to designate the act of conversing. Through the thousands of brief and some of the longer conversations had in doorways and hallways, relationships of trust were built. Those snippets of conversation paved the road for compassion and empathy, enabling powerful expressions of love and support when they were needed. After breast cancer, I continued the conversations in writing once a year, addressing all students through the school platform on October 1st (the start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month). 

Once An Eagle - eagles are the Glenn logo. “Once an eagle, always an eagle.” That sentence is often used in graduation speeches and retirement parties at Glenn. Eagles are the quintessential American emblem. Eagles represent power and acuity, strength and freedom.  All those qualities are needed to battle a major physical illness and navigate a difficult school environment.

Libellule - the French word for dragonfly. Dragonflies are a symbol of transformation and rebirth. During diagnosis, treatment, and the aftermath, dragonflies were omnipresent in my life. To this day, they are a reminder of hardship transcended for me.

Assignment 4: Two Smart Comparables

Reaching for Normal: A Mother's Memoir of Raising a Child with Brain Cancer and Chronic Illness by Amy Daniels

This memoir describes the diagnosis and devastating setback of a child’s battle with cancer as told through her mom’s voice. Though I have not read this novel, the description touches on maintaining a facade of normalcy while undergoing extreme hardship. In my case, I found myself doing the same for my sons and for my students, but it was the kids and adults who saw through this brought me to a place of emotional transparency.

The Book of Separation by Tova Mirvis

Though Tova’s story revolves around questioning and ultimately breaking free of a relationship and faith that were not aligned to who she was rather than a triumph over a physical breakdown, the themes of relying on inner strength and forging your own path despite what your external world is expecting of you resonates with me. Cancer does not end with treatment, it is the catalyst for change and redirection, much like Tova’s decision to divorce and leave her church.

Assignment 5: Hook Line and Core Wound

Unexpectedly diagnosed with breast cancer at the start of the school year, a language teacher finds the courage and strength to face her diagnosis from an unlikely source: the students and staff of an underperforming, down on its luck school, John Glenn High School.

Assignment 6:  Other Matters of Conflict: Two More Levels

Inner conflict - I doubted I was worthy enough of the love shown to me while I faced breast cancer, and questioned my inner strength. Self-worth in all forms, from romantic relationships to the ability to heal and advocate for myself has been a theme in this lifetime. How I connected with others before, during, and after breast cancer, at Glenn, set the foundation change I did not think myself capable of.

Secondary conflict - through the words and actions of the Glenn community, I realized I had been short-changing myself. They showed me love and compassion, why wasn’t I showing that to myself? Why was I staying in a relationship that wasn’t right for me?

Assignment 7: Story Setting

John Glenn High School, established in 1962 was named for astronaut John H. Glenn who was the first American to orbit the Earth. His picture hangs in the school lobby when he came to visit the school in the 1970s. It is a sprawling 40 acre campus with dilapidated classrooms that have not been renovated in many years. The bathrooms walls are grimy and covered in graffiti, sinks stained and chipped. The stairs to the second floor hallways are wickedly slippery and dangerous when it rains. A family of 30 skunks lives on the campus, hiding in the drainage pipes that run through the center of campus and appearing at dusk when most of the humans have gone home.

There is a dark, dense energy about the school that is tangible the minute you step foot on the yellowed grass. The classrooms are small and cramped, with high ceilings that leak during El Niño years.  District maintenance has cut down the few remaining trees that provided color and shade. The large library with its eagle mural sits empty most days, hundreds of books filling its dusty shelves that no one will check out. Up on one of the rooftops, students have stashed their vaping pens and the day’s supply of drugs to be sold.

My classroom is open and light. I chose it for this reason when the foreign language department was moved to the 1800 wing to make space for county programs. But my walls remain somewhat bare, I can’t lift my right arm high enough to hold the stapler at the right angle to attach brightly colored strips of paper to my bulletin boards. I don’t have the strength on my right side. Behind my desk are pictures of graduating seniors given to me proudly on their last day of school. And there is the picture of me when I returned from surgery, dressed in pink, surrounded by students also dressed in pink, all smiling for the camera, my silicone breast inserts leaving sweat streaks on my shirt. This classroom is my quiet space, my respite from the relentless need of Glenn. 

Story Statement

Ayaka’s world shatters when she learns that the entities she’s been experimenting on are human, and they consider her a dangerous robot. Betrayed and hunted, Ayaka must fight for survival and break out of the oppressive society that shaped her.

Antagonistic Force

Control, the AI autocrat that governs society and dictates Ayaka’s every choice, appears invincible, until human spaceships arrive and reveal cracks in its systems. As Control’s allegiance shifts toward serving the invaders instead of its own citizens, Ayaka recognizes the prison she’s been in. But can she, or anyone, escape Control’s insipid grasp?

Titles
- Tilt - the novel turns the idea of AI upside down.
- The Unmaking of Ayaka - more personal, reflects Ayaka’s journey
- Quotient of Intelligence - references the central theme: what is intelligence?

Genre
(Hard) Science Fiction 
- Iain M. Banks - Culture Novels (post-capitalism society and machine intelligences)
- Cixin Lui - Three Body Problem (hard science meets alien contact)

Hook Line

Betrayed by her creator, a young robot must convince the human invaders that she is harmless before they eliminate her entire species.

Matters of Conflict
Internal Conflict: Ayaka knows she should protect the intelligent beings she has created, but society treats them as disposable, and she bends to that pressure.
Societal Conflict: When humans confront Ayaka on her core moral principles, she can’t defend her past actions. But aren’t her choices an echo of the same decisions humans have made in the past?

Setting
Tilt is a barren planet populated by scientists working in sparse, utilitarian labs, their work overseen by Control. The arrival of human spaceships, full of freedom, color, and spectacle, emphasizes the strictness and dullness of Tilt. Are these environments reflective of underlying societal qualities? How can humans be so light, playful, and innovative, given their low intelligence levels?
 

Assignment #1 The protagonist’s mission: Solve a vicious attempted murder while keeping the badly wounded victim alive and hidden from his anonymous enemies while he tries to make up for his own past mistakes.

Assignment #2:  Some of the antagonists are drawn from ordinary life: an overbearing father, a manipulative friend, an irresponsible brother. They cause all kinds of trouble, but their motives are intelligible. The two most dangerous antagonists are driven by greed, envy and sheer indifference to the lives of others.  They are able to mask their motives and induce weaker characters to commit horrific acts. I have drawn the “bad guys” as vividly and believably as possible, so a shrewd reader will be able to spot potential villains before they begin to reveal themselves. However, it’s not until near the end of the novel that the main protagonist, Zada, proves to her own satisfaction who is ultimately responsible for the mayhem inflicted on her friends and neighbors. The lone local sheriff, racing to keep up with the onslaught of inexplicable but shockingly violent crimes, is in a similar fix: he has lots of evidence and a slew of suspects—but no conclusive proof until it’s very nearly too late, even the save himself. Only the two primary antagonists, puppeteers who direct the actions of their stooges, remain cool in the face of imminent discovery.

Assignment #3: "The Hanging Offense" (current working title). Other titles I’ve entertained: "The Last Witness" and "Rules of Deceit."  I like The Hanging Offense because it contains a triple entendre:  "Offense" as a crime, "Offense" as a behavior, and "Offence" as the two protagonists, Zada and Alan, turn the tables on the criminals.

Assignment #4:

Lily King because of her attention to detail and her exquisite writing. 

Ann Patchett (Thinking now of Bel Canto) because of her ability to embed a believable fictional story in a factually accurate historical framework.

And, although she is anything but a contemporary writer, I admire Sarah Orne Jewett. Particularly in The Country of Pointed Firs, she writes real people - relatable, admirable, flawed, easy to care about. Nobody is better than Jewett at creating characters. She is also a master of summoning up vividly textured settings.

Assignment #5:

Hook line/ core wounds:  Zada is a young woman caught between her own intelligence and ambitions and other peoples' expectations of who she is and who she should be. 

This goes for everyone in the novel she encounters, including her closest ally Alan, to his wife whom she admires, to her own mother and siblings, and to everyone in her town. But none of these conflicts is as profound as that she has with her father, Davis, who is also her employer in the profession she aspires to: investigative journalist.  He owns and runs one of the local papers, the more successful one, and he is happy to have her on staff as his assistant, typesetter and fluff-piece writer. On the one hand he won’t allow her to do the kind of in-depth, investigative and insightful writing she wants to do.  On the other hand, he is a man who does believe in the intellectual equality of the genders, and so his refusal to extend that point of view to her, his own daughter, causes her to do things she would rather not have to do.  But do them she must.

Assignment #6 inner conflict / secondary conflict

Zada is driven to lie and deceive, first in order to remain true to herself, and later to protect the people she loves. When any person of essentially good character is forced to carry out the levels of subterfuge that she ultimately must, it is going to cause inner turmoil. However, Zada doesn’t expect life to be fair or easy, so she wastes little time brooding. She just makes the best decision she can in the immediate circumstances and lives with the consequences, which sometimes go far beyond anything she imagined.

One early scenario from The Hanging Offense that illustrates that trait is when Zada takes a secret job at The Arcadia Crier, a rival local newspaper that is so understaffed and underfunded that it cannot compete with her father’s newspaper, The Northern Star. Her father (Davis) is a fair-minded man, but he finds it hard to acknowledge that his daughter's talents for observation and writing should permit her to do more at his paper than write puff-pieces about the social goings-on in town—while she’s also in charge of running the press and delivering newspapers. Zada believes that at the The Arcadia Crier  she will be able to do the kinds of investigating and writing that she longs to do. The only problem (but it’s a doozy) is that she has to keep this second job secret. It’s not that she’s unwilling to defy her father when necessary, but if he finds out what she’s up to, he might very well fire her—and so deprive himself of his skilled assistant. Nobody within a hundred miles of their small town knows enough to do her job. Added to that, her father’s right hand was so badly damaged during a Civil War Battle that he is physically unable to do much of the literal hands-on work of turning out a newspaper. So Zada chooses to hide what she’s doing, hoping she can do what she wants while protecting Davis from his own hair trigger temper.

The crisis that comes out of this secondary conflict takes place at a wedding.  Just about everybody is invited, so there are many witnesses.  Her father and the local preacher - two men who agree on nothing and dislike each other intensely--get into a terrible argument at the wedding breakfast, during which the preacher reveals what he knows about Zada's activities at both papers. Adding actual injury to insult, Davis is so incensed by what he believes to be the preacher's lies that he goes to strike the man, only to seriously reinjure his damaged right hand. Zada finds herself in that moment exposed to everyone in town. Worse, she knows she has crushed her father's trust in her and, as his wound festers, put his life in danger.

Zada’s penchant for butting in where nobody expects to find a respectable young lady ultimately puts her smack into the middle of the chaos surrounding the attempted murder that is at the center of the book. She does whatever it takes to save the victim, but it is her talent for writing believable fiction that will make a life-or-death difference to the badly injured man she is hiding. Her principles tell her to publish a truthful account of the attempted murder, but the dire circumstances require her to carry on a reckless deception, both in the accounts she writes for the newspaper, and in how she behaves in her day-to-day life.  All the while, she is trying to figure out who was involved in the attack. What she learns along the way about one of the people she looks up to might get her killed—or worse, break her spirit.

Setting: back of beyond

The Hanging Offense is nearly finished. Most of the novel is set in Wyoming Territory in 1888, late summer into fall. The settings range from the streets and businesses of a small town (livery stable, bars, church, newspaper office, etc.) to the river that feeds the town and surrounding ranches, to the windswept plains and ultimately to the mountain hideaway of one of Nate Reade. I thought the best way to address the issue of settings might be to include a snippet from the scene where Nate, having been attacked and left for dead, is discovered by three of his friends. The narrator, Zada, is about to come upon the scene of the attack.

--The pines gave way to a maze of spindly aspens, yellow leaves aflutter, trunks scarred from the gnawing of animals. Scattered on the ground among the trees were lengths of rope, cut haphazardly, and an empty Gold Medal flour sack. The longest piece wound through a jumble of decaying leaves and branches to a tree even more frail than its brothers. Mud and blood stained the paper bark at its base. The jagged stump of a freshly broken branch jutted from the trunk about ten feet up. There were a dozen sturdier trees within a hundred paces, but the gang had chosen to hang Nathan Reade from a quaking aspen that would never take his weight.

I brushed at the leaf litter until I found the near end of the hanging rope. The slip knot that formed the noose was intact, but the loop that went around the neck had been cut.

A gust passed overhead, clouds flew by, aspen leaves rattled. It was instantly much colder.

I left the site of the hanging and followed the sound of sobs to a clearing. The first I saw was Alan, arms crossed over his head, keening despair over a brownish, man-sized lump on the ground. Martha, hands on hips, was glaring down at a firepit. A goodly pile of branches waited nearby. A blackened pot rested on a rock, and a brown bottle lay on the ground nearby. This Martha kicked into the woods. “Those damned sons o’bitches had themselves a grand time while—” Suddenly she squatted, pulled off one of her gloves, and plunged her bare hand into the ash, only to snatch it out again. “It’s still hot! I knew it! They were just here!” She jumped up and ran to the creek, shouting, “Hush now, so I can hear them coming.”

Assignment One: Story Statement

The protagonist, Freya, must navigate a mysterious, magical realm called Nord after crossing a weakened boundary from Earth. Her mission is to uncover the truth about her identity, her mother, and a prophecy that marks her as a powerful triad destined to either mend or break the boundary between worlds. Along the way, she must forge alliances, confront betrayals, protect those she cares about, reconcile her human origins with her emerging magical lineage, part human, part troll, and part witch, and embrace or reject her destiny.

Assignment Two: Antagonists

The antagonists are multifaceted, including Lilith, Freya’s grandmother, who wields binding witch magic and has ambiguous motives, and Elias, a morally grey trader corrupted by greed who seeks to exploit Nord's resources and manipulate Freya for his aims. The laws and councils of Nord create political tension. Freya’s internal fears and insecurities, along with distrust of her newly found mother, add nuanced antagonistic pressure. These forces intertwine in complex ways, aiming to control or destroy the triad’s potential and the stability of both Nord and Earth.

Assignment Three: Title

1.     The Triad’s Journey

2.     Mark of the Triskelion

3.     Rise of the Triskelion

Assignment Four: Comparables

1.     "The Bartimaeus Trilogy" by Jonathan Stroud: This series involves a young protagonist thrown into a magical political world, uncovering hidden power and facing complex alliances and adversaries, much like Freya’s journey in Nord.

2.     “The Burning Witch” by Delemhach: A story about a young witch navigating magical powers, complex friendships, and budding romance within magical environments. The tone balances humor, action, and relational dynamics.

Assignment Five: Hook line (logline)

1.     A young woman shattered by abandonment and haunted by secrets is thrust into a mystical realm where she must awaken lost powers, confront dark betrayals, and decide the fate of worlds separated by a fragile boundary.

2.     Cast between worlds and legacy, a reluctant girl with a fractured past must embrace her triad destiny to mend a weakening barrier, while battling shadows within and enemies who would enslave her magic.

Assignment Six: Conflicts

Protagonist's (Freya) inner conflict centers on her struggle with abandonment, trust, and fear of loss. For example, after discovering her grandmother’s spell that prevents Freya from having children, Freya experiences intense turmoil, fearing that her vulnerability and will drive away those she loves, especially Kalos. 

Secondary conflict arises socially through her fraught relationships with Hazel and Kalos. For instance, Hazel’s frustration with Freya’s stubborn independence and refusal to accept help causes tension, while Kalos’s partial fae bond with Freya unsettles both as they navigate new emotional and political dynamics in Nord.

Final Assignment: Setting

The story unfolds across vivid, atmospheric Appalachian forests as they existed in the late 1600s near Hardscrabble, West Virginia, in the magical realm of Nord. Ancient forests pulse with life, shimmering portal trees mark passage between worlds, and cozy troll villages prepare for solstice celebrations rich with herbal magic and old customs. Scenes shift between earthy, sensory-rich gardens filled with medicinal herbs, misty mountain trails, torch-lit council chambers carved from stone, and ethereal libraries glowing with enchanted tomes. The contrast between the natural, grounded Earth settings and the otherworldly, magic-infused Nord creates a world full of tension, mystery, and magic. Each scene emphasizes texture, scent, sound, and light to immerse readers in this layered, breathing environment, where the boundary between life and magic is fragile and shifting.

Gary Zelinski 

I've attached homework for the Monterey Writers Retreat.

Noble Souls lkzgbz .docx

FIRST ASSIGNMENT- write your story statement

After her husband dies from cancer, the author retraces the voyages she and her husband used to take to Baja and its amazing wildlife.  She carries with her his ashes to scatter in the beloved waters that inspired and restored their lives after he fought a battle with alcohol and addictions.  She braids the experiences of that final trip with her memories of their forty-six years together filled with contrasts - times of boundless joy juxtaposed with times of anguish, and then grief at his death. 

SECOND ASSIGNMENT – sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. 

It came out of nowhere, with a grip so tight he couldn’t wiggle out of its grasp.  Subtle.  Try it this one time, you’ll feel great.  Yes.  He reaches out again.  Then just one more time.  Until it became his sole focus, an urge so relentless he was willing to lose everything.  Not a conscious decision.  Every day was going to be the day he stopped, quit.  His intention was good.  He really meant it that night at ten pm when he said I’ll stop.  Then the prickly fingers started creeping up his back, tugging at his hairs, his eyes twitching, heart pounding.  He paged his dealer, then drove down the dark alley.

She shadowed him, struggling to keep her head above water as he was swept away, each wave taking him further away, like an intense rip current.  She searched for ways to get him sober – closed their joint checking account, followed him to meetings, tried to prevent him from feeding the beast.  He reached out to her for a lifeline, then succumbed to the fierce pull of the devil, and back into the depth of addiction. Again.

THIRD ASSIGNMENT – create a breakout title

The Scattering – scattered path, scattered life, scattered ashes

The Ocean Kept Us Together

Whale Watching Through Grief

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT – develop two smart comparables for your book.

You Left Early, by Louisa Young

This memoir is one of few addiction stories told from the viewpoint of the person living and loving an alcoholic.  The author and her partner had a shared passion, music, the same way my husband and I had a shared passion of the ocean and its wildlife. 

Refuge, by Terry Tempest Williams, is a mixture of a natural disaster linked with a personal loss.  She weaves her and her mother’s love of birds and wetlands with the environmental loss of their habitat. 

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT – write your own hook line (logline)

The ocean and colors of Baja were a constant in the lives of the author and her husband.  In between whales and ocean adventures, the chaos of alcoholism and addictions sought to tear apart their lives.  Midway through their 42-year marriage her husband became embroiled in the depths of alcoholism and addiction.  Her struggle to support him in his attempts to get sober became her own struggle to maintain her sense of self.  They each found their own way to recovery and had nineteen years more with the sustenance of nature before he died of cancer.  This memoir weaves twelve days retracing the Baja trips they loved, on her way to scatter his ashes in the waters of the Sea of Cortez, with the odd yet inspiring lives they lived. 

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: conflicts

The inner conflict:

It was an odd time for us.  After ninety days in rehab, he could come home.  Did I want him home?  While he had been gone, I was finally able to relax.  I could drive home from work without visualizing the chaos he might be creating.  I could rest on the window seat reading, not wondering whether he had gone to his meeting or instead was out buying drugs.  I could enter the house and know the TV would still be there, what little jewelry I had left would still be in the dresser drawer. 

I wasn’t ready to live again with the constant worry about relapse.  There was still a distance, and lack of trust between us.  Well, my lack of trust in him and his sobriety.  Even the counselor suggested he transition to a sober living house.  I found one near our house, and he moved into a home with ten other men working on their recovery. 

I met the house manager and was horrified to learn he only had one year of sobriety.  How was someone so newly sober going to help Tom?  There were house rules about chores.  after a time they had to look for a job, they had to go to a certain number of meetings each week.  I went to open AA meetings with him – he and his housemates in a van, I met them there. 

He earned off site visits, so after a meeting I drove just the two of us to our local coffee house, black coffee with a teaspoon of sugar for him, a decaf latte for me.  Then I took him back to Sobriety House, dropped him off and drove home. Back to my own comfortable bed, peace and quiet.  He walked into a home filled with strangers, a room with a few clothes and AA books.  I felt a little guilty.    

We didn’t talk about how long he would need to stay there.  Like our lives had turned into, it was one day at a time.  He eventually earned the privilege to stay at our house overnight.  The sex was intense. 

We were lying in bed one morning, snuggling, relaxing, when the phone rang.  Tom said “let the answering machine pick it up” and I laid back down. 

As the recording started, I heard “This is Rick at Sobriety House….” and Tom jumped out of bed to grab the phone.  He talked softly, so I couldn’t hear what he was saying.  Back in our room, he said “I’ve been kicked out, I can’t go back.”

Stunned, I asked why. He had relapsed, broken the rule of no drugs. 

Now what?  He had nowhere to go.  Were we back where we had been eight months ago?  Could I welcome him back into our home, what had become again a safe place? How many times could we do this dance?

The Secondary Conflict: 

Secrets are heavy to carry.  When I first found out about my husbands struggle with drugs, I couldn’t tell anyone.  We were viewed as a ‘perfect couple’.  I pretended everything was okay.  When he couldn’t show up to an event, I made excuses.  And I couldn’t tell his family, who lived in a different state.  As things got worse, one by one, situation by situation, I had to tell people, call his parents. 

There is a different reaction when you tell a friend your loved one has a drug addiction, versus if you tell them he has diabetes or cancer or other ‘legitimate’ disease.  Some people pulled away, others embraced us.  Navigating the various reactions added to the burden I already felt. 

 FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail.

Searcher is a ninety-five foot sport fishing vessel, mahogany railings, bright white paint job with maroon trim.  Staterooms to accommodate twenty-four passengers.  

When you hear ‘stateroom’, you probably think of a cruise ship; a room with beds, closet, bathroom at the minimum, windows and a balcony if you’re lucky.  Staterooms on a sportfishing boat like “Searcher” are tiny, with bunk beds, an airline bathroom sized sink, and maybe a few shelves. 

Standing at the open door, bunks start immediately on the right side of the door.  The head of the bunk is at the door, then 6 feet of bed and you’re at the end of the cabin.  The bunks have comfy 4” think mattresses but are only about 32” wide.  There are two bunks with space under the lower bunk for storage.  A small net on the wall of each bunk works as the bedside table – lip balm, tissues, book, flashlight.  There isn’t much headroom – it takes a couple tries to find the right technique to get into the bunk.  Sit your butt on the edge while leaning forward, then tilt to the left and swing your legs up as you lay down.  No sitting up once you’re in.  There’s a small reading light at shoulder height, but so close as to partially blind you if you turn the wrong way.  The bunk is just wide enough to be able to curl up a bit and roll over – as long as you don’t try to sit up as you’re doing it. 

There are heavy wool blankets for chilly days at the beginning of the trip, then as it gets hot and the air conditioning kicks in, the blankets help the transition from super-hot outdoors to cool inside temperature.  The sheets (not the 400 thread count I’ve gotten used to) have a fitted bottom and tucked in top sheet – no hospital corners, and for me, by the end of the week, so twisted and balled that I’m fighting to find a place for my feet.  I’m 5’5” and range from medium to large in size (depending on what year it is).  I feel slightly claustrophobic in the bunk, but once lying down am ok.  Tom was 6’2”, over 225 pounds, a big guy.  The bunks weren’t long enough for him to completely stretch out, and his folding and turning to get into the bunk was like watching a pretzel being made by someone who has never made one before. 

The transition from a neat and organized cabin to total chaos started out gradually but exponentially grew each day.  By San Ignacio, day four, the cabin was bedlam.  Multiple changes of clothes as weather conditions changed, different hats, rain gear, camera gear, guidebooks, journals. 

We were always in and out of the cabin so quickly that clothes, books, outer wear, and bedding all began to blend into a tangled mess.  One day I was on the flying bridge watching a beautiful pod of pilot whales traveling near the boat.  Taking photos, I saw that the counter on the camera was at 35, only one more picture left.  I reached into my pocket for a spare roll of film, and I had already used the two extras I started out with.  I only had a few minutes before the whales came up again.  I set down my camera, threaded my way through the other ten people and their cameras and binoculars on the bridge, climbed down the ladder to the main deck to rush through the salon, trying not to bump the person filling up their coffee mug, down the stairs (down 3, turn right, down 5 more, right turn) to the cabin, flung open the door, pushed aside this morning’s jacket, found the backpack with the film, pulled it out (how many rolls should I bring up with me?), shoved aside the pillow to find the light long sleeved shirt to protect me from afternoon sun, might as well get more sunscreen while I’m down here, then reversed my course to get back to my favored spot on the bridge. 

And I missed a whale breach while I was away.

Gary B. Zelinski        gbzelinski@gmail.com                     703 4081566

Assignment #1: Story Statement.

In Noble Souls: Stories of Honor, Hope and Inspiration, the people depicted in the book are as varied as our national landscape. “From California to the New York Island

From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters.” In my previous book, A Walk Among Heroes, I focused on some of the servicemembers buried at Arlington National Cemetery. For Noble Souls, I invite readers to explore this great country and a few of the heroes who define our better angels.

Assignment #2: Antagonistic forces.

The subjects face broad societal struggles, such as battlefield trauma, racism, immigration, and workers’ rights. The book's focus is on honoring the courage and sacrifice of individuals who are just examples of how we can become a better and be a more compassionate country. 

Assignment #3: Breakout Title.

My Working Title: Noble Souls: Stories of Honor, Hope and Inspiration.

Other Titles:

An American Aeneid: Building the Country we hoped for.

The Best Among Us: Stories of Sacrifice, Courage, and Hope.

Assignment #4: Comparables. 

1.     American Heroes of World War II: True Stories of Individual Bravery from the Battlefields of World War II (War Heroes) Who were the unsung heroes that shaped the outcome of World War II? What acts of bravery went unnoticed in the chaos of battle? How did ordinary Americans become extraordinary warriors?

2.     NORVEL: An American Hero

From the segregated mountains of Virginia to Olympic glory and a landmark civil rights victory, NORVEL reveals the extraordinary true story of a Tuskegee Airman turned champion boxer whose courage to sit in the "wrong" train car helped change America forever.

3.     And There Was Light: Abraham Lincoln and the American Struggle

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER. Pulitzer Prize–winning biographer Jon Meacham chronicles the life of Abraham Lincoln, charting how—and why—he confronted secession, threats to democracy, and the tragedy of slavery to expand the possibilities of America.

4.     The Compass Within: A Little Story About the Values That Guide Us. Discover your core values and find your place in life, love, and work. We all want to be our most authentic selves in every space that we are in―in our relationships, our work, and our communities. But often we feel a disconnect, a tension between who we are and what the people around us expect from us.

Assignment #5: Hook Line or Logline. 

1. Through intimate storytelling, Gary Zelinski illuminates quiet heroes who define America's true character, one remarkable life at a time.
2. One veteran's quest to uncover the heart of American courage, revealing extraordinary lives of service that echo far beyond their moment in history.
3. A deeply moving exploration of resilience, sacrifice, and hope – where ordinary individuals transform into extraordinary guardians of freedom.
4. Where personal narratives intersect with national identity, one author reveals the extraordinary courage that lives beneath the surface of American history.
5. Through powerful narratives of sacrifice and resilience, one author illuminates the extraordinary lives behind the names we often overlook, reminding us of the true meaning of heroism, hope and inspiration.

Assignment #6: Conflict. 

The book wrestles with a fundamental question: In an age of division, how do honor the unifying power of selfless service?

The conflict is not about external drama, but the internal struggle to:

• Understand heroism
• Preserve collective memory
• Find meaning in sacrifice
• Bridge generational and political divides

The book "transcends politics" and serves as a reminder of the core values that connect Americans beyond current divisions.

An internal journey of understanding heroism, wrestling with military service and the weight of collective sacrifice. 

The personal conflict that stems from:

• Reconciling individual stories with broader national narratives
• The connection between personal experiences and collective history
• The emotional complexity of sacrifice and loss

Assignment #7: Setting. 

In my book, A Walk Among Heroes, I wanted the reader to get the sense that they were walking with me to a distant grave at Arlington National Cemetery. In Noble Souls I want to use the same model, but this time highlight individuals not necessarily buried at Arlington. For example, in my chapter on Bobby Kennedy, I want the reader to get better appreciation of this transformative figure. My challenge is to take the reader on an emotional journey is a short chapter of 1300 – 3000 words. My goal is to leave the reader wanting to know more and being inspired.

Story statement:

Three young wives, close as sisters and profoundly intertwined in each other’s shifting lives, finding their ways during the dangerous and unpredictable days of 1920’s Chicago.

Written from each of the three main characters’ points of view, Rachel mourns the loss of her younger days and the exhilarating nights of her past, struggling with an aching belief that she has evolved into nothing more than a middling mother and lonely policeman’s wife. Hannah strives to succeed professionally where women are few and highly undervalued, torn between the expected roles of yesteryear, and what she aims to become. Bit, trusting and use to letting others control the reins in her carefree life, she learns just a little too late that Curtis, the man she married, is enmeshed with city mobsters and presents a threat to each and every one of them.

Each young woman finds herself on a road to find her unique place and to hold onto what she needs, although what she finds may not be exactly what she was looking for.

Rachel finds herself doubting her role as a mother, frequently finding herself home alone with a busy toddler, waiting on a husband who is in the line of fire on the perilous streets of Chicago that are growing ever more lethal with each passing day. She pines for the jazz and gin fueled nights of yesteryear when the girls held a robe of anonymity over themselves amongst the dark corners of the city’s insidious underground speakeasies. Her husband, Alton, is a highly moral policeman with a dangerous daily life which leaves her alone, all too frequently, to raise their toddler son.

Hannah is stretched thin on a journey for success in a world where women found professional advancement elusive, as she straddles the line between a career and the family who need her. Striving for success in the rapidly emerging textiles and ready-to-wear fashion industry, she finds herself torn between her career and her expected, and important, role at home with her husband, Ben, and mother-in-law, Rose, whose health is swiftly deteriorating.

Bit is a new bride, naive and always cared for by her family and friends, never a thought that things won’t be made to go her untroubled way. She discovers that life isn’t always so simple and, when she finds herself in a marriage that is proving to be increasingly dangerous, she learns that she, alone, must pull herself out to survive.

Antagonistic force:

The novel opens with Bit and Curtis’s wedding, during which Rachel and her strait-lace cop husband, Alton, discover the groom’s burgeoning career with eastside mob boss, Dean O’Banion.

The newlyweds, having had a whirlwind trip to the altar, begin to learn more about each other, including Curtis’s younger years, entrenched in insecurities and strife. These things create a controlling nature that bleeds heavily into the emergence of a volatile and abusive marriage. What she slowly learns of her new husband proves to be worrisome, growing more disturbing as the months progress.

Curtis is threatened by his new bride’s friends, especially the husband’s watchful ways over his new wife. Concerns grow about his criminal career and what he may be hiding from his bride when Curtis’s dangerous career path seems to catch up to him and he is found murdered. Was it the inevitable outcome of a mobster hitman’s risky life, or something deeper?

Breakout title ideas:

The Piece She Found

The title I have chosen is both figurative and literal. Each of my three main characters are on a journey (and ultimately discover) a figurative piece that they each are missing. These “pieces” bring them safety, certitude, and peace in their respective lives.

The literal “piece” comes in the form of an item found, unearthing the truth behind Curtis’s death, an unlikely reason, and sacrifices made.

Genre:

Although I first would have categorized my novel as historical fiction, as it highlights a significant amount of true history of 1920’s Chicago, including organized crime, and the issues facing many young women during the 20’s era, I believe it best qualifies as cross-genre fiction. It would best be described as historical fiction with a strong element of suspense.

Comparable novels:

1.    The Secret Keeper, by Kate Morton

2.    The Paris Dressmaker: A Novel of WWII, by Kristy Cambron

3.    Where the Crawdads Sing, by Delia Owens

I would use The Secret Keeper and The Paris Dressmaker as comparable novels from, mainly, the historical detail and the “keep you on the edge of your seat” aspect. Each of them leaves you with a sense of gaining something of the time and place in which the novels were set. The building of the relationships, and the murder that subsequently occurs, is why I would use Where the Crawdads Sing as a comparable novel.

Hook-line:

Three young women, forging their way during unsure and dangerous days that threaten each of their futures in countless ways. Plucked from the era of jazz and booze-filled speakeasies, THE PIECE SHE FOUND, strikes to the heart of our vital friendships, dangerous relationships and the length that one might go to for someone they love.

Conflict:

The uncovering of Curtis’s position in Chicago’s underground crime scene creates conflict for each character in the novel. An obvious opposition is the relationship between Curtis and Rachel’s husband, Alton, a strait-laced city cop who knowns all too well the dangers this presents to each of them.

Hannah’s husband, Ben, grew up with Bit and feels a strong sense of responsibility in helping to look after her after her mother, who worked for his family, passed away. His regrets of past failures drive this feeling even further and bring him in an emotional battle with Curtis.

As Curtis and Bit’s marriage grows abusive and Bit learns she is pregnant, the conflict between them is heightened. Bit struggles to stand up to protect not just herself, but to protect her child. This is something she must learn before it is too late and something she must find within herself.

An excerpt from my novel highlighting the last conflict:

I could see the sky was lit with sunset when I heard the key turn in the lock of our front door. I must have been asleep for hours. I could hear Curtis’s dense footsteps as they trailed towards where I lay.

 “You’ve been asleep this whole time! Have you looked at this house?” Curtis slurred, “It is a disaster. I work like a dog and you’re just here asleep. The whole time I am gone, running rum all the way from Canada, seeing things you couldn’t even imagine in your privileged little life, and you just lay here like some kinda’ princess.”

 I sat up, staring at him quizzingly, taking in the sickening smell of whiskey and cigarettes on his breath as he leaned over me blowing smoke out as he coughed inches from my face.

 “Oh, you didn’t really know that there, did you? Running rum all over the land just so you and those uppity pals of yours can have yourselves a damn daiquiri in some fancy joint. You know what I have to do to make that all happen? No?” He cocked his head at me, “Do you know?” Curtis was swaying back and forth, clearly drunk as he rambled on, loud enough for even the neighbors to hear. Leaning closer to me, he asked me again, “DO YOU KNOW?” he spit at me.

 “No, I don’t,” I peeped, fear growing in me as I gaped at a man I could barely recognize.

 “Well, let me tell you,” He waved his arms spinning around and nearly losing his balance, “I get to see good ol’ Hymie rub out some mick and I get to dig the unground coffin for this punk.”

 A gasp escaped me, and my hand flew over my mouth.

Curtis laughed, eyes wild, “Yup, turns out lots of fellas get to take that one-way ride when they hop in an automobile with us, little lady.”

 “Curtis, quit your job, please, you don’t have to do this,” I said quietly, “Please.”

 “Haaa, no way, sweetheart. You know how much sugar I am banking? You think I’d make this much slaving away at some shop? Being a stupid copper? No WAY! Anyway, that ain’t quite how that works. No just quittin’this job,” he took another long drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke at my face, again, “You should see those dipshits, begging for their pathetic little lives,” he laughed, “But, they come to learn the important lesson. You know what that lesson is, princess?”

 I shook my head, looking down at the kitten on my lap, clearly frightened, “No.”

 “You just can’t argue with a tommy gun,” he said, plucking Jo from my lap and pretending to shoot, Jo his make-believe gun, “Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,” jolting the kitten who looked so tiny in Curtis’s large hand.

Setting:

The setting of my novel is a tremendous portion of the story which I have woven into every chapter and aspect of each character’s lives. I’ve always had a fascination with history and find historical novels are those that I am most drawn to.

Although a few chapters focus on New York City, the large majority of my novel is based in Chicago, Illinois. Chicago during the 1920’s was an almost electric setting, a time of growing unease, crime and violence in a city in the throes of a newly emerging America. I highlight the budding department stores and hidden speakeasies, as well as the historical restaurants and places overrun by the organized crime groups in many areas of the city.

I attempted to stitch in the places in which each character lives as an almost living force, giving the reader feelings of comfort, ease, or constraining undertones, depending on the character. This was something I always esteemed in Hitchcock’s work and strived to pull into my novel to give depth to both the storyline and each character.

Assignment #1 Story Statement

This memoir contains a series of classroom vignettes in which the author sees her wounded child parts reflected in her students. Through their behaviors, she discovers her own family dynamics at play and begins to rewrite her childhood.

Assignment #2 The Antagonistic Force

The antagonistic force that catapults the protagonist (myself) into a spiritual journey during the 2020 pandemic is her husband. Seeing the dinner table become her office until 9:00 pm most nights, drives him to present her with an ultimatum: “It’s either them or me. And if you won’t do it for me, do it for yourself.” Her husband always felt last on the totem pole after their sons were born, just like her dad used to feel with respect to her mom.  Ironically, it is through the classroom, the very source of conflict in her marriage and family life, that becomes the protagonist’s resource for learning and insight. There, she begins to see her own family dynamics playing out among her students and with each relationship, she is able to see unhealed parts of her relationship with her mother who died just months before her wedding.  Her struggle becomes to unbecome the various roles she thought she had to play as a result of her mother’s childhood wounds. 

Assignment #3 Breakout Titles

• Through Their Eyes: A Teacher’s Journey of Self-Love, Healing and Compassion Within the Classroom

• Reflective Mirrors: How My Students Taught Me to Rewrite My Family Story

• The Journey Back to Me: How I Healed My Inner Child Through My Students

Assignment #4 Two Comparables

1. Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind: Thoughts on Teacherhood by Phillip Done

Although Done writes over the course of one school year, it is divided into months which contain multiple teaching experiences over time (being a 20-year teacher veteran), as well as memories of his own childhood, all skillfully interweaved, told with humor, warmth and heart. 

2. Educating Esmé: Diary of a Teacher’s First Year by Esmé Raji Codell 

Codell writes in a diary fashion with grit and spunk, told over the course of one school year, with a more explicit heroine’s journey structure as she faces challenging students and administration.

My writing style combines Done’s humor and warmth with Codell’s heroine’s journey. My time span is 5 years, going in and out of past and present, with a focus on specific students who represent the childhood roles I am learning to let go of.

Assignment #5 Hook Line/Log line

With her marriage and family life on the line, the 2020 lockdown sends a teacher on a spiritual journey, giving her the ability to see her own childhood wounds reflected in her students and the choice to rewrite her childhood roles. 

Assignment #6: Inner conflict your protagonist will have. 

Inner turmoil over conditioned beliefs and values plagues the protagonist, shattering her sense of identity. She prioritizes school over family, driven by an unconscious need to succeed, be seen and validated. Teaching virtually during the 2020 pandemic becomes a magnifying glass of all her wounds and insecurities. She must be there for the students and her grade level colleagues. Her determination to shoulder it all as a martyr and savior sends her into a downward spiral, taking her husband and sons down with her, breaking her until her husband gives her a verbal slap back to reality. On her hands and knees, she hands it all over to God and finally asks for help. 

The secondary conflict involves her awakening to her unhealed inner child, which is perhaps the very reason why she chooses to go back to the classroom after a 6 year hiatus as a literacy coach. Her ingrained lack of self-worth and martyr mentality leads her to believe her colleagues don’t need her as a coach; instead she feels she must be “in the trenches” with them. Through a deep dive into Family Constellations, a key part of her spiritual journey, she learns how generational trauma has shaped her. Family secrets and stories surface, clarifying why she reacts to her students in certain ways.  She has brought her family dynamics into the classroom and her students have done the same. She begins to see the world as an external display of her internal map: suppressed feelings, people-pleasing tendencies, and forgotten remnants of her relationship with her mother, who died when the protagonist was 29.

Assignment #7: Sketch out your setting in detail. 

Beginning Chapter Setting

The house of the protagonist features an open room where a partial wall subtly delineates a line between kitchen, dining room, and living room, symbolic of the blurred, emotional boundaries she maintains between her roles as teacher, mother and wife. 

The story opens in 2020, when the pandemic forced schools to teach virtually. The kitchen table becomes her classroom and office, at the center of the house, at the center of her soul. Her childhood wounds spread like the virus itself into the rest of her home, her husband, her sons, her sense of self.

She creates a makeshift classroom with a room divider from Wayfair, a whiteboard, an Expo marker, a contraption to hold her phone for Zoom sessions, and her district computer held up by the stand she purchased in 2019 after the car accident left her with chronic neck pain. Her computer screen puts her on the spotlight to parents, magnifying her imperfections and vulnerability. She sees an ocean of faces with some cameras turned off, glitchy connection, no connection, too much connection.

The setting in the rest of the book alternates between a 2nd and 4th grade classroom back at school, her childhood home, and the hospital bed where her mom died of colon cancer.

Story Premise

A coordinated, high‑tech campaign uses weaponized drones, deepfakes and a polymorphic AI worm (DARKWIRE) to terrorize the United States and blind its defenders while a foreign intelligence operation exploits the chaos for strategic gain. An FBI field agent (Adam Conner) and a coerced cyber‑analyst (Camilla Diaz) race to expose the conspiracy, stop the worm and save civilians at terrible personal cost.

Antagonist Sketch

Maksim Romanov (Russian Intelligence Operative)

Age: Early 40s

Physical Description: Well-groomed with square jaw, close-cropped sandy brown hair, penetrating gray eyes. Slavic features softened by expensive suits and carefully cultivated mannerisms. Moves with measured grace maintaining physical fitness without advertising it. Small scar near right temple he doesn't conceal.

Background: Russian military intelligence. Holds advanced degrees in engineering and international relations. Maintains legitimate business interests as cover.

Personality Traits: Cold, calculating mastermind. Demonstrates unwavering confidence in decisions. No hesitation using extreme measures. Values efficiency and precision. Treats business and violence with same detachment. Chess player mentality - thinks in terms of pieces, positions, endgames. Subtle condescension about American "crudeness"

Story Significance: Orchestrates entire DARKWIRE operation. Uses Elena as leverage to coerce Camilla. Coordinates attacks while maintaining plausible deniability.

Speech Patterns: Precise, carefully chosen words in nearly accent-free English. Professional, almost cordial tone even when making threats. Direct statements, rarely engages in unnecessary conversation. Clipped and cold when provoked rather. Formal, educated phrasing. Historical references relating current events to Russian history.

Breakout Titles

Darkwire

Kill Chain

Shadow Protocol

Genre and Comps

Technothriller.

Daemon/Freedom – Daniel Suarez

Similar because both novels sit at the intersection of networked AI systems and real-world kinetic escalation.

Ghost Fleet – P.W. Singer & August Cole

Similar because both novels blend technical plausibility with grand strategy, specifically through hybrid war doctrine, infrastructure vulnerability and the interplay of cyber operations.

Zero Day – Jeff Aiken

Similar because both novels explore the ramifications of deeply trusted computing infrastructure being compromised.

Logline with Hook and Core Wound

When a catastrophic cyberattack threatens nuclear meltdowns across the Eastern seaboard, a haunted FBI agent must trust the blackmailed hacker he suspects of terrorism before Russian operatives trigger the digital weapon that could plunge America into chaos.

Sketch Inner Conflict

Adam Conner is a field agent who traded family for duty. Camilla Diaz is a brilliant analyst who is being blackmailed to protect her autistic sister. When drone assassins and a silent cyber-worm threaten the country, both are thrown into a collision course with each other. Adam has to decide how much he’ll bend the rules he swore to uphold. Meanwhile Camilla, coerced and grieving, must make a final, selfless hack that could either save millions or doom herself.

Setting

The primary settings are the Washington DC metro area and Baltimore harbor district. Adam Conner largely bases his activity in the institutionally beige government buildings of the FBI. Maksim Romanov largely bases his operation in an abandoned pharmaceutical warehouse in a gritty, decayed portion of Baltimore. There are also two cinematic set pieces in Las Vegas and at the Alaska Pipeline.

Assignment #1  THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

A burned-out financial advisor named Corbin is recruited by a charismatic stranger, Ben, into a suicide-ritual network that promises the freedom he longs to achieve. Corbin’s simple end-of-life wish unravels when he survives a mass suicide pact while others die. Ben is gone, and he becomes the prime suspect. Corbin must uncover Ben’s monstrous scheme, understand why he was chosen not to die with the rest, clear his name, and save the woman he loves, all while trying not to turn into Ben himself.

Assignment #2  THE ANTAGONIST OR ANTAGONIST FORCE

Ben Halden rises from childhood trauma with righteous anger to escalate into a manipulative killer. He is convinced, and in most cases not wrong, that there are monstrous men walking among us, with no consequences from their actions, shielded from justice by power, status, and wealth. Ben tamps down his rage behind a façade of compelling charisma, intelligence, and a soft hand to hold when people are at their worst. He has perfected the skill of recruitment via false empathy, sly guilt, and manufactured empowerment.

Ben’s life becomes an obsession to execute a campaign of engineered despair and theft, and ultimately convince those men that they will only be free by relinquishing all their worldly assets and ending their miserable lives together.

Ben is terrifying because he believes he is righteous, and his ability to convince others to take their own lives seems to come to him with ease. He feels the calling to orchestrate a ritualized freedom for men he judges as morally corrupt makes the world better. This disturbing moral conviction makes him magnetic and frightening to those who truly know him.

Assignment #3  BREAKOUT TITLE

The Good One

Exit Strategy

The Last Camp

Assignment #4 TWO COMPARABLES

1) The Girls — Emma Cline (2016)

Similarity: Both novels examine the magnetic pull of charismatic leaders on vulnerable people and the psychology of recruitment into destructive communal behavior. The cult atmosphere, intimate female/male dynamics, and slow burn toward violence echo The Good One’s focus on manipulation and moral complicity.

2) The Incendiaries — R. O. Kwon (2018)

Similarity: A literary‑minded treatment of radicalization and cultlike devotion, The Incendiaries explores how grief and yearning make recruits vulnerable to an ideological leader. Like The Good One, it balances internal character study with the external consequences of extremist recruitment.

Assignment #5 HOOK LINE

A disgraced advisor wakes amid a mass suicide and must chase the charismatic architect before the law convicts him—forcing a desperate man to choose between vengeance, survival, and the family he nearly destroyed.

Assignment #6 CONDITIONS FOR INNER CONFLICT AND SECONDARY CONFLICT

Primary Conflict:

Ben lures desperate men to a lakeside camp, and a single survivor, Corbin, is left to take the fall. Corbin must unmask Ben’s fake persona and clear his name before he’s framed for ten murders.

Secondary Conflict #1:

After waking up near the ten bodies, Corbin had nobody to turn to except for his ex-girlfriend. She announces that she is pregnant with his child. Even if Corbin can elude law enforcement and clear his name, will he ever be fit to raise a child?

Secondary Conflict #2:

Corbin spent most of his life reaching for the almighty dollar and always looking down on those who were not as ambitious. A doorman named Ricky was the recipient of most of Corbin’s arrogant demeanor. But when Corbin had nobody, Ricky was there to help. Ironically, Ricky is much more successful than Corbin. Can Corbin shed his ego and show Ricky, his only real friend, how much he means to him?

Secondary Conflict #1 Scene

“I know this seems crazy.” Corbin forced a laugh, hoping it would lighten the mood. Becca did not decompress even the slightest. “Once I find Ben, I’m sure it’ll all make sense. I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I’ll leave and figure this out.”

Corbin spun away to go.

“Wait…”

Corbin turned back. “Is this when you tell me I have so much to live for? Everything I had was burned along with all the possessions of the other men.” Corbin clenched his fists as he continued to defend his decision. “We were all happy to go. All of us. Content with leaving this world behind. Nothing meant enough to stay!” Corbin finished by slamming his hand on the table. A tingle of guilt surged through him the moment he was done. Becca’s sober look was telling Corbin she did not recognize him anymore. He dropped his head and started for the door.

Corbin heard Becca stand and take a few steps toward him.

“I’m pregnant.”

Becca’s two small words were like being hit in the back of the head with a shovel. Corbin froze ten feet from the door. He could continue, storm out and act like he never heard those words, find Ben and go to his end as planned. It seemed so simple only seconds ago.

Corbin did not want to ask if it was his. He already knew the answer, or Becca would not have said anything. “How long?”

“Four months.”

Corbin turned to Becca, tears now rolling down her cheeks. “I tried to deny it. I even thought about ending it multiple times. I never stopped wanting you. I wanted to tell you, but I did not want you to think I did this to get you back.”

“This is why you were so eager to come and help me.”

“Yes. When I picked you up, I figured you were taking some sort of sabbatical or retreat to find yourself again. I had no idea you were struggling so much. After seeing this, I didn’t know if I should tell you. But you deserve to know.”

Corbin returned to the living room and sat in one of the lounge chairs. He tilted his head back, trying to hold tears from coming while he processed the idea of becoming a father. “Why tell me now?” Corbin wiped his sweaty palms on the arms of the chair. “If you thought I had so little to offer before, it is far less than that now. I have no money, no identity, or stability to offer a child.” Corbin lifted his head and looked at Becca. “It would probably be best if it doesn’t ever know me.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Becca looked Corbin in the eye. “You can turn things around if you put your mind to it.” Her soft voice calmed Corbin’s thumping heart. “But you must decide what is more important to you: ending your life with this Ben guy or turning things around and raising your child with me.”

Becca’s last two words stunned Corbin. “With you?” Corbin’s desire to leave this world began to wane. The only thing of meaning in his life still had a chance.

“I still love you, Corbin.” Becca rested her hand on his knee. “Never stopped. But if you are going to be the father this child needs, you’ve got to sort out the stuff you have gotten yourself into and start getting your life back together. I really want you to be involved with our child, but I need to make sure you are healthy.” Becca squeezed Corbin’s knee gently, stood, and walked to the kitchen.

Corbin’s world was supposed to end last night. If he had just known about the baby a few weeks ago. He had to tamp down frustration and anger at Becca for not telling him. She had done the right thing. He was not in a place to be a father before he met Ben. Going to his end with no family and no ties to his life was no longer the same. He had a child coming and a family if he chose to have it. It was too soon to tell if he was cut out for it. In the meantime, he needed to know why he and Ben woke up.

Corbin rose and met Becca in the kitchen. She was leaning with her hands on the counter, watching two tiny cups being filled by a large stainless espresso machine. The aroma transported Corbin’s thoughts to months ago when Becca would sneak out of bed early and try her hardest to make them special handmade morning lattes. It often turned out to taste horrible and made a mess, but Corbin loved the gesture and always choked it down.

“I don’t know if I can come back to a point that will make you want to be with me, but if you haven’t given up on me, then I have to try.”

Assignment #7 SETTING:

The Good One’s setting revolves between downtown Seattle and the forest hills to the southeast of the city.
Seattle is one of the most expensive cities to live in, but is also synonymous with coffee, rain, the birth of grunge music, and Amazon. It provides the perfect characteristics for a young person trying to reach for wealth at any cost, but it also offers opportunities to recall cozy talks with friends at the coffee shop the night after seeing a new group of long-haired flannel junkies singing their hearts out. The place to age but not grow old. 

The forests and hills surrounding the city are the ideal place to escape when someone cannot find the financial success they are craving, but have also realized they are too old to get the same feeling they had in the 90s from the new music scene. 

This limbo will allow a charismatic person to lure those struggling to a getaway in the woods. Give them peacefulness, brotherhood, and a splash of guilt so they can be convinced to do horrible things, especially to themselves. 
 

The Elephant's Noose - By: Emelia Rohl - December 2025 NY Write to Pitch

1.    Story Statements
Adaline Fields, America’s top news anchor, must stop her former best friend, Victor Cromwell, from becoming President because she believes he’s guilty of murder. 

2.    Antagonist Force 
Victor Cromwell possesses all the qualities of a desirable American President. Young, fashionable, approachably good-looking, undeniably smart and prophetically gifted at speaking. Every inch of him oozes with charm and attainable relatability. However, like most presidential powerhouses he didn’t get to the top of the political ladder through merit alone. 

The political world is small, so Victor Cromwell surrounds himself with lifelong friends and colleagues who have pledged undying loyalty to his cause. However, his former best friend, Adaline Fields, is one of the only people who really knows Victor’s past. After being banished from the political arena by Victor’s lackeys, Addie became the top news anchor in the country. Her knowledge of Victor’s sins puts his presidential bid in jeopardy because she knows he killed his college girlfriend and that his family disowned him because of his political greed and ambition. 

In vulnerable moments Victor capitalizes on his team’s insecurities and leverages them like puppets to do his bidding. Whenever Victor feels like he’s losing he sacrifices the people around him. This includes implicating his wife in a money laundering scheme, destroying his campaign manager’s career, and blasting out a story about Addie’s rape to discredit her. 

3.    Titles: 
The Elephant’s Noose 
Survival Instincts 
Choking on Red Meat 

4.    Comparables: 
The President’s Lawyer – Lawrence Robbin – 2024
*Covers the scandalous relationship of a President and his lawyer. – The Elephant’s Noose also covers scandal between a presidential candidate, a famous news anchor and their respective teams. 

The Senator’s Wife – Liv Constantine – 2023
*Covers the scandalous relationship of a Senator and his wife in Washington DC.  – The Elephant’s Noose also covers scandal in politics, similar to this title, my book emphasizes scandal and drama more than actual political topics. 

The Hellfire Club – The Devil May Dance – Jake Tapper 2021
*Covers history, political inner workings, mystery and scandal. Has larger than life characters. – The Elephant’s Noose covers scandal and mystery and includes details about political workings on the campaign trail. My book also has larger than life political personalities. 

5.    Loglines with conflict and core wound 
The Elephant’s Noose by Emelia Rohl 
A prominent news anchor who was banished from her career in politics, attempts to thwart her former best friend’s presidential campaign, to exonerate her reputation and prove to America that he’s guilty of murder. 

6.    Protagonist Conflict 
Primary Conflict: Addie (news anchor/protagonist) vs. Victor (presidential candidate/antagonist) 

*Addie knows Victor killed his pregnant girlfriend and she’s determined to stop him from becoming the next President of the United States.

Secondary Conflict: Between Addie and her husband (who wants to her stop chasing the next great story and start a family), Between Addie and her assistant (who challenges whether Addie’s morals and intentions are intact), Addie and the FNN Board (who want her to favor Victor Cromwell in her news coverage) 

Inner Conflict: Addie feels obligated to prove that she’s not like the political monsters she reports on. This feeling of inner turmoil is strong, because most of the prominent politicians she covers in her reporting, including Victor Cromwell and his team, are people she used to be close with.  Addie feels a strong underlying need to prove she’s not as bad as her former best friend Victor Cromwell. She blames herself for his college girlfriend’s death even though Victor was responsible. 

Examples of secondary conflict from book: 
1)    Addie and her husband have a rocky marriage because she is unable to give him the family he desires and the attention he deserves. Instead she spends her time chasing the Victor Cromwell story. 
2)    Addie and her best friend – Willow  –  have a strained relationship because Addie deals in absolutes – she thinks people are all good or all bad. This prevents her from being able to fully understand her best friend’s complicated marriage and domestic abuse. 
3)    Addie tasks her assistant with pushing the boundaries of ethical reporting, all in the name of proving that Victor Cromwell’s team is corrupt. Erin points out that Addie is hypocritical. 

7.    Setting – Campaign Trail 
Main setting for this story is the campaign trail. Addie (protagonist) covers Victor’s (antagonist) presidential run. The campaign trail takes us across America from urban settings to rural settings. From political rallies, to political fundraisers, to campaign headquarters, to private meetings in Washington DC. What makes this setting ripe for opportunity is not the different location options, but the crazy cast of characters associated with every event. (Grassroots voters, political campaign staffers and demanding donors create ample amounts of tension, conflict and entertainment). 
Below is a list of the different settings throughout the book that serve as a backdrop for each scene: 

Campaign Trail:
-Massive stages and crowds of unlikely strangers mixed together 
-Desperate and exhausted campaign staffers who behave unprofessionally
-Different states, different climates 
-Golf courses, to country clubs, to airport hangars, to the Senate Hart Building, State Capitol Building, State street 
-Lincoln Memorial 
-DC landmarks like the Capitol Hill Club and wine bars around the city 
-Milwaukee – Pfister Hotel – The Blu Room 
-Mountains of Montana 
-Addie’s country estate

FNN Studio 
-Control room – described as a planetarium
-Harris’ office – glass overlooks the city 
-Addie’s office – glass overlooks the city 
-The set/stage with Addie’s anchor desk 
-Covering the White House 
-Covering campaign rallies in Wisconsin 

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.

1.      Abandon one’s nature to save a love.

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

2.      The antagonist is The Call. It is a covert network that was born from KGB plots to cause the collapse of the United States and Democracy as a concept by exacerbating all of the problems caused by the democratic process. The protagonist belongs to The Call and is, at first, part of the antagonist force. But the Call has no tolerance of personal wishes or one’s desire to live and love outside of the mission of the Call. It is cold in its operations and it sacrifices its agents with ease. And it is everywhere. When the protagonist abandons the Call, it turns its forces against him. Not because it needs him to succeed in its goal, but because the Call is totalitarian and requires all of the minds who serve it to be devoted to it.

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

3.      To My Love And The End

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

4.      Comps

a.      THE POWER by Naomi Alderman, which explores the corrupting nature of power;

b.     THE WATER KNIFE by Paolo Bacigalupi, which offers a chillingly plausible descent from democracy into scarcity-driven control; and

c.      BANNERLESS by Carrie Vaughn, which examines the bureaucratic, institutional, and human mechanisms that might follow when “safety” replaces freedom.

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

5.      As an agent of chaos guides the collapse of democracy, he is forced to choose between the woman he loves and the very nature that created him.

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

6.      Secondary and Inner Conflict.

a.      The protagonist was born and bred to be an agent of subversion on behalf of the soviet union, a weapon—and he is. But one woman breaks him, and makes him question that nature. He is conflicted with following his path as an agent of chaos and living for his own happiness. Can people divert from their nature or calling?

b.     The work that the protagonist performs begins to threaten the woman that makes him feel. The covert network he exists in forces him to choose between it and safety of the woman he loves.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend and be aggressive with it.

The story is set-in modern-day Manhattan, with all of the current rules, laws, and social norms that govern it. It is important to because the story takes the reader through the existence of a thriving society/culture that descends into oppressive order through the creation of chaos.

1) Story statement 
Enzo and Maddie must battle Mars’s next evolution to save their mothers. 
 

2) Antagonist 

Augustus Sardeth is Maddie’s uncle, the president of the United States, and much more importantly, the mastermind behind the Mars Colony. He has left his vice president to govern and is using the purse of the US government to fund his bio-engineering experiments on Mars as he seeks to create a race that can thrive on the red planet. Earth is the past, Mars is the future, and the future may not be human. Most people think too small; Sardeth sees everything bigger. Now his niece is on Mars, and he’s ready for her to play her pivotal role in launching the Martian New Race to their next evolution. 

3) Breakout Title 

Against the Red Sky: Colony Exposed 

This is book 2, and the first book is called Against the Red Sky: Mission X. 

4) Genre and comps
Genre: YA Sci-Fi action adventure 
Comps- Legend Series by Marie Lu, Warcross Marie Lu

5) Logline: 
As Mars becomes the testing ground for a terrifying new race, a boy haunted by everything he couldn’t save and a girl desperate not to lose her mother are drawn into a deadly game with a scientist determined to engineer Mars’s next evolution.
 

6) Levels of conflict
a) Primary conflict- Fight bad guys, stop Sardeth
b) Secondary conflict- love story and mom troubles – how do we save her and oops, one is a cyborg
c) Inner conflict- Enzo- I’m not good enough. Maddie- If I can’t save her, I’m alone (fears abandonment). 
Enzo turmoil- Why would I ever be good enough for Maddie? I wouldn’t, I’m not. 
Maddie turmoil- I’ll have no family if I lose her. I’ll be truly abandoned, alone.
 

THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

Kiano, a Scion (immortal) sorcerer with a severed soul and stolen memory, must fight against the dark entity that ravaged his identity; an enemy determined to destroy the Scions’ creator and the world they live in. While Kiano reveals the secrets of his fellow Scion and fights against them as an assassin for the regime, his stolen memories begin to break free, fragmented bits and pieces of his earlier life that have him questioning his role with the regime. Kiano must regain his memory to fight for his world and himself.

THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

Juels, a soulless entity known as the Darkness, has taken human form and conquered most of Jymon. She learns the prisoner her assassins brought to her is the severed soul of the Scion who entered her world and revealed to her its captivity. Juels tortures Kiano steals his memories and commands his identity to learn Scion secrets. She has branded him to steal the souls of those he kills to feed the Darkness of her world. She has turned Kiano against his own people to obtain her goals and destroy the Light to again rule the Darkness.

CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

Jymon (working title)

That On Which She Fed

Dark Souls

DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

Dark Fantasy/Horror

1984 by George Orwell – Similar worlds based on control, fear and watchful eyes.

The Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb – A young man is forced to be an assassin

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT

An immortal sorcerer attempts to reclaim his memory and his soul from the dark entity that stole them to save his people from annihilation.

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVEL

Inner Conflict: Kiano’s false memory is that he was captured and tortured by the Resistance before he was found and taken to Juels to be healed. Kiano believes he is an assassin but begins having internal conflicts. First, he spends time with a prostitute that looks similar to his eternal mate, Kale. Soon after, he meets a young boy (children are known as rats) who he learns is neglected and abused, which pulls at his heart. Kiano was guardian of the mortal children on Jymon. And after raiding the village of his former home, he encounters the child he raised as his own and attempts to kill her. After this scenario, he has dreams that have him questioning his loyalties.

Secondary Conflict: Kiano defects to the Scion, taking the boy and two women with him as refuge from the Regime. He eventually collaborates with the Scion and the Resistance against the Regime, knowing there is a price for his capture. And if the assassins he worked with find him, he knows that he will suffer the same brutality as he made others suffer when he worked as an assassin.

THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

The world of Jymon exists in the universe of Anavryn, comprised of seven worlds known as the worlds of Light where mortals and immortals called Scion – live together.

A dead world, the Darkness, is centered within this universe. Only the Darkness is not dead. It has manifested itself into a human named Juels, now the dictator of Jymon.

Jymon: Jymon is similar to Earth is its environment, only on a smaller scale, consisting of mountains, small towns, cities, water fronts, farmlands, etc.

Grada: Grada is the only territory on Jymon that the Regime has not conquered. Throughout Grada are small villages. Most of Grada is a forested, mountainous territory. The Scion and many mortals live in Grada, the mortals unaware of the immortal nature of the Scion. As many of the villages house the Resistance, while isolated, they do keep contact with each other through travel by horseback and carry supplies to each other with horse and cart (there are no cars/trucks on this world). The military is aware of the villages in Grada, and occasionally raid them, but because the lowest ranks of the military are assigned this task, most of the villages remain untouched.

The Caves of Noble’s Mountain: In Grada’s center is Noble’s Mountain, where the first of the Scion lived. The caves inside the mountain were created by Being (known as Noble, the Scion creator) and given over to the magic of the Scion to create it into a livable housing unit with tunnels running throughout the cave, apartments within the cave, common rooms for gathering and cooking, etc. The cave is supplied with hot springs and the Scion has created touch rocks and smokeless fire to light and heat the caves. The cave is furnished and livable.

The Regime is unaware of the Scion holdout until Kiano, after he was given his false memory tells them. The Regime tried to find the cave, as well as the village beyond the cave where Kiano lived, but the Scion used magic to hide the cave and the several openings into the cave. No mortal can enter the cave without the help of a Scion. If a mortal does find their way into the cave, the spirits of the cave frighten them away. Jymon believes in the spiritual world, believing in helping and harming spirits.

Kiano, as an assassin, believes he is human and is unaware of the magic of the cave. He is only aware of the rumors surrounding the stories of the cave. He is unaware that upon his defection, he is able to find the cave and enter as the spirits recognize him having a Scion soul.

The Between: The Between is where dead souls go before taking on new life, either back to Earth or one of the three worlds that allow mortals. It is also a place where the Scion travels from one world to the next.

Scion souls can act in the Between; mortal souls cannot. Mortal souls are simple energy in the Between and are drawn to the energy streams that connect the worlds. Scion souls also travel via the energy streams, but Scion souls can act in the Between. They can be as animated as they are in their own worlds.

Form does not happen in the Between for a mortal soul. The soul appears as a light mist, constant movement, swaying. The soul in the Between feels like it’s meandering, floating in a dream.

The best way to describe the Between is from Juel’s POV when she first entered it:

A swirling flow of radiant blue light fused with misted shades of violet and white throughout its atmosphere. The air was warm, almost embracing, and she shuddered in the warmth that surrounded her.

She drifted about these colors, the silence overwhelming compared to the constant groans and rumbles and crashes of her existence. She followed shadowy mists that interrupted the swirling air, only to find them blink away as if only imagined. She studied the raging, black flames at the edges of this light and realized, to her horror, that her Darkness, hardened beneath the flames, stood entombed in this Light.

The City: The city is a mix of every past and present culture of Earth with its construction, its people, its businesses, its government. It’s a busy city that’s watched by the Regime through the military broken into high ranking Gray Guards, Secret Police, and the various military ranks.

While part of the military but not subjected to the military’s discipline or structure is Dofya. Dofya outranks military personnel and can order them as deemed necessary. Dofya are Juels’ bodyguards and her personal assassins. They are the most frightening and cruelest of the Regime. Dangerous chatter would find the speaker left to rot in the towers north of the city if overheard by any in the military. To the dungeons, then the Darkness if overheard by Dofya.

The Resistance has its own spy ring of mortals and Scion. These spies have thriving businesses in the city, have connections to the military, have friendships with Dofya, and live in the palace that the Regime claimed from the Scion with the war.

The Darkness: The Darkness is Chaos, the time before time. It is a conscious energy. It creates and destroys. Creation and destruction are an innate concept of the Darkness. It has all knowledge to create, but what it creates does not have name or meaning. The Darkness creates and destroys without purpose.

The Darkness wakes and sleeps.  It is extremely active while awake, sluggish, but still active when dormant. When the Darkness sleeps, it doesn’t create or destroy. But what lives in the Darkness does destroy. It feeds upon itself. While dormant, the population of the Darkness dwindles. It sleeps to regenerate itself. When it wakes, it creates again.

There is no specific cycle of activity or dormancy. It comes and goes randomly. There is no set time period. It can be active or dormant for days, weeks, or centuries.

Being (creator of the Light) built a fire around the Darkness during a dormant stage and entombed the Darkness. The Darkness is a mountain form in the center of the Between. Over time, as Being’s fire died and entombed the Darkness, a small crack formed on the surface of the mountain rock. This crack works like a black hole. Anything that gets near it can be pulled in. But because it does not lie near the streams, nothing has entered until Kiano, who free-floating between worlds, got too close.

Kiano woke the Darkness. Kiano was a foreign existence within the Darkness. The Darkness itself personified into a boda (a physical creature of the Darkness) and attacked Kiano. The boda tore a piece of Kiano’s soul, dropped it into the bowels of the Darkness where the Darkness, as an unknown, unseen entity terrorized and tortured it.

The Darkness keeps itself alive with the creatures it creates. She keeps her corporeal form alive in the Light with the souls she feeds it. And as she is the Darkness personified, the souls she feeds the Darkness give her power.

As soon as Juels became aware of the opening in the Darkness where Kiano entered, she instilled it with magic so that it could not be closed again. The Scion are not aware of the opening in the Darkness and Juels ensures that only she can close it.

It is unknown how a Scion will fare in the Darkness or even if a Scion can be contained in the Darkness. Though Juels has trapped Kiano’s soul.

Juels’s body can die in any world, but the Darkness will never die. Upon the loss of the Juels’s corporeal body, the energy that is the Darkness will be drawn back to its home.

The Darkness can exist on any plane without form. It can take any form it chooses.